No Cutsies For Chestica
There are two reasons for why carrying a greedy, selfish fetus-shaped bundle of slobber for 9 months is a good thing. The first reason is that you can eat a deep fried chocolate burrito with cake batter sauce out in the open without judgmental hos dropping the gavel on you with their eyes. The second reason is that you get special treatment almost everywhere you go. People will give you their seat on the subway, some parking lots have special spaces for knocked up hos and even paraplegics will roll off of their wheelchairs so the pregnant lady can sit. Jessica Simpson was thinking she'd get this kind of special treatment when she waddled up to a popular Mexican restaurant in Santa Barbara, CA recently.
Star Magazine (via Radar) says there's always a long ass line to get into La Super-Rica Taqueria and Jessica thought she didn't have to wait because: a) She's Heffica Simpson; and b) People would feel guilty listening to her ankle bones crack while she stood in line behind them. Jessica tried to cut in front of the line, but nobody was having it. The source put it like this:
"Apparently Jessica was too hungry to wait on the line like everyone else, so she tried to walk straight to the front in the hope that someone would take pity on her pregnant self. Unfortunately for Jess, the line went crazy and other hungry people started yelling at her. It was so embarrassing. Eventually, Jess was escorted to the back of the line. But she didn't want to wait. After all that, she just went to grab some Taco Bell around the corner."
Those people made the smartest decision of their lives! Think about it with your nose. Without a baby in her belly, Jessica's farts melt contact lenses and will take two of your senses to dark, dark places. The taste of Jessica's butt burps will never leave your tongue until you rinse with bleach and your nostrils will shrivel down to the size of an ant's peen slit. Your nostrils won't have the will to go on anymore. Add a baby and Mexican food, and you've got the ingredients for the most destructive weapon on this planet. If North Korea ever gets too bold, we just have to roll Jessica to their borders, turn her around and then hand her a tub of Pintos 'N Cheese. The next thing you'd see is millions of North Koreans waving white flags while singing Kumbaya.
The waiting diners at La Super-Rica Taqueria know what I'm talking about. They were not about to let Jessica turn their delicious plate of chilaquiles into a plate of shitaquiles. Nope.
(Picture via Pacific Coast News)
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I hope there isn't something medically wrong with her, like gestational diabetes or pre-eclampsis (hypertension induced by pregnancy). Women only need to gain up to 30 pounds to maintain a healthy pregnancy, and from the photos of her...she looks like she gained more than that.
Have several Jessica Simpson items, hat, shoes something else. Her product line is good quality at the price point she hits. Nice neutrals like Jolie wears which I don't mind. Can get plenty of color from kids food flowers. Did she ever solve her overseas labor issues? I would like to see her build up sewing as a career in USA. That would be awesome!!
Jessica is à smart business woman. Haters she works hard. Lots of women like her get big don't mind it. They produce!! She gotta watch out for messing with kidneys at this time though. Maybe quit the fast food. Too much salt.
"Doc, I don't want to fly anymore"
I honestly thought that Kirstie Alley went blond again. With her magnificent chichis, her future post baby-self is going to look like Jennifer Coolidge.
Be intrigued, be interested. DON'T be stupid.---TheBreakdown
Have several Jessica Simpson items, hat, shoes something else. Her product line is good quality at the price point she hits. Nice neutrals like Jolie wears which I don't mind. Can get plenty of color from kids food flowers. Did she ever solve her overseas labor issues? I would like to see her build up sewing as a career in USA. That would be awesome!!
Jessica is à smart business woman. Haters she works hard. Lots of women like her get big don't mind it. They produce!! She gotta watch out for messing with kidneys at this time though. Maybe quit the fast food. Too much salt.
"Doc, I don't want to fly anymore"
.
Jessica's overeating, and she's a good 40lbs over what she should be weighing, isn't doing her kid any favors either. Overweight moms give birth to babies prone to weight problems later on.
Step away from the TacoBell.
By the way, Jennifer Garner's probably popped by now.
.
Submitted by KA on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 2:25am.
she has that self-entitled thing going on that makes me hate pregnant women. yup you read that right. i can't stand being in the same room with one because 98% of them think they are the very first woman on earth to ever give birth to a child. when i was pregnant i didnt expect shit from people. sure it's cool and all that but women have been doing it for how many thousands of years now? bitch you are not the only one. i have a family member in this way right now and she thinks her fucking children are the next coming of jesus. i may have to go get my xanax refilled and drink heavily just to deal with her pretentious shit once the messiah is born.
and stop your fucking fighting already. getting worked up about something someone said on the innernets is lame.
