As If Shit Couldn't Get More Awkward

The virgin bride and groom who embedded a week's worth of nightmares into everyone's brains by making their first kiss look like two zombies barfing creamed human brains into each other's mouths are back. In this longer trailer for TLC's Virgin Diaries, the virgin bride and groom take a stroll while talking in detail about how their official cherry plucking ceremony is going to go down. If only they spent as much time in practicing their kissing skills as they did in planning their inaugural sexy times together.

They plan to take separate showers and she'll get into her lingerie while he gets into a robe. Then they'll do the foreplay before making the sex. It sounds about as erotic as your grandmama reciting the instructions on a Pop Tart box. But they did leave out a few details. They forgot to tell the cameras that they're going to turn off all the lights, cut a glory hole in a bed sheet, blast the TV so nobody hears them and ask their experienced friend to stand by on call just in case they forget which hole it goes into. You know, personally, I think the whole "cleansing their parts in the shower" thing beforehand is a really bad idea. What if they use up all the hot water? Then homegirl will have to cry out her sexual frustrations at the bottom of a cold shower after he busts a load before even sticking the tip in.

Posted by: Michael K

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I Don't Like Jokes • Uncomfortable

Submitted by kayray on Sun, 12/04/2011 - 9:22pm.

OMFG! These people are all weird as shit. The groom looks gay, gay, gay and the bride is clingy and annoying. The balding 35 year old is into cats and making fudge. Really dude? Three women living together obsessing about their virginity but exchanging glances and massaging each other on a bed. These folks need some serious self-reflection because there are other issues going on here.

Submitted by Grace Jones on Sun, 12/04/2011 - 8:31pm.

OMG!! The comments for this post made me LOL so loud and so hard! Priceless!

These two creepy fucks are in for a bad time. A very bad time. "Do foreplay"?? WTF? Who the fuck waits til they're married to have sex anymore?? I think it's such an outdated custom and really bad for you mentally, especially if you wait past age 25. You just become such a creeper. My sister waited until she was 27 to have sex, but obviously had fooled around and done practically everything else but intercourse. I still can't believe she waited that long. And when she lost it, it was to a guy she'd been dating for only 3 weeks. Kinda odd...

Anyway, this couple seriously skeeves me out. That kiss was disgusting. And I bet the guy is a serial killer who looks at violent porn secretly and has a foot fetish.

Submitted by siren823 on Sat, 12/03/2011 - 9:47am.

My gaydar is screaming right now.

Love to love ya baby!

Submitted by siren823 on Sat, 12/03/2011 - 9:47am.

My gaydar is screaming right now.

Love to love ya baby!

Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Sat, 12/03/2011 - 12:53am.

I am 26, and a virgin, HOWEVER, I have been kissed and I do rub it out. Lmao! And the funny thing is, alot of people think that's how virgins think. I have a mouth like a sailor and a dirty mind, and some people I know(not all) have questioned me like, are you sure you're a virgin? You talk a little too "Knowledgable" about sex. You sure you're not lying?

So wait, because I've never physically had sex???I'm not suppose to know that a penis goes in a vagina? But there are various and more pleasurable and creative ways to do it, and be intimate? Really? I mean yea, if I were 10...Okay...but I'm an adult and a virgin, there IS a difference.

I mean I do have an imagination. Not to mention with all the pornographic material and experienced whores, I mean friends, that I know, you pick up a few thangs. Ya dig?

These two though, jeesh...I may have took a few dates for me to finally kiss ol boy when I was 25, but afterward he DID INFACT ask me, "you sure this is your first time kissing? You're pretty good." XD

__________________________________
Angels say they can make you suffer.They give and take like a vicious lover .When all this loses meaning, You'll never want it back somehow"-Neverending White Lights (The Grace)

Submitted by Daniee on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 11:07pm.

So, we've gone back to the 1700's. Fuck.
I have always thought that anyone over 23 who is still a virgin is either too damn picky or has spiritual issues. No offense.

Submitted by undinespragg on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 9:23pm.

"Do foreplay" Srsly? *sigh*

Submitted by Manimal5 on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 8:33pm.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 5:38pm.

Did they even mention the most important thing - if they even turn each other on! Is there chemistry? I know that all my husband has to do is touch my arm and my skin is tingling - and there we go! I dont see these fools actually enjoying sexy times. THey are just doing it now that they can.

Awesome GG! There most definitely is chemistry between people and it's more than just being all about looks.

Submitted by Kandykane on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 7:53pm.

Are we sure that guy's age didn't get transposed and he's actually 13 and not 31? Seems awfully childish for a 31 year old. Prick.

Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 7:10pm.

