Tuesday, December 13th 2011

Would You Hit It?

Here's Colton Haynes from MTV's Teen Wolf, but mostly known as the twinkie whose publicist tried to Magic Erase his gayness from the Internet, casually gazing into the wooden vulvas on his trailer's paneling while flexing his abs so hard that I'm surprised one of his muscle biscuits didn't pop out and start flopping next to that torn tampon on the floor. Teen Wolf's executive producer Tumblr-ed this picture and added the note: “Shot from Colton’s trailer. We asked him to show us his new body, the product of three months of serious training. Of course, he struck a model pose.”

You know, I take back that gazing comment. Colton's not gazing, he's trying to keep his eyes from rolling to the back of his head right before he passes the shit out, because his body can't take THE HONGARIES anymore. For the past three months, bitch's trainer has only let him lick on the tears that trickle down his face while he's crunching his way to abs of a G.I. Joe doll. It must suck when even the pre-cum from the dick you regularly suck on has to be tested for calorie content by your nutritionist before it's allowed to go in your mouth. No thanks.

And, DUH, I'd hit it even if his abs taste like bronzer and matte black eyeshadow.

Posted by: Michael K


Bjork You's picture

Triston!

Ni hao! (Or however it's said on that kids show; anyone speak Chinese?)

This cheap uggs was created to be very comfortable as well as chic. The light and feathery EVA outsole will give your feet support for many hours. Theres also a genuine sheepskin sock that keeps moisture out so your feet will stay dry. The Classic Short Sparkles is a sensational choice for evening wear. It is a uggs cheap that will grab everyones attention and give your feet protection all at the same time.

Yes, he's hot! Looks like he put a lot of work into his body. Can't wait for Teen Wolf to return...

TheBreakdown's picture

Yeah I'd hit it and then send him directly back to the porn set to fluff away!

***************************************
Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe to Heaux Confessionals©

Fuck yea I'd hit it. And I'd make those eyes roll back FO SHO.

RecessVillain's picture

Yes, yes I would. Did I reset my password just to answer this? Yes, yes I did.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Some shit is not right when John Travolta circa TODAY is wrassling up hot Middle Eastern dudes with "slap somebody" dick and there are times when I can't even get a piece on Craigslist!" -MK

She Stinks's picture

I'd hit it, then he'd hit me, hard fast and deep. Bone me like the plane is going down. That is all, thank you.

Hellraiser's picture

No, I would not hit it because I only pick on straight men that are my own size. This looks like a pocket gay with griddle marks on his torso. A "hot pocket" gay, if you will.
________________________________________________

"When I come up, I rush, I rush for you..."

Dion flowerboy's picture

At first sight, I thought Meth twink from MO. It's his work crib, which isn't much better. He would be the closest thing to me nailing a frat boy closet case. sure.

Cunning Stunt's picture

Never seen the teen wolf show because I'm a grown ass woman, but I have seen him on this short-lived show called The Gates and baby boy is gorgeous. I'd strap one on for him any day. ANY DAY.
•••••••••
"I'm half drunk and slathered in every bodily fluid there is... so yeah... this is about as Pirate Kingy as I'm going to get so brief away..."

SANS FARDS's picture

Yes I would, without question, but let me just say that "Colton Haynes" is almost as bad a name as "Chord Overstreet." That would always be hanging in the back of my mind.

_______________________________________________

Never question Bruce Dickinson!

Snarf's picture

I'd hit it. Repeatedly and with reckless abandon.

**********
Shiitake happens...

gines's picture

Submitted by stefystef on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 1:30pm.

I'm with ya, @gines. I like 'em big and manly and a bit rough.

-----

With big burly tree choppin' hands.

I'm tired of the media shoving these pretty boys down our throats, saying they're the "zomg hawtezt guyse evar."

Although this dude is muscley, he looks like a light breeze would topple him over.

Tall, scruffy, rough around the edges and can drink beer like a champ. That's how I like 'em.