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The fights been over, atleast on my end. I said what I had to say, so please don't bother stiring up this bullshit again, kthx.
And I agree, which was my point, that that troll attempted to jump all over me for...some women, former-pregnant women/mothers, just have this air of superiority about them, because they had a child...they brought forth life in to the world...Big deal, any crackhead and animal can make a child.
Woman who are heavy pregnant are not entitled by strangers, maybe their husbands, but other people who don't even know you, no. It maybe be a common courteousy, but it is not a requirement. And it certain isn't law, atleast where I am from.
I have a friend who's a bus driver, and they are told, not to stop and pick someone up unless they are at the bus stop due to legal reasons. They had a woman who was pregnant, carting 2 smaller children, one of which was still in a stroller, she wasn't quite at the bus stop yet, when she saw my friend driving, she waves my friend down, and so my friend, not supposing too, made a curteousy stop. Lets this woman on. Woman puts her money in. Then realizes she's on the wrong bus. Asks my friend if she could take her money out of the machine, my friend was like, no, once the money is in, it's in. This woman, becomes irate, telling my friend "You shoulda known this wasn't the right bus. And you should have kept on going." And so my friend was like, uh, excuse me, you waved ME down, Im not miss cleo, I didn't even have to stop. I shouldn't have. I broke protocol to be nice, because I saw you struggling with your children." the woman was like "well you should have kept going. And I wanna make a complaint." To which my friend responds with " Next time I will" then gave her the number and her information. The woman calls the station pretty much fabricates the story about how rude my friend was to her.
Later on that day, that SAME stupid bitch, was on my friend's bus route, wasn't quite at the bus stop.. she waves for the bus to stop....my friend saw her, and kept on going. Bahahahahaha...She calls in the STATION again, this time saying, SHE was at the bus stop when she was not, and that my friend passed her up. What that dumb cunt, failed to realize was, there is video and audio not only inside the bus but outside the bus....
SO YES, Pregnant or NOT...I would have left her ass too, AND if I were on that bus, I would have let that bitch stand. THIS IS WHAT I MEAN, BY SELF-ENTITLED pregnant bitches.
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I want you to get on them fat chubby knees and take muh manhood in to your sugarwalls!-Early Cuyler -Squidbillies-
Bizzarelife on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 2:29am.
Exactly. The clothes are just embarrassing. Next up: Pregnant bikini barista girls! "Would you like a umbilical cord swirl on your tall half-skinny half-1 percent extra hot split quad shot (two shots decaf, two shots regular) latte with whip?"
KA on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 2:25am.
Your rant totally cracked me the fuck up and I totally agree with you. It's a natural part of life.
Can you imagine if women started wearing a blinking neon sign necklace reading, "I'm in my period. I'm cramping!" or "I'm PMS-ing and bloated!" and then expecting special treatment? Yes, let's set women back a few hundred years. ha-ha!
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Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 02/15/2012 - 4:47pm.
you really ARE Satan! OMG!
Oh, and by the way....
PSL:
I HATE those stinking Weight Watchers commercials. It's like we need to give all of them, including J Hud, a gold medal for dropping a couple of pounds. Uggh.
I am not even sure a woman in the best shape of her life should be wearing that dress. Stripes? Uggh. Stripes work on some people, and in some colors. Still, that dress is just fugly. It's an ugly color.
What is wrong with just wearing some nicely fitting yoga or sweat pants, and a cute shirt? Why does she always insist on wearing ridiculous heels? Screw it...you are pregnant. After she gives birth, she can get back into shape, and then wear what she wants. It is not forever!
Comfortable all the way.
she has that self-entitled thing going on that makes me hate pregnant women. yup you read that right. i can't stand being in the same room with one because 98% of them think they are the very first woman on earth to ever give birth to a child. when i was pregnant i didnt expect shit from people. sure it's cool and all that but women have been doing it for how many thousands of years now? bitch you are not the only one. i have a family member in this way right now and she thinks her fucking children are the next coming of jesus. i may have to go get my xanax refilled and drink heavily just to deal with her pretentious shit once the messiah is born.
and stop your fucking fighting already. getting worked up about something someone said on the innernets is lame.
beware on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 12:57am.
OT, Jessica is going to be a good mom to those 5 babies incubating inside her.
