The Photoshop Awards: Kate Upton On Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition
Hours before Sports Illustrated was supposed to show off the cover of their annual For Horny Teen Boys Who Don't Have Private Internet Access issue on The Late Show last night, a gas station in Michigan leaked it after the magazine arrived early. A GAS STATION IN MICHIGAN! Sports Illustrated should've moved the unveiling to that gas station in Michigan, because that would've been a more fitting place to bring out this 80s cartoon mess of a cover. Kate Upton is only 19-years-old and I'm sure she's perfect in real life, but they sort of fucked her up. I'm sure before the cover shoot, the conversation between the editors went something like this:
"We need to shoot her from below so that her tits looks like two Junior Mints melting over the side of a picnic table. Then catch a pirate hamster, rip off his eye patch and throw it on Kate's crotch. Don't worry if it makes her crotch look like two jelly snakes fighting under a Spandex blanket. We're going to Photoshop her down low bits until she's got Barbie crotch. Oh, and don't bring our high-powered fan. We don't need it. We're going to give Kate a sideways Flock of Seagulls 'do with four cans of hairspray and a tease brush."
A MESS!
But like I said above, it's still an important day for horny teens whose parents won't let them be alone with the computer. It's kind of like the equivalent of what the JCPenney catalog meant to me as a young ho. Whenever that shit was dropped off at our porch (it didn't fit in the mail box, wink wink), I'd grab it, tear out the "underwear for men" section and basically stitch the pages to the back side of my chonies.
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She is not a model and she is not SI material. She's an internet attention whore, who like Tila Tequila, did very little to get famous other than get people to follow her on social websites.
Her hips are huge and oddly shapen and her tits look flabby and ridiculous. SI took a dump on this one---it's no longer the coveted magazine cover that used to be so prestigious. She'd be more appropriate on the cover of Juggs or perhaps a Hooters calendar.
Is that bikini for swimmin' or just for lookin'?
Well, Thornhill...amazingly enough, this isn't a fight. I don't fight on the internet. I express an opinion and let it go. Whatever you say after this does not affect me in the least. Wait, whatever you said before this doesn't affect me either. Sorry.
i would not be happy with this if i were her. do the models have any say whatsoever?? who thought this was a good idea
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
Submitted by Stoney on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 3:03pm.
*switches ice to icyhot patch*
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:P
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"Hang on, let me just whip out my compass 'cause clearly we're living in the Legend of Zelda." ~ MadgesVadge 02/10/2012
@No Words...didn't specifically attack anyone. I was attacked by some newbie who took me waaaaaaay to seriously, you might want to read the post again. Now if you were to remark that Thornhill rarely if ever backs down from a fight, you might find that statement a little more accurate...
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It's so cold in the D....
*switches ice to icyhot patch*
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Holy Photoshop Batman!!!
the photoshop has gone overboard... seems they've gone from showing a good-looking woman in a normalish bathing suit/bikini doing somewhat normal beach things to showing a good-looking woman photoshopped to look like a shiny cartoon porn lady who removes her bikini pieces...
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/swimsuit/cover/1900-01-01/2100-12...
Her face is truly unfortunate. That shit is wonkier than Parasite Hilton's mug.
WHERE ARE THE HOT NAKED MALE ATHLETES?!?!? "SPORTS ILLUSTRATED" IS A FUCKING JOKE THIS IS JUST LIKE PLAYBOY WHAT IS THE POINT?!
Submitted by Stoney on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:43pm.
I actually think bikini bottoms that small make women look fat. Like you grew out of it and it no longer fits
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I actually agree with this...
*ices "sexist dick"*
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"Hang on, let me just whip out my compass 'cause clearly we're living in the Legend of Zelda." ~ MadgesVadge 02/10/2012
It just occurred to me now that she looks like Victoria Silvstedt in training.
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
http://chakrakahn.tumblr.com/
This is fucking horrible Photoshopping. You can tell she's a totally cute chick with a nice body, but they made her look like an alien. The lighting makes it look like she's got 5 o'clock mustache shadow. And that so-called bikini looks gawdawful. Poor thing.
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Devil's advocate.
That suit was made for those who like to show of their FUPA.
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
http://chakrakahn.tumblr.com/
Submitted by Thornhill on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:31pm.
I can't understand why someone would judge but would be upset when they get judged themselves....
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Oh I judge, all right...I just try not to judge and insult other posters. Not a problem for you, I see.
I actually think bikini bottoms that small make women look fat. Like you grew out of it and it no longer fits. It's certainly not doing her gunt any favors.
