Chaz Bono Is Saving Up For A Peen
Chaz Bono's former fiancee wasn't looking forward to putting her mouth over a peen instead of a poon, but now that she's gone he can freely chase after his dick-getting dreams. But first, Chaz has to fill his peen fund with enough dollars to pay for the surgery. Chaz tells Rolling Stone that he's already picked out a doctor in Belgrade and all he needs is around $45,000 to take his down low parts from clit to cock. Chaz broke it down, and yes, my eyeballs bungeed out of their sockets and hit the screen after I read that his shiny new dick could be Tommy Lee-sized.
"I could get a phalloplasty, which builds the phallus from a donor site on your body," he says straightforwardly, "but I'm leaning more toward a metoidioplasty. It's a procedure that uses what you already have down there" – he means his clitoris – "which has grown larger from the testosterone. You end up with a smaller phallus than with the phalloplasty, but it's fully functional, it gets erect, and the sensation is all there."Does he know how big it's going to be?
He frowns. "You know, I don't really. I mean, I've never seen one erect. So it's really hard to say. But, you know, soft, probably about three inches, and it grows considerably. I don't know what the average size difference is, but when I'm having sex I probably get three or four times larger." He pauses. "I was in a fairly typical heterosexual relationship, which caused some militant members of the queer community to think I'm reinforcing stereotypes or whatever. Anyway, I think Jen wished I wouldn't get the bottom done, but she understood my need to." He shrugs. "You have to understand, though, for me the life transformation has already happened."
I don't know if it was Chaz or another transman who said that he wasn't touching his bottom area yet, because the recovery from the surgery is as painful as getting fucked in the pee hole with a hot screw and the dick doesn't even work that well anyway.
I read a while ago that some new dicks can only get fully erect with the help of a pump. That would kind of suck. You're like, "Get ready, bitch, this rock hard fat dick is going to fuck you into another religion! Hold onto your nipples cause they're gonna pop off from the fuck quake I'm about to hit you with. We're going to break the Richter Scale tonight! Are you ready? Oh wait, can you grab that bike pump out of the closet..." (<---- That's pretty much the dialogue heard in Hugh Hefner's room every night.) But I'm glad to hear from Chaz that this doesn't seem to be the case anymore. I'm also glad to hear that Chaz's peen will be able to grow naturally and then some!
I mean, it's been a while since I've failed grade school math, but three times four equals twelve, right? Chaz can get himself a 12 inch salchicha dick? Chaz says that he will never ask Cher for the money since he wants to do this own his own, but I say, STOP IT! When it comes to getting a 12-inch dick, all pride for independence should fly out of the window. Just get that 12-inch dick, Chaz! Seriously, if Chaz gets hit by a bus tomorrow, wouldn't he want to be hit while having a 12-inch dick? I don't even see Chaz's lips moving and I can tell that he's fighting to say the word YAAAASSSSS!
Hell, Cher is so rich that she can buy everyone a 12 incher. She could be like the Oprah of 12-inch dicks. You get a 12-inch dick and you get a 12-inch dick! I'll take one. My arm is getting so tired from hitting the snooze button 50 times every morning, so it would be nice to be able to hit that button with my new 1 footer.
And Google tells me that Chaz will still have an orgasm, but won't be able to ejaculate. Those surgeons should try to fix that problem. Can't they install jizz sacks down? Flavored ones? That would really be the best and I'd get that. Can you imagine if you had flavored jizz? That would be a priceless pick-up tool. Think about it. You're at the cream bar at Starbucks when some hot piece mutters to himself, "Ugh, they're out of hazelnut." You wink inside knowing you've got this, grab his cup and fiddle with a few knobs on your nutsack before you quickly shoot out a stream of hazelnut deliciousness. That would be a beautiful story to tell everyone on your wedding day.
(Image via Out Magazine)
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I'm surprised any doctor would consider doing any type of surgery on Chaz with his obesity problem. He's got to be at least 100lbs overweight. There's no way he's not on some sort of blood pressure meds.
Also, I'm with the other posters saying the Chaz should keep his shirt on forever. He looks disgusting and no one wants to see that belly.
Come at me bitch!
Why would anyone refer to her as a he?
She is not a he and will never ever be a he, that is impossible. She is a she.
She is confused enough don't ya think?
Freak is so much more appropriate if she wants to change her sex.
"There's a huge epidemic going on this planet that people can't mind their own fukcing business!"
no offense, but if you are sincere, what the hellya doin on a celeb gossip site?