Submitted by Chirio on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 5:05pm.

p.s "the actual intercourse" wtf does that mean?! ahahahahaha
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It means NOT the blow job cuz no one's ever getting one of those.

♥ Threadkilla!
"God gave you breath to waste. Waste your breath!"
Angelic, Bad Girls Club Season 7
Hot Youtube Vid Description: "have something dumb to say ? comment and see if i give a dam !" by KayyRosee1

Submitted by becky n sydney on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 6:53pm.

Submitted by ditquoi on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 6:51pm.

my first time, the guy asked me if I'd done it before. lol

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Did you tell the truth or lie? :)

Submitted by jussayin on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 6:43pm.

mem to virgins....watching Al & Tipper Gore kissing to get tips obviously is NOT a good idea.

Submitted by CholaMom on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 6:42pm.

Ewwwwwww.... I actually feel nauseous right now. I've never been SO turned off by sex, kissing, or even romantic love -- just, eeeeewwwww.

Nauseous I tell you.

This could be used to teach abstinence 'cause it's workin' for me.

Just eeeeeeewww.

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I AM on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. -- Carlos Estevez

Submitted by Ms. Lizard on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 6:06pm.

I felt really awkward watching that. TMI much?? Their wedding night will be nothing but a huge disappointment. Everyone can agree your first time sux.

Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 5:50pm.

they reminds me of the newlywed couple in Forgetting Sarah Marshall..

♪ off to find the mythical clitoris ♪

this whole clip makes me want to puke. these two delusional fucktards are in for one massively disappointing wedding night. they are getting married for all the wrong reasons.

Submitted by ditquoi on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 5:21pm.

my first time, the guy asked me if I'd done it before. lol

Submitted by becky n sydney on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 5:18pm.

I hope she's on her rag on the wedding night, just to confuse him.

Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 5:09pm.

My first was with some guy I met online when I was doing my internship in uni. His screen name was "elevenincheshard" and he was. It hurt like fuck and I bled for two days.

That being said, I really doubt she'll have the same experience.

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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.

Submitted by megank on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 4:44pm.

If I had known this idea would make these morons money, I would have pitched the idea awhile ago. I'm still a virgin. How hard could it be to find a virgin to marry and make a reality show? haha

But seriously. Who will watch this? It's so lame.

Submitted by KeeksHotMom on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 4:26pm.

Watch her be one of those who just doesn't bleed or hurt their first time and he will get all "where the hell is your maidenhead?!?! who've you been screwin?"

Submitted by snowball on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 4:20pm.

I'm getting all nostalgic for my first boyfriend now. My first time wasn't really that bad and after that it was damn good. He was very enthusiastic - unfortunately he ended up being enthusiastic with a couple of different girls in addition to me once he got to college and I kicked his ass to the curb.

I wonder if this guy is a closet spanker. Sometimes it's the quiet ones that are the most pervy once they start having orgasms.

Submitted by Hellraiser on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 4:10pm.

As a sex enthusiast that has enjoyed sex from my first time to most recent experience, I am repulsed by these two virgins. It is easy to educate yourself about all things sexual while still waiting until you are in love or even married. There is no excuse for "overthinking" it without actually learning anything. These two are in for one awkward fuck, and that thought really redeems this post for me.
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"When I come up, I rush, I rush for you..."

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 4:08pm.

Submitted by clairey claire on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 4:01pm.

Ok so I actually thought these 2 were kind of cute in a freaky weirdo kind of way until the kiss- that took me right back to my first AWFUL kiss, I swear it was exactly the same except I was 11! I can see the reasoning behind wanting to wait till marriage to lose ur V card but Jesus, not even a peck on the lips?? What was that fucking Eskimo noserubbing bullshit? why draw such false distinctions- like girls who suck cock but not have full sex. Um, it's all sex. Either do it right or step the fuck off.

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"It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious": The late great Bill Hicks

Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 3:43pm.

Submitted by Manimal5 on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 5:07pm.
Who puts on clothes to have sex?
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DIPSHITS!

Submitted by Manimal5 on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 3:38pm.

TEAM DRY HUMPS!

Submitted by Manimal5 on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 3:37pm.

Who puts on clothes to have sex?

Submitted by Chirio on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 3:35pm.

p.s "the actual intercourse" wtf does that mean?! ahahahahaha

Coma Caca!
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Submitted by Chirio on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 3:33pm.

very uncomfortable!!! :S lol wtf ahahahahahaha
lets take off our robes everyone. sooooo sensuous!!! aahahahaa they creep me out now that I saw this video twice hold me

Coma Caca!
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Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 3:27pm.

Have they not seen a chick flick? COME ON!

I guess not everyone is fortunate enough to have a high school boyfriend named Enrique to teach you the ropes..... of kissing.
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.

