Gross. Nasty. Sick. Barf.
Patients in Los Angeles-area hospitals suffering from severe constipation and extreme vomit phobias were transported to the premiere of New Year's Eve Apocalypse Eve at Grauman's Chinese Theatre last night for five reasons: Lea Michele, Ashton Kutcher, Katherine Heigl, Fuggie Fug and Josh Duhamel (or as their known in the medical community: suppository, douche, enema, diuretic and activated charcoal). Even the quadra power beauty queen beauty of Michelle Pfeiffer, Zac Efron, Sofia Vergara and Barbara Eden wasn't powerful enough to soothe the heaves coming out of a bitch when they watched Ick (aka Lea) and Nast (aka Ashton) mug it up for the cameras. Ashton, I know it's been a while since you've seen tits that aren't made of Plaster of Paris, but please calm yourself. I swear, this premiere had more empty stomachs and clean pussies than a virgin bulimia convention. Sucio all around.
Katherine needs to give 2001 Hillary Clinton her hair back, Ashton needs to give Mary Katherine Gallagher her hair back and both Fuggie and Lea just need to stop everything. There aren't enough chairs for all the bitches here who really need to have a seat in the back.
I was going to make a post asking who was the least annoying slag at last night's New Year's Eve premiere, but that's like choosing between a beej from a garbage disposal or a prostate exam from a pitchfork. Which funnily enough, is probably the sensation a ho feels when sitting through that shit bag of a movie.
• 
wow. how is michelle pfeiffer still and forever such a fox? i have no idea what role she plays in this horrid film, but she is looking gooo-ood!
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
I see Lea still hasn't gotten that much neede nose job.
And yes, of course the film looks awful. It's like "Valentine's Day". They put together big ensemble casts with a horrible script and hope it works. The trailer shows the "best" clips and then you'll watch the movie and wonder why you wasted your time.
to everyone that posted regarding how much this film looks like a big pile of shit, THANK YOU. i am so sick of hearing people talking about ooohh that movie looks so cute! oooh i just love new years! BARF i will vomit in a bitches hair soon!
-----------------------------------------
A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
ATTENTION, DListers:
That is not a picture of Lea Michele. That is obviously JON LOVITZ in drag. For realz. Look at that *mug*!
That is all.
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤
"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
--"The Little Prince", Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
"Oh Nooo don't go out THERE. What? I tried to warn her." I have absolutely no desire to see this pos movie. I generally avoid romcoms like the plague but for some reason I watched Valentines Day. It was horrible and so sweet and fluffy I had to up my dental coverage for all the cavities it gave me. And to cast Ass Stain Kuntface and Katherine "Your Highness" Heigle together again is obvious that execs in Tinsletown don't pay attention to the box office otherwise they wouldve remember what a disaster Killers was.
Leah Michelle needs to be beaten with the same sack of oranges as Jaden Smith.
IF YOU GO SEE THIS MOVIE PLEASE AFTERWARD FIND THE NEAREST CLIFF AND JUMP WE HAVE NO NEED FOR FUCKHEADS LIKE YOU!
Wherein the hell they get all these 3rd rate hos?
.
.
Uh....no. If you're going to show cleave, fine...but wearing an ill-fitting saggy glitter mess does you no favors.
_______________________________________________
Never question Bruce Dickinson!
OMG...Barbara FUCKING Eden! I don't care what she looks like...she's Barbra Eden. Katherine Heigl looks like she's got a stick up her ass but she looks great!
Poor barbara eden...all she's got is Genie. Here, she's doing the genie whatever and in every single interview she's talking about how she couldn't show her belly button in the show. (Sigh) Somebody please give this lady a part like betty white, then again, betty's awesomely funny.
Jesus, she looks old. I thought she was Charlotte from Sex and the City, seriously.
Boycott Nikon!
(and Ann Tsylor, too) --- what were those stupid corporations thinking?
Boycott Nikon!
(and Ann Tsylor, too) --- what were those stupid corporations thinking?
OMG, Michelle Pfeiffer looks amazing...and natural. The only person prettier than her is perfection on legs: Zac Ephron. God is so cruel to create such a beauty and to make him heterosexual. What a waste!!
The whole post is comedy gold, MK!
Submitted by cdawg on Tue, 12/06/2011 - 1:17pm.
