Happy "Somebody PLEASE Pay Attention To Me" Day, Jennifer Love Hewitt!
Because Jennifer Love Hewitt is a shy, private and demure person, she celebrated her 33rd birthday yesterday at the long-running headquarters for fame eaters that is The Ivy. THE IVY: Where THIRSTAY hos can quench their thirst on $30 lemonade and camera flashes.
JLove, who is seriously the prototype for every desperate sadling on The Bachelor, screamed for the paparazzi to scratch her attention spot by flashing all kinds of signs that read shit like "Happy Birthday 2 Me," "Watch The Client List In April," and "Bye Pappos." You know, I shade JLove often for taking desperate to whole new desperate levels, but these pictures are kind of refreshing. Because usually if JLove's holding a sign, it reads: I NEED A MAN!!!!!!!!
It feels unnatural posting pictures of The Ivy without The Ivy's forever Poison Ivy Queen in them, so I was moved to do this:
And now I can exhale.
• 
Submitted by El Bastardo on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:58pm.
VEGGIEIST, REPORTED
I can haz OP?
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
Submitted by guest on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:52pm.
So she's had secks with @ least 25 different menz?!?!?!? *acts judgmental*
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Well hate me, because 25 for a 33yo girl seems like nothing. I might cast half a side-eye at 25 in a year, so I'm not entirely without morals.
Every time a celebs eating at the ivy its always a big plate of grass cuttings and lettuce. Wheres the steak and burgers. Moooooooooooo.
I love the birthday glass she is holding up. I want one.
*goes on a google search*
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
HAHAHA, After reading that Sucky, imma have to start calling you, Colberky or Suckolbert, Jeebus GURLFRAAND!! LMAO! ;D
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
"What is that strange clear liquid dripping out of my eye?"MK
I love that she can still wrinkle her forehead, but her eyeballs still gross me out.
.
.
.
.
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... the sanctity of marriage gave up, moved to Reno and now works the 1am-6am shift at strip club under the name Sanctitty Mirage.
I am beyond hoffified
NOT IMPRESSED, ITA.
It's not the amount of guys, it's the choice of them for me.
*curls lip at her pathetic, no self esteem having ass.* I do NOT think she's pretty, her face is too narrow/haggard.
Don't care what she looks like or what her relationship status is. She's supposed to be an actress and the girl CANNOT act. Therefore, she is worthless to me. That is all.
The media likes to potray some celebrity women as desperate and pathetic. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with JLH. Personally, I think she's probably not selective enough about who she dates. I mean, Jamie Kennedy? WOOF. Also, I remember there was a rumor a while back that she was chasing that nerd Ben from The Bachelor. A fuckin Bachelor?! Have some standards, girl!
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Douchechill!
So she's had secks with @ least 25 different menz?!?!?!? *acts judgmental*
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by beakers bitch on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:50pm.
Only if I'm allowed to get drunk and then try to get sucky preggers with butt sex.
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
HAHAHAHAHAHA MJT!! You so nastay! *sits by you*
Submitted by Migraine Sally on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:48pm.
married, dated, one night stand(ed), etc...
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"wah I don't want to marry some psycho bitch!" ~ Dr. Suck N Fuck
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:48pm.
George Clooney list is longer and people don't give him nearly as much grief for it.
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:48pm.
Submitted by Spoiled on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:43pm.
Here's a list of some of her boyfriends/fiances/flings
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Holy shit, she's either a crazy nutbar or she needs a piece of strange every two
Yep, I had to post again after that list. Shaggy, Wilmer, Enrique Glassinmyass? WTF? Forget my barb wire post!
Submitted by Spoiled on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:43pm.
Here's a list of some of her boyfriends/fiances/flings:
Wasn't she with Alec Baldwin, too, for a hot minute?
Submitted by LaChaylo on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:45pm.
Submitted by TequilaTax on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:41pm.
Let's go hang our heads together at some bar. Much more fun IMO.
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True! First bottle's on me!
Come on out for awesome blossoms, margaritas and mani pedis with sucky, GIRLFRAAAAAANS!