*stradles ba buttons*
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
IMO, one of the best SI Swimsuit cover was with Ashley Richarson, back in 1991. Now that's what a woman should look like.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/swimsuit/coverfeatured/9263/index...
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"Going to Burger King to eat healthy is like going to a prostitute for a hug." Dlister Supah 8.20.11
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:16pm.
Before Photoshop completely computerized models:
http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view;_ylt=A2KJkIVxpDpPSm8AmT6JzbkF...
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Beautiful!
I understand why guys like this cover. Having said that though, I just think it could be better when you consider the caliber of models they have had before. And, enough with the photoshop. I think maybe it would have looked better without that.
I think ALOT of girls at 19 could make the cut as the cover of this mag. Some just have the drive and get the breaks to make it in the modeling world. To me, she's nothing special that I have not seen on college campuses, but I am not the target audience. My experience is that if you flash the shiny bright lights at most straight guys, they respond - blond hair, tan, tits, decent bod, decent face. Looking at her candids makes me think that she thinks her looks are all that she has going for her (enough with all of the cheesecake posing, jeebus; and, I saw a vid of her and her repertoire of modeling poses is limited at best). What I see in those candids is either an Anna Nicole in the making, or someone who's gonna be seriously bummed or seriously surgeried once she hits (insert whatever age it will go south for her).
I can't understand why someone would judge but would be upset when they get judged themselves....
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
It's so cold in the D....
I seriously don't know why one can't express an opinion without being insulted.
F*ck off yuh Gorgon....I wouldn't touch you with Jacks dick...
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
It's so cold in the D....
It was probably leaked in Michigan since she is from Michigan.
And I know she' only 19, but she is dumber than dirt. She basically said that she had no other aspirations than to be on the SI cover, so congrats baby, it's all downhill from here.
Before Photoshop completely computerized models:
http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view;_ylt=A2KJkIVxpDpPSm8AmT6JzbkF...
I love the gorgons and proudly own up to being one. I'm sure we all want some of your ruggedly handsome, and therefore "date able" self. Yeah I hope I'm not your type and can promise that you're not mine. When Anne V and Lindsey Scruggs are the hot girls label me Medusa PLEASE!
The day my boyfriend ends up arguing with a bunch of chicks on DLIsted I will cry into my 36 F's
"This better be important Jack, I was bidding on a bag of bras on ebay."
Liz Lemon
Snowy,hey babe if ya got'em then bounce em.haha
Boooooooiiiiiiiiiiing...
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
It's so cold in the D....
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 1:42pm.
for the boys BOUNCY BOUNCY BOUNCY!
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YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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"Hang on, let me just whip out my compass 'cause clearly we're living in the Legend of Zelda." ~ MadgesVadge 02/10/2012
I think she looks great. My guess is they were going for the too small bikini so little was left to the imagination. This isn't Vogue. Straight men love this shit, & that is their audience.
www.petfinder.com - enter your zip code to find adoptable pets in your area.
www.animalrescuesite.com - click everyday to help feed animals in shelters.
Why do they keep putting her in unfortunate swimwear? Shes OK but she has no waist.
http://www.radaronline.com/sites/radaronline.com/files/Kate-Upton-sexy-n...
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 1:42pm.
for the boys BOUNCY BOUNCY BOUNCY!
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The guys in the audience are climaxing as she walks by! HAHA #HolyFHot
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"What is that strange clear liquid dripping out of my eye?"MK
WHO CARES!!! & WHO CARES: THE SEQUEL!!! - MK on Justin
Well I think her body looks pretty natural but for the photoshop of the crotch area. Her face is nothing special however this is SI so I don't think that is what they are going for. It is not Vouge or W magazine.
hell yea, fuckable bod. face is meh.
looks too much like GW Bush daughter. the fat dumpy one.
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
WOW, soooo.....you only have to cover your clit in public now!!???
I'm liking her natural breasts and if she smiled at me with that pretty smile I think I'd actually float.
I'm blessed with rugged handsome good looks that places me firmly in the "Definitely datable" category, but I would like to get a look at some of the Gorgons posting negatively about this girl. Judge not unless you are prepared to be judged thyself...
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
It's so cold in the D....
I have no problem admitting when someone is gorgeous. I just do not think this girl is pretty.
Her body is great though. I see nothing wrong with her boobies, or any other part of it from the neck down.
