Madge Crosses Her Claws For An Oscar Nom And We All Know How That Turned Out
At last night's NYC premiere of the soon-to-be Razzie sweeper W.E., Madge told reporters that she was crossing her fingers and hoping that the academy would be so fearful of her wrath that they'd throw a bunch of nominations at her. Cut to this morning when she woke up in her coffin with a giant bouquet of hydrangeas on top and a note from the academy that read: Thanks, but no thanks. Okay, okay, technically W.E. was nominated for an Oscar (for Best Costume), so I guess the male members of the academy are still a little scared that Madge will crawl up into their beds at night, rip their nutsacks out with one bite and then replace the heads on the Oscar trophies with their gold-plated huevos.
For once, I can't really make fun of the shit that Madge wore to her premiere last night (or the shit she wore while escorting Baby Brahim to his nursery for bedtime). Bitch looks like the evil queen double fisting two tutu-wearing ballerinas. It's totally appropriate! Speaking of fisting, I also can't make fun of Madge's (DO NOT CLICK ON THAT NSFL LINK!!!) veiny testicle hands for once. I thought about it and if I was ever in the market for a silicone fist, I'd buy one modeled after Madge's hand. Four words: Veiny For Your Pleasure. I mean, John Travolta so wants to make sweet love to Madge's hand right now.
Can you believe I said in 1985 (at the tender age of 18) "Oh that Madonna, she's a flash in the pan, her career will never go anywhere!"
That was the only time I was wrong about something. I can't believe I'm admitting it here.
I still think she's a bad ass bitch. Getting old ain't for sissies like Bette Davis always said.
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"Shut up, bitch - it hurts to be beautiful" - Richie K. 2005
Objectively shes been looking good
Having an over-inflated ego makes people ugly. No matter how crafty the make-up or clothes, her arrogance shines through and for me, that is a major turn-off. Those thousands of dollars spent on cosmetic 'enhancements' were completely wasted.
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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden
Remember the honeybadger-don't-give-a-shit video where it gets stu-uuhng and bitt'en by the snake and it passes the fuck out? That was me a few minutes ago after clicking on that link! Thanks MK! I just came to and continued writing... but I Coulda Never Come Back!
That varicose monstrosity looks like it ate the penis! Where the hell is it? I look and look but CANNOT figure it out.
I Need to Know!... LOL
As for Madge, nice bride of death, veil. It's a Winner!
"The only money shot you'll get is a load of tears to the face." MK
HA HA! (Nelson's voice)
This is what you get when you mix money, age and insecurity.
i wish she hadn't fucked with her face so much! madonna was at her most beautiful during her ray of light era.
Her cheek implants bother me more than her grotesque hands!
Is she wearing a Bob Mackie original from the 80s in her premiere photos?
sorry she is too skinny for her age hence the 100 year old woman veiney veins everywhere, I KNOW sorry but tis true, that getting all skinny minnie when you hit past 50 makes you look skeletal...and creepy, don't get all walrus now, but keep it real and don't look like this either kids...Madge is a true horror to view...I am glad I won't have to hear her pretentious ass at the Oscars....she needs to stick to bad music and over-used dance moves...pop that granny cutchie Vadge the Hag.
The Queen looks wonderful!
Submitted by ponchiks on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 2:19pm.
Can I ask, why?
it's too hot to wear gloves
it's jan 24, 76 degrees and i have the air conditioning on. were i to wear gloves, i'd pass out :D
I think both outfits she is wearing in those photos are hot as Hell. She's getting older, but so are we all, hoorz!
yeahhhhhhhhh i'm just gonna keep on using anti-aging cream on my hands. i can't stand this pretentious old whore.
Submitted by suckandfuck on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 1:09pm.
ok that is a really delicious looking testicle, like moist macaroni
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you ruined macaroni. *sad face*
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Cure for cramps: weed. Weed for everything, really.- Bjork You
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 12:42pm.
eWWWWWW..I clicked the link.
And can't she spray some tan magic or something over those nasty ass hands? Or get a hand transplant. I mean really, what does she even do with her hands to make them look like THAT? She looks she's been washing dishes for 85 years straight.
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^^^THIS!!^^^
dead.
Cure for cramps: weed. Weed for everything, really.- Bjork You
Submitted by ditquoi on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 2:10pm.
Thanks for the link! There were some pretty successful examples.
Soemthing tells me I'm going to have nightmares about old hands and cystic acne tonight!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Madge your hands are fucking gross! Put some fucking gloves on. ew. **************************************
Cure for cramps: weed. Weed for everything, really.- Bjork You
i am so glad i have enough sense in my brain not to click on that link. i know i would be scarred for life. i know it.
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
Submitted by BonnieG on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 1:31pm.
too bad i live in georgia where i can only hide the hands 8 weeks out of the year.
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Can I ask, why?
Madonna's hands are scarier than that peen, which reminds me of that little toy where you have to roll a little silver ball through some wavy tunnels to get in into a hole.
I didn't know there was DNA in my ass!
Submitted by Deb on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 2:03pm.
sorry hon I noticed there were no pics after...here's a whole bunch
http://www.bing.com/search?q=hand+rejuvenation&src=IE-SearchBox
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 1:56pm.
Submitted by ditquoi on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 1:54pm.
LOL at *bam* I say that ALL the damn time.... or *POW* (Step Brothers)
I know...you said so before...so that was 4u ;)
Her acceptance speech at the Globes probably lost an Oscar nomination for her. No one wants to go through that again.
Whys is she promoting this? Did she not read the reviews? She should be hiding.
I clicked. I regret.
