2012 Is A Real Thing: Jennifer Aniston Might Be Knocked Up
If Jennifer Aniston had a baby for every time the tabloids said she was having a baby, she'd have more babies than Cabbage Patch Groom Dolls (read: a lot of fucking babies) and a child army to rival all child armies. If the tabloids aren't saying she's got a crying fetus in her womb, they're saying that she's crying in the fetal position inside of Beanie Baby Mountain (aka her safe place), because she got dumped again. But for the past few weeks, Star Magazine, The Enquirer and some others have been saying that Jennifer's dog is breathing a sigh of relief, because now that she's knocked up it no longer has to wear a bonnet while she tucks it into its crib at night. The Daily Mail is now co-signing all of that and their source is telling them that Jennifer is taking a break from barfing out romantic comedy after romantic comedy to be a mother:
"She wants to focus on herself and hopefully becoming a mother. She is thinking of launching her own fashion line which would allow her to spend more time at home."
But the fun haters at Gossip Cop asked Jen's publicist about this and he said her uterus still has a vacancy sign on it and she's not taking a break anytime soon.
Who to believe? On one hand, the tabloids have been nailing me in the head with their "The Last Sign of The Apocalypse: Jennifer Aniston is Having Twins" headlines so hard that I'm starting to believe it. But on the other hand, if Jennifer Aniston was pregnant, she'd put on a bikini bottom made from her latest sonogram scan, stick two positive pregnancy tests over her nipples and then run in front of her arch rival Maddox during one of his staged photo-ops.
We really shouldn't believe that Aniston is knocked up until we see Maddox with a defeated look on his face and a mourning outfit on his body. FYI: In the Brangelina world, a mourning outfit is anything that's not black.
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eeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhhh about the vacancy or lack thereof of this womans womb! why why why!
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
"I say "go for it". Make the money when you can. Enjoy it. It's a mean business, and you survive when you can and how you can"
What? This woman has banked millions and millions of dollars. We're not talking about Laura Dern or Hope Davis or some other legitimately talented indie-type actress who had to strike when the iron was hot.
Sarah Smile
"MORE time to "focus on herself"? So she'll be cutting back on her visits to international AIDS hospices to rock infants, coaching Special Olympics track and field sports, and fighting for La Raza? Let's dig up Mother Teresa--this bitch actually DESERVES a Nobel Prize."
Oh, my God. HILARIOUS. And true. To Feral's point earlier, if I had all the money in the damn world (and she does), I would absolutely use my time on this earth to do more than tend to my own pulchritude. I'm as vain as the next gal, believe me, but far more legendary actresses (Audrey/Kate Hepburn, Liz Taylor, etc.) basically gave their lives to good works at a certain point in their careers. At a certain point, that level of self-absorption is embarrassing. That statement, by the way, has nothing to do with her not having children. I know lots of people without kids who are far from self-absorbed.
Sarah Smile
Wow. Jen may be having a baby with one of the holy trinity of opportunists.
Justin Whatever, Eddie Cibrian, and Tori Spelling's trashy husband. Yep, he is a keeper.
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 1:46pm.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 1:39pm.
Dog, you know that the D is the only validation that MPC gets since that sad ass only has basic 3 comments: fish, beautiful homosexual and tiny meat. Must be a "drag" to have his ass sit next to you at the bar.
^^^^^^^^^^
MPC doesn't go to bars because there are no toddlers there.
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Drop it already, Sugaroo.
Submitted by boston61 on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 9:18pm.
She is close to menopause. If she is pregnant her poor children will have a grandmother for a mother. She will be dead when her kid is a young adult.
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You're an idiot.
She is close to menopause. If she is pregnant her poor children will have a grandmother for a mother. She will be dead when her kid is a young adult.
@Gigaboob - yes one of our fellow dlisters posted something months ago about Betty White and some other old hollywood legend gayelle, can't remember the name though. Sorry!
It's still annoying that people think she must spawn in order to be a legit human, or to win some kind of competition. Jizzmas.
Can we crawl a lit-till higher on the food chain.
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stick two positive pregnancy tests over her nipples and then run in front of her arch rival Maddox"
LMFAOOO MK, HOLYSHIT TRUF!
She has at least 4x, AT LEAST, the equity he has, so, if her dumb ass tried to 'trap' him w/ a powernose-baby, she'll be paying out to him when he walks. FUCK JEN, WAKE UP AND GROW SOME REAL CONFIDENCE AND A SNAKE-CHARMER-GEIGERCOUNTER. Christ. People are so damn stupid.
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"Discussions about what is good, beautiful, noble, pure, true, could always go on. Why is that important? Because that is the only conversation worth having." Christopher Hitchens,1949-2011. (RIP Winehouse,1983-2011) *caprica six was/is here*
**falls in love with Whamo**
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"When I come up, I rush, I rush for you..."
Submitted by lovelylaney on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 5:32pm.
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Betty a possible gayelle??!! This site is so damn informative. I've always had suspicions of Patricia Routledge too, (the glorious Hyacynth Bouquet). Never married or linked to anyone. Did I say Bouquet? I meant Bucket.
