Open Oscars Post: Hosted By Blind Santa Claus
Don't medical experts say the best hangover cure is to get drunk again and stay drunk continuously so you never get hungover again? That is why I'm going to get rid of my day-long hangover by swallowing a wine bottle to get me through 55 thousand million hours of wishing that Billy Crystal's unicorn twin Richard Simmons was hosting this mess instead. Sacha Baron Cohen's STUNT QUEEN ass just walked on the red carpet at the Oscars in his Dictator drag, so I hope the foolery continues through the night and Melissa McCarthy dresses up as her Bridesmaids character to tackle Octavia Spencer when Octavia wins Best Supporting Actress.
Put your mouth around your mind-number of choice and connect up your arm vein to an IF drip full of creamed Chicken McNuggets, because you're going to need the protein. It's going to be a long ass night, but Nick Nolte and that nose picker in the back will get us through this.
If you need me, I'll be drunkTweeting on my Twatter starting at around 8:15pm. But before I do that, I'm going to make the sign of the cross the same way my abuelita does when she's about to be stuck in the car with us for over 4 hours during a road trip. I'm in it for the long, painful haul. Happy Drunkscars!
Hilarious!
http://thearticlediary.com/
OMG jessica simpson is GINORMOUS! she's never losing that fat.
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 10:32am.
ONE boob looks like the size of a normal 9 month belly!
That poor girl, if that is real! OMG! I would insist on being induced! I ate a HUGE salad yesterday and I couldn't stand how my stomach felt.
Submitted by skinny fat on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 10:33am.
I know. How she thinks people will believe her is just astounding. And did you see how they described her" "The Playboy Model".
****VOM****
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 10:27am.
yeah, ms. taylor did the same for me. BWAHAHAHHAHAAA hohan is completely delusional.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 10:27am.
Totally O/T-
JESUS CHRIST! http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2107094/Heavily-pregnant-Je...
BIRTH THAT BABY ALREADY!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
JESUS, MARY AND JOSEPH! That HAS TO BE photoshopped somehow! How is that thing even walking and how does she NOT have gestational diabeetus????? She looks like she better not get anywhere near something sharp or she'll end up on the moon!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Totally O/T-
JESUS CHRIST! http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2107094/Heavily-pregnant-Je...
BIRTH THAT BABY ALREADY!
Submitted by skinny fat on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 10:26am.
i just clicked on the hohan link. THAT is going to play Elizabeth Taylor? really? WTF?
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Did you see what she said? That Taylor gave her a ring and a nice note before she died? I'm so sure. I'd be willing to bet Taylor didn't even know who BloHan was and it's really convenient she isn't alive to back up BloHan's claim. Typical BloHan lies.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
i just clicked on the hohan link. THAT is going to play Elizabeth Taylor? really? WTF?
"you can't win against Milla."
Extends fist-bump.
My wife was watching this shit in the bedroom, and I heard her call out: "Your girlfriend is on!"
And I admit it, I fumbled quickly with the remote to change the channel. Love me some Jovovich.
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"Don't confuse a war on religion with not always getting what you want." -Jon Stewart
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 10:18am.
Submitted by skinny fat on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 10:13am.
Pitt???? Ummm, well okay, we can agree to disagree on that one.
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i can't stand braddie but i thought he was excellent in moneyball. i shocked myself.
Eeeevil, that link had so much wrong with it!
Pamela Anderson. Period.
Spaz de la Sans Fards. Everything.
BLOHAN'S LEGS! She has the legs of a 90 year old!!!!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by skinny fat on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 10:13am.
Pitt???? Ummm, well okay, we can agree to disagree on that one.
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 10:13am.
Talk about ugly legs! Open this and scroll down.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2106352/Lindsay-Lohan-suffe...
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That Paz De La Scum Bag looks like she has eaten her way through the Oscars! Jeez!
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 10:03am.
Submitted by skinny fat on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 9:59am.
Acting isn't just about parroting out lines.
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I'm aware of that. I don't think he deserved to win. Clooney, Pitt and Oldman gave much better, more nuanced performances.
Talk about ugly legs! Open this and scroll down.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2106352/Lindsay-Lohan-suffe...
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Damn, I'm glad I haven't been Jolie yesterday - you can't win against Milla.
Submitted by skinny fat on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 9:59am.
Acting isn't just about parroting out lines.
I really think we should petition to have Heroina's greasy spastic chicken sex leg win a special Oscar for being so fuckin sesay!!
Even her HAIR looked hungry for fuck's sake, did you see how thin and ratty it looked? I've said this for years and no one can convince me otherwise that she ain't on SOMETHING!
st angie ho looked like an asshole sticking out that scrawny pasty leg of hers. i thought she was so above all that. showed her true colors. skank ho. thank god braddie didn't win but SERIOUSLY best actor to some french guy who has no fucking lines to speak? what a joke.
I skipped this snorefest and am glad I did.
WTF was up with Jolie jutting her leg out in every picture? And she was supposed to have been a "model"?
I refused to watch but I have now seen the pics. Whenever Skankelina is up for an award, Brad purposely steps back and lets her have the spotlight. Does she afford him the same courtesy? Nope. It was HIS night, yet SHE wore a gown that showed off her stick-thin pipe-cleaner leg and made sure everyone saw her vogueing. Nasty bitch can't for one second let anyone else have the spotlight.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Angelina was high as fuck at the Oscars.
If she insists on scaring people, her old fucking face and disgusting, flabby arms would have sufficed...that pale, untoned 89yr old woman leg was too much and I was fucking eating...she has no idea what sexy is - FAIL
Submitted by LMA618: "Let's all be thankful that we're not one of the poor unfortunate souls in the car ride home with Angie. How dreadful."
Hahaha I am most certainly thankful I wasn't!!
