God Won't Let Maria Leave Ahnold
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Damn, was she on the juice, too? Cheeks! Jesus is being the opposite of helpful to Maria Shriver this holiday season. TMZ is reporting that she's (blue)waffling on actually divorcing husband Arnold Schwarzenegger. Her issue? Going through with the divorce is difficult for her because of her Catholic upbringing. Let's be honest - does it seem like God has ever really smiled upon the Kennedys? Sweetie, become a Protestant and sign off on those papers.
Shit, there's no divorce loophole in the Bible for when he fucks the maid full of child? When you actually live through some "he had a whole other secret family and she worked in my house and smiled at me every morning WHILE PREGNANT WITH MY HUSBAND'S CHILD" shit out of a One Life To Live episode? If the Catholic version of God is half the awesome guy he's supposed to be, he'd ignite a bush and give her the OK in this situation.
Oh, and they spent the holiday together according to People and had "a really nice time." If the source for the report was Maria, a "really nice time" probably means she did that thing to him from Casino Royale where Daniel Craig got his naked ass sat in the chair without a bottom and got whipped on his ass and balls with big rope.
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Submitted by TheBreakdown on Tue, 12/27/2011 - 12:11pm.
Good points. I still do not believe that Shriver is unwilling to divorce The Governator due to her RC background; that's merely a convenient excuse. She was more interested in making prissy noises about her beliefs at Pat Tillman's memorial service than respecting or condoling his family. His younger brother criticized her out for it-and rightly so.
A.cotw:
The Kennedys don't have any money anymore. Any money she has would have been what she inherited from her parents' deaths, and that would not be that much once it is split amongst her other siblings. Besides that, she lost millions of dollars once she stepped aside from her broadcasting jobs to be The Governator's Wife.
I bet she lands a job on OWN.
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Submitted by TheBreakdown on Tue, 12/27/2011 - 11:57am.
The only thing she should be second-guessing is how much money she should get from his ass in the divorce proceedings!
How in the hell can she even live with him again when she knows that any help she has around the house is potentially a target for her husband's peen?!
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Am I the only one here who thinks that Maria Shriver could be richer than Arnold?
Who said that she would actually live with him again? She could imitate her grandmother Rose, or her aunt Jacqueline in her Mrs. Onassis days.
I love it when allegedly strong women run back to their lying, cheating partner and have second thoughts?
Second thoughts?
The only thing she should be second-guessing is how much money she should get from his ass in the divorce proceedings!
How in the hell can she even live with him again when she knows that any help she has around the house is potentially a target for her husband's peen?!
EPIC FAIL!
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There are no children as illegitimate as church dogma and politicking.
Now that the Germans are running the Catholic Church, she is fucked. She will do what she is told.
On Dec. 23rd 2012, they are doing away with the whole Jesus thing and going back to Wotan.
yeahhhhhh because G-d wants you to stay with a self-centered asshole that cheats on you with the housekeeper. JFC what a fucked up religion.
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
Arnold, who is a carefully-closeted homosexual of which we have personal verificatia, likes PINGA, not fish!
It's official they are getting back together.
Update: got tricked by headlines sorry!
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"The world is a pretty nice place if you're happy"
John Garfield
No one lives forever
In light of all that has been revealed about the Catholic church these last couple of years I wouldn't take their dogmas too seriously, dear. Kick his lying, cheating Austrian ass to the curb for good, if you feel like doing so.
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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden
Maria, you better make sure the next housekeeper is really ugly. Oh wait, that didn't work the last time.
Catholic = Suffer for no damn good reason.
Ready for round two Maria? Let's start right now, with a brand new housekeeper.
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 8:26pm.
Submitted by ditquoi on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 8:04pm.
I mean I'm under the impression that the ONLY church-sanctioned reason for divorce is because of infidelity. That's in the Bible as well.
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I'm not sure of specifics. I do know that one of my older relatives got divorced 40 years ago. His wife left him for another man, and they couldn't get an annulment because there were children. So he got divorced, what else could he do, chain her in the basement? He went to mass every week of his life and would not go to Communion until he was invalid in a hospice in his 80s. Apparently a priest told him he could not receive communion anymore after his divorce.
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Your relative was most likely misinformed about the difference between a legal annulment and a church-granted one and/or how the church regarded children of such a non-union union. Even when a legal annulment is not possible, a person can petition for a church annulment, and if granted it means that the sacrament of marriage never actually existed. A lot of people mistakenly believe that that makes any children "bastards" or "illegitimate" (fuck, as if a kid did anything to deserve a label for the actions of their parents), but the church "affirms" the children if one parent went into the marriage in good faith.
But getting the church tribunal or committee or whatever to consider a church annulment isn't free or cheap. And those bastards love making money.
Man, Arnie was so damn pretty once. Maria just needs some hair on those arms and she would be a bear, just like uncle teddy.
