Angie's Head Floats Onto Newsweek
That damn St. Angie is all over the Internet today. Everywhere I go, there's Angie. I go to NoAngelinaJoliesAllowed.org and that bitch is there. She's everywhere. There she is walking around in a dress the color of the shit that does not come out of her ass. There she is daring her period to come while escorting Ms. Pitt around like a trophy. And here's Angie getting swallowed by the black (Note: "Angie getting swallowed by the black" is going to be big on Google keywords this week, so I'm trying to get ahead of the trend) in the pages of Newsweek.
Angie is doing all of this to sell the shit out of that In the Land of Blood and Honey movie. She's flaunting it everywhere and I'm still not going to see it. Sorry. I wouldn't even see it if she renamed it In the Land of Nuttin' Honey and re-worked the plot to be about a couple going through a painful divorce because one of them answers "Nuttin' honey" to every single question the other one asks. Okay, I'd watch it then and only then.
St. Angie isn't only all over the Internet, she's all over TV too. Angie was on Nightline and they asked her if she was going to ever marry Brad Pitt. Obviously, the journalists on Nightline are serious journalists and only ask thought-provoking questions that nobody has ever asked before. Angie answered:
"The kids asked me the other day and I asked them if it was just because they wanted to have a 'big cake.' They see movies that have the people getting married in the movies or somebody's, you know, the happily ever after. Shrek and Fiona are married. We’ve explained to them that our commitment when we decided to start a family was the greatest commitment you could possibly have. Once you have six children, you’re committed."
I think what she really meant is that once you have six children, you should be committed because you're absolutely nuts to have all those screamers around.
You know, I believe that you should always be honest with children. If anyone can take honesty, it's children. That is why it was wrong for Angie to blow smoke up their asses with that "blah blah blah greatest commitment blah blah" bullshit. Angie should've sat them all around and honestly said, "Mind your own fucking businesses, will you? Why make the cow sign a prenup when you can screw the milk for free, or however the saying goes. Now go get mama her liquid medicine and then lock yourselves up in your bedrooms. SCAT!" Now, that would've been honest.
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Submitted by Event Horizon on Mon, 12/05/2011 - 6:37pm.
In the year two thouSAAAAAND. In the year two thousaaand,
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LOLOLOL! Made me lol, that did!
Crawford:
Good point, though. I don't think the photos themselves are bad. Her "man hands" aren't sleek and smooth and super feminine and I'm okay with that. To me, women don't have to be one way or another. Maybe the ego we all snark about probably wouldn't be so frowned upon if she were male? If for instance she was a man who had a weird past with questionable lovers... I don't feel like the hatred would be as bad. Or maybe I'm wrong. Just making social commentary as someone who had a Psychology of Women class not long ago. Because, really, women are just not as highly respected as men are in many fields.
This is a great shoot. Not everything has to be snark. These pics hark back to Garbo and Dietrich...also strong females with strong features. _______________________________________________
If you ever need someone to drink with, I'll drink with you. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I'll drink with you. I guess what I'm trying to say is: I love to drink!!!
--Karen Walker
Submitted by becky n sydney on Mon, 12/05/2011 - 8:57pm.
Thanks and yes I miss some Angieloons!
Where are the Angeloonies?!? Last Angelina post one called me a Jennilooonie and it was the highlight of my dlisted day.
How much plastic surgery has she had? 2 nose jobs, a chin implant, breast implants... eye job?
Submitted by Manimal5 on Mon, 12/05/2011 - 8:46pm.
This is great if you really like torso-less body parts!
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LOL
Congrats on you Caption This placing!
um, who could take a head shot like that..with out looking like a total pig
Beautiful face... Manly hands!
Submitted by bourgie on Mon, 12/05/2011 - 7:36pm.
Too bad Andy Warhol isn't alive. I would love to see a Warhol portrait of Angelina. She keeps it real and not about the Hollywood BS unless she has to. Oh yes the bad girl is still there. oh and MK I see you are on your period today. Next---->
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WTH? Not about the Hollywood BS and keeps it REAL! Oh please, mother f^kcer....that is all Angie knows. She grew up right in the middle of all of it and knows how to play the game! And plays it to the tee I might add. So tell that crap on another site where they might believe that shit!
This is great if you really like torso-less body parts!
@angel
If you look through her pics, she's just REALLY good with her face and her body and her eyes....it's kinda why I don't beweave a damn thing she says cuz she's been working her body language for years.
Yes! Bitch is always smizing for her life! TyTy would be jealous!
☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯☯
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Wed, 11/16/2011 - 6:45pm.
BITCHES, WE ALL GOOD. When will you whores not figure it out? You got the sweets 'tween yo' legs, WORK IT!
She does look like Jambie..but she is pretty..I luv her her eyes..I also luv peewee..soo ..
She is beautiful but I don't know if showcasing those hideous hands is the best idea.
