Tuesday, January 3rd 2012

Afternoon Crumbs

Pax Jolie-Pitt thinks he's hot shit by riding sidecar with Brad Pitt. Please! Sidecars are for amateurs. Maddox would stand on the handlebars while waving a flag made of the mutilated carcasses of a dozen Beanie Babies - Lainey Gossip

Maybe Jason Sudeikis can charm Olivia Wilde with his huge elephant leg dick (which I'm assuming he has) into only using her government name: Olivia Cockburn. Why would anyone choose Wilde over Cockburn?! I mean, COCKBURN! - The Superficial

The Vanity Fair cover where Daniel Craig sort of looks like a descendent of the Yodas - Celebitchy

MiserAlba pushed out a human baby three months ago and this is what she looks like in a bikini. I guess even stretch marks can't stand to be around her. - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

Fergie's face is quickly speeding into the "Harpo, who dis woman?" lane - Hollywood Tuna

The Linda Lovelace biopic already sounds like a mess - Just Jared

Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres look beautiful here - Towleroad

Vanessa Hudgens and her boyfriend continue to dry hump their way through Miami - Popoholic

Ashton Kutcher continues to fuck his way through Europe - Popsugar

Rachel McAdams in Glamour - The Berry

Kim Kuntrashian's bangs look about as natural as those polyester spider legs around her eyes - ICYDK

LOL Weed - Cityrag

David Beckham's nipples are staying in L.A. - OMG Blog

Why drunkenly shooting your roommate is a good idea sometimes - The Daily What

The fanciest STD warts I've ever seen are currently living on Amber Rose's head - Crunk + Disorderly

Sofia Vergara SANS FARDS - SOW

For being a pasty mess, Mischa Barton looks good here - Hollywood Rag

St. Angie
buying Brad Pitt a waterfall for his birthday is her way of telling him to take a damn shower already - I'm Not Obsessed

Posted by: Michael K


sweet_b's picture

Submitted by sushi on Tue, 01/03/2012 - 7:46pm.
Submitted by sweet_b on Tue, 01/03/2012 - 4:08pm.
Boo @Cindy and Meghan McCain why does their "support" feel so unauthentic

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Not sure why that feels unauthentic to you given they have probably received a lot of grief from conservatives to be a part of this campaign -- when they didn't have to.
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It just seems like more a ploy to promote themselves rather than tolerance. I don't know...I just get a shady vibe from them that's all.

cake coke and cock's picture

Wait, Lindsay was replaced in the Porn Star Memoires by a sexagenarian? the fuck? Maybe not. But I'm not reading that again.

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Don't make me quote Nabokov at you. I'll do it. I promise.

Submitted by z-listed on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:45am.
Kuntrassions... her face is a plastic surgeons dream.

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I think nightmare is more appropriate. Kunty Kim looks like blow up doll.

How many gottdamn homes do Brangelina need? I thought NOLA was 'home' for them? Oh wait, isn't 'home' the villa in France that Brad 'renovated' (and probably ruined with his fucked up sense of what constitutes great art and architecture)? Talk about conspicuous consumption. I don't care how much 'charity' crap these two do - they spend 500 times whatever they give away showing the world how large they live.

BootsieBug's picture

Submitted by z-listed on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:45am.
Kuntrassions bangs are pin on just as her eyelashes are pasted on, her hair is woven on, her face is a plastic surgeons dream with makeup skillfully applied by a profesionel. she is spanked into her clothes and teeters around on 5" platforms that will break her ankles one one day But boy, Pimp Mama Chris is SOOOOOO proud of her firstborn!! She can really bring in the money!

Couldn't have said it better, hahaha

TheBreakdown's picture

I am from the "I don't care which path you take to beauty as long as you take it" mantra, but seriously?

Sans fards, O-Wilde is facially bankrupt.

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Centaurious's picture

If Olivia Wilde is actually dating Jason Sudakis, she's the picture of Dorian Gay.

Or he is. In any case, I smell a fish. Or not.

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GERONIMO!

caffeinecrazed's picture

OT: what movie is your avvie from,salacious?

Daniee's picture

MiserAlba...oh, the wonders of laser resurfacing & trips to the spa. Rich bitch!

z-listed's picture

Kuntrassions bangs are pin on just as her eyelashes are pasted on, her hair is woven on, her face is a plastic surgeons dream with makeup skillfully applied by a profesionel. she is spanked into her clothes and teeters around on 5" platforms that will break her ankles one one day But boy, Pimp Mama Chris is SOOOOOO proud of her firstborn!! She can really bring in the money!