*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kei83nNbrFY&feature=related
According to Possum Head Kate Goselin, each "celebrity" made $100,000 per episode that they remained on DWTS. So, in my estimation, he made over half a million. Can't afford a new dick?
Poor Sonny Bono, that Italian epitome of manhood whose brains were bashed when he skiied into a tree. I bet he would have something to say about this. NOT MY LITTLE GIRL!
I don't think Sonny had a ton of money <----ooh poetry! and if he did he probably left it to the new family.
I think Cher cut her off when she came out of the closet.
DO NOT PUT YOUR BALLS ON MY FACE UNLESS I'M SUCKING YOUR COCK! M.E. 07/11/11
I was wondering the same thing? Chaz doesn't even have 45k?
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Why is Chaz so hard up for cash? Surely Sonny Bono left him something in the will...?
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This episode brought to you by the letter SHUTUP.
Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 9:22am.
Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 9:14am.
DP....Jack you know it looks like Chyna's thing
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Just close your eyes and CHEW ON IT!!!
^^^^^^^^
I hate you and everything you stand for.
BOTH OF YOU MANWHORES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Seriously! I needed to know this, why?
Some things you just need to keep to your damn self...
Jimmy, you are missing the point. If my next door neighbor wants to cut his dick off, i could give two fucks about it. Undoubtly Chaz has a little problem with OVERSHARING. He gives interviews left and right about his life, makes good money by doing that and seems to have no problem letting the public know about his most intimate decisions. If you rub shit in my face, i judge the shit out of you, fuck you very much.
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Jimmy, I agree with what you are saying, however, when one makes their life extremely public, we have the right to comment. And laugh.
DO NOT PUT YOUR BALLS ON MY FACE UNLESS I'M SUCKING YOUR COCK! M.E. 07/11/11
I really think the $45,000 would be much better spent on gastric bypass surgery. Why waste all that money when you'll only get an 'innie'.....I doubt it could even be an 'outie' fully erect.
_.•´¯`•._.•´¯`•._.•´¯`•._.•´¯`•._.•´¯`•._.•´¯`•._
I find it really strange, not that chaz wants to change his gender but that STRANGERS actually get upset and mad about it. Who the eff are any of you to judge someone and what they want to do to THEIR body! Live your life and stay out of other people's lives. There's a huge epidemic going on this planet that people can't mind their own fukcing business!
Shit, if we all give a dollar, we can pay for his 12 inch Peter, then he can go into porn and never be seen on Mainstream Media again. Win-Win!!!
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 9:34am.
I'm sorry, why is Cher supposed to finance Chaz's phallus construction?
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Because it would/will be a 12 inch dick - and because then we will all be able to get to next chapter of Chaz' life and being over with all of this way faster ;)
We (HEART!) Chaz, but we always thought he was already hung like a horse!
Submitted by TheHeckler: "Pregnant dude 2.0"
^^ THIS. Oh my gawd, THIS. You nailed it.
Damn, MK, you're killing me - thanks for the laugh!
Though it's still kind of sad to read such naive stuff from someone who is about to change their body without recall.
I'm sorry, why is Cher supposed to finance Chaz's phallus construction? If she doesn't want to pay for it, so the fuck what? That's when it sucks to be rich, because people expect you to pay for everything and you're an asshole if you don't.
And I am all for TG people and stuff, but I don't like Chaz. Nothing to do with his gender identity issues, he just seems like a dick to me.
Delusional FUCK. If you think your swollen clittie is in any way , shape of form going to come close to even 6 inches, you are in fucking lala-land. I have seen my share of dicks in life and NONE of these fuckers quadrupled in size. Shit, there were some, where i would have prayed for that miracle. (i hope you are reading, Kenneth Pinkie-dick from the 90`s). Others can thank the Lord that that shit doesn`t go that way, or their dick could just walk off and apply for a handicapped parking sign for being a midget.
This fucker is just stupid to me. Not because he is transgendered, but because he is a fucking asshole..
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
What would Mac say? Smdh. Lbvvs
I think he places too much trust in his surgeons who tell him it will work great, won't hurt etc.
Son, this is your HOO HOO we're talking about! Proceed with cautions! That shit is delicate!
*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011
Submitted by Foreskin Salsa on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 8:58am.
Disgusting fuck freak. I can't handle that. The only difference between Chaz and Jocelyn Wildenstein is the type of plastic surgery they chose to have done. Otherwise, it is all vanity.
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Uh, BIG difference between a person who identifies themselves as a different gender, and a person who wants to look like a fucking cat to impress her husband.