*laughs and points at all the goobers who clicked on the link*
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by ditquoi on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 1:54pm.
Thanks for the link, but I couldn't see any "Before" and "after" pics, which would have been informative.
You know what else would work? A bee sting! I got stung on the hand a couple years ago while weeding too close to a nest, and my hand looked like one of John Madden's effin' HAMS for a couple of weeks!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 1:58pm.
Gullible much?
*TEAM NO CLICK*
That pic is so "Allright Mr DeMille, I'm ready for my close up".
HOLY SHIT I JUST CLICKED ON THAT FUCKING LINK FUUUUUCKYOU, MK!!!!!!!!!!
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"The English are horrible and Oprah is a moron." 01/10/12 the refined Brit, clairey claire
That testicle is the perfect metaphor for this bitch's soul. A hideous, veiny, sex organ.
I just don't get Vadge's look lately. She's Nora Desmond scary. The first dress is Cruella DeVille territory. The grey suit is cute, but I agree that the off-kilter bowtie must go.
Does Baby Brahim speak English? If not, it would explain the longevity of their arrangement.
Love this, MK!
"Cut to this morning when she woke up in her coffin with a giant bouquet of hydrangeas on top and a note from the academy that read: Thanks, but no thanks."
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by ditquoi on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 1:54pm.
LOL at *bam* I say that ALL the damn time.... or *POW* (Step Brothers)
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"The English are horrible and Oprah is a moron." 01/10/12 the refined Brit, clairey claire
He tell me "DON'T CLICK ON THE NSFL LINK!!!!" yet I still do.... WHHHYYYYYYYYYY?
hey guys, *bam*
http://www.cosmeticsurgery.com/research/cosmetic-surgery/Hand-Rejuvenati...
*puts BonnieG's bony ass hands in hot paraffin wax bath with my veiny ass claws*
Fuk this shit. I'm buying stock in Paraffin HAND Wax Treatments...Stat.
*however, bitch looks better than I've ever admitted before...kick ass outfits and hairdo...but THOSE HANDS!*
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 1:10pm.
Come on ladies, you KNOW you want to scrub your tongue on those road map testies..lol!!!!!!!
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Sucky wishes!!!!!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
holy testicle!
my hands are scrawny and bony and i hate them with a passion. they've looked old since i was 16. at 37 i can pass for 27, unless you look at my veiny, wrinkly hands. Thank god for fingerless gloves ..well not totally fingerless...but those that go up to the knuckle. too bad i live in georgia where i can only hide the hands 8 weeks out of the year.
Her hands are perfectly normal for her age, and she had the decency to conceal those arms - but that botoxed out waxy face only highlights the difference!
It's a mystery why, in a world where the rejuvenation industry is so big (tackling wrinkly faces, saggy titties, stretched out tummies, even duggar'd up vaginas and Courtney'd out voices), hand rejuvenation doesn't really exist - or maybe it does but i've heard of it.
Submitted by boston61 on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 1:13pm.
How ironic to spend all that money and do all that exercise and end up looking not just old but like an old freak.
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It's well known that as women age, they some the point where they can have hot bodies with old faces or rounder bodies with younger looking faces. Madge chose the first option, as did Sarah Jessica Parker, and it's obvious that Megan fox is heading the same way. A young looking face needs fat in it.
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"I bet his crotch looks like an uncooked dough cigar lying on a bed of saffron" MK
How interesting that after such a prolific career, which many agree should've ended long ago, she still needs to feel validated for a talent she has so consistently not delivered on.
Bitch needs validation like she needs young man peen.
Stick with the peen and move away from the director's chair / movie script.
Thanks for enlightening me KidL and Rocket. I thought they were married (and sorry for going off topic).
If this is what Madonna's hands look like can you imagine her feet? These talons would make little kids cry in fear.
lol anno and Cuppy thanks for keeping me strong! *sticks tongue out at guest* ;p Cuppy I do like the splash of black at the throat, maybe it's that it's crooked that's throwing the look off for me?
*refuses to make eye contact with link*
Oh wow. The main pic shows how much she's really aging. And her hands are just a tragedy. I look a lot younger than my age but my hands tell the real story. A few years ago I got smart and started using rubber gloves whenever I clean or ash dishes but it was too late. My hands aren't gross but they don't look as young as the rest of me does. And not that I can afford it, but even if I could, there's no cosmetic procedures to turn back the clock on one's hands.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 12:45pm.
notice how in all the pics with BB she is hiding her claws?
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Caaaaaaw! Caaaaaaaw! *flaps arms widly...pecks at fieldmouse*...I dunno, I need meds.
You can botox the shit outta your face, but them hands look like they belong wrapped around an ensure.
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I've got ten bucks and me and dirty eddie are staying out all weekend! - Rob Pue (thank you BBitch and Sweetas)
The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
Well done, Madonna! Your efforts to make yourself look younger have made you look OLDER, and anyway your hands will always give away your age!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
I like the grey suit, too. Very cute.
Madonna is like the Regina George of celeb world. She's popular because everyone is afraid to cross her.
don't have time to read.
like the hair.
*hates self*
*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011
How ironic to spend all that money and do all that exercise and end up looking not just old but like an old freak. Is she still molesting the young adult children of the little people? I hope some old dirty broad turns her precious kids into little whores. Turnaround is fair play.
Click it. Click it. Click it.
Lol.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
How ironic to spend all that money and do all that exercise and end up looking not just old but like an old freak. Is she still molesting the young adult children of the little people? I hope some old dirty broad turns her precious kids into little whores. Turnaround is fair play.