Manimal5's picture

Submitted by Puppy Love on Tue, 01/03/2012 - 10:08pm.

Sofia is one hot woman, sans fards or fards.

Truly beautiful. No need to mess with that face.

Puppy Love's picture

Sofia is one hot woman, sans fards or fards.

Daniel Craig is an adorable little 50-year-old elf.

Manimal5's picture

Submitted by Andrei on Tue, 01/03/2012 - 9:30pm.

Kim K's very existence offends my sense of human dignity.

She represents everything that is wrong with our capitalist society.

salacious's picture

Submitted by mike on Tue, 01/03/2012 - 5:58pm.
Wasn't there a pic of Sofia Vergara more truly sans fards a few months ago looking realllly rough?

Here:

http://m.thesuperficial.com/pl/sofia-vergara-brings-mucho-sadness-to-los...

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Mike, I could have sworn that was Jessica Biel.

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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"

Andrei's picture

Sucky,

Very, very, lovely and poetic. But I, too, like Daniel C.

Andrei's picture

Kim K's very existence offends my sense of human dignity.

salacious's picture

Brad Puppet and his puppet master are so unworthy of that motorcycle!

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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"

Schmoopy's picture

What, no comments about Rachel McAdams? She looks pretty good here but I think she should go back to the darker hair, looks better on her. And stay away from weepy rom-coms. She needs to do another mean part, like in Midnight in Paris or The Family Stone.

Angie must be running out of things to buy. What's next, a continent? She could call it Bradlandia. Fallingwater is pretty cool though, I'll give her that.

Or Portlandia. He looks like he would be on that show. Faux hipster crap.

SANS FARDS's picture

Angie must be running out of things to buy. What's next, a continent? She could call it Bradlandia. Fallingwater is pretty cool though, I'll give her that.

Kimmy's eyelashes remind me of a youtube vid (maybe it was on the D? can't remember) of eyelashes that were actually real spider legs. Fuck me! I get the shivers just thinking about that nasty stuff.

I can't see Amanda Seyfried playing Linda Lovelace. call me nuts but Lilo would've done a better job. Not that I'm going to see that mess anyway.

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Never question Bruce Dickinson!

Sweetas's picture

KK's face looks like two tarantulas hanging out under an old paintbrush. FAIL-UH.

Submitted by sweet_b on Tue, 01/03/2012 - 4:08pm.
Boo @Cindy and Meghan McCain why does their "support" feel so unauthentic

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Not sure why that feels unauthentic to you given they have probably received a lot of grief from conservatives to be a part of this campaign -- when they didn't have to.

Madam Pince's picture

Olivia Jane Cockburn claims that she changed her name "to honor the writers in her family, many of whom used pen names." This according to Wikipedia. I think the bitch was forced by her family to change her name because they were ashamed of being associated with a talentless hack.

Daniel Craig is a fine specimen. I can see why Rachel Weisz married him after dumping Aronofsky's cheating ass.

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"And to the commentator who snarked that Boston can't be a drinking city because we don't have a legal happy hour - think again, chief. We work around that shit."

ponchiks's picture

Ok, so Kim K is losing/ has lost weight, yes? So why is it that he boobs have gotten bigger?

I didn't know there was DNA in my ass!

Jewslim's picture

crap. Is there one thing on that KK skeeze that's real? Her bangs look jacked...like supercuts intern jacked. Don't get me started on her eyelashes. I've noticed this trend on the upper crust cunts here in dallas. These chicks have the fakes sewn ontop of their lashes then proceede to pile on the mascara. Daniel Craig does nothing for me. He's not tall dark and strapping and furry enough. :)

Hekki's picture

ButImA: maybe. But the fake eyelashes were SO much longer. They reminded me of those sprouty feathers on top of Big bird's head. I love her anyway though.

mike's picture

Wasn't there a pic of Sofia Vergara more truly sans fards a few months ago looking realllly rough?

Here:

http://m.thesuperficial.com/pl/sofia-vergara-brings-mucho-sadness-to-los...

Manimal5's picture

Demi Moore in Lovelace now? Hohan fucked up.

Those eyelashes on Kim look fuckin ridiculous.

tojo's picture

Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 01/03/2012 - 4:59pm.
Alix, they look fake to me, too. Like everything about her.

Reminds me of a Phyllis Diller sketch I saw a million years ago. She and her husband come home from a party and the whole time they're talking about how phony everyone there was, they are taking off their hairpieces and falsies and lifts and fake eyelashes and stuff. I always think about that when I see these fake bitches with the extensions and shit.