I really can't stand Ashton Kutcher and every time I see him in those fucking Nikon commercials, I'm like, "get the fuck off my tv, you suck". But for some reason, as soon as he got the beard and the long hair, my pants fell off. It's the worst. He's the worst. Why is that look working for me??? Seriously, I was never attracted to him before - maybe it's my love for dirty hippies.
****************************************
I'm having the same problem. He reminds me of Brad when Brad was younger and had the long hair and scruffy beard, except he's not as good looking as Brad, but it takes me back to when I was young and dirty hippies did it for me.
Like madonna fergie looks 1000% better blond. Pfeiffer is what you look like if youre not a pig with food drugs and drink for 30 years but dark purple is not her color- she is not a "winter". Pale faded pinks and blues look best on her but still the face and body are classic.
What a bunch of total assholes. Except for Miss Pfeiffer.
Aaaand repetitive post is repetitive. NEED MOAR COFFEE
I usually don't like it when celebs go blonde but Fergie looks great here, and I don't usually think that.
Ugh. Stop blowing kisses to essentially no one, you dumb whores. That is the WORST. I do like Fergie's hair color for some reason, though. Too bad her marriage is obviously DOA.
stefystef -- I'll go with you, I swear I will! We can room in some retirement community ala the Golden Girls!!!
I usually dislike platinum blonde hair but that really suits Fergie. It makes me think back to her Kids Inc days.
_______________________
www.dungeonhordes.com
_______________________
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Tue, 12/06/2011 - 2:24pm.
I AM afraid -- I totally agree about the downward spiral of society. To think a shitty movie with all these tools in it was even made signals that apocalypse, if you ask me.
Hekki -- ain't that the truth? Apparently that shit that started in the 80's still holds true today. Parents never reprimand their kids and tell them they're special despite the fact that they aren't. When people say kids are our future, I say, "we are so fucked."
****************************************************************
@TwatMuffin, I have said for years that I will retire to another country because the kids today are so fucked up and self-absorbed, they will look after no one else but themselves.
______________________________________________________________
All together now: FUCK MY LIFE. - The One-and-Only Michael K- 6/17/11
I AM afraid -- I totally agree about the downward spiral of society. To think a shitty movie with all these tools in it was even made signals that apocalypse, if you ask me.
Hekki -- ain't that the truth? Apparently that shit that started in the 80's still holds true today. Parents never reprimand their kids and tell them they're special despite the fact that they aren't. When people say kids are our future, I say, "we are so fucked."
Eww whoever thinks Ashton is hot needs to be stabbed repeatedly with a cattle prod.
I really can't stand Ashton Kutcher and every time I see him in those fucking Nikon commercials, I'm like, "get the fuck off my tv, you suck". But for some reason, as soon as he got the beard and the long hair, my pants fell off. It's the worst. He's the worst. Why is that look working for me??? Seriously, I was never attracted to him before - maybe it's my love for dirty hippies. I was watching tv with a friend and a 'two and a half men' commercial came on and Kutch didn't have a shirt on and my friend went, "shield your eyes! I know you hate wanting to bone Ashton Kutcher!!"
be cool about fire safety
The ONLY thing Ass-Stain has going for him is his looks. That. Is. It.
He has absolutely NO talent.
He has a rotten personality.
He is NOT funny.
Apparently he's also MEAN.
A COMPLETE LOSER. And yet, here we are, going to see his shitty movies and willing to keep putting money in his pockets. A sad state of affairs.
I can smell that stinking, putrid, f*cking, wanna-be, piece of sh*t "movie" from here and I'm in Canada . . . or wait, is it actually that stinkin', putrid, f*cking, wanna-be, piece of sh*t "actor" Ass-stain that reeks? It befuddles me that there were fans losing their sh*t over that talentless little gigilo last night!!!! Society continues it's downward spiral of rampant stupidity . . . wheeeeeeeee . . .
Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 12/06/2011 - 12:31pm.
Also, I had a dream last night that Ashton Kutcher was trying to seduce me and this woman at the party said "Oh, I know how you feel, but once he kisses you, you won't be able to resist." And then he forced me to kiss him and it was the most irresistible kiss ever and I was like "Oh, she was right. Even if he is a douchebag..."
______________________
I'm sorry.