At least they had the good taste to completely photoshop her skeleton...uh, body out of the pics. *golf clap*
Well, I'll jump on board with beautiful just to say (and I'm not even CLOSE to a loon so don't even!) she's a great model. It's something I always notice. If you look through her pics, she's just REALLY good with her face and her body and her eyes....it's kinda why I don't beweave a damn thing she says cuz she's been working her body language for years.
But there. I've said it now and I'll just go back go back to my comfort zone of hating on this space wasting ho.
♥ Threadkilla!
"God gave you breath to waste. Waste your breath!"
Angelic, Bad Girls Club Season 7
Hot Youtube Vid Description: "have something dumb to say ? comment and see if i give a dam !" by KayyRosee1
"Once you have six children, you’re committed."
Whatever gets you through the night, Angie. He's never gonna marry you. He's probably already bored with you, I know I am.
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
Being born beautiful is no achievement. It's just a well placed set of genes. If she was serious about her craft, she'd stop trying to convince the world of her world-class beauty.
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Dale Doback: Okay, here's the shot out of the cannon: Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one, go!
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 12/05/2011 - 8:06pm.
I still think she is beautiful. If she weren't so skinny and weird, she'd be even more beautiful.
^Cosign. I really can't with the frumpy and weird shit. I rarely ever comment and Angie Jo threads because she's so boring and pretentious to me. Imagine what a bigger presence she'd be in Hollywood if she were actually, idk, fun?
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Douchechill!
I keep remembering this weird ass thing (even before this) that I saw on TV when we went to live on the farm when I was little...so weird...it was this variety show, and I remember NOTHING about it except the Invisible Man. He just came out and danced to some tune...it was all black and he had on white gloves and a white top hat, white shoes and a white cane. I thought it was the awesomest thing ever. AND NOW SHE'S STEALING THAT TOO! WILL IT NEVER EEEEEEEEEND!?!?!
♥ Threadkilla!
"God gave you breath to waste. Waste your breath!"
Angelic, Bad Girls Club Season 7
Hot Youtube Vid Description: "have something dumb to say ? comment and see if i give a dam !" by KayyRosee1
Submitted by Jintess on Mon, 12/05/2011 - 7:31pm.
Submitted by DonnaInMichigan on Mon, 12/05/2011 - 7:14pm.
Did the biotch forget that she and BBT adopted Maddox TOGETHER, as a married couple, and that it didn't stop him from RUNNING and HIDING the first chance he was able to be alone more than 5 seconds?
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I could very well be wrong but from what I've read BBT wanted nothing to do with adoption. He has had his kids and that's it. Actually, I think her adopting Maddox was the straw that broke the camels back in that relationship.
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"Jolie has asked the court for custody of 11-month-old Maddox, whom she first met in a Cambodian orphanage last November while on one of her trips as a goodwill ambassador for the United Nations. Though the couple announced together the adoption of Maddox on March 12, a spokesman for the Immigration and Naturalization Service in Washington, D.C., says, "Only her name is on the [adoption] papers." Thornton, who has two young sons and a grown daughter from prior marriages, can adopt Maddox in California, but family law experts point out that the process typically takes six months. http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20137667,00.html
That song almost fits @unemployed bum.
Is she really in her 30s? I always think she's my age (40). Maybe it's because she has all those kids and dresses in that weird dowdy way.
She'd better watch it because she's going to wind up with osteoporosis and shit.
I still think she is beautiful. If she weren't so skinny and weird, she'd be even more beautiful.
Velcome to Sprockets. I am your host Dieter!
Mike Meyers did it better, AJ. ;p
Submitted by joanne on Mon, 12/05/2011 - 6:42pm.
She looks like she's in a Robert Palmer video, paint those lips red and give her a guitar.
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She might as well face it, she's addicted to *cough* drugs *cough*. I mean, love
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Mon, 12/05/2011 - 6:12pm.
The "face floating in black background" photo I love is Robert Mapplethorpe's self-portrait. He was dying at the time, and the picture, I believe, was taken by his brother. Angie's pic just looks very 80s and boring, but most magazine photography nowadays is pure shit.
http://www.google.com/imgres?q=robert+mapplethorpe+self+portrait&um=1&hl...
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Was his brother a photographer? It looks just like Robert Mapplethorpe's own style. A picture he would have taken himself. But then again your google link does label it as "a self portrait". I never heard till now that his brother took it. What was his name?
Too bad Andy Warhol isn't alive. I would love to see a Warhol portrait of Angelina. She keeps it real and not about the Hollywood BS unless she has to. Oh yes the bad girl is still there. oh and MK I see you are on your period today. Next---->
Submitted by DonnaInMichigan on Mon, 12/05/2011 - 7:14pm.
Did the biotch forget that she and BBT adopted Maddox TOGETHER, as a married couple, and that it didn't stop him from RUNNING and HIDING the first chance he was able to be alone more than 5 seconds?
