Meanwhile, Jessica Simpson Is Still As Knocked Up As Knocked Up Can Be
The new chosen one has stepped onto the planet and knocked the halos right off of Brangelina's twin messiahs, and yet Jessica Simpson's baby is still baking in a puddle of trans fat in her womb. Beyonce barely had a dollop of anything on her stomach at her 9th month and it really looked like she was growing her baby in her damn wig, and then you've got Jessica who is giving us a whole of DAMN at 7 months. My eyes swole up just by looking at her. I bet Jessica doesn't even walk. Bitch stands really still and lets out a high-powered pregnancy fart that pushes her a few feet. Then she takes a deep breath, stands really still and lets out another high-powered pregnancy fart that pushes her another few feet. Bitch's got a motor in her ass.
Jessica came out big on Friday night for NBC's TCA Party where she was there to whore out her new fashion reality show with Nicole Richie. Jessica told reporters that you won't find her waddling around A Pea in a Pod, because she stays away from maternity clothes, "I buy bigger sizes, which is very important, but I haven't really gone to maternity clothes because I don't really love maternity stuff."
Who needs maternity clothes, anyway? It's easier just to lay out a black tarp, spray Jessica down with fried chicken grease and then roll her over that tarp with the help of a thousand villagers and the tree trunk of a mighty oak. Then they wrap her up, lift her up with a crane, throw a few pounds of sequins at her BOOM! Instant knocked up glamour! But seriously, Jessica really does look happy, which is more than I can say for the owners of every Korean all-you-can eat barbecue in the L.A. area who had to close up for 9 months after hearing that Jessica swallowing tin trays for two now.
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nicole richie looks like a malnourished version of kim cattrall/samantha jones in that blazer and hair style
Jessica is NOT bloated...believe me I've been there 3 times. Her only big part is her med-section. Her ankles are tiny! Why is she wearing those heels though?? FFS I had no balance(and still don't- HA!) while pregnant, why risk a fall with heels? Oh well, anyway she looks great.
~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♥~♦¤♦~♥~
FANTA FANTA, NO COKE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lnRDU4LdZE
Meat Loaf was in the middle of a show when his knees suddenly hit the stage floor like a narcoleptic bat out of hell ~MK
My "baby" will be 23 tomorrow and let me tell you, nobody was rocking their pregnancies like this back in 1988. My ankles were so swollen, I have no idea how she pulls it off with those spike heels. God Bless her. P.S. I love you Michael K. XOXOX
"Shut up, bitch - it hurts to be beautiful" - Richie K. 2005
That's a huge bitch
Well, everyone saying that Jess looks bad can suck it. I think she's gorgeous. I'm not really planning to have kids ever, but I'm built just like her and wouldn't mind looking that great at 7 months if I got knocked up.
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If you wanna be in black and white, black and white's gotta be IN YOU!
Squashposh, LisaL, congrats to you 2 as well on your pregnancies!
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Read Triston's Heaux-ventures as he traipses the Heaux-rient Sexpress!
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/01/heaux-confessionals-traispsing-t...
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl!
Submitted by crazyassmom on Mon, 01/09/2012 - 1:20am.
Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Mon, 01/09/2012 - 12:37am.
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Hello Wowl. How are ya'!?
Congrats on the new baby girl Versailles!!!!! What an extra, doubly special day it is now!!
Wowl....the sure-type on my phone changes Wowl to Bowl until I added it to my personal dictionary. Had to look reeeall close to make sure I changed it. Lol. =p
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Hi Crazyassmom, I'm good. Hope you're doing well too. That's so sweet that you actually added my name to your personal dictionary! My iPad automatically adds it as soon as I correct it.
Read Triston's Heaux-ventures as he traipses the Heaux-rient Sexpress!
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/01/heaux-confessionals-traispsing-t...
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl!
Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Mon, 01/09/2012 - 1:43am.
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I'm good, thanks! Sorry it took so long to answer, went out playing on other sites and just now came back over here. Gotta hit the bed soon, have to be up at 7
Hope to maybe catch up to you tomorrow! .
Take it easy! =o)
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Mountain Dew is also the perfect butt douche to turn to when that stubborn gerbil refuses to fall out of your ass.-Michael K.
