The Golden Child Of A Million Halos Is Blinding Us With Her Greatness Today
The sound of a South American surrogate screeching out the words "Poner la epidural en él!!!" (Note: Shit translation provided by Google) followed by the faint sound of velcro ripping off was heard around the air space of Lenox Hill in NYC last night when the rightful heir to the House of Derriere throne was born. Yes, that is the reason why your lacefront floated off of your head last night before quickly falling to the floor like it was bowing. It was paying homage to its new Yaki Savior!
The entire Internet prepared for the golden age after the likes or RiRi, Auntie Basement Baby and Russell Simmons Tweeted the birth of Beyonce and Jay-Z's first child, a daughter. Beyonce and Jay-Z have kept their lips shut about this, because they like to confirm shit the real STUNT QUEEN way. You will really know that the golden child here is when Beyonce opens the Grammys next month by riding in on adorned camel (Jay-Z) and placing her daughter in a manger made of golden weaves as back-up dancers dressed like slutty farm animals do the Single Ladies dance around them.
As for the name, E! News has come up with Blue Ivy and UsWeekly says it's Ivy Blue (cut to LeAnn Rimes in a bikini neighing out the words, "Did somebody say Bluuuuuuuu-ooooh-ooh?". I know both of those names sound like the name of an Eastern European porn star who is trying to make it in the US, but it has REAL meaning! Beyonce and Jay-Z slobber all over the number 4. They were both born on the 4th and they were married on the 4th. IV = 4. (Sidenote: That surrogate is never going to surrogate in this town AGAIN, because bitch was supposed to push out Baby Blue Ivy on the 4th. BABY OVEN FAIL!)
And even though Beyonce and Jay-Z rented out the entire fourth floor of Lenox Hill, forced all employees to hand over their cell phones and taped over the security cameras to keep hos from getting a picture of the new Jesus, Dlisted managed to get an EXCLUSIVE first look at Blue Ivy:
No, no. Princess Blue Ivy will make her picture debut on the cover of a limited-edition version of the Bible. (The cover of People Magazine is for peons.) Check your local pew!
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LMAO @ pillow baby doll!
MK, that's simply perfect, hahahahahaha
no, i'm sure the 8th was intentional b/c 4 + 4 = 8 ... *gag*
I remember when rap was about something, now we're standing in the crossroads of history and all this motherfucker has to say is he's got more Bentley's than I do. Fuck em both.
People are mean because they are tired of being served up steaming hot plates of bullshit and the people with money and power expecting us to be as stupid as they are. Why not just be honest about using a surrogate? Nicole Kidman was, and people don't hate her any more than they already did.
LucifersDaughter is actually trending, in reference to this kid. Damn, people are mean
Submitted by Romai on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 12:03pm.
Having rotated through more than one NICU I can honestly say every institution is different in terms of how strictly they enforce their rules. My point is not to argue, because obviously every place is different. It is up to the head nurse to determine whether or not someone is allowed to see a NICU baby. It doesn't matter who you are if he/she is busy with the infant than you will not have access even if you are the parents. That being said, it is for a time frame ONLY (i.e. pushing meds or feeding time), it is not for a whole day/night.
I personally never liked having the parents around if I was trying to start an IV on a NICU baby because it made me too nervous.
The Ivy part?
acceptable?
the Blue?
Blows.
That is all.
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I like the "Ivy" part, the "Blue"...not so much. Why did they have to ruin a perfectly nice name by adding something dumb as the middle? smh.
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Never question Bruce Dickinson!
Can you fold this baby over and make it flat as a pancake like it did "in utero"? bahahayonce's new scar is from a tummy tuck, and somewhere, some surrogate is a millionaire.
Submitted by PumpkinPants on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 11:50am.
For medical and safety reasons only designated visitors (i.e. parents or grandparent if with the parent) are allowed to see NICU babies.
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Somebody might want to inform our hospital of that then. Yes, the visitors are limited to however many (I think it was four when we were there; only two at a time actually inside though) they allow you to put on 'the list' but they don't necessarily have to be just the parents or grandparents.
But my point was, a hospital can stop allowing anybody they want in. They threw myself and my ex (and the other parents) out at times too, and as previously mentioned, we had many periods where nobody but the parents were allowed in, whether they were listed visitors or not. I took the other poster's post to mean nobody but the parents could get in and I was just backing her up that sometimes the hospitals do that crap, whether they should or not. It's not like they're going to say it's because of Beyonce, they'll say it's because of xyz, if they say anything at all. Most NICU parents have more important things on their mind than arguing with hospital staff about why Aunt Bertha can't visit.
edited for clarification
Ivy is a pretty name. Ivy Blue is a wallpaper choice/
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
And in a few shorts years this baby will be getting the Willow Smith/Jayden Smith treatment. Movie deals. Record deal. All before the age of 10.