FIVE? LMAO! Honestly, you can get that big and only have one baby brewing in there and yes, your tits can grow that big and feed a small village!
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Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 02/15/2012 - 4:47pm.
you really ARE Satan! OMG!
I want Jessica to have this baby already. Then Jennifer Hudson will STFU and get out of my face. I am so tired of her and her fucking WW commercials.
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I was feeding on the need for you to know me
Devastated at the rate you fell below me
What wasted unconditional love, on somebody who doesn't believe in the stuff- oh, well
-Fiona Apple
Love that blog link! Thank you!
Ssh, don't argue about who is more annoying, you both are. Go yell at each other on OP, please.
OT, Jessica is going to be a good mom to those 5 babies incubating inside her.
Submitted by Message In A Bottle on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 4:40pm.
I'm surprised she doesn't have a "pregnant mommy" blog on wordpress or blogger and fart out about "mommy tips" that will make an experience memaw go "bitch, please!"
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Christ...please don't give her any ideas.
www.stfuparentsblog.com
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Do. Not. Want.
Special treatment? LMFAO. People breed like rats. Special treatment my a*s.
When I was 'with child', I never expected special treatment from anyone but my husband. People were always kind to me but people are usually always nice to me when I'm out an about (pregnant or not), so, I don't think anyone was extra special nice just because I was blimpin' out with baby in mah belleh.
The only gripe I have about strangers I encountered when I was 'with child' were the folks who felt entitled to come up and touch/rub my belly like it was a fucking good luck Buddha belly charm or Aladdin's fuckin' lamp. Ick.
Even though hubs and I were broke as shit back then, his parents owned a restaurant and gave him an extra set of keys to the place so he could take me there to pig out after hours when I got a craving. I ate like a queen for free!
Jessica needs to give up the tight dresses and fuck me pumps at this stage of her pregnancy. Holy fuck. TACKY! TRASHY. CHEAP. NASTY.
You don't need to be or dress 'sexy' while pregnant. Uh. You are already knocked up. We know you got the sexy on already. Time to grow up and put on a fuckin' tent and some comfy shoes.
Oh my lord god, has she ever BEEN to La Super Rica before? That place is like a shrine to really excellent Mexican food, and all day the line is usually about 50 or 60 people deep even though the place is essentially a stand with a covered patio.
The tortillas and salsas are hand made and cooked to order, the meats and chicken are marinated and grilled over wood and everything is put together with extreme finesse and love. Yeah, I'd have slapped Simpson if she'd tried to cut in front of me, but even more importantly, so would all the dozens of white people standing in line with me. You don't mess with the line at La Super Rica.
I remember one time I was in line there, and the touristy x-ray Junior League-y white woman in front of me kept trying to order "crispy tacos" and nachos. The server kept patiently explaining to her that they don't serve food like that - all the food is authentic Mexican-style antojitos. After her third try ("Well, can't you just make some?"), everyone in line (including me) started yelling at her: "Read the menu and order something, lady!" "You're not at Taco Bell - if that's what you want, go there for Chrissakes." She got mortally offended and left, just like Chestica. Heh.
Submitted by Manimal5 on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 9:59pm.
I wish I was there:
http://www.earthcam.com/usa/louisiana/neworleans/bourbonstreet/
--
Sigh... Good times! ;P
OT: Chesty should have had some pancakes, I forgot them too! haha
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
"What is that strange clear liquid dripping out of my eye?"MK
Submitted by tonicbitch on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 8:26pm.
lol jessica thought the stripes made her look thinner.
oh dear god, jessica is giving hillary duff a run for her money.
but my money is on jessica simpson's baby, who i believe will be the size of a calf.
although hillary duff has been pregnant for like an eternity, he child would probably walk out when he/she is 18 years old.
Just eat for two!
I wish I was there:
http://www.earthcam.com/usa/louisiana/neworleans/bourbonstreet/
Oh wait this just reminded me ...it's Fat Tuesday!
is it me, or does Chestica look 100x BETTER with the chunk?!
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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
-Father Andrés García Torres, inventor of the Catholic Anus Ruler
Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 6:01pm.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 5:44pm.
Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 5:42pm.
Ah. Running away when you can't explain what it is you want me to tell you. Predictable.
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Okay, I'll bite before I finish my meal...
1.) you're full of shit.
2.) you're an immature/insecure mentally unbalanced woman.
