Hot Slut Of The Day!
Mama Joyce from The Real Housewives of Atlanta!
On last night's episode, Kandi threw herself a 35th birthday party (I know, I had to Wiki that "35" to make sure it was correct too.) and Miss Phaedra, the secret swamp child of the Princess AND the frog, jumped off her proper lily pad and brought out a special gift in the form of a man stripper called Ridiculous (emphasis on DIC). Ridiculous is one of Phaedra's "clients" and she's always bragging about how he's got a dick so big that he can knock himself in the tonsils with his own peen head. And apparently, that's we he did at Kandi's birthday party. Ridiculous brought out the beast and as SWAT team helicopters flew above the roof thinking that Cloverfield was attacking Atlanta, Kandi's mom Joyce rang her own alarm.
As soon as Ridiculous started waving around his gut buster, Mama Joyce nearly passed a dozen kidney stones and strung them into a necklace so she could clutch them in horror at all the dark-sided ho shit going down at her daughter's party. I mean, Mama Joyce actually said "I don't like no damn strippers!" and "This is fucked up!" Out of all the things to say "This is fucked up!" about, Mama Joyce chooses this shit? Not the fact that Dwight hasn't been in one episode this season or that Sheree's building a Chateau de Short Sale when we know the bitch can barely afford a room at the Super 8. Sheree is a walking expired Groupon coupon. But more about Mama Joyce....
I kept waiting for Mama Joyce to splash holy water at Ridiculous and rebuke his crotch serpent back into the depths of hell. The caramel-colored dandelion on Mama Joyce's head almost caught on fire and everyone's temperature at that party reached a fever pitch from all of the hot side-eyes she kept throwing. Here's a clip of Mama Joyce running from the dick and driving straight to church to sit on a bowl of holy water:
Now, I love strippers that can suck their own dicks, but I think I love Mama Joyce's reaction to strippers that can suck their own dicks even more.
(Put on your safety goggles and click here if you want to see Ridiculous in action.)
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"Miss Phaedra, the secret swamp child of the Princess AND the frog"
ROTFDL Mk omg. Hotdamn it is about time someone became a timebandit Phaedra, if only through the memory (and 14 yr reference of/from you, Mk). Damn this shit is what I live for. Golden. Thx
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"...To feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others' minds
Just to see what we'd find
Look at shit through each others' eyes..."
-Eminem, "Beautiful" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgT1AidzRWM&ob=av2e
With his face I couldn't give a good hot damn what he was swinging...and to put that shit in somebody's drink...that's just nasty!
BTW-I don't see how the hell Kandi is 35?? I hit 35 this year and I was young when "No Scrubs" came out so she would have been younger than me...One of us is wrong.
I was so shocked at Mama Joyce's reaction! I always thought she was so openminded. Oh well, it was funny as hell watching everyone's mostly horrified expressions when the stripper sucked his own dick. I LOVE me some Phaedra.
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I like living this way. I like loving this way.
I love Mama Joyce, I loved her more last night, even though she was wearing a dress I have and she's old enough to be MY Momma....guess great minds think a like and all those doubts about wondering if the dress was too young for me were put to rest. haha
Mom's side eye could drop a pitbull in it's tracks. I noticed the simple ranch style house across the street from Chateau SHEE-RAY. She claimed this was such an exclusive neighborhood, worthy of ballrooms and circular driveways and fountains. LIAR, LIAR, WEAVE ON FIRE.
"If at first you don't succeed, reload, reload, RELOAD."
Thanks a lot Black Bar for only letting us get sort of an idea of what he's working with! Bitch ruins everything.
Submitted by Bjork You on Mon, 11/28/2011 - 11:15am.
In your DVD collection, slut!
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I WISH.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
And that dick is ridiculously delicious.
(I'm not so good at deep throating, I always gag a bit.)
Submitted by suckandfuck on Mon, 11/28/2011 - 11:11am.
Where is the video of Dwight's penis implant?
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In your DVD collection, slut!
Where is the video of Dwight's penis implant?
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
DICKSIDED!!
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What kind of fuckery is this?
Garden Girl's "The ghetto does NOT come off" also applies to RoNJ, another group of messes. That reunion special, with Teresa's Barbie Hooks in Vegas Gown, was to die for. She was trying SO hard to be a lady and not go off. Poor dummy.
