"I Swear That Last Fart Came From His Butt"
Jessica Simpson is at least into her 5th month of being knocked up (I think) and at this point you'd think that she'd only be able to get around on a manatee gurney carried by highly trained coastal conservationists. But nope! Chestica only needed help from her gold digging fiancé while walking the carpet at last night's Shoe Fetish Awards (aka The Footwear News Achievement Awards) in NYC. I can't believe I am about to type the following sentence in the year 2011 without Papa Joe holding his loaded dick to my head: Chestica looks good. Maybe I only think that because her pregnancy farts are so damn potent that they've turned into scented pixels and have seeped through my monitor causing me to hallucinate. Let's go with that.
My only complaint is that Jessica's shoes don't match her dress. Oh, well. Chestica can't even see her shoes due to the triple mounds o'plenty blocking her view, so I'll let that shit slide this time. Seriously, though, I think Jessica's carrying Beyonce's baby in her tits.
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I dare any ya'lls to post preggo pics of yourselves. I was huge!!!
And now I'm a 6-8.
I was biggest with my last but with all kids, I looked different, even during the same months as the previous small-Fury.
I wish everyone here would stop with the "rules" on how one should look when pregnant. So silly. Do you have rules on how one look look with cancer too? That makes as much sense.
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Dark-sided!
But Jessica is one of the many who doesn't admit to surgery (except for her lips):
"Since she first jumped into the spotlight in the late 1990s, pop star, turned reality star, turned actress, turned fashion designer Jessica Simpson has been the subject of plastic surgery rumors. There’s a bunch of them, the biggest being whether she had breast augmentation, a nose job, a chin job, and her lips worked on. Simpson has denied all of these claims except for those about her lips, which she admits to having Restylane injected into, causing them to look more pouty and fuller than before."
@M.E.
Comment comes strictly from my perspective when it comes to heels. If I wear heals above 1 1/2 inches, I run a substantial risk of adding a second crack to my ass. I couldn't imagine doing that pregnant. Or with a Shaq on my back.
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"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
@fishsticksfan
Finally someone acknowledges my inhumane suffering. Thank you.
@Whamo
You are officially a nice guy.
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*in a deep, manly voice*
"Like sands through the hourglass... so are the days of our lives."
And since when did her shoes ever match her dress. She been fat a long time yo.
♥ Threadkilla!
"God gave you breath to waste. Waste your breath!"
Angelic, Bad Girls Club Season 7
Hot Youtube Vid Description: "have something dumb to say ? comment and see if i give a dam !" by KayyRosee1
What is wrong with a pregnant woman dressing up and wearing heels to an event, that they will most likely spend the majority of the night sitting down?
Submitted by Spoiled on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 2:02pm.
Submitted by BaconSlut - Can someone please explain to me how it is even possible for these whorz to totter about pregnant in six inch fuck me pumps?
Hell, that's nothing! Shaq's Girlfriend carried him on her back on Kimmel last night in FMPs: http://www.aoltv.com/2011/11/30/shaquille-oneal-girlfriend-carries-him-h...
who, Hoops? girl please...she's used to dudes riding her.
Submitted by bexicle on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 1:51pm.
A deep midnight blue would be fabulous with her hair and skintone.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
Submitted by vega on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 1:37pm.
"This is exactly why I DO NOT believe Beyonce is pregnant, she should be looking exactly like this!"
IA because Beyake does not seem to have pregnant face, arms and legs but this girl here looks Humongous for 5 months. Front, back, side, damn. I say she pops in two weeks.
@Spoiled
Holy Shiite!!!
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"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
Ugh, over these two boring asses. OP, OP...
Jessica Blimpson
She DOES look good.
In fact, she should marry her makeup artist and ditch that shifty cunt of a bf.
She's a nice person... no wonder she kind of failed Hollywood.
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Wyle E
"understand that a slow red panda who nibbles pickles and does somersaults in the middle of a dancefloor is entertaining to a 7-year-old... " MK.
ok at first I was loving the outfit, head to toe. then I looked again. it's a little tight, and I have a hard time looking at 2nd and 3rd trimester women tottering along in platform heels for the sake of "fashion".
her kept man is a tool ass tool but slow claps for his golddigging game. and I wish someone really were doing donkey ears on him in thumb #5...
Whamo - her constant talking about her farting, burping, not brushing her teefs.
Grossed out yet?
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 1:52pm.
When I was barely 5 months along people asked me if I was due shortly and if I was carrying twins. Calling me a beached whale would have been an insult to marine mammals everywhere. Just saying.
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Awww....poor thing.
I think she looks pretty here, but I just don't understand the appeal of being with a man who has no job, no job prospects and seems perfectly content to just let you support him. Why you would think this man is a good catch, is beyond me.
www.petfinder.com - enter your zip code to find adoptable pets in your area.
www.animalrescuesite.com - click everyday to help feed animals in shelters.
oh I see this was already discussed, carry on!!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Poor short girls have to pack a lot of baby in a little bit of space. I knew a 4'11" thin woman who looked like a bowling ball by her 6 month of pregnancy.
Jess looks happy but she should stick with low v-necks so it doesn't look like she has a uni-boob.
why does her BF look like Britney's BF mixed with Tori Spellings husband all of a sudden?
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Submitted by BaconSlut - Can someone please explain to me how it is even possible for these whorz to totter about pregnant in six inch fuck me pumps?
Hell, that's nothing! Shaq's Girlfriend carried him on her back on Kimmel last night in FMPs: http://www.aoltv.com/2011/11/30/shaquille-oneal-girlfriend-carries-him-h...
Maybe I'm just having an off day but I can't really hate on Jessica. She seems to have taken a lot of shit just for being a little chunky and not too smart.