3.) You try to insult people to get them to back down, and if that DOESN'T work you accuse ooh, I'm sorry, imply that they are alts.
4.) You, yourself, are probably an alt. There I said it. Someone had too.
5.) You clearly need to fake being stupid in order to pretend to be valid to falsly(like your claims) have the last word.
6.) This whole thing was a result of me saying, I would gladly give a pregnant woman my seat if she wasn't an entitled bitch, I see why NOW that hit a nerve with you..
7.) Absouthern...why you protestin,guh?
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^^^^^^^ :)
I'm tired of all this bickering, for the love of god can we please talk about how GD FUGLY that dress is??? Who the hell wears spaghetti straps when they're rocking mammaries the size of white rhinos and a big ugly sports bra to reign them in?!
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"I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done." -Lucille Ball-sy
Those hooters could feed about 10 kids...EAT!
Submitted by Rocket on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 1:42pm.
Weightwatchers is paying her 2 million after her pregnancy to lose the weight - nice for all those people who pay weightwatchers to lose weight.
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not directed at rocket personally, but anyone who believes this talentless skank's inflated publicity is as dimwitted as she is.
Weightwatchers ain't paying 2MM to d-list lardasses just to do a few commercials and this braindead whale ain't no billionaire just 'cause her creepy father says she is
288 comments on a J-Simp post? I would expect to see this from a Leann Rimes post, yes, but Chestica...that's news to me. Pregnancy seems to suit her nicely, except that it seems like she's been carrying that babeh for eleventy trillion years.
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Do. Not. Want.
This heifer hasn't had that baby YET?
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"I prefer my pieces the same way I prefer my Slim Jims, long, lean and mute" --the incomparable MK
Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 6:01pm.
SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNN
Submitted by GlitterKitty on Sat, 07/23/2011 -
Is playing a cunt on the internet as satisfying as wanking into your mum's nightie? Because something tells me you'd know all about that.
I just read all eleventy thousand comments and I'm tired. Can someone give up their seat for me so I can sit down?
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 2:33pm.
Submitted by mharker on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 2:29pm.
That doesn't make you any better than the "entitled pregnant women". I wouldn't brag about it.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
NOW I see how this lame story got so many comments...
Miss Jane Texas, you are CORRECT! Thanks for saying it so I didn't have to ***
Submitted by tojo on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 6:25pm.
Submitted by unemployed_bum on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 6:23pm.
4 of my boobs could fit in one of her boobs
==
How many boobs do you have??!!!
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*gives a coy smile* However many you would like me to have.
Submitted by unemployed_bum on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 6:23pm.
4 of my boobs could fit in one of her boobs
==
How many boobs do you have??!!!
============================================
...the end
4 of my boobs could fit in one of her boobs
Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 1:52pm.
Never have a problem with pregnant ladies getting help nor with others needing assistance. If they look entitled, maybe I'd give them the double stink-eye, but for the most part, people appreciate the kindness. Even if not preggo, someone helping you get the suitcase up on the overhead compartment can make your day.
^^^^
Right On!
I was MISERABLE when I was pregnant(complicated health isssues). Only nobody knew b/c I looked "normal".
I never went out of my way to appear entitled, but some times I just had to ask for a favor here & there---
You just never know, so I think it's best to err on the side of courtesy/niceness when you can.
Not saying every pregnant woman needs to be coddled, but if you see someone clearly struggling, well, I know how that feels
Submitted by absouthern on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 5:56pm.
Are you really so arrogant to think that the regular commenters constitute the entirety of this blog's readers?
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the "regular commenters" do not even come close to even 1% of the readers...
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"Hang on, let me just whip out my compass 'cause clearly we're living in the Legend of Zelda." ~ MadgesVadge 02/10/2012
M.E., I'm pregnant as we speak have a similar body to Jessica's except I'm 5'7'' but hope and pray I wouldn't received those pregger thighs! Ahhhhhh!
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 5:44pm.
Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 5:42pm.
Ah. Running away when you can't explain what it is you want me to tell you. Predictable.
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Okay, I'll bite before I finish my meal...
1.) you're full of shit.
2.) you're an immature/insecure mentally unbalanced woman.
3.) You try to insult people to get them to back down, and if that DOESN'T work you accuse ooh, I'm sorry, imply that they are alts.
4.) You, yourself, are probably an alt. There I said it. Someone had too.
5.) You clearly need to fake being stupid in order to pretend to be valid to falsly(like your claims) have the last word.