Forget Jessica. Nicole Ritchie looks old as fuck.
Hey, WRG, congrats on your pregnancy! *crosses fingers for a girl*
Versailles, congrats on your new baby girl! How great is it that she was born on such a special day?!
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Read Triston's Heaux-ventures as he traipses the Heaux-rient Sexpress!
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/01/heaux-confessionals-traispsing-t...
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl!
Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Mon, 01/09/2012 - 12:37am.
-----------
Hello Wowl. How are ya'!?
Congrats on the new baby girl Versailles!!!!! What an extra, doubly special day it is now!!
Wowl....the sure-type on my phone changes Wowl to Bowl until I added it to my personal dictionary. Had to look reeeall close to make sure I changed it. Lol. =p
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Mountain Dew is also the perfect butt douche to turn to when that stubborn gerbil refuses to fall out of your ass.-Michael K.
Jessica looks good here. I hope I look that damn good when I'm that far along in a few months.
Jessica's hair looks absolutely gorgeous!! xoxo
Congratulations, Versailles!
I actually think Jessica looks good. I know she will find her happy place! My feet looked much worse when I had foot surgery, so I know what bloated feet look like!
She looks like a healthy mom ...LEAVE HER ALONE. she is better than pillow baby mama.
I think Nicole looks great. I love that bitch.
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I apologize for not being a hardcore junkie or an alcoholic.
Bed room eyes Ferris!
Nicole's always had that stoned look whether she was high or not,sort of a lazy eye look and the heavy lashes an eye shadow just enhance it
Jess looks so happy--this is the most media attention she's gotten in a long ass time.
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"I bet his crotch looks like an uncooked dough cigar lying on a bed of saffron" MK
I think Jess looks great--she's preggers and bloated and beautiful.
Nicole Richie is fuckin perfect.
That's all.
Submitted by FreakGeek on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 8:13pm.
O dear lord, Nicole looks like Parasite Hilton's reanimated corpse. Her hair looks like a wig & she has more wrinkles than my 87 year old meemaw. WTF has happened to her???
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This gave me a good chuckle.
I hope that I am as fat, happy, and pretty as Jessica Simposn is if I ever haz a baby!
O dear lord, Nicole looks like Parasite Hilton's reanimated corpse. Her hair looks like a wig & she has more wrinkles than my 87 year old meemaw. WTF has happened to her???
sooo.....Fantasia had a baby too...
*crickets chirp*
it might even have a normal name....if I knew its name, or sex, or DOB....
That dress is a mistake. Good to see someone in Hollywood actually gaining weight in pregnancy though. Nicole Richie should be taking notes.
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"It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious": The late great Bill Hicks
Submitted by QuweenJillian on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 5:21pm.
I think Jessica looks beautiful :)
And she seems genuinely happy.
I think Jessica looks beautiful :)
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I'm not a slut, I'm sexually liberated. There's a difference.
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Haven't seen the fiancee lately.
Leave her alone she's a short arse and that is why she looks huge I did too when I was preggers, she's got normal bloat going on too which hopefully she can get rid of when the baby is out
I think she looks good too. I'm in my 7th month..I'm not as big..but I have about 5 inches on her. Plus, my feet swell BIG TIME! There is no way on this planet I could wear those heels right now. You know, all the doctors say a healthy weight gain is between 25-35 lbs. WTF? Obviously ole' Jess here has gained more than that. I've gained 40 thus far and I've got two months. Its not like I'm laying around eating for two. Just eating normally...just a tad more often. Its frustrating for us preganat ladies to into a doctor and they say 'watch your weight'...the fuck? I'm supposed to stop eating..okay..sorry, rant over...
I like Nicole, but she looks like shit. Jessica looks healthy and happy.
That is all.
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Douchechill!
I can't hate on her, I think she looks great and so incredibly happy.
I'm going to be HUGE too by the time I get to that stage :P
Wow Jess is bigger than I was when I gave birth and my boy was almost a ten pounder! She must be having more than one otherwise I call gestational diabetes!!! I know, I had it and was huuuuugeee but she's way bigger.