-----
#OccupyTheKardashians
watch me rant: http://www.youtube.com/user/gineriella

is that a real person?

www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack

Bjork You's picture

Submitted by precociousmagpie on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 9:54am.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 9:51am.
um yeah i would but then again im shameless.

Loopy, I think we all agree you should just change your screen name to "yeah i would". Or "wood", as the case may be. ;^)

======

ha. ha. good one, l. o. l.

jadams's picture

HIT IT, BITCH!

stefystef's picture

Submitted by gines on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 12:32pm.
Nope. I don't like pretty boys.

I'm lookin' for a lumberjack with a truckerstash.

*******************************************************

I'm with ya, @gines. I like 'em big and manly and a bit rough.

______________________________________________________________
All together now: FUCK MY LIFE. - The One-and-Only Michael K- 6/17/11

gines's picture

Submitted by stefystef on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 9:41am.

Jason Momoa is my kind of "Hit It" man.

-----

I concur times 4 trillion.

-----
#OccupyTheKardashians
watch me rant: http://www.youtube.com/user/gineriella

gines's picture

Nope. I don't like pretty boys.

I'm lookin' for a lumberjack with a truckerstash.

-----
#OccupyTheKardashians
watch me rant: http://www.youtube.com/user/gineriella

MissJaneTexas's picture

I'm gonna have to say no to this guy who looks like he could and would wear my skinny jeans. No thanks.

**************************************************************
You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011

Hekki's picture

Ehhh. He's cute but WAY too young and skinny for me. I like them over 35 and with some heft. And straight.

jussayin's picture

considering the usual hit it options, Imma reserve my hit it for Mr Colton here....

French Mofo's picture

Quinto's ex needs a burger.

NovaNightly's picture

Too skinny...he looks STARVING. Oh and gay too.

<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<^>^<
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!!!

Whamo's picture

Submitted by Dog on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 10:42am.
*ignores Whamo for ignoring me*
===================================
HUH? I'd NEVER ignore you doggie:)

*lifts leg pees on tree*

Dog's picture

*ignores Whamo for ignoring me*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

guest's picture

Lolol @ ass gusts Uvy!

*****************

Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.

Whamo's picture

Submitted by IrishFury on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 10:21am.
Whamo, dude, I am being dramatic and making shit up!
==================================
Good lord I know that Ms Fury:)

*damn what the... why doesn't this key work...and why the hell does that guy keep smiling at me?*

Mrs Patrick Campbell's picture

Yes!

IrishFury's picture

Whamo, dude, I am being dramatic and making shit up!

It's called BEING ME, OKAY??!

*Swaps the Sweetas key in Whoro's pocket for the Twink's one at the top of this post*

Happy Homosexualizing, okthanksbye!
________________________________
Dark-sided!

snowball's picture

He looks like he needs a box of tissues and not for his hand. I can't think about having sex with anything that looks like it cowers in fear and cries at the sight of genitalia.

This kid looks like he needs therapy.

Whamo's picture

Submitted by IrishFury on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 9:58am.
That's fine - he and I are fucking done, personally. (copyright: C. Bale)
==========================================
OUCH, that kinda hurts.... :(

What did I do?

*slides Sweet Ass's key into pocket*

guest's picture

Psl...LOL!!! *brain freeze* *looks for memory which seems to be mia* :D

*****************

Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.

ISprainedMyUvula's picture

Submitted by warmjuice on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 9:41am.

A body like that needs food every 3 hours, mostly leafy greens mixed with chicken beef or egg along with the shakes and pre/post workout carbs.

***

Can you imagine the ass gusts with a diet like that?

*gags*

**************************************
Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma

Sweetas's picture

LR♥ lolol! 23 is still a baby to me, and *not shocky face* at the pics.

Girls, I cannot believe Whamo is acting like that!! Just deplorable!! *slips Whamo my room key*

Dog's picture

Submitted by IrishFury on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 9:58am.

Oh, is Whoro doing his lady-rounds this morning? See, Dog - I did say...!

That's fine - he and I are fucking done, personally. (copyright: C. Bale)

You may all have him!