6.) This whole thing was a result of me saying, I would gladly give a pregnant woman my seat if she wasn't an entitled bitch, I see why NOW that hit a nerve with you..
7.) Absouthern...why you protestin,guh?
Does that explain it? Probably not. However, I am done with you, as I actually have dinner with friends... my miserable, lesbian, childless friends dont'cha know...While you relish your falsley preceived internet glory...So...have fun with that..I guess.
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I want you to get on them fat chubby knees and take muh manhood in to your sugarwalls!-Early Cuyler -Squidbillies-
bahahaahah I love how boredasfuck claims that my very existence is "still to be determined"... by whom? A stranger on the internet? Lolololol!!!
Dlisted is MUCH more than a comments section. There are people who come here because they enjoy, you know, the input of MICHAEL K and for whom the comments are a fun but secondary part of the site. Usually when something on Dlisted makes me think of something I want to say, I either tell my friends who read this blog about it or I email Michael K directly. Are you really so arrogant to think that the regular commenters constitute the entirety of this blog's readers?
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It must be nice to hope for the thing you wish to want... It sure beats doing it. - Jerri Blank
It's long as hell pregnancies like this that make people think Beyonce was faking it the whole time. Seriously, it felt like Beyonce's pregnancy lasted 4 months. Jess has been pregnant for two years it seems like.
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
http://chakrakahn.tumblr.com/
Wow! Nearly 300 posts in a Jessica Simpson thread?
Anyway, this cow seems to have been preggo for at least a year! Cut that little freeloader out for crissakes!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 5:42pm.
Ah. Running away when you can't explain what it is you want me to tell you. Predictable.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 5:39pm.
Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 5:37pm.
I can't answer it because I don't know what it means. You're making zero sense but I'm not surprised by that. At all.
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So you don't know what the shit you, yourself writes, means?
Thank you for proving my point at what an unstable person you are...And have a nice DAY...*throws midol and prozac in the air* This is OVAH!
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I want you to get on them fat chubby knees and take muh manhood in to your sugarwalls!-Early Cuyler -Squidbillies-
Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 5:37pm.
I can't answer it because I don't know what it means. You're making zero sense but I'm not surprised by that. At all.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 5:34pm.
Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 5:31pm.
Really? I didn't see me call you Angela and neither did you. I also didn't say you were CPG. You also didn't see that.
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Never said you claimed I was "Angela", you implied i was CPG...Yea, you imply alot don't you, "Angela"? That your other weapon of choice? You still didn't tell me what the #459045345 meant followed by the posters name..You plan on ever answering that? Or just right on "Implying" im a barren bitter lesbian named CPG? Keep it going, crazy...
Ignore it, go in another post, and argue with someone else who doesn't agree with you, that tickd your crazy switch...*Sigh* to have the life of "DOG" and whatever other names you claim you aren't, but have a wonder blood-hound like nose for sniffing out. You're like that annoying bitch in the Disneyland tower of terror video... I think I'd rather deal with Karen Flatts are Migraineuse over you. Atleast they have a fucking off-button. Your crazy button is just permenantly stuck.
Do you take meds for bipolar/stress or depression by any chance? If not, I sugges you get evaulated. Not even a dig, you seem to like you have some fucked up neurotic/emotional disorder.
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I want you to get on them fat chubby knees and take muh manhood in to your sugarwalls!-Early Cuyler -Squidbillies-
Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 5:31pm.
Really? I didn't see me call you Angela and neither did you. I also didn't say you were CPG. You also didn't see that.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 4:47pm.
Sandy, no shit! I have cramps up the wazoo today.
---LOL, told you it was accurate.
In the red corner we have the bleeders and in the blue corner, the ovulators.
*DING DING*
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 5:26pm.
Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 5:22pm.
You have a knack for pointing out alts?
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Doesn't take a knack. It takes knowing Pip/Angela's patterns. I only call her out. Anyone else who has an alt escapes me. But you sure do sound like CPG. ;-)
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Lmao, your alt skills ain't that good bitch, I knew you were gonna try and pull that bullshit, you try it with anyone who tries to question your "alt" authority...
If you're so sure I'm whatever "CPG" stands for, let the moderators check my fucking IP for any "extra" names. I guarantfuckingtee this is the only name I've had in the 2 plus years I've been on here so don't even try it "Angela."
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I want you to get on them fat chubby knees and take muh manhood in to your sugarwalls!-Early Cuyler -Squidbillies-