Derek Jeter Is The Kind Of Gentleman Who Gives All Of His One-Night Tricks A Gift Bag
When the gods above smile down on you by throwing you into Derek Jeter's bed chamber of love, you not only walk away knowing that you're one of the lucky chosen ones who was filled by the greatest baseball player of all-time (which is a line you are contractually-obligated to shout out at least three times during), but you also walk away with a prize package worth at least $20. Page Six says that the morning after Derek Jeter hits a homerun into his temporary ho's g-spot, he puts her into a waiting car where there's a basket of autographed memorabilia waiting for her. If you do the walk of shame from Derek's apartment twice on two different nights, you get two gift baskets! Score! Page Six's source explained it like this:
“Derek has girls stay with him at his apartment in New York, and then he gets them a car to take them home the next day. Waiting in his car is a gift basket containing signed Jeter memorabilia, usually a signed baseball. This summer, he ended up hooking up with a girl who he had hooked up with once before, but Jeter seemed to have forgotten about the first time and gave her the same identical parting gift, a gift basket with a signed Derek Jeter baseball. He basically gave her the same gift twice because he’d forgotten hooking up with her the first time!”
Before you label Derek Jeter as a doucheario of the douchiest order, let me ask you this: What do you usually walk away with after a one-night fuck? Right. You usually walk away with either:
- A new batch of crotch friends.
- A fake phone number.
- A feeling of dirty shame festering in your loins.
- Dried coagulated cum balls stuck in your bangs.
- The question "Why did he keep telling me to smile at that weird red blinking light on top of his computer as he hit it from the back?" eating at your brain.
At least Derek Jeter gives his hos some crap they can sell on eBay. I bet he also gives them an autographed bottle of Valtrex, so they don't have to go down to the pharmacy after discovering the other gift he gave them. See, Derek Jeter cares.
It's well known this guy has the herp. I doubt that story is true. At least I hope it's bs. He is smart not get married until he retires. He seems really shallow and is overrated.
It's well known this guy has the herp. I doubt that story is true. At least I hope it's bs. He is smart not get married until he retires. He seems really shallow and is overrated.
I'd still let him have his way with me, I just luv me some JEEEETER, ahaha!!
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Berra →←
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Wed, 12/14/2011 - 2:55pm.
Maybe I'm biased because I'm a Yankees fan, but . . .
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oh good, that makes two of us. yay!
I like the Deej. Never found him super attractive, but he was a GREAT baseball player (not so much anymore, he's getting old) and seemed like a nice classy guy, especially among pro athletes, many of whom have a tendency to get involved in stupid shit.
That's nice that he gives his lady friends something to remember him by...like Clooney, he's going to be a perpetual bachelor, so those women can sell that autographed stuff for a lotta moolah.
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Never question Bruce Dickinson!
Hold up -
Didn't he and Minka Kelly/Leighton Meester/Some generic ass girl just break up?
Guess it doesn't matter, since he's an athlete.
Besides the gift basket, I'm sure the ladies also got a gift that kept on giving...
He is a fugly looking critter. I agree MK he really should be passing out autographed valtrex bottles if he can't remember tricks he has already banged.
Maybe I'm biased because I'm a Yankees fan, but . . . I don't see the big deal. He's a single millionaire athlete. He's not cheating on a wife, or beating/raping women. Obviously these ladies are going up there for a good time, not a serious relationship. I don't know, it's a bit of an awkward gesture but I don't get the outrage. They're probably just mad they got a signed ball instead of 18 years of child support payments.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Love how the "source" is seemingly criticizing Jeter for his "gesture," but in goes on to twice in a row say the same thing. Pot meet kettle-ish?
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Amnesty International
Shine a Light
Media chasing/athlete chasing famewhores deserve what they get, including a degrading prostitute gift such as Jeter gives away.
Submitted by guest on Wed, 12/14/2011 - 11:52am.
Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 12/14/2011 - 11:40am
Lol Angel...pressies!
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YAY!
♥ Threadkilla!