Submitted by Spoiled on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:43pm.
One thing I'll never get is why so many celebs seem to almost exclusively date other people in the entertainment biz. I thought one of The Rules of Life was to never fuck someone with whom you work?
Agree, but you work together allll day long in film. Having busy jobs sucks.
Always a fiancee, never a bride.
This girl is corked.
She's funny on Hot in Cleveland though.
►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄ ►◄
Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
Submitted by Spoiled on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:43pm.
Here's a list of some of her boyfriends/fiances/flings:
HOR!! That is DISGUSTING. *so feckin glad I'm not famous and nobody is counting*
Wait, she was fucking Patrick Wilson and John Cusack?
I wouldn't have let either of those hot fuckers go. She goes up a few pegs in my book.
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
Submitted by Spoiled on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:43pm.
Here's a list of some of her boyfriends/fiances/flings
-----------------------------------------
Holy shit, she's either a crazy nutbar or she needs a piece of strange every two weeks.
Edit,
I'd still let her scratch my name on her bedpost
*lowers head, no eye contact with rest of room*
Jack
Been there, married that, huh?
After 30, pretending you're happy that another birthday has come is a facade anyone can see through.....I think I'll spend my after 30 birthday's doing something truly epic....
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe tendencies. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."
Submitted by Spoiled on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:43pm.
Here's a list of some of her boyfriends/fiances/flings:
So she's had 1 or 2 boyfriends, doesn't make her a bad person.....slut maybe. Shaggy? Damn, whatta whore. Ignore my last post.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:43pm.
Submitted by Migraine Sally on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:33pm.
I want to dip my french fries in her?
Hmmmm.
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Hahahahahaa!! MmmMMmmmMMMMMmmMmm
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"wah I don't want to marry some psycho bitch!" ~ Dr. Suck N Fuck
Submitted by TequilaTax on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:41pm.
Let's go hang our heads together at some bar. Much more fun IMO.
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True! First bottle's on me!
Submitted by Migraine Sally on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:43pm.
"wah I don't want to marry some psycho bitch!"
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Someone make this their signature please!
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I had already planned on it... :P
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"wah I don't want to marry some psycho bitch!" ~ Dr. Suck N Fuck
Submitted by El Bastardo on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:41pm.
Desperate? Lonely? Sad? Loser? What drugs are you people on? I'd crawl through 10 miles of barb wire just to throw stones at her handbag. She's purty y'all, DANG!
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LOL! Damn right she is Bastardo.
Submitted by suckandfuck on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:32pm.
WOOO HAYY BIRTHDAY GIRLFRANNNDDDDDDD
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HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Are you sure you're not a sitcom/romcom writer?
*prepares for musical montage of different sassay outfits with sassayy gay friend*
Here's a list of some of her boyfriends/fiances/flings:
Joey Lawrence
Will Friedle
Andrew Keegan
Carson Daly
Diego Serrano
Jeff Timmons
Rich Cronin
Wilmer Valderrama
Craig Bierko
Will Estes
Patrick Wilson
Enrique Iglesias
Shaggy
John Mayer
Stephen Dorff
Paul Nicholls
John Cusack
Kip Pardue
Antonio Sabato Jr.
Scott Austin
Ross McCall
Jamie Kennedy
John Mallory Asher
Alex Beh
Jarod Einsohn
Whew!
Submitted by Migraine Sally on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:33pm.
I want to dip my french fries in her?
Hmmmm.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
Actually, according to Rich Cronin (RIP), Love-Hewitt is the one who does the dumping:
http://www.thefablife.com/2009-01-21/lfos-singer-accuses-jennifer-love-h...
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Have you heard this???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtHUrn98kCg
His hilarious account of their courtship(from that interview). That guy was a riot and great storyteller.
Submitted by guest on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:14pm.
