Happy Thanksgiving!
As Kim Kuntrashian served up a paper plate full of lukewarm publicity stunt, Kirk Douglas, who has volunteered at the L.A. Mission since the beginning of time, NOM NOM NOM-ed on a piece of turkey. The world could've been ending around Kirk, but he wouldn't have noticed since all of his focus was put into gumming the hell out of that turkey. Kirk eat, prayed and loved that piece of turkey. This pussy knows what I'm talking about. Before I recreate these pictures with a dinner roll dipped in cooking wine, I just want to wish all you sluts a Happy Thanksgiving and thank you for giving my posts your eyes even though I talk about dick fromage and anuses all the time. So I'm thankful for that and thankful that dick fromage exists so I can talk about it all the time.
It's true that us Americans only have Thanksgiving dinner so that we can build up our strength for the Running of the Assholes at midnight tonight. You know, that's when we all gather at Best Buy and kill each other as we run toward a 5% off 3D Plasma TV. It's like the capitalist version of The Hunger Games. So I hope that when you knee me in the dick and chin me in the nipple to keep me from grabbing at that 3D Plasma TV, you do so with love. We're practically family!
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"You mean when he was trying so hard to get fired by the Yankees? LOL! YES, the George Costanza of retail!
I loved when he drove around Yankee stadium parking lot with the World Series trophy dragging behind his car!"
YES!
Sent from my iPhone
Very old rumor was that he raped Natalie Wood years ago when they were doing a film together. I do get a pervy vibe from him. .
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Dale Doback: Okay, here's the shot out of the cannon: Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one, go!
People that had nosejobs in the 60's (men and women) all have these triangular, spikey nostrils. They're sort of painful to look at.
ETA: And it looks like his earlobes have erections.
Submitted by Anonymouse73 on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 4:35pm.
Evil cupcake! Are you George Costanza?!?!
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You mean when he was trying so hard to get fired by the Yankees? LOL! YES, the George Costanza of retail!
I loved when he drove around Yankee stadium parking lot with the World Series trophy dragging behind his car!
Yeah, Poople, I'm really sure he wanted these photos published. That is EXACTLY why he did this on Wed. rather than Thursday.
It's certainly not possible that he was being charitable or anything.
His wrinkled ass could have been sitting at home in his favorite armchair w. a Mister Roger's sweater on eating Thanksgiving Wurther Originals. Come on, now. Give the guy a break.
Whatever...he had a stroke recently so I wonder if he's not able to use utensils. Might be easier to use his hand.
I sort of don't like these photos, considering...
Evil cupcake! Are you George Costanza?!?!
They didn't have utensils at the feast?
It's a lot saltier, thanks to healthy dollops of soy sauce. 300mg sodium in a serving.
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Thu, 11/24/2011 - 11:10pm.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 11/24/2011 - 10:39pm
Tofurkey is NOT good. I've been vegetarian for 14 years and will usually eat anything that people go out of their way to make me that is meatless, but I just couldn't with Tofurkey. It's been a few years since I last tried it, so maybe it's improved? But I seriously doubt it.
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Save it for your Linkedin profile, bitch!
I am beyond hoffified
back in the day- Kirk was a straight up bad ass and a man's man- last of a generation. it is fucked up to see him in this state.
the power of michael k compels you!
the power of michael k compels you!
Yeecch.
Whatta downer, Kirk and Kim.
Nope, dont want to live that long.
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scarry
voodooCHILD
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 11/25/2011 - 10:45am
And the thing is they have the ability to give you the discount! I mean you just do a price change. Hell they tell me to do it all the time when something rings up a certain amount and the customer says the price is something else (always cheaper). I know some of those people are scamming but we're supposed to give it them for lower anyway, yet you slave away for them and they can't even give it to you without the stupid card. If you think about it a scam since everyone who uses a Macy's card gets 20% off. Basically you're just getting what the cardholders get.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Fri, 11/25/2011 - 10:54am.
@Evil, please tell me you pulled a Steven Slater, grabbed some bottles of wine, and said "I QUIT, MOTHERFUCKERS!" lol customer service jobs blow.
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LOL! I did just about everything else though.
I worked retail for a while and other customer service oriented jobs and none did I hate more than Macy's.
Happy to not be asking "Would you like to open a Macy's account today" anymore.
Evil_cupcake, congrats on getting out of customer service alive! It's no joke.
Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! I ate like each bite would send a Kardashian back to the Underworld...if only...