Hugs to IrishFury!
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Curtsy, motherfuckers! MK
Where's the "she's too old of a hag to have kids! 40-something is fucking ancient!" crew?
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Curtsy, motherfuckers! MK
Submitted by idiots drive me loco on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 5:20pm.
I do believe there are old rumors that Betty is a gayelle and her husband is one too. Perhaps that is why Betty never had kids - not that it makes anyone a complete person or that it's required. Just food for thought. I recall months ago someone uncovering that old story of Betty being lezzie.
Also Betty is tiny so there could have been medical issues that no one knows about. My friend's sister is very tiny like Betty and has never been able to conceive due to medical issues (being tiny, low body fat, irregular periods, etc.)
Yes, Aniston has a DAMN HOT bod, there I said it. Still DO NOT give a flyin' FUCK if she has a kid, is planning to have a kid, or has already procured one! Good for her. The end!
* hot dude in the frame...
"The only money shot you'll get is a load of tears to the face." MK
Betty White chose to not have children for her career, and no one rides her ass about that choice.
For some,it can be a choice. For others, DNA and biology make that choice for them. Who is to say she didn't try to have children but was unsuccessful?
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
What was Pimp Mama Kris going to say? That Daniel Craig worked to get the career he has while the Kardashians' fame was handed to them on a glove that didn't fit?--MK
She's totally pregnant. And it's awesome. I think AngelinafifteenmillionchildrenSallyStruthers is also pg.
I can see the tabloid headlines now.
"Is Brad Secretly the Father?"
"Angelina Too Thin to Have More Children, Jealous of Jen's Pregnancy"
"Brad's Shocking Confession: 'I wish I had kids with Jen instead of Angelina.'"
"Mama Drama: Angelina Ignores Jen at Playground!"
Aniston: Adopts pets.
Jolie: Adopts children.
Aniston: Stays in shape.
Jolie: Looks overly-thin.
Aniston: Rom-Coms.
Jolie: Drama/Action.
Aniston: Relaxes on the beach.
Jolie: Relaxes in war-torn countries.
Aniston: Had Brad Pitt.
Jolie: Has Brad Pitt.
Aniston: Looks generally more relaxed in the face. Probably doesn't mind a good ole' long-winded fart.
Jolie: Looks pensive and serious a lot. Probably would leave Hollywood if someone heard her fart once.
Both: Tabloid fodder and wear black a lot. Meh. Still HS BS.
I read this as I am watching "Your Highness". How appropriate!
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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And her body...? Yum. Staying in shape is a great thing to do. I do not recall any obvious crotch shots from her, so it is mainly for fitness.
I make fun of her, but I like Jennifer Aniston. If having a baby is what she wants, then I wish her all the best.
Poor woman can never get attention for her acting only her personal life. She really should send Angelina a boat load of flowers for stealing billy goat.
Whamo, exactly. And No Words, I don't understand hating her either. She's harmless.
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Substitute me for him, substitute my coke for gin
Substitute you for my mum
At least I'll get my washing done
-The Who
I don't get the hate for Jen Aniston. *shrugs*
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 2:05pm.
What I can't understand is how people actually attack her for being "obsessed" with keeping her figure, I mean WTF, her body is too nice???
She survives in an industry where having a nice body if often paramount to the work you get especially if you're not the best actress in the world and you're 40 or over.
Let's face it most women would KILL to have a body like hers much less still have it at 40 and in order to keep a figure like the you HAVE to be "obsessed"
The other thing is she is somehow selfish for perhaps not wanting a child. Who fucking business is it to tell her she should or shouldn't have children? The only person it should concern is her and her partners. What are we living in the 1950's, she's not a whole woman because she doesn't have kids?
I think she handles herself quite well considering she lives in a fishbowl smaller than most actors have to live in.
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I have to agree with this one. I don't particularly like her acting, or anything else about her, but she is allowed to do what she wants. It really irritates me when everyone magically assumes that someone in their 30s or maybe 40 would really want kids no matter what. Some people make the decision that kids will hold them back, and that they are not the parental type. That is OK. I think more people need to realize that, instead of bowing to the pressure in today's society.
I say "go for it". Make the money when you can. Enjoy it. It's a mean business, and you survive when you can and how you can.
She is beautiful inside and out, and I wish her all the happiness she deserves.
I like Jen Aniston. No, I don't, at all, understand the continuing pap/tabloid interest in her, but the facts are these: she was damn charming on Friends (which was a great show) and had and still has a beautiful figure. Also, I went to college with Justin Theroux. Didn't know him, but we were there at the same time. Therefore, I wish them both well, though if I never hear about them again, that would be OK too.
Why can't people stand her? I don't like her "acting", haaaated Friends and think she is meh looking in the face...but she doesn't bother me. I don't see her fame-whoring or flapping her gums about her ex unless I've missed a million interviews. Maybe she's talked about wanting to be married w/ kids but so what. She hardly said a word when Brad said she was a bore. Could she really be planting all of this stuff in the press that makes her look stupid and pathetic? Someone 'splain to me.