"god bless, buy my single!"~Courtney Stodden
..that you're one of the lucky chosen ones who was filled by the greatest baseball player of all-time ...
^^^I thought after reading this, the spirit of Kanye West took over MK's body for a second!
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"The older you get, the wiser you get...unless you're a banana!" - Rose Nylund
This guy is not aging well....his head gets rounder and rounder each year but he isn't gaining weight. He looks like Mr. Potato head.
Well, I used to like him.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
He issues with women 1 being he also likes men. That's really his fuking problem. He used to maybe still does get it in with that model Tyson. He's not easy on the eyes either.
Please post link to nude photos of Derrick for verificatia of sizemeat rumors.
He's unmarried, so who cares? He's not like Tiger Woods who fucked up his whole family (and probably didn't give his fuckmates anything but diseases). I don't think this is a particularly classy move by Jeter (the car ride home probably would have sufficed), but he's not really hurting anyone. Do you think these tricks think he's going to marry them?
I would prefer cash to a basket full of shit I don't care about and it would be alot more honest.
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The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
I don't know what's more embarassing, him handing out gift bags or these sluts accepting them.
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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Wed, 12/14/2011 - 12:31pm.
Only once did i rely on the guy giving me a ride home. I will NEVER forget that shit. Came to see the guy by train. (before i had my license) Ended up not wanting to fuck the guy cause he had a dick so big it scared me. I was stuck for 12 hours with someone who kept begging to give it a try. Motherfucker i am barely a hundred pounds and your dick is the size of my upper-arm. NO.
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Holy shit.
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
What an uber-douchebag.
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"I prefer my pieces the same way I prefer my Slim Jims, long, lean and mute" --the incomparable MK
EEG, I was just trying to remember his name, but all i came up with is we used to call him : "Small Dick Tony" after that episode.
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Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
UBF, name and address of dude please.
DO NOT PUT YOUR BALLS ON MY FACE UNLESS I'M SUCKING YOUR COCK! M.E. 07/11/11
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Wed, 12/14/2011 - 12:31pm.
LOL!
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
Only once did i rely on the guy giving me a ride home. I will NEVER forget that shit. Came to see the guy by train. (before i had my license) Ended up not wanting to fuck the guy cause he had a dick so big it scared me. I was stuck for 12 hours with someone who kept begging to give it a try. Motherfucker i am barely a hundred pounds and your dick is the size of my upper-arm. NO.
Since that day i always took my car when i was out to get some peen. You never know what Gozilla dick you might have to run from.
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Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
The gift bags remind me of the kid in "Ruby In Paradise" who gives Ruby a necklace after they fuck. Then she discovers a drawer full of identical necklaces (she works for his mother). Yeah, you're so special.
Then again, getting them a ride home is a decent thing to do.
MissJane, I get him mixed up with ARoid, too! Not the least bit appealing to me, either.
LMAO...he's never done anything for me.
But yeah I've been in a post coital next morn gifting sitch before... :) NO! Not a hooker! The gifts lessened in frequency once we started seriously dating though lol. Do miss it sometimes...
This same guy is giving me a new laptop for Xmas...and we haven't been intimate in over a year...haven't decided if I'm keeping it though...
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Someone by the bar keeps looking at us dancing. I see him starring at me, I see what he wants be
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>:- (
Mr. Mercury ♥
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 12/14/2011 - 11:05am.
sounds reasonable. I usually just end it with the classy line from Bridesmaids... "Wow, this is so awkward. I really want you to leave, but I don't know how to say it without sounding like a dick."
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Thanks for the post-coital cuddle, you fuck ;)
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
Does the gift basket include an iPad, because that would be worth it...
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
LOL Shame on you Janey! *revokes your NYC card* (I was just about to say something about Cameron Diaz, myself)
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 12/14/2011 - 11:40am
Lol Angel...pressies! When my hub & I were in that stage he would always always bring me food & a bottle of wine.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Any man that does this is fucking wwwaaayyy too many people, and the herp should be the least of their worries,he is prolly a walking STD museum, fuck a celebutard/athlete those are the worst cause they never are monogomous, I value that more then some lame ass baseball
I thought he'd been with that Minka chick for the last 5 years?