"I know that I'm going to be a target, but I'm never going to be a victim". - Justin Bieber
@Evil, please tell me you pulled a Steven Slater, grabbed some bottles of wine, and said "I QUIT, MOTHERFUCKERS!" lol customer service jobs blow.
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
I can't throw shade at an old guy coming back from a major stroke. You go grampaw! I know that'll be me someday, God willing I should live to be that old.
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Save it for your Linkedin profile, bitch!
I am beyond hoffified
Also, I had a horrible experience with the Macy's credit card. It was an absolute nightmare. Never again!!! from now on I'm paying cash when I shop there.
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
Submitted by stake_spike on Fri, 11/25/2011 - 5:51am.
I am currently a slave to Macy's and it's fucking SUCKS. I want to home, not smiling and faking fucking cheer. And yes people are fucking animals. The sales aren't even good.
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stake_spike, the key to dealing with this is a healthy dose of pepper spray on the ole crowd:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/25/walmart-pepper-spray-black-frid...
That'll teach 'em!
for fuck's sake, how much worse can this get? smh, America!
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
Submitted by stake_spike on Fri, 11/25/2011 - 10:33am.
Submitted by LettucePrey on Fri, 11/25/2011 - 8:10am
Hey that's more than the associates get and you can only get that discount if you have their freaking credit card! Screw those of us who don't want a damn credit card or have bad credit.
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THAT pissed me off. The fact that you were not allowed to pay cash and still get your employee discount, you had to have their card. The nerve! So, i just didn't buy a thing from them.
The employee discount was a flipping joke! You could do better just being a regular customer.
Edited-
I did quit and they kept begging me to stay, promising me a raise and management opportunities. I tried to get fired but nothing I did would make them fire me. I even drank during my dinner hour, and TOLD my manager I had wine at dinner. Nothing. So I gave up and quit. I did what I wanted the next two weeks- Showed up late, skipped working on my 4th of July shift, hung out with friends who worked in other departments, took as much time during breaks as I wanted. On my last day, they actually asked me if I was certain I wanted to leave! WTF! Haven't you people had enough? I mean I was the worst employee those two weeks, BUT still better than most in our store!
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Fri, 11/25/2011 - 7:40am.
Thanks. I literally walked in circles for 10 hours straight because they hired too many people or overdid it on the number. My feet are killing me and I want nothing more than to quit that bitch. They actually expected everyone us to sell 15k EACH, I kid you not.
Submitted by LettucePrey on Fri, 11/25/2011 - 8:10am
Hey that's more than the associates get and you can only get that discount if you have their freaking credit card! Screw those of us who don't want a damn credit card or have bad credit.
This is what 95 and a couple of strokes do. It ain't pretty. And if we looked real close everyone of us Dlisted sluts have done just as much, if not worse then old Kirk. Those who can't accept the elderly, the infirm, and the handicapped are as close to nazi's as you can get. At the very least the old man has balls to not hide in a sick room and he's trying to give back, (although why he was put in charge of sorting butter escapes me). If your THANKFUL for anything, your not dead yet.
"If Drinks are not involved, then neither am I"
I hope I die before I get this old.
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
This photo gave me the sadz...guess I've been in too many nursing homes, because he just looks like most of the residents when they eat dinner. It's not clean or pretty, but they can't help it.
Anyway, MK - if you knew how many times I've quit this bitch and then came back...it is clear I'm thankful for your (sometimes disgusting) humor.
Your raising awareness about smegma and rectums does not offend me even 1% as much as this set of photos.
Jeez, didn't PP dress up in a turkey costume or some shit? How about some candids of the Blohan family Thanksgiving? (Nothing but pharmaceuticals and booze -- that's a lovely tableau.)
I have zero interest in this Black Friday. 3 a.m. insanity. There is nothing I will get up that early to stand in line with other people for, except maybe free plane tickets to Europe accompanied by Gerard Butler.
I like that Kirk volunteers still. I would totally volunteer if my batshit crazy mother in law wouldn't completely have a kitten over it.
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LOATHE Macy's!!!!!!!!!!!! Chi Town chick here. Cannot compare to Marshall Field's. And phucking Macy's does NOT know how to put shit on sale. 30% is the best they can do?
EAT ME!
I am totally going to hell for this.
But I thought the first pic was some Downs-y random person that someone took a mean picture of. :(
But .. not a fan of the Douglas clan, so am not real concerned that it's ole Kirk. that family has more skeletons in the closet than John Wayne Gacy.