Whamo...her Valentine? lol. ;D
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LOL, no shit! I kinda sped through the post
saw the red and my mind "went all Valentine" for some reason. See what happens when I see a pretty smile, I turn into a retard:)
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@doggie...come on she's a celebrity, there are always exceptions if they're celebrities aren't there? Actually you let me off pretty easy on that one:)
*waits for Mrs. Fury to jump out of nowhere and throw a shoe at me*
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Submitted by Jintess on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:19pm.
@ Whamo, I think she just is the kind of chick who gets too clingy entirely too quickly.
Spoiled say she's the cheater/dumper so I'm totally confused. lol
Regardless there must be something going on because ass we see she's too pretty to be alone.
"wah I don't want to marry some psycho bitch!"
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Someone make this their signature please!
Desperate? Lonely? Sad? Loser? What drugs are you people on? I'd crawl through 10 miles of barb wire just to throw stones at her handbag. She's purty y'all, DANG!
Submitted by LaChaylo on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:12pm.
Did she wish for another engagement? "This year, I'll actually walk down the aisle! "
Fuck, what am I talking about. At least she's been engaged. *Hangs spinster head in shame*
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Let's go hang our heads together at some bar. Much more fun IMO.
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
Sally, lmao - wait, how did you feel about mayonnaise again? ;p
Submitted by suckandfuck on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:32pm.
You know how guys are! It's all "wah, I wanna be with my bros" "wah, I wanna watch the game" "wah I don't want to marry some psycho bitch!" girl you don't need those guys!
*fucking dies laughing*
lmao @ beakers too!! Love the visual.
Wow the desperation just reeks through the screen. I feel so bad, I'd be inclined to almost throw her a pity fuck just out of human decency.
Almost.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:07pm.
I read that the food isn't all that great at The Ivy and the only reason celebs go there is because you can sit outside and be seen by the paps.
Word. See also: Mr. Chow's in BH.
Submitted by suckandfuck on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:32pm.
"wah I don't want to marry some psycho bitch!"
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olololoooooooolllolol
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"Hang on, let me just whip out my compass 'cause clearly we're living in the Legend of Zelda." ~ MadgesVadge 02/10/2012
Sucky is JLove's new bff!!!
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Meh. Feh.
She is the celebrity equivalent of mayonnaise.
Submitted by TrashyWilma on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 3:02pm.
I remember around 1998 when she was on the cover of EVERY magazine and I couldn't wait for her to go away.
Then we got the Kardashians and Parasite Hilton and realized Hewitt was so fucking harmless.
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WERD!! Actually, I've always liked her. And so what about her multiple engagements? Better to break off all those engagements than to go through all those marriages and spawned with multiple baby daddies, IMHO ;)
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Happy Holidays to you too, Khloe! And may you and your family GTFA for 2012!!
WOOO HAYY BIRTHDAY GIRLFRANNNDDDDDDD
after we drink 90 bottles of wine and 30 boxes of chocolate we are going to get...omg wait for it..MANI PEDIS WOOOOOOOOO BIRTHDAY GIRRRLLL FRANNDDD!!!! WOOO!! then OMMGGG we are gonna watch YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES (CAN'T HARDLY WAIT followed by NEVER BEEN KISSED!!!!!!) omgg what's wrong girl? aww don't cry, because you're 33 and single? Girlfrand! You gotta dust yourself off and go on a DATE with a HOTTIE POTATIE!!! AWw gurrll, you're gonna smudge your makeup! Girlfriend, let me tell you something, you are beautiful, you're strong, you're sucesssful, you're independent, you got it all girlfrand! And if some man doesn't drop EVERYTHING and ask you to marry him RIGHT AWAY, then he's CRAZY! Gurl! You know how guys are! It's all "wah, I wanna be with my bros" "wah, I wanna watch the game" "wah I don't want to marry some psycho bitch!" girl you don't need those guys! You need a guy that's gonna treat you like a princess 24/7/365 girlfriend!!!!! So keep the faith girl! You've got God on your side, and that's all you need :)
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Mickey - you're sweet. ♥ Thank you!
she is so desperate.
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If you would only listen
You might just realize what you're missing
You're missing me
-Jack Johnson