Ivy Blue, Blue Ivy..whichever: All I can picture is algae or bread mold. Not a pretty color.
What a stupid name to force on an innocent test tube child.
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Fair is foul and foul is fair..
I read on twitter that IVY BLUE backwards is Lucifer's daughter in Latin...WTF!
Submitted by Romai on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 11:31am.
Well during our multiple trips to the NICU after my daughter was born, the hospital often stopped allowing anyone but the parents to visit and don't think for a second that they always gave a reason, so no, she's not necessary lying. If she was claiming they wouldn't let the parents im there I'd say she was full of it, but the god mother? Yup, I can totally see that.
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For medical and safety reasons only designated visitors (i.e. parents or grandparent if with the parent) are allowed to see NICU babies. Its for the babies not because the hospital wants to be assholes. God parents are not relatives so therefore have no medical visitation rights on their own.
MILLIONS ARE CRYING!
Has beyonce ever looked 9 months along at any point in this "pregnancy"?
The one pic that ever showed bey looking chubby (in a mall or department store) was quickly denounced as not even being her.
Since beyonce announced her due date in Feb during that now-infamous Australian interview, I wonder if this early birth is part of the plan/surrogate cover up, or if the surrogate just went into early labor? Perhaps bey wasn't getting the press she wanted from all this?
Amusingly, I fully believe that beyonce will pretend she gave birth, and try to milk the "pregnancy" for all the endorsement dollars she can.
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An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.
So Hilary Duff should be giving birth soon then right? Didn't they announce their pregnancy around the same time? Beyonce might have had high blood pressure or something and mayve that's why they had to have an early C section... In any case that name they chose sounds kinda striperish.
How long did it take to peel off the fake bump? I mean, how long was she in labor?
Submitted by PumpkinPants on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 11:18am.
Submitted by jsanto24 on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 10:48am.
nobody has been able to see the babies
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Im not calling you or your friend a liar but denying access of designated visitors to a NICU baby is illegal and no hospital would risk a lawsuit of that magnitude to make a celebrity happy.
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Well during our multiple trips to the NICU after my daughter was born, the hospital often stopped allowing anyone but the parents to visit and don't think for a second that they always gave a reason, so no, she's not necessary lying. If she was claiming they wouldn't let the parents im there I'd say she was full of it, but the god mother? Yup, I can totally see that.
Memory Foam Knowles-Carter yay! Congrats to the surrogate!
Okay I know Im double posting but over on Mediatakeout it says that the baby was born with "distinct chocolate skin". I have yet to see a African American baby have distinct chocolate skin when born by c-section or vaginal. They are very light skinned regardless of the coloring of their parents. Seeing as Bey Bey is fair and Jay Z is a medium skin tone there is no way that baby would have a distinct "chocolate" skin tone.
We often have to advise our AA parents that their babies skin will darken over the following week after birth because most of them come out looking varying shades of white. You can imagine the drama caused when a AA man see his baby for the first time and it looks white.
Submitted by jsanto24 on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 10:48am.
I have a friend who has two god babies at Lenox Hill in the NICU. The place has been in lock down and nobody has been able to see the babies because of Jay Z and Beyonce (and their surrogate) giving birth. So fucking wrong. I hate these two even more now.
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Im not calling you or your friend a liar but denying access of designated visitors to a NICU baby is illegal and no hospital would risk a lawsuit of that magnitude to make a celebrity happy.
Submitted by almostfamous88 on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 10:55am.
bull-fuckin-shit
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My thoughts exactly.
Kerfuffles:
My friend's stage name is Poisen Ivy and she loves Beyonce.
I wonder what she will have to say about this name.
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Submitted by ItsBritneyBitches on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 11:05am.
So the baby was born on Jan 8th. B and Jays birthdays: 4 + 4 equals 8. Nice one.
Anyway IV= in vitro.
As a JayZ stan, I still think it's gonna be named BROOKLYN CARTER for obvious reasons.
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The AP press release said the baby was born Saturday
Hmm the fact that they taped up all the security cameras and took away every ones cell phone is sketchy. Perhaps they didn't want anyone leaking out the Pics of the surrogate. If she really was pregnant then the c-section makes sense. A celebrity c-section usually involves a tummy-tuck and/or lipo. Why healthy women with healthy pregnancies would choose a c-section vs natural is beyond me. I had mine completely natural. Hurt like hell during, but I was up and at em, chipper and alert walking around like nothing the next morning. Didn't even need pain meds at all. (I had a nocturnal birth). C-sections have you groggy and laid out for a while.