I was just as huge at 7 months - all three times I was pregnant. At 8 months I was massive but I also gave birth at 8 months - all three times. I think I just cook my babies quicker! Some women get huge, but it's alright. It all goes away.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Submitted by Versailles on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 1:03pm.
My beautiful Cordelia arrived just in time for me and hubby's 23 years wedding anniversary, on January 5'th 2012!
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Now, there's something you don't hear very often! Happy news indeed!
As for Jess, WOW! Holding it like that all the time, don't blame her, looks damn heavy! Maybe she should hold it from both sides instead!? Would that be less annoying? -- Not really.
"The only money shot you'll get is a load of tears to the face." MK
@CheeryBitch, I do own a pair of Jessica Simpson black pumps. I wear them for job interviews and times where I actually have to wear heels...they're cute, and weren't too pricey. Her celeb fashion line seems to be one of the few that's actually successful (unlike House of Derriere, the Kartrashians line of cheap Krap, etc).
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Never question Bruce Dickinson!
Bitch is HUUUUGE. She's got three strikes against her: she's short, she's already overweight, and she has a short torso. Incidentally, I have not seen one preggo picture of her where she does not have a hand on her stomach. She seems very self conscious of her hugeness.
Fat-n-happy paired with Skinny-n-stoned.
Damn Nicole, get off the junk, your kids need you. And the Linda Evans DNasty look does not work on you, ugh. the hair, the shoulder pads, the bland colors, the bulky jacket.
At least unlike Bouncey this is a real pregnancy, not a Velcro pillow/prednisone one
Why the Jsimp hate? She looks great for being seven months pregnant! No swelling in her hands, wrists, arms, butt or ankles. This is what normal is, Hollyweird! And she's not dumb, It's her schtick, and it has served her very well. You think she could have a successful fashion career if she was dumb?
We just think Simpson looks big because we're used to seeing celebs who're getting their child ripped out via cesarian in the 8th month - before the final growing happens which would cause the belly to blow up really good.
And you can't really let that happen, just think of all the stretch marks! Also, it would take so much longer to get the belly back to how it was before.
And where the fuck is that Richie supposed to be, all I see is a drunk Linda Evans. Goddammit, bitch looks 40.
Nicole Richie seems to have cleaned up her party girl image for good.
Paris, take notes.
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Never question Bruce Dickinson!
Congrats Versailles!!!
On Jessica, oh, I don't think she's THAT big for 7 months. I think we've just gotten used to seeing celebs who remain model-thin while only their bellies grow. I've seen some pregnant women get really huuuuuge in their last trimester. Not fat, just huge in the breasts and tummy, like they're carrying three babies in there. Then when they give birth, they kinda...deflate.
Nicole Ritchie? I thought that was Linda Evans! LOL at the shoulder pads. Bitch, please.
I think Jess looks wonderful. That's what a pregnant bitch looks like *side eyes Beyonce*
Papa Joe must be so proud of the crap that he preach shoved down peoples throats for the past 12 years about being a good Southern Baptist and having honest daughters, cos that shit really works!
Daughter #1 forced to speak about abstinence before her brief marriage to a failed popstar.
Goes on to have frequent brief relationships, John Mayer speaks out publicly over their bedroom antics.
After some commercial successs (FINALLY) Now unmarried and pregnant by a nobody, she will have to support for years.
Daughter #2 pregnant young and a failed shotgun marriage, with no career.
Seriously though, how Joe Simpson heads his own Church I don't fucking know. Hypocrite.
Congratulations Versailles.
Ritchie is looking thin again. :(
Congratulations Versailles!
That's wonderful news
I agree with you Mickey, I think Jessica will be fine. Motherhood suits her, as well.
She strikes me like the Jennifer Garner/Gwen Stefani type. The kind of person who will take parenting seriously.
I hate these clingy maternity dresses.
Like anyone wants too see these broads pregnant.
Bring back moo moos and flip flops, please.
nicole looks like sh*t and thats the nicest thing I could come up with to say about her.. she's a notorious biotch and someone really should lay the smack down on her.. a good KO would do her some good.. I see she's back on the drugs.. although i'm not sure how long she was actually off of them..