:(
*gives Hekki gift certificate for PTSD therapy*
LMAO@Hekki! Looking at these pics I was kinda wondering about him...I'm thinking he's the guy with the moves. You know - the way he's holding her, I'm kinda feeling like he tricked her into touching his face like that...he's whispering in her ear in just that place that makes you forget that's a gigantic douchebag behind you lol.
♥ Threadkilla!
"God gave you breath to waste. Waste your breath!"
Angelic, Bad Girls Club Season 7
Hot Youtube Vid Description: "have something dumb to say ? comment and see if i give a dam !" by KayyRosee1
Also, I had a dream last night that Ashton Kutcher was trying to seduce me and this woman at the party said "Oh, I know how you feel, but once he kisses you, you won't be able to resist." And then he forced me to kiss him and it was the most irresistible kiss ever and I was like "Oh, she was right. Even if he is a douchebag..."
Ick.
Lea Michele looks like her head is on backwards. Like, remember in "Death Becomes Her" when Meryl Streep's head turns all the way around? Yeah, like that.
I HATE THAT INSUFFERABLE CUNT.
She is a product of that lovely time in the 80s when everyone decided that children needed self-esteem and every parent told their kid they were a special snowflake and could do anything they wanted and enabled these horrific monstrous egos. Thanks, shithead parents. Now every 20something thinks they are god's gift and they need to be praised for showing up.
I'm getting in line for team Michelle Pfeiffer. She's what, 60? And still a supernatural bombshell.
--
You got a lot of money, but you can't afford the freeway
red carpet nip slips... http://www.brilliantarrogance.com/
oooooh yeah baby give me all the Lea Michele hatred
I can't STAND her. And I don't know a single person outside of the Glee fan community (DON'T ASK OK) who can. IDK what is it about that woman that just makes me go RAEG
In other news, Princess Zefron is precious.
I hope those two end up together; they deserve each other. Don't know which one is the bigger famewhore...
WOW. Michelle Pfeiffer and Barbara Eden showing these youngins how it's done.
Lea Michele would look a lot better if she would stop with the super low-cut plunging tops. They just don't look right. But I think they look silly on most people, so it could just be me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
i want to see this piece of garbage!________________________________________________________
i'm too reasonable for Internet conspiracy
AssStain is like: ah where are your boobs fatty? I'm used to Dumi's fake titty balls hanging off her skeletor body.
oh and I LOVE Jeannie!! in the same category as Bewitched for my fave shows as a young'un.
I know that Michelle P. is a blond beauty and I loved her in Married to The Mob but I also saw her on stage years ago (Shakespeare in The Park)and I have not been able to take her seriously as an actress ever since. The rest are nothing to me although Barbara Eden is still lovey but needs to stop doing that Jeannie move. And now I must go to the AJ and James Haven thread to witness the savagery of the anti-loonies. Good times!
Poor Hillary Swank!
How did the world not implode by having Kunt-thrine Heigl, Asstain, and Lea Michelle all in the same place?
----------------------------------------------------
My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Tue, 12/06/2011 - 10:14am.
Fergie has a sexay body! Her face is beat, but she is 36 going on 37 and if you picture a faces of meth poster, she doesn't look THAT bad.
***************************************
OH. EM. GEE THANK YOU! For saying something nice about Fergie. Finally! I thought it would never happen!
♥ Threadkilla!
"God gave you breath to waste. Waste your breath!"
Angelic, Bad Girls Club Season 7
Hot Youtube Vid Description: "have something dumb to say ? comment and see if i give a dam !" by KayyRosee1
That Barbara Eden is still HOT in my books.arrrr
WTF is wrong with Lea Michelle? - no wait, I know. Famewhoritis.
♥ Threadkilla!
"God gave you breath to waste. Waste your breath!"
Angelic, Bad Girls Club Season 7
Hot Youtube Vid Description: "have something dumb to say ? comment and see if i give a dam !" by KayyRosee1
I know Michelle's looks are probably the result of the work of a good surgeon but, G., the woman is stunning, she resembles Virna Lisa.
Even Fergie looks good.
I think Pfeiffer has had a LITTLE work done. But compared to most women of her age, without or WITH surgery, she still looks like a goddess.
*********
I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Michelle Pfeiffer and Fergie both looked like they've had some minor work done to their faces. Subtle, but well done, work.