So the baby was born on Jan 8th. B and Jays birthdays: 4 + 4 equals 8. Nice one.
Anyway IV= in vitro.
As a JayZ stan, I still think it's gonna be named BROOKLYN CARTER for obvious reasons.
What about Poison Ivy? That's a cute name.
Submitted by jsanto24 on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 10:48am.
I have a friend who has two god babies at Lenox Hill in the NICU. The place has been in lock down and nobody has been able to see the babies because of Jay Z and Beyonce (and their surrogate) giving birth. So fucking wrong. I hate these two even more now.
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Wow. That makes me really angry. Now I absolutely detest Beyonce. Perhaps she should be given an exclusive tour of the NICU, give her a lesson about not taking life for granted.
Doesn't Jay-Z have kids already with another(other) woman(/en)???? Oh wait, it's because this (pillow) baby (was delivered via surrogate) is with Bleghnyce...I get it... *rolls eyes* These two are more annoying that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon. Atleast Mariah had her babies. Assholes.
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"If I had a gun, I'd shoot a hole into the sun, and love would burn this city down for you. If I had the time, I'd stop the world and make you mine,and everyday would stay the same with you."
bull-fuckin-shit
I wonder if the child already has an agent and/or recording contract, and the first producer/director to work with her will state that she was hired because of raw talent, had no idea who her parents were...yup...
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..."suspicious looking local".
Well, isn't that nice, too bad they couldn't fool everyone. The surrogate gets my props though, I CANNOT stand fake ass Bouncy and her fuggy fug husband.
She totally Paltrow-ed her kid's name. I wonder if GOOP pressured her into naming her child something ridiculous.
I have a friend who has two god babies at Lenox Hill in the NICU. The place has been in lock down and nobody has been able to see the babies because of Jay Z and Beyonce (and their surrogate) giving birth. So fucking wrong. I hate these two even more now.
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*Beauty fades, but bitchiness gets better with age!* - MK
Ivy Blue sounds like a new crayon color.
Ivy Blue Carter sounds like a clothing line.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
LisaRose:
I was just about to write that in Asia, 4 is considered an unlucky number.
That being said, let's hope that baby has Jay-Z's forehead and nose, with one of Beyonce's lacefronts slapped on her cranium to conceal the burgeoning fug that lies beneath!
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These assholes rent an entire floor, so that anyone else who may have gone to that hospital to give birth has to find another one, AND tapes over security cameras putting everyone on that floor, including their newborn, at risk.
I think that says it all.
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Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac
@Lindalou...your avie kicks ass!
OT: I am highly disappointed that the baby's name is not Pillow.
Four is considered an unlucky number in Japan. As for IV=4, I never would have thought of that but it's probably true why they named her Ivy then. Ivy is one of my personal favorite names and now I may reconsider.
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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It would have been better if they'd had a boy, because if that little girl ends up looking like Jay-Z?
Laaaaawd...
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Submitted by Super Stew on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 9:35am.
Well, be that as it may, B is the FIRST woman in all my decades on this earth who spoke of her pregnancy in MONTHS.
I will proudly proclaim 2nd
Submitted by ba-buttons on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 8:47am.
Haha you're awesome!
And I was right in OP last night! Which can only mean that I spend entirely too much time on the internet. *searches Sunday classifieds for life*
the baby doesn't need a name.
the baby wishes to be known as Imrichbitch Carter.
the baby says no matter how you add it up it will always equal 4.
the baby is already fluent in Escandalo!!
PS Wig Baby says her weave is better!!
Ahahahahahaha, Jazzy!!! Blue Waffle
Submitted by GlitterKitty on Sat, 07/23/2011 -
Is playing a cunt on the internet as satisfying as wanking into your mum's nightie? Because something tells me you'd know all about that.
I'm so excited, that I am double posting.
OMFG! Blue Ivy is releasing a new single today. It's reportedly called Whip My Diaper.
Someone on Twitter said it was iVy <-- only the V is capital... capitol? wtfe, anyway the i and the y are little and V is big.
Who really gives two fucks.
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"I've got a strong stomach and no standards to speak of" - MK 2/5/11
Well, "Ivy" is certainly original. I do know an old lady named Ivy, though. She was a real pain in the ass. Nosy, too.
"Blue" has been done by a bunch of celebs: Cher, The Revoltas, The Edge, Alicia Silverstone, and probably a few others.
And I can't believe that any hospital would go for the bullshit celebs demand and dish out. And Lenox Hill is a dump. But I guess Beyonce doesn't care where her surrogate had to get her C-section. (C-section babies don't get pointy heads, dontcha know).