*secretly sings Wuthering Heights in her head, in a Kate Bush voice*

^^^^^^^^^

I don't like dick cheese.

I have no clue why I said that.

Whoro is doing lady rounds, looking for lady parts, and acting like a rutting........dog.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Kinda short and young for my tastes. But if he let his body hair grow and maybe some facial scruff , I wouldn't say "no" (and I need to muss up that damn hair). I wouldn't say "no" right now. But with some adult secondary sexual traits, I wouldn't say it-with enthusiasm.
Funny to hear some of you sluts like, or don't mind, back hair. Just this last week I saw two superhot dudes with hairy backs (I like the hairy chests, but hairy backs can be gross). You know you are hot when you can make a hairy back seem sexy.

IrishFury's picture

Oh, is Whoro doing his lady-rounds this morning? See, Dog - I did say...!

That's fine - he and I are fucking done, personally. (copyright: C. Bale)

You may all have him!

*secretly sings Wuthering Heights in her head, in a Kate Bush voice*
________________________________
Dark-sided!

little_rascal's picture

@ Sweetas

He only acts like a twink, the dude is actually 23. But he doesn't like our kind anyway (he's the guy on the left in both photos)--->
http://www.google.com/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://1.bp.blogspo...

Fronika's picture

His head is too big for his body and he already looks old.

"No matter how cynical you become, it's impossible to keep up." - Lily Tomlin

Dog's picture

Submitted by Sweetas on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 9:50am.

Submitted by Dog on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 9:44am

LMFAO!! It's standard equipment, comes with the hangy-down thingy. Although it's not exclusive to people with "outies". *innocent look*

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Well his hangy-down thingy might become in "innie" if he keeps this sh*t up! I ask you, is that the way a mullet-wearing foolio needs to act??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

precociousmagpie's picture

Submitted by loopygorilla on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 9:51am.
um yeah i would but then again im shameless.

Loopy, I think we all agree you should just change your screen name to "yeah i would". Or "wood", as the case may be. ;^)

Whamo's picture

Submitted by Dog on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 9:44am.
trifling foolio! ====================================
Bawahaaaa!!

loopygorilla's picture

um yeah i would but then again im shameless.

ba-buttons's picture

Submitted by suckandfuck on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 9:16am.
Submitted by ba-buttons on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 9:10am.

Teen Wolf???? Are you kidding me??? That movie was the very worst of that whole crop of crappy '80's teen movies.
----------------------------------------------

I knowwww. It couldn't hold a candle to Teen Witch.

--------------------------------------------------

LOL!!! Teen Witch!! That was sooooo bad, like 'Encino Man' levels of bad.

Back when I was going to Dinosaur High, where '80's teen movies were god, I seem to remember all of the girls bucked the trend and were all hot over Billy Zabka.

He was the main bad guy in 'The Karate Kid' and basically every other '80's teen movie ever made. He was awesome, always that kind of over-the-top evil preppy bad guy.

--------------------------------------------------

Name Deleted: Me, too. I really liked that movie. It's funny. Where is that idiot? I just went to the Tattoo Boy thread (where ba-buttns got all hoity toity) and didn't see.

Sweetas's picture

Submitted by Dog on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 9:44am

LMFAO!! It's standard equipment, comes with the hangy-down thingy. Although it's not exclusive to people with "outies". *innocent look*

parissucksliterally's picture

guest, that is why I called him a low rent Brandon Walsh! :)

***********************************************
All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like watching the puddles gather rain
And all I can do is just pour some tea for two
And speak my point of view but it's not sane
It's not sane

Dog's picture

First Mccaughnagay, then Lautner, now this twink. What is it with these muscular men with long necks, short arms and huge heads?????

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

QueenyBean's picture

... oh and a paper bag , his face is too femmie for me.. it'd be like fucking a chick with a dick.
**************************************
Cure for cramps: weed. Weed for everything, really.- Bjork You

QueenyBean's picture

with 30 extra pounds... in the words of Kiya "YAAASSSS"

**************************************
Cure for cramps: weed. Weed for everything, really.- Bjork You