Why is everyone dumping on her? If she or Hilary can deal with their men cheating, good for them. What peen is so fucking good that you have to have it all to yourself after the first few months of fucking? (Actually after 2 or 3 times, I'm good to go, but I'm allowing for the fact that women are a lot more clingy than me). Besides that, she's not getting back with him. She had a fucking friendly lunch with the father of her kids. Big deal.
The Kennedy women sure know how to pick em. Her grandfather with a cheating bastard too, though he gets points for being a democrat.
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Hahahahaha, oh religious people you're so retarded.
B!i!i!iD~
For your health.
Submitted by Naughychimp on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 7:35pm.
If she stays, it's because it damn well suits her to do so. And that is all.
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This sounds right. Mr. W suggested that this could be about money- Maria Shriver might be much richer than he is.
Holy crap, I thought that was Rosie O'Donnell at first!
1) Clearly Arnold likes his women chubby.
2) Maria's God is MONEY.
3) Fuck the Catholic church, the Pope, for all the pain, misery, torture, colonialism, barbarity, misogyny, racism, earth destroying, and more of the past 500 years - for a start.
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"The universe is made of stories, not atoms."
Muriel Rukeyser, poet
All their problems will be solved if they go on a camping retreat. It did wonders for Asston and Demi...
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Never question Bruce Dickinson!
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 8:26pm.
my folks, being ministers, did not sanction my marriage to my husband because he had been married before and, as far as the church is concerned, if the first spouse is still alive, he is still married to her. doesn't matter why they divorced, doesn't matter if they'd been divorced for a billion years before we ever met.
smh at the bullshit people do to each other and to themselves in the name of religion.
Phoebe
It's called mind blowing orgasms dear.
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"The world is a pretty nice place if you're happy"
John Garfield
No one lives forever
Hillary was humiliated in front of the whole world and without any religious reasons plus being a rabid feminist, she stayed with Bill.
These women get something they obviously don't want to give up by being married to infamous men.
By the way, I think you can still have Communion if you're divorced, just not if you're remarried. (my in-laws were divorced and I heard about it endlessly.)
Submitted by ditquoi on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 8:04pm.
I mean I'm under the impression that the ONLY church-sanctioned reason for divorce is because of infidelity. That's in the Bible as well.
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I'm not sure of specifics. I do know that one of my older relatives got divorced 40 years ago. His wife left him for another man, and they couldn't get an annulment because there were children. So he got divorced, what else could he do, chain her in the basement? He went to mass every week of his life and would not go to Communion until he was invalid in a hospice in his 80s. Apparently a priest told him he could not receive communion anymore after his divorce.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
The Catholic church will look the other way on anything provided you donate enough money. I should know.
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"That's an awfully high horse sir, may I pet him?"
I mean I'm under the impression that the ONLY church-sanctioned reason for divorce is because of infidelity. That's in the Bible as well.
Now I've gotta watch The Magdelene Sisters.
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
ok so she thinks she deserved to have her husband fuck the maid in her home for 14 years and have a child with him the same age as her own son. there are NO excuses. NONE bitch, NONE.
so is that abyssmal self esteem, or does she know deep down she was a bad wife? either way, this situation sounds perfect for an Emmy-nominated episode of Intervention.
Submitted by chlyn on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 7:44pm.
@WinterOwl22: God wouldn't have made us with arms long enough to reach our privates if he didn't want us to touch them. :)
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*feels better because I have a very good excuse for my next confessional*
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
This religious shit needs to stop as the illogical conclusion to everything. MOTHERFUCKER DONE HAD A DECADE LONG FUCKPARTNER - IN YOUR HOUSE - AND THEN A LOVECHILD AND YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY THE "Oh, my vows are the utmost laws of the "imaginary saviorking on the cloud" who dictates us to be the most virtuous but then puts us in a quandary to submit and relinquish all dignity and virtue by getting fucked over by someone who doesn't honor the utmost laws of the imaginary saviorking on the fucking cloud."
wHAT, Shriver, does none of what you stood for in your marriage mean nothing?? Yes, makes all kinds of fucking sense. *eyerolls* FFS. Hate imbalanced shit like this. Yes, give him a pass and fuck off. And don't tell me the kids need to "see an example". Fuck off with that counter-point too. Epic fail if you re-enter this "marriage". Goddamn if a woman stand on her own two feet, especially after a "marital" affront like this.
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"Discussions about what is good, beautiful, noble, pure, true, could always go on. Why is that important? Because that is the only conversation worth having." Christopher Hitchens,1949-2011. (RIP Winehouse,1983-2011) *caprica six was/is here*
Hekki
I can fill you in on our long sorry history anytime! I'm glad you enjoyed reading it.
Do you know about the Magdalene Asylums and Laundries? Oh. My. God.
There is a movie about them.