These shows may have started out with 'Real' people, but they don't stay real for long. Most of them are pretend rich. Most have lost homes and cars. Kandi is the only one with any cash, and she is the only one that doesn't throw it around. Marital bliss Lisa and Ed are divorcing. I question the success of Phaedra's law practice.
This year we have Sheree's mansion construction, which NeNe has already tweeted is fake for the cameras. NeNe's relationship troubles are about as real as Heidi and Spencer's. Phaedra's fake funeral game. Cynthia's fake modeling agency (or real enough to take your money and disappear). And Kim's improved behavior will last for as long as everything goes her way.
Does Phaedra know the definition of her own name?
Phaedra was the wife of Theseus in Greek mythology. She falsely accused her stepson of raping her after he gave her the hand when she macked on him. She subsequently offed herself by hanging after she managed to cause his death.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Twattie,
Perhaps she got his ass out of jail or something. She is so stupid and over-the-top, I now love her.
And is it my eyes, or is Nene's neck beginning to eat her little, orange head?
Bjork -- "evil midget" -- LOL!!! Phaedra is way too ugly and way too old for Apollo. How old is the bitch anyway? She looks to be in her 40's, he barely seems 30.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 11/28/2011 - 10:14am.
Now this is one of the few reality shows that I have watched. But I have only seen bits and pieces when there is ABSOLUTELY nothing else on. The only thing that stuck out was, that no matter how much money you have or pretend to have, the ghetto does NOT come off. They can cover it up with large homes and fancy clothes but the ghetto shined through.
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"The ghetto does NOT come off." Yes, and that is what makes RofATL one of the better ones! (I like that phrase, I would use it as a siggie if I did them.)
BRING BACK DWIGHT! We should have a letter writing campaign.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 11/28/2011 - 10:37am.
Bjork -- I was thinking the same thing, where is He/SheRee getting the money to build this elaborate house? What does she do?
Peter is an asshole and I'm sure he beats on Cynthia.
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Yes. Did you see that "Watch What Happens" when my girl Regina King was on (she does the voices of the kids on "Boondocks" among other things). She kind of alluded to Peter being an asshole because she knows him. He might not beat her, maybe, but I do think that he is abusive in other ways, and she seems the type, given her background, to kind of take it. Remember how casual he was about losing her money!
And Apollo is fucking hot, I don't know how that evil midget got his ass.
I hope Kandi's mom calls up Phaedra's mom to tell her "what her daughter did". That would be interesting.
And did you see Cynthias face when the stripper pulled out his dick? That poor girl looked honray! Me thinks Peter is not giving her enough of his peter.
Bjork -- I was thinking the same thing, where is He/SheRee getting the money to build this elaborate house? What does she do?
Peter is an asshole and I'm sure he beats on Cynthia.
Don't they call out these bitches for being broke?
MK, ha, ha, ha!!! THIS is why I love you.
And yes, where the hell is He by He-Man getting the money to construct a custom-built home?
Hydra, aka Phaedra, is growing on me more and more, that idiot.
And Peter is abusive.
Now this is one of the few reality shows that I have watched. But I have only seen bits and pieces when there is ABSOLUTELY nothing else on. The only thing that stuck out was, that no matter how much money you have or pretend to have, the ghetto does NOT come off. They can cover it up with large homes and fancy clothes but the ghetto shined through.
And these butt sores would be who again?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
in fact all the laydeez said buh bye to 40 a while ago...
why that Ciroc commercial look good. now if only there was a penis straw....
Athina -- I agree with everything you said.
I'm not a prude, but strippers embarrass the shit out of me, and shame on Phaedra for hiring Suck My Own Dick for a cheesey birthday party she knew Kandi's mom would be attending -- Mama Joyce goes to every event with Kandi! And how dare she-man NeNe act like she's so precious -- bitch, puh-lease! That fucking moose was rattling off the names of different designers, but I know full well those designers can't fit her moose-sized ass! I hate the way NeNe is always flirting with that crabby-ass Peter, too. I also can't stand Phaedra. Bitch thinks she's such a southern belle and she's hiring & representing strippers that can suck their own dicks.