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Get down on it, come on and, get down on it - if you really want it
Get down on it - you gotta feel it
Get down on it
-Kool & The Gang
Her private parts look small and flat,so it does not take much fabric to cover them. That bikini bottom would be disastrous on a woman with a fleshy,pudgy pudenda.
Her breasts look normal. Look at the fourth thumbnail picture and note the fullest part is just higher than the middle of her upper arm.
Her crotch area reminds me of Jame Gumb's dance.
for the boys BOUNCY BOUNCY BOUNCY!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOjKVuXL0P4&feature=related
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
It was like the stylists looked at her and said, "Ok, her tits are 36D so let's put her in the 32A top and oh yeah, grab that 2T toddler bikini bottom." Seriously? Her shit doesn't even fit! I suppose that's not the point, tho. the point is for men to get boners.
P.S. My avie is Zdeno Chara of the Boston Bruins in the ESPN "Bodies" issue where naked athletes (men and women) pose to celebrate the human body. I know there's photoshopping involved there, but with SI, I just feel we're being sold a bill of goods.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 1:32pm.
I agree there's nothing wrong with her, per se. But she shouldn't be a model. And definitely not on the cover of SISS. It wouldn't be hard for me to admit if I thought she was hot or even pretty. I find her generic, at best.
this link might work better
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZVY_GrMEAw
Submitted by Stoney on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 1:07pm.
Have some fucking dignity and buy a suit that fits. Also, she has a 5 x 7 features on an 8 x 10 Rumor face. Nice undefined jaw and beady eyes, hooker.
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LMAO!
Her looks are average for Southern California, dime a dozen out here on the west coast. I understand her appeal but this is a big time cover and we should be seeing the likes of Elle Macpherson on there. There really has not been an iconic face on those covers for years, I guess. These girls are all so forgettable within a year or two. What happen to last year cover model?? Brooklyn Decker and this one Kate Upton, they all look alike to me.
Geebuz. I'm surprised they had time for the happy trail and tuck, that mustache must have taken DAYS to shop out.
There's something wrong when a 19 year old needs to be Photoshopped.
I long for the "olden days" when Christie Brinkley and Cindy Crawford were a size 8-10 and were considered sexy and healthy and NOT photoshopped. Retouched, yes, but completely computerized until they no longer look like themselves?? No.
And if you think she's floppy now, wait till she's 40 and has shat some chirruns out of her womb. Gonna be damn sad.
Submitted by warmjuice on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 1:28pm.
These women on the cover used to look good and cleaned up without Photoshop. Is this marketing, speaking for America where 200 mil out of 250 mil use drugs (lets not even get into the “cool” drinking)? There are so many superficial and main problems as examples of America becoming trashy goofy un-powerful proud to be derps country – the balance of having standards is disappearing for the sake of giggling and putting things off.
Speaking of being lazy while getting away with making millions off the stupidity of others, for any of you bored enough here 10405886-bill-oreilly-whitney-houston-chose-to-die is yet another highly educated opinion- another that suffers from dunning kruger effect and speaks for others that do as well. On second thought don’t click on the link, I’ll save you the trouble-
“Psychology degree? Don’t need it, I have ALREADY have thoughts and my own life experiences THANK YOU. Heart? Nah, call a spade a spade meh heh heh (no pun intended, don’t call the nazi PC police). Ratings? Got em. Exploitive? Right there. Perfection? Me. How dare you question anything IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII say? I know what I am talking about BECAUSE I SAY I DO. Did you know I speak for AMERICANS?"
Feel better now? Any of you remember a few years ago- people did some research and found out that more than half of the people who watch Colbert Report every day not only didn’t know it was satire but didn’t even know what satire was. GREAT JOB AMERICA #1 RATING FOR FOX TEN YEARS STRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2012++++ RIGHT?????? Now go laugh hysterically about farts burps sports eating like a pig and pubes while republicans shit on us for yet another day.
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No comprende? And the link doesn't work.
Submitted by ethang on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 1:26pm
No you aren't. And there is nothing wrong with her ...in fact she is gorgeous. That isn't easy for some people to admit.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
I can't get over her whole mouth region. Too much gums, odd shaped lips, stupid duck faces, terrible jaw shape. He (typo and it stays) can't pose at all. Don't get me started on the hair. I really don't see the appeal.
There are still some amazing models with face, body, and actual modelling skills (uh, posing, walking...) who don't do idiots like Kanye, have brains, don't take their clothes off at the drop of a hat, and don't view themselves as a modern day Marilyn Monroe (does anyone else get that vibe from these photos?). SISS could have done MUCH better. And so could the Photoshoppers, yikes!