She doesn't seem to be a bitch so what the hell I give her a pass.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 1:45pm.
The hell with this hillbilly. Courtney Love is claiming to be BloHan's "sobriety coach"! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
http://www.celebitchy.com/194813/courtney_love_hilariously_claims_to_be_...
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lolololo!!!!
Submitted by Terri on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 1:52pm.
wow. do all golddigger men look like Dean McDermott?
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They are like the blonde, big tittied, 22 year old stereotype but for dudes.
Can someone please explain to me how it is even possible for these whorz to totter about pregnant in six inch fuck me pumps?
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"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
Pffft.
Bitch please. I can't respect her because instead of embracing her independence after Nick, she's been trying to lock it down with any douche who comes her way.
This rent a douche will officially become Baby Daddy Douche for life in a month or two (bc she is not 5 mos pregnant.)
Everyone carries babies differently. Some girls barely show the whole time and others are popping early.
Submitted by Terri on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 1:52pm.
wow. do all golddigger men look like Dean McDermott?
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Good. It's not just me.
Did he graduated from a gold digger class at the Learning Annex or something? He's got the same shiftiness as Tori's trick and the special needs Gosling attached to Anne Hathaway's wallet.He needs to work it KFed style and get all fat and nasty while he spreads his seed around.
wow. do all golddigger men look like Dean McDermott?
I can't hate on Jessica. She is a mess and doesn't make excuses for it. And her clothing line is in stores I actually shop in.
When I was barely 5 months along people asked me if I was due shortly and if I was carrying twins. Calling me a beached whale would have been an insult to marine mammals everywhere. Just saying.
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*in a deep, manly voice*
"Like sands through the hourglass... so are the days of our lives."
I think she looks good too.
I'm all for pregnant women embracing the fat, but Jessica is wearing the wrong dress. She should be wearing a full length dress in black or dark blue, her legs aren't doing her any favours.
Submitted by Chris Knight on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 1:43pm.
LMAO at "beyoncenized” I am going to use that word from now on when something is suspect.
I think we should call detective Latoya for this one. I cannot stand Beyonce and agree that she is making a jack ass out of herself for someone who considers herself so “private.” Fake is what she is!
I know that many first time moms are all belly, but for someone who has always tried to fight the fatness (see jessica as well), B should be looking like this.
hmm...judging by the pics she didn't need any damn plastic surgery and was actually much better looking before!
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
That's a body that just wants to be fat, and she's happy as shit to let it out. So good for her.
Who cares if she's had subtle plastic surgery? Pretty much everyone in Hollywood has.
What irks me is the one's who don't admit to it.
*side eyes Ali Lohan*
I agree with y'all. Definitely last trimester. She's got the bloat going on and she is probably uncomfortable as hell. I've been there. I'm glad she's out and about though.
5 months PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!
at 20 weeks (start of 5th month) the baby is only the size of a banana and your uterus is only up to your belly button.
Even at 25 weeks (start of 6th month) baby is only a foot long and your uterus is the size of a soccer ball.
She's well into her 6th month, if not begining of her 7th.
FAT!
♥ Threadkilla!
"God gave you breath to waste. Waste your breath!"
Angelic, Bad Girls Club Season 7
Hot Youtube Vid Description: "have something dumb to say ? comment and see if i give a dam !" by KayyRosee1
The hell with this hillbilly. Courtney Love is claiming to be BloHan's "sobriety coach"! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
http://www.celebitchy.com/194813/courtney_love_hilariously_claims_to_be_...
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Here's some facial surgery before & afters of Jessica:
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-U5uHrmd5JsA/TemgA-u6ASI/AAAAAAAABi4/HOYxMH7qZc...
http://celebritysurgery.org/rhinoplasty-nose-job/jessica-simpson/
And I agree with MK about those shoes. ;)
First off, shame on you for complimenting Jessica (even though she looks nice). *LOL*
Second, she's is MUCH further than 5 months. I'm looking at a 6, going into 7th month belly.
Third, that guy will never marry her.
That's all. Other than that, i don't know what this girl has been doing and I don't buy anything she sells, so...
Can we go back to another Chris Meloni story, please????
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All together now: FUCK MY LIFE. - The One-and-Only Michael K- 6/17/11
Submitted by ritzyroxie on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 1:41pm.
She seems happy. I've never minded her, either. In this age of Kardassians she doesn't deserve most of the bitching that comes her way
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True, she actually has (had?) talent as a singer and now a designer. Too bad the KKK has lowered all standards.
"This is exactly why I DO NOT believe Beyonce is pregnant, she should be looking exactly like this!"
Absolutely true. If u remember or google Kelly Preston, u will see that her pregnancy was also "beyoncenized", but at least she didnt make a fool of herself as its the case with Beyonce. Kelly's face, neck and arms looked like always during her "pregnancy", not like those of a preggo and anyway many knew she used a surrogate mother.
"I ain't sayin' he's a gold digger, but he ain't messin' with no broke ni--" err... Simpson...
This is the best career move this nobody football player ever made.
Jessica DOES look great, however, how does she BREATHE? She's just too short to have all that tit and baby bump smooshed into one small area! Poor girl!
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 1:39pm
ain't that funny? he does look like trawick and jess looks somewhat like brit to me.
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
She seems happy. I've never minded her, either. In this age of Kardassians she doesn't deserve most of the bitching that comes her way.
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A beauty that makes abuelitas pray for our sinful souls is my kind of beauty. -MK 9/12/11
YAAAAAAASS! -Sage Khia
When some women get pregnant they seem to either glow or look sick. She's pretty glowy to me. She seems happy.
:D
I don't like the (relatively) big hair.