*shrugs*
Whatever. He does nothing for me.
He is another one of those guys I just don't get the swooning over. Plus I confuse him with Arod.
I mean a giftbag is better than the alternative. Unless it's a means to distract women until they feel the real side effects. Ew.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
why aren't there like a million autographed derek jeter baseballs on ebay then?
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Wed, 12/14/2011 - 11:36am.
I got me a husband from a one night stand. Sometimes a baseball doesn`t seem like such a bad deal....
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FUKKEN LOLOLLLOLLLLLLLL!!!
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011
Last Christmas, I gave you genital herpes,
the very next day, you gave it away,
this year, to save me from tears,
I'll give it to someone special!
Grandma: "See this ball here sonny, you know how I got this?"
Grandson: "You caught it in a baseball game?!"
Grandma: "No, I got it in a gift basket awarded to me for fucking Derek Jeter!"
It's a tale for the ages.
HA I take it back, some people are selling them for like 9.99!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Submitted by agirl on Wed, 12/14/2011 - 11:28am.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 12/14/2011 - 11:26am.
...not sure I've heard of walk of shame parting gifts ever before.
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Don't lie Jack! You know I gave you a Dunkin' Donuts coupon last week for a free medium sized coffee. And it wasn't even expired!
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Yes, but I was taking the walk of FAME!!! not shame!
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011
The day I stopped the occasional random hook-ups was when I had given this guy the "okay. i'm done and sober so you can get the fuck outta here" look but we both ended up falling asleep (i.e. passing out). I was relieved to find him gone but he had rifled through my purse and took ALL MY CASH, coins, and my college cafeteria card (the equivalent of college food stamps). Saw him couple of months later at a mixer and convinced this guy to put hot sauce in his beer bong.
I checked ebay, the balls are going for $150. cheap date
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
LOL! I used to have a fuck buddy who always bought me a gift bag. He used to buy me things I wanted tho. So sweet. I almost miss that guy.
♥ Threadkilla!
"god bless, buy my single!"~Courtney Stodden
I got me a husband from a one night stand. Sometimes a baseball doesn`t seem like such a bad deal....
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Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Submitted by gines on Wed, 12/14/2011 - 11:12am.
Aaaaaaaaand what do I have to do to become one of these one-night tricks?
No, I can't do that anymore.
Okay, I'm lying. I totally would. I've had a crush on this guy since I was 12.
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I'm with you. I would too. Plus I heard he is well-endowed. A blister or two (recurrent tho they may be) on my hoo-hah would be a small price to pay, to have such a story to tell the grandkids one day.
Plus there is that autographed baseball! I want one a'those!
Submitted by Darth Stoner on Wed, 12/14/2011 - 11:19am.
I google imaged searched herpes.
OH M Y G O D
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ewww on 2 counts ;) edited to add NSFW!!!
http://yourstdhelp.com/herpespic115.html
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...the end
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 12/14/2011 - 11:26am.
...not sure I've heard of walk of shame parting gifts ever before.
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Don't lie Jack! You know I gave you a Dunkin' Donuts coupon last week for a free medium sized coffee. And it wasn't even expired!
Submitted by ba-buttons on Wed, 12/14/2011 - 10:54am.
...but he looks like the Muppet version of an aborted fetus.
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yes
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Wed, 12/14/2011 - 11:25am.
The only gift bag I've gotten in the morning is a set of balls on my face.
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In your estimation, was that a plus or minus?
Submitted by ethang on Wed, 12/14/2011 - 11:22am.
Why is he the asshole? The tricks he's sleeping with obviously have zero respect for themselves and fuck him because he's a celebrity. They deserve to be treated like shit.
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HAHAHAHA! right on... however, I bet he's treating his fuckholes better than other celebrities... not sure I've heard of walk of shame parting gifts ever before.
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011