She could cut a bitch with those kneecaps.
Angie's PULKES* win the evening!
* Yiddish for chicken legs.
I miss 100-years-ago time. The world has officially gone to hell.
uh oh, i hope i dont have to put up 918 comments now, commenting on comments.
but yes, clooney winning would have been bad travesty. that movie SUCKED. i couldnt have cared less about every character if i tried.
start to finish - fake and pat.
no offense, jim-rash-my-new-favorite-person-in-the-world.
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Posh Beckham is one of the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse.
angelina and brad are all, "Jim Rash! You'll never work in this town again!!"
woooo, Legs Jolie and Fabio Pitt!
and some article i read this morning, about the best adapted screenplay, thats ALL it was about - said these dudes won, and then spent two paragraphs talking about moneyball.
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Posh Beckham is one of the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse.
I haven't read all the comments yet, but did anyone else notice that she wore a very similar dress to the BAFTAS? The asymmetry of the top is the same, just in a different color.
I also have chicken legs. 5'5", 123 lbs,, but the circumference in my lower leg is 12 3/4. I know I have chicken legs. How does Angie not know she has them? We have the same body type. Long limbs but a thick midsection. Her lower leg circumference must be about 11".
She reminds me of Victoria Beckham with all the hard posing. She needed to be reminded that she was A presenter, not the winner.
The stars of the show were undoubtedly Christopher Plummer’s wife, Shelia E, Virginia Madsen, Lea Thompson, and a FISHY ginge Leslie Mann. Glenn Close looked like hot shit for an old bitch. Congrats Octavia Spencer.
Viola was robbed, beaten by an AWFUL film that no one saw but this might at least shut up the deranged Streep loons - though don't count out on it, they're already moaning she has the same amount of lead actress Oscars as Hilary Swank etc, they want her to beat Katharine's record!
The French and Mexican guys in Best Actor are hotter than fuck. And Brad Pitt DID look pissed off during the winner's speech! Boring stuff of course, but at least Clooney didn't win, that would have been a travesty.
Someone commented regarding the standing ovation when Octavia Spencer won: "the white guilt in this room is palpable"
I have nothing against her but that was absolutely cringeworthy.
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Dlisted is so fetch.
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
plus im watching Mean Girls on TBS.
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
no idea about the fuckery afoot. I am in rare form. also I finally made up with mom tonight after stonewalling her for 3 years. Plus, Im full of the good shit and drank.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 12:35am.
What is this charlie chaplin shit?
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best comment. i thought that film was horrible but i'm not into that whole silent film genre.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 1:44am.
Ha, read through the link there on USMagazine that Aniston's new movie is a big turd at the box office. Wonder which of those 3 AngieBranistons feels the worst tonight.
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Fucking NONE of the above. Jeezus, I wish I could get FAILS on a job evaluation and still pick up 10 million for the next one. FML. F you, TexnDoc, for making me think about it.
Within, I am very jealous of you nonetheless. Dutch television considers The Oscars an event that is only of interest to women and the occasional gay man. Every flippin' football match that was ever played gets aired, but red carpet events are welcomed with a deafening silence. Anyways, good luck getting up early tomorrow!
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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden
Angelina had her hair dyed to match Brad's. Bad color for her.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 1:52am.
Manimal, apparently she posed that way all night though. Others mentioned it below. Maybe she wanted to show of the sexy leg! ;)
Just so you know, it's the RIGHT leg that is particularly sexy. o.O
*checks self for particularly sexy limbs*
I think Jolie is sexy, but when you take it that far to where it's joke-material... maybe you should rethink some things. It would have been funny if she posed that way then laughed about it. But noooo... I think she thought she was being steamy!
I WISH i had seen this part:
"It was an awkward pose to assume, and unusual for anyone to take on the Oscar stage. After the guys all thrust their legs out in the same fashion – and angle – that Jolie did, they gave their acceptance speeches, gave their thanks, and walked off stage. The camera cut back to Angelina, whose eyes looked a bit moist, as if she were about to break into tears at the mockery."
from http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/fash-track/angelina-jolie-descendants-s...
Mickey, had some wine to endure the show, so was staying up for a bit. Have to get up early tomorrow but nobody said life was easy! Hope you are well too! ;)
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"Nasty cotton fucker!" MK
Let's all be thankful that we're not one of the poor unfortunate souls in the car ride home with Angie. How dreadful. What PR stunt will save her from this mockery?
LOL @ Jolie's pose. "Oh, I'm so humbled by this experience I feel so not worthy, yadda yadda". Yeah right.
Within! How are you?
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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden
Manimal, apparently she posed that way all night though. Others mentioned it below. Maybe she wanted to show of the sexy leg! ;)
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"Nasty cotton fucker!" MK
HAHAHA Even Alexander Payne looked back at Angelina! A boiled bunny will be sent to that guy tomorrow. Swimming, fishes, with, the... LOL!
♥---♥---♥
"Nasty cotton fucker!" MK
Submitted by Manimal5 on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 1:45am.
lol
Submitted by Klutzy McFucktard on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 1:07am.
here's a jolie strike-a-zombie pose gif
http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/board/viewtopic.php?f=40&t=309818&start=30
Seriously WTF was that? Look at my leg?
Submitted by loopygorilla on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 1:17am.
I wonder how Blohan is celebrating tonight?
If I had to guess...something like this:
http://www.locationlohan.com/index.php?app=core&module=attach§ion=at...
Ha, read through the link there on USMagazine that Aniston's new movie is a big turd at the box office. Wonder which of those 3 AngieBranistons feels the worst tonight.
http://www.usmagazine.com/entertainment/news/jennifer-anistons-wanderlus...
For an opening weekend with not a lot of films to choose from, to come in 8th. All downhill from there. She'll have a sitcom on TV in two years.