(That said, Chaz is still gross, purely based on the pancake tits and massive gut.)
Never buy gribenes from a Mohel. It's so chewy.
OMG Michael K, I am laughing so hard I can barely type!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA This whole post is so frickin full of win, I can't pick which part to quote. *wipes away tears*
Chaz honey, no thank you for that visual.
First he is having the bottom surgery, then he isn't. Then he wants to keep his private life private (PLEASE DO!) And now he is having the surgery again? Stfu until you actually have a clitopeen!
I mean I understand that he wants to (or says he wants to) be a spokesperson or role model of sorts, but changing his mind in the media every other month is not helping. At all.
My "say something nice"...high five for shaving the neck beard, Chaz!
"I know that I'm going to be a target, but I'm never going to be a victim". - Justin Bieber
I just...I see....um.....just no. No.
Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 9:14am.
DP....Jack you know it looks like Chyna's thing
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Just close your eyes and CHEW ON IT!!!
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EWWWWWW LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's just flat out NASTY Snowy!!
Submitted by Satan on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 9:16am.
Jack, what are you going to name it?
"nasty"
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011
Just like morbidly obese people who have a "magical" stomach stapling surgery to cure their obesity, Chaz is disillusioned if he thinks slapping on a dick is going to cure whatever is going on in his head. He's morbidly obese for a host of psychological reasons that need to be addressed before he has surgery. Counseling first, dick attachment later.
Submitted by Satan on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 9:06am.
Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 9:02am.
You just gave me a horrible John Bobbit image of Dr. Frankenstein leaning over a freshly sewn on penis and yelling, "It's ALIVE! It's ALIVE! My creation is ALIVE!"
Thanks a lot, fucker.
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LMAO! with a wire attached to it running up the castle wall waiting for lightning to zap it alive....hey wait a minute....
*looks up at sky, runs to homedepot for wire*
Submitted by Foreskin Salsa on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 8:58am.
Disgusting fuck freak. I can't handle that. The only difference between Chaz and Jocelyn Wildenstein is the type of plastic surgery they chose to have done. Otherwise, it is all vanity.
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Nah, plastic surgery for appearances sake is vain, the change of appearance is largely incidental with SRS.
A dear neighbour in my building is transgendered. Once I might have thought that she was just a super serious cross dresser but after getting to know her I came to see that she truly was (pardon the cliche) a woman trapped in a mans body.
She used to do something when she was a young boy typical of transgendered children - she made attempts to castrate herself and/or cut her dick off.
My brother is gay and never, ever engaged in that kind of behaviour. There is a big difference between gay men, cross-dressers (who the numbers say are largely hetero) and transgendered people.
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Name Deleted: Me, too. I really liked that movie. It's funny. Where is that idiot? I just went to the Tattoo Boy thread (where ba-buttns got all hoity toity) and didn't see.
Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 9:14am.
DP....Jack you know it looks like Chyna's thing
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LOL her clit is abnormally large but not kick you outta bed gross (ok, maybe). I'd hit it (not Chaz... Chyna). Just close your eyes and CHEW ON IT!!!
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011
Jack, what are you going to name it?
A Clitenis or a Penoris?
LOL at snowy and guest analyzing the moob.
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011
Did they sew that one moob to his stomach or is it just stuck?
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
MK, please write a book!
On topic: Chaz needs to lose weight. That big belly is nas-tay.
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"I prefer my pieces the same way I prefer my Slim Jims, long, lean and mute" --the incomparable MK
DP....Jack you know it looks like Chyna's thing
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
But who would want to with it, besides freaks like Russell Brandt? That buddah belly is beyond gross. I couldn't even on my drunkest most desperado night with this Franken patchwork tranz.
Could end up as a dicky don't or dicky just won't. Lol.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
This weeble wooble bitch won't be able to fuck no way. She'll have to be rode like shamu.
Chaz is so nasty. Who will want to ride that?
...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...
Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 9:07am.
LOL! One pregnant man was enough.
That huge belly is fucking disgusting.
Hope he doesn't post any pics of it.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
So it's gonna be like this huge mutant clit?? so it won't even look like a dick... just a big fleshy stub? That's just nasty.
And that picture is giving me the hurls.
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011
ok look how gross his ex boobs look, OMG they look like deflated balloons, Chaz, hun, you should have gone on TBL to win the money
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
I can't even pick my favorite part of this post.
LOL Satan, another pregnant man!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Smdh. That belly look hard as a rock!