11 year old rape and incest victims sent to live in these places for disgracing their families and work the laundries for 12 hours - hand laudries. All girls, and all poor or had no dad ( which meant they were shameful bastards), or were rape and incest victims - some were inprisoned because they were caught having a cigarette. Beaten, sexually abused by nuns and violated in every way possible. The nuns murdered many or neglected them until they died of untreated conditions that only needed antibiotics and they got away with the murders. The last laundry was closed only in the 1990s I believe!!
Google it and watch The Magdalene Sisters. You won't be the same :(
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Dark-sided!
This.
"Let's be honest - does it seem like God has ever really smiled upon the Kennedys?"
HA!
J. Harvey, I will gladly go to hell in a handbasket with you if you keep tossing out these gems. Keep it coming, you hot slut!
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"When I come up, I rush, I rush for you..."
well back then she looked liked a curvy gurl with attitude and snooty.
now she looks like a starved zombie and snooty.
and i can see the similarities between "old" maria and the maid.
but these days maria is so fucking skinny, her naked would be like sun dried leather on bones...
Fine, Maria.
Just get in bed with the next slut and have a menage a trois!
EPIC FAIL!
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How much scandal and rumor is one person willing to put up with? I'd have checked out long ago.
@WinterOwl22: God wouldn't have made us with arms long enough to reach our privates if he didn't want us to touch them. :)
@Mizzy: Fer sure!
Maria looks like a smugger version of Delta Burke in that photo!
I think she knew all along what was happening but chose to stay in the marriage because of all the perks that came along with being California's First Lady. I don't believe it was a coincidence that the story leaked and she was given an "easy out" just as Arnie left office; she figured that the exciting times were over so no use staying in the sham of a marriage any more.
Of course she should divorce his non-condom-wearing, maid-screwing ass. But for whatever reason, she's now decided there might be more benefits to remaining Mrs. Arnie than to splitting. So she hides behind her religion, knowing that many people will forgive her for staying if it's because she's so devout. Puh-lease.
If she stays, it's because it damn well suits her to do so. And that is all. Maybe Arnie's offered her coin to stick around. Maybe he's threatened to leak some stories of her own bad behaviour. Maybe she realises that there aren't a lot of dating options for a divorced, skeletal woman of her age. Whatever. I'll have a lot more respect for her if she splits or even if she sticks with him but stops pretending that it's because she's such a faithful Catholic.
My guess is that she got over the shock or always knew. Now she has accepted it. Or maybe they Stepford-ized her.
Bullshit. Catholics can get divorced and with annulments. It's in both the old and new testament. If Maria has changed her mind and wishes to stay with Arnold, it's not my business. You know those vows they made before God and everyone else, aren't null and void just because he broke a few himself. "Good times and in bad"... Forgiveness isn't for pussies.
Where does it say woman must stay with jackass no matter what he does? She should divorce him and take him for everything he's got then the maid should take him for the rest.
Submitted by coca on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 6:35pm.
As an American Irish Catholic I think the problem is within the Irish people themselves. You don't see Italian Catholics mentally torturing themselves with their religion the way the Irish do. Just a lifetime observation.
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It depends. I could fill a book with all the crazy shit my Italian-American family's parish has done to them, and they STILL insist on going back to that same church, even though you can't go three blocks without tripping over a Catholic church in this area. The parish even got reorganized and now appears to be actively trying to push out the English-speakers, but they still won't leave because it's the church my great-grandparents went to. Even though I left the Catholic church entirely, on the occasions I go to Episcopal church with my husband, I can't bring myself to go to Communion because I haven't been to confession in a box for so long. I don't mean disrespect to the Episcopals by not partaking, it's just so ingrained in my head "it's wrong, it's wrong, it's wrong . . ."
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
I don't believe this for 1 second. She will divorce him. No question.
Irish, that's terrible. I grew up Catholic too and every time I got hurt or a toy broke, someone would tell me that it was God punishing me but being bad but it wasn't that bad. I quickly learned that it was all bs. Although I did for years think that God was watching but I still pleasured myself cuz you really can't help that!
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
Darn double post. IF, I really enjoyed hearing your comments about Catholicism in Ireland and your generation's relation it.
Submitted by Bjork You: "I would love for Vh1 to do a reality show, "Doghouse," where Arnold, Mel Gibson, and a few other single or son-to-be-single stinkers live together and learn how to... what, I'm not sure. "
They can let Migraineuse run the house and let some other female dlisters be assistant teachers. We'll teach them how to...
I'm guessing it's because of the kids (either that or Arnie's really good between the sheets).
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Shiitake happens...
Oh, please. These Kennedys are Catholic in name only, with all the fuckery they've pulled in every generation.
If she doesn't want a divorce, that's not the reason.
Bjork
I've been reviewing the trilogy in the last few minutes and am hooked and haven't even read them!
I'm off to the library tomorrow to get book #1
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Dark-sided!
Organized religion is not good for women.
Submitted by hamblettamaud on Mon, 12/26/2011 - 5:44pm.
Why does schwartenegger look kinda hot?
Get him to stop it!
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Oh it stopped quite awhile ago...
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...the end