I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."

Submitted by nikkicage3 on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 3:22pm.

They look inbred.

Maybe they are related? Would explain alot.

Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 3:14pm.

If they had no idea how to kiss, I can well imagine how foreplay and intercourse is going to go. She will start Swiffering his elbows while he enthusiastically slides a pencil between her toes. Then he will attempt to penetrate her ear canal.
She will scream in pain and quit that bitch.

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Submitted by catwoman on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 3:14pm.

I don't get it. I just don't get it. Why would you deprive yourself of a basic human need? Shit, even in the prison guys are only 2 hours in and they're searching for a dick to ride or beating it without a care for who sees. This bitch has probably never even diddled her clit.

And don't get me started on her socially awkward oaf of a fiance. Even Kris Humphries is smoother.

**************
You dumb bitch, I am home.-MK

I think I am also a donkey. I do not know what happened when I left the bar, but I am seriously in love with the donkey.

Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 2:45pm.

urmomma - ok...but wtf with the singing dude?

Submitted by urmomma on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 2:43pm.

M.E.
That was a guy who I am told was trippin' on acid while in a closet being recorded? And they put it together with the lizzard thing...I just saw it today.

and these 2 need a few jager shots and some damn lube.

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The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK

Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 2:30pm.

There is no way these two will do any sort of oral sex. They're both too retarded to even KNOW what to do in that sense.

I'll guess he'll pat her puter while she gives him a hand job.

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 2:25pm.

Mother of bloody fuck. Why is this a show, again?

_______________________________________________

Never question Bruce Dickinson!

Submitted by Migraine Sally on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 2:25pm.

I don't have anything to say that the rest of you have not said already except that I am laughing my ass off over here, you funny horz!

Submitted by MaxThrax on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 2:07pm.

More lesbians and gay guys should get married.

IGNORANT HILLBILLIES ARE DESTROYING OUR COUNTRY.

Submitted by Bizzarelife on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 2:05pm.

My Mom always said "a poke is just a poke" (where sex is concerned).

She taught me that sex was nothing to demonize, that it was normal and part of being human. One point she always drove home was that you should try to aim to have sex with someone you at least give two shits about.

Anyway, that being said, that is the problem here. They have demonized it in their heads, no doubt with help from their family or friends. I say just get it over with, pop the proverbial cherry, and move on. Let's face it - it will suck the first time. Then, after several tries, it will get better. Most of us learn this early on, but they will be learning a hard lesson in the beginning. Oh well!

Oh - one last thing. That kiss was NASTY!

Submitted by fuzzyslippers on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 1:55pm.

Submitted by Stoney on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 2:29pm.

Check the backyard for bodies, seriously

&&&

Ohhh my god, your rant (especially the last part) absolutely reminded me of ComingBack for some reason! "SHE'S GOT IT TUCKED NOT LYING FOR REAL RIP HER DRAWERS DOWN!" XD

Submitted by Datura on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 1:53pm.

Submitted by Sluttsville on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 3:13pm.
It's okay that they waited, but I wished that they would let Dick Vitale and Chris Berman give the wedding night play-by-play.
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I think they should read some "Savage Love" before their wedding night. He'll be shitting on her chest, and she'll be stomping on his nuts for foreplay.

Submitted by its brittany bitch on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 1:52pm.

OH MY GOD @ THE KISS!!!!! WTF!!
save a heart, break a penis.

Submitted by its brittany bitch on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 1:52pm.

OH MY GOD @ THE KISS!!!!! WTF!!
save a heart, break a penis.

Submitted by Datura on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 1:51pm.

Submitted by Stoney on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 2:29pm.
I just really fucking wish people would grow up. You fucking retards are not twelve anymore. You are fucking adults who should be fucking fucking like adults. Stop pretending you are the good kid in high school who signed a goddamn abstinence contract during assembly. They look like they are goddamn 40 years old. Commit these lunatics because they are about five seconds from burning down an entire city. Check the backyard for bodies, seriously
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I think I love you, Stoney! Love you enough to wait until our wedding night.

Submitted by christine the hoff on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 1:46pm.

If somebody kissed me like that (especially for the first time) I'd fucking vomit.
on the other hand, if someone wanted to apply that move to mah cuntasuras, I would come my brains out.
and I agree, to modest to fuck, not to modest to discuss it on TV? I'd rather die than talk about that shit on TV.

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I don't like your grandma. She smells like vitamins and pee.

Submitted by Bree on Fri, 12/02/2011 - 1:44pm.

I know sex before marriage isn't for some people and I'm cool with that, but for me sex is important and I could never marry someone who I'm not sexuality compatible with...and if you wait until marriage, you don't know!