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I could very well be wrong but from what I've read BBT wanted nothing to do with adoption. He has had his kids and that's it. Actually, I think her adopting Maddox was the straw that broke the camels back in that relationship.
She looks so much like her brother here!
At first I thought this pic was the new "Caption this contest" Which my entry would have been " Angelina finally lost so much weight her bobble head was all that's left. Ugh...this bitch is dry.
"There she is daring her period to come while escorting Ms. Pitt around like a trophy."
Honestly she's so emaciated she probably doesn't even get a period anymore...
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...the end
I clicked on the Just Jared link and someone commented:
It`s so funny, Angelina doesn’t seem to put in much thought to what she wears and doesn’t always choose the best style, it’ s like she really couldn’t care less about clothes, yet despite that, she still manages to look 100 times more gorgeous than every other actress LOL!!!! Now that is TRUE BEAUTY.
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Um...how the hell does a looney know how much thought she does or dosn't put into what she wears? God so insufferabley idiotic!
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...the end
And it annoys me like almost nothing else when she claims to have six kids.
AJ having six kids is not like me or Uncle Brain-fart or M.E. or IrishFury having six kids. We actually have to, you know, take care of our kids.
Basically, she's financially responsible for six kids.
Big difference.
Did the biotch forget that she and BBT adopted Maddox TOGETHER, as a married couple, and that it didn't stop him from RUNNING and HIDING the first chance he was able to be alone more than 5 seconds?
She's ready for her close-up, Mr. DeMille.
Sorry, the first thing that popped into my head when I saw that - that desperate Gloria Swanson face thrusting thing.
Jesus Mary and Maury, she's a bag of bones!
Oh God, the last pic with her bony ass hands. Looks like that Alien thing covering the face.
whatever. You know damn well she suggested this pose. bitch does have that kind of power, tell them my way or no way. I can see her doing that.
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Don't stand on my tits, bitch!
Tina Brown is tabloid media with pretensions, and is completely fascinated with dilettantes and their interests. Angelina pushing her movie in an inside article, sure. Angelina on the cover for her shit movie about a topic she Cliff Noted, not even.
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Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time."
— Haruki Murakami
Submitted by Event Horizon on Mon, 12/05/2011 - 6:37pm.
In the year two thouSAAAAAND. In the year two thousaaand,
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Fuck, you just gave me total 'Nam flashbacks with that.
I saw that episode of Conan on a grainy, flickering video tape - playing on a rickety 1979-style VCR, on a Soviet TV draped with veils that were pulled back like movie curtains when the 'show' started - in a hash bar in downtown Kabul in 2002. It was the only 'movie' in English they had.
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"...Foster may have cracked under the pressures of being the world's leading Gordon Ramsay-lookalike-sex-dwarf..."
"I think what she really meant is that once you have six children, you should be committed because you're absolutely nuts to have all those screamers around."
^That.
Also, having kids is a commitment...to your kids. It guarantees nothing with a partner (Brad can leave whenever the hell he wants). Yeah with a marriage it's the same, the person can leave, but you have to go through a divorce and jump through all those hoops because you made a commitment to your PARTNER. There's a difference.
Gawd, I wish someone could just knock the smuggy cunt-ness off of that biotches face once and for all.
Submitted by Event Horizon on Mon, 12/05/2011 - 6:37pm.
In the year two thouSAAAAAND. In the year two thousaaand,
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LOL
I'm still focused on the freakish hands.
She's what, early 30's?
Her hands should NOT look like that.
"Once you have six children, you’re committed."
...until they are all 18, chola. Methinks as the kids age, old Brad will wash out of their lives like so much flotsam.
closer to OT - Angie looks good here, I'd bang that disembodied head in a flash.
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"...Foster may have cracked under the pressures of being the world's leading Gordon Ramsay-lookalike-sex-dwarf..."
LaChay, I was just going to day I wish James Haven would grace us with his presence. I miss him.
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Submitted by Flynn on Mon, 12/05/2011 - 6:19pm.
Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho
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That's what that pic reminded me of, too! hahaha
Where's James Haven to comment on his sister? She's bordering on looking a lot like his twin brother.
She looks like she's in a Robert Palmer video, paint those lips red and give her a guitar.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcATvu5f9vE
Submitted by mike on Mon, 12/05/2011 - 6:36pm.
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 12/05/2011 - 6:14pm.
"Once you have six children, you’re committed."
Some of us would say that you need to be committed if you choose to have six kids.
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Brilliantly put. The way she said it, it seemed more like "yeah and since we did this CRAZY FUCKING SHIT of having SIX of you, we better stick together, too late to back down now."
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"Most people are average, neither black nor white. They're gray. A dirty shade of gray." - Dmitri Shostakovich
Hahaha! I miss funny Conan