I love me some Mama Joyce and I understood why she was so offended. On WWHL, Andy alluded that Mama Joyce was a hypocrite but I disagree. A stripper with a thong is one thing and a stripper with a huge dick dips it in my daughter's drink and then proceeded to perform fellatio on himself in full view of my guests was a totally different animal. No way would I have my mother witness the latter.
I loved how Nene ratted Phaedra out to Mama Joyce.
Mr. Borg and I kept rewinding the party scene because at the end there is some guy who gasps "OMG This is terrible". The way the poor guy says it you could feel the horror of what he just witnessed. I couldn't stop laughing at that part.
I love Lawrence but his outfit was truly ridiculous.
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51+16 = LOVE
Kandi looks better/younger with short hair. Sheree looks ludicrous with very long hair.
Clutch my pearls, Fakedra! How dreadful! This took place in a public outdoor bar. I have been to birthday parties there, and they do not close the bar to regular patrons. There is no private room or privacy screen. It is a lovely terrace on top of a 2 story building adjacent to the hotel. Guests staying on that side of the hotel tower can look down and see everything that is going on at the bar. So can anyone living in the condo tower on the other side. This is no doubt another Atlanta establishment that let RHOA film there, and then banned them forever.
My mommy is old-fashioned too. I'd never dream of having her at a party with strippers...how effing embarrassing. Oh- and 35, my ass!
That peen is GINORMOUSSSSSSS!!! Holy shit. o_O
~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♥~♦¤♦~♥~
FANTA FANTA, NO COKE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lnRDU4LdZE
Meat Loaf was in the middle of a show when his knees suddenly hit the stage floor like a narcoleptic bat out of hell ~MK
That fucking VOICE! AAAAAGHHHH!
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"Most people are average, neither black nor white. They're gray. A dirty shade of gray." - Dmitri Shostakovich
My mom would have run outta there screaming once the stripper pulled THAT out. AY DIOS MIO!!
If you're going to act like something offends your sense of propriety, "This is fucked up!" is not the thing to say.
Candy (no K, thankyouverymuch) actually said "it's my 35th birfday". Who says that for real?
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Dark-sided!
if I looked like her at 35 I would have lied and said I was 40....
I'm blessed to be almost 40 looking like 30 lol.
That makes me think of my mom. I don't curse in front of her or talk about sexual things that much. I just don't have one of those mom's that I can drop the f bomb regularly and talk about dick lol, and I'm glad I don't actually.
Damn MK - can't watch that video outside the U.S. You waved the giant dick in my face and then took it away.
Ummm, he was pretty repulsive looking, and what stripper sticks his dick in someone's drink? Ewwwwwwwww!
The only RH shows I watch are New Jersey and Beverly Hills.
Submitted by Meatblocks on Mon, 11/28/2011 - 8:35am.
beverly hills gives us the trashiest sisters (k & k), i want to see their asses kicked by the cibrian chick. rip their thin leathery skin right off.
OMG, I would love that!
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"I prefer my pieces the same way I prefer my Slim Jims, long, lean and mute" --the incomparable MK
That's right. MAMMA DON'T LIKE NO DAMN STRIPPERS...go mamma go..... you be puttin dem bitches in their place now!
People watch this shit?
At least I understand the overnight twits "When they opened that box, I thought they dug up Sylvester". I knew MK would know which show.
Is the Bravo video uncensored? He looked a little shitty in the face at first but then he looked ok, he's like a walking colonic machine.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
where are the rho fights! that's why i record these shows (that i never watch).
on atlanta, the wig and the tall dinosuar almost fist fought on the bus last year.
beverly hills gives us the trashiest sisters (k & k), i want to see their asses kicked by the cibrian chick. rip their thin leathery skin right off.
c'mon, bravo, more cat fights. not dancing dicks.
*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWmetGC6tyk&feature=related
Good for Mama Joyce. The clip of the guy was embarrassing.
Kandi is the only Atlanta housewife I really like. Nene is a she-beast, Kim is one episode (and paycheck) away from being a Craigslist day-whore, Sheree's nostrils terrify me, and the rest of them are some broke-ass posin' bitches.
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SOMEONE REACT SO POORLY TO SOMETHING SO AWESOME?
"Not the fact that Dwight hasn't been in one episode this season or that Sheree's building a Chateau de Short Sale when we know the bitch can barely afford a room at the Super 8. Sheree is a walking expired Groupon coupon."
REALITY TRUTH.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.