Launching her own fashion line is code for getting real designers to design a bunch of generic forgettable clothes that are made in China and about the most input she'll give is a idea for a cutesy logo to get printed on the label
MORE time to "focus on herself"? So she'll be cutting back on her visits to international AIDS hospices to rock infants, coaching Special Olympics track and field sports, and fighting for La Raza? Let's dig up Mother Teresa--this bitch actually DESERVES a Nobel Prize.
Like Dog said, I'd trade from the neck down. Actually, I'll keep my own legs too thankyouverymuch. So I'm down to a torso - I'd trade torsos, lol.
Who is this woman?
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Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Sat, 06/25/2011 - 8:13am.
Ziggy, I hope you fall off your soap box. Then people will pay attention... to the green alien blood.
the only thing this boring bitch cares about is HER HAIR and HER BODY.
and KEEPING HER NAME IN THE PAPERS.....
..............snooze...................
Hey, man, I'd kill to look like her from the neck down, are you kidding me? She's got a better body than a lot of women half her damn age!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
I wish she would put out a excercise tape.
I thought we had all agreed that Aniston stories didn't deserve anything higher profile than Afternoon Crumbs in 2012?
This untalented, uninteresting broad is so pathetically attention starved it is laughable. Why does she think anyone wpuld be interested in a fashion line from her?Because the Olsen twins have been so wildly successful with theirs? ahahaha! Has she ever studied fashion beyond flipping through magazines? didn't think so. Oh, she must mean a Jessica Simpson type fashion line where you don't design, manufacture or have anything to do with the actual business or running a fashion line besides lending your tired skank name to it for a flat fee
Somebody needs to take this middle-aged, lumberjack-jawed nobody out to the parking lot and rough her up a little. Maybe then we'd have a story people would be interested in reading.
ahaha! She needs to take her man-chinned self out of the public eye and quit whining about her biological clock 'cause no one gives a fuck whether she reproduces or not.
What I can't understand is how people actually attack her for being "obsessed" with keeping her figure, I mean WTF, her body is too nice???
She survives in an industry where having a nice body if often paramount to the work you get especially if you're not the best actress in the world and you're 40 or over.
Let's face it most women would KILL to have a body like hers much less still have it at 40 and in order to keep a figure like the you HAVE to be "obsessed"
The other thing is she is somehow selfish for perhaps not wanting a child. Who fucking business is it to tell her she should or shouldn't have children? The only person it should concern is her and her partners. What are we living in the 1950's, she's not a whole woman because she doesn't have kids?
I think she handles herself quite well considering she lives in a fishbowl smaller than most actors have to live in.
After examining this photo, I see an attractive middle aged woman looking somewhat foolish because she's wearing a revealing dress/hairstyle (a barrette?) more appropriate for a woman in her twenties...
It must wear on a soul having to look like one never ages a day past 30.
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The calliope crashed to the ground...
Submitted by TequilaTax on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 1:54pm.
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 1:41pm
I was thinking animal shelter :)
although what would be hawt is if she gave it to some distant niece or nephew, and what would be most hawt is if I were the niece. :D
Just what the world needs: another celebrity-baby-bump-watch-celebuspawn-birth-we're-over-the-moon-announcement.
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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Submitted by Dog on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 1:41pm
She might do it like the lady who left all of her wealth to her cat.
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
DWM:
Thanks! Looo-pus!!!!
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 1:41pm.
Why are people so obsessed with her life? I don't get it.
I've always thought she hot was. She looks healthy. Always. Nice body, hair, and skin. I don't give a damn what she does, though.
---What also adds some interest is A) that boney succubus Angelina stole her husband and B) she didn't shank the skank for it.
Submitted by Slurpee on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 1:41pm.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
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OMG SLerpaderp look at your anime avie. Nice!
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McGill Class of '97
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Submitted by Oxygen on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 1:22pm.
bwahFahahMahhSahaLaaaMaa
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LMAO!!!!
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"The English are horrible and Oprah is a moron." 01/10/12 the refined Brit, clairey claire
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 1:41pm.
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 1:28pm.
DWM, I read that as "nip" and I thought how do you break a nipple?
*looks down at bewbs, perplexed*
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I have cut mine bending over to shave my legs before and switching hands with the razor.. and NO they don't hang to my knees.
^^^^^^^^
*tries to picture self making DWM nipple-sawing Gumby move and can't do it*
FAILS
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 1:39pm.
Dog, you know that the D is the only validation that MPC gets since that sad ass only has basic 3 comments: fish, beautiful homosexual and tiny meat. Must be a "drag" to have his ass sit next to you at the bar.
^^^^^^^^^^
MPC doesn't go to bars because there are no toddlers there.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by ditquoi on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 1:36pm.
seems stupid to hang onto the beach body, the fabulous vacations, hanging out, and loads of fucking all these years and by any means necessary to do a 180 at the age of 42...
^^^^^^^^^^
I think the bigger question here is, if she doesn't spawn, who gets all her mo-nay???
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org