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Carol Burnett & Harvey Korman!!!

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...the end

warmjuice's picture

I like dark men like Middle Eastern, Spanish, Italian and such but Jason Sudeikis is one of those dudes that is hot in a cute manly kind of way, that would probably be annoying after a year

fishsticksfan's picture

MK Yes! I always thought Dcraig looks like yoda.

SoulTaker's picture

Alix already pointed out what I was going to say, which is that Kim Kum is looking like CHER.

Hekki's picture

Alix, they look fake to me, too. Like everything about her.

Reminds me of a Phyllis Diller sketch I saw a million years ago. She and her husband come home from a party and the whole time they're talking about how phony everyone there was, they are taking off their hairpieces and falsies and lifts and fake eyelashes and stuff. I always think about that when I see these fake bitches with the extensions and shit.

Hekki's picture

ButImA: Right? Last week I met up with an old school friend and she had (get this) about three really long fake eyelashes at the outer corner of her eyes and a little eyeshadow. No other makeup. It was so odd. Like crazy person odd. She's a bit... vivacious... but otherwise normal.

Albatross's picture

Submitted by But_Im_A_Member on Tue, 01/03/2012 - 3:54pm.
I hate when peoples is spillin out they clothes.

I may have to steal this line. LOL

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"I prefer my pieces the same way I prefer my Slim Jims, long, lean and mute" --the incomparable MK

But_Im_A_Member's picture

Albatross, be my guest!
Hekki, my guess is she read it in some magazine. I've read advice like that in a few different beauty columns, they all sound much like this:
"To emphasize your eyes, add a few false individual lashes to the outer corners. Add some shadow for a little extra pop. To avoid looking cheap and tacky, go light on cheeks and lips."
At least your friend is good with directions!

"I know that I'm going to be a target, but I'm never going to be a victim". - Justin Bieber

Alix's picture

KK's bangs look way fake. On the other hand, they also look like they're cut crooked. Who would buy a crooked hairpiece???

Also, she's starting to look like Cher, after Cher discovered the joys of plastic surgery. Not good.
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This episode brought to you by the letter SHUTUP.

lovelylaney's picture

Hmm that picture of Mischa Barton looks like an answer to a blind item from a while back about an actress who supports herself by whoring.

Hmmmmm

Schmoopy's picture

Sorry but I think Kim Kardashian ALWAYS looks like a stupid cunt.

See, this is how I feel about Jessica Alba, the talentless puta. I hope she doesn't breed anymore. The world doesn't need her kind of stupid running around.

Few Words's picture

side cars are stoopid & for old people assholes.

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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.

RichBitch's picture

I bet anything that "shoot a mouse, uncover a paedo" plot will be on one of the CSIs in 3, 2, 1...

TexnDoc's picture

That Daily What story is awful! Good for the 13 year old for being rescued but she was being held prisoner and sex slave? This getting a lot of air time
in Salt Lake City because I never heard about it before.

But_Im_A_Member's picture

I can't wait for the obnoxiously noticeable eyelash trend to die.

"I know that I'm going to be a target, but I'm never going to be a victim". - Justin Bieber

sweet_b's picture

Boo @Cindy and Meghan McCain why does their "support" feel so unauthentic

Slurpee's picture

Submitted by suckandfuck on Tue, 01/03/2012 - 3:47pm.
Sorry but I want Danny Craig's penis wrinkles in my mouth and anus.

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THIS!!!!

Is Sophia Vergara really sans fard? The pic is so blurry but she looks like she has some make-up to me.

Christie Love's picture

I can't even put into words how much I fucking LOATHE Ashton Kutcher.

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You're under arrest, sugar!

sweet_b's picture

why is Kim K getting bangs newsworthy? Lawd can we leave this bitch in 2011 PLEASE!!!

But_Im_A_Member's picture

Jessica Alba looks great! Kudos to her! Sofia Vergara too...and is it wrong that I have a girl crush on Amber Rose?
Fergie, however...I hate when peoples is spillin out they clothes. In the wrong places, anyway. It just reeks of JLove-esque, I'm-definitely-a-size-two-I-swear thinking. It reminds me of that episode of Family Guy when Peter tries to prove he's not fat by squeezing into Stewie's onezie.

"I know that I'm going to be a target, but I'm never going to be a victim". - Justin Bieber

Sweetas's picture

"Daniel looks like a gargoyle, and George looks like he’s about to tell me to get off his lawn." lmfao