Nice plastic surgery there, Kirk. Yeesh.
WOW talk about plastic surgery. This man has clearly had every procedure known to man. If you will clock that nosejob closely you will notice the "Latoya Jackson-esque" appearance of his nostrils.This surgeon I believe to be Dr. Stephen Hoeffiln or something similar has done the Jackson clan,,sissy spacek also has this same nose and a few others i have noticed.
Andre,could you bring me my fan,,could you bake it in a cake or stick it up your ass or something? I must have my fan RIGHT AWAY"
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 11/25/2011 - 7:06am.
Submitted by stake_spike on Fri, 11/25/2011 - 5:51am.
I am currently a slave to Macy's and it's fucking SUCKS. I want to home, not smiling and faking fucking cheer. And yes people are fucking animals. The sales aren't even good.
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You have my sympathies! Been there, done that
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Ditto. The reason I didn't pursue management at a large retail store in Chicago was because of the holiday craziness. Hope you get to enjoy some relaxation this weekend, stake.
LOL at MK including this picture of Kirk. I think last Thanksgiving, he did the same thing. And ITA with Bernard - he could use a fork, he's just mugging for the camera. Maybe he was trying to let everyone know the turkey was so delicious, he couldn't wait to use utensils.
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In case you're wondering, the second and third answers were "felch cream"and "taint butter." - MK 10/15/2011
Submitted by stake_spike on Fri, 11/25/2011 - 5:51am.
I am currently a slave to Macy's and it's fucking SUCKS. I want to home, not smiling and faking fucking cheer. And yes people are fucking animals. The sales aren't even good.
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You have my sympathies! Been there, done that.
Fucking creepy! It's like human corpse eating a bird corpse.
I am currently a slave to Macy's and it's fucking SUCKS. I want to home, not smiling and faking fucking cheer. And yes people are fucking animals. The sales aren't even good.
"It's like the capitalist version of The Hunger Games."
This is why I am thankful for having you to read, every day, MK.
Just how much cosmetic surgery has that man had?!!
You know what they say about big, saggy ear lobes. Christ, his balls must be half way to China.
I'm surprised with all the news about Natalie Wood nobody's talked about how he supposedly raped her when she was a teenager. It's not confirmed but supposedly the identity of the offender will be reveal once he croaks. By the way, everytime and elderly celebrity has died in recent history I've asked myself why it couldn't have been Kirk Douglas or Mickey Rooney...
Do we really need this?
by BernardProfitendieu on Thu, 11/24/2011 - 11:29pm.
Hey, old man! if you've got enough finger mobility to pick up that big slab of greasy poultry then you have enough to pick up a fork. Use one. Having a stroke doesn't mean you're exempt from table manners
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I'm fairly certain that Kirk decided to toss any semblance of dignity to hell when he gummed and ooomfed his way through an Oscar presentation last year. Fucking painful to watch.
Dick Clark approved, however.
Hey, old man! if you've got enough finger mobility to pick up that big slab of greasy poultry then you have enough to pick up a fork. Use one. Having a stroke doesn't mean you're exempt from table manners.
Hey, old man's family! You've got a role to play here, too. Help him hold on to a little dignity. We all know his obituary is already written - do you really want this to be the picture that accompanies it around the world?
I hope everyone had a good day today.
I did, until this very sad looking picture of Kirk Douglas eating turkey.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 11/24/2011 - 10:39pm
Tofurkey is NOT good. I've been vegetarian for 14 years and will usually eat anything that people go out of their way to make me that is meatless, but I just couldn't with Tofurkey. It's been a few years since I last tried it, so maybe it's improved? But I seriously doubt it.
Hope you hos had a great Thanksgiving. I raise my glass of Martinelli's to you, MK!
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This episode brought to you by the letter SHUTUP.
Yay...i am fucking thankful for Dlisted, MK and the rest of you whores. ;-)
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Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!!!
This picture is so disturbing..can you put up snoopy thanksgiving..or anything else.
Is Tofurkey any good?
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
Love you, MK! Happy Wild Turkey day to you and Elvie.
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"I've always said that it's Victor Garber's world and we're just living in it, so I can't be mad."
♥ urmomma ♥
Happy Thankgiving Sluts! And happy thanksgiving MK! You make my every day better no matter how much you talk about dick cheese and anuses!! Loooovee uuuuu!!!! - Sarah W
Kissing Ass and Cupping Balls. You're Welcome.