"I Swear That Last Fart Came From His Butt"

Jessica Simpson is at least into her 5th month of being knocked up (I think) and at this point you'd think that she'd only be able to get around on a manatee gurney carried by highly trained coastal conservationists. But nope! Chestica only needed help from her gold digging fiancé while walking the carpet at last night's Shoe Fetish Awards (aka The Footwear News Achievement Awards) in NYC. I can't believe I am about to type the following sentence in the year 2011 without Papa Joe holding his loaded dick to my head: Chestica looks good. Maybe I only think that because her pregnancy farts are so damn potent that they've turned into scented pixels and have seeped through my monitor causing me to hallucinate. Let's go with that.

My only complaint is that Jessica's shoes don't match her dress. Oh, well. Chestica can't even see her shoes due to the triple mounds o'plenty blocking her view, so I'll let that shit slide this time. Seriously, though, I think Jessica's carrying Beyonce's baby in her tits.

Splash

Posted by: Michael K

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Jessica Simpson • Knocked Up

Submitted by Chris Knight on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 12:09pm.

Give this woman a break, she's quite alrite in my book!

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 12:09pm.

I can see she's taking that "eating for two" to heart.

And I believe she's further along than she says. That is a 7 month tummy.

She's as dumb as a fucking door nail, but she seems happy. *shrugs*

Is it just me or does her paid piece look like Britney's Trainwreck side piece?

Submitted by Chris Knight on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 12:09pm.

"She looks frigging deformed."

How else is a pregnant woman supposed to look like?

Submitted by Haribo on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 12:07pm.

that's a big belly no doubt! she looks good and very happy though. i'm keeping my fingers crossed for a speedy and painless delivery.

'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'

Submitted by vega on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 12:07pm.

This is exactly why I DO NOT believe Beyonce is pregnant, she should be looking exactly like this!

Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 12:07pm.

Meh. I can't hate on her.

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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.

Submitted by Spoiled on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 12:07pm.

Oh my goodness, she is only halfway there? Good luck, Chestica! She has a body that was obviously never meant to ever be "Dukes of Hazaard" thin. Will she starve herself after the baby? Have surgery like Mariah? Or just say, "Fuck it", like Xtina?

Submitted by beakers bitch on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 12:07pm.

She wears the most unflattering things for her body type and shape. Yes, I realize she's preggers, but that dress ain't doing her any favours. Nice colour, though.