Dancing With The...Who Are These Hos?!
Today on Good Morning Amurica, ABC announced the newest cast of questions marks and has-beens who will shake their nipples off either a much-needed check, a defibrillator pad to their flatlining career or both!
That headline is sort of sprinkled with lies, because I recognize 9 out of 12 of these "stars," but I stuff my head with all kinds of useless shit instead of shit I should probably know. Like I can tell you the first and last name of all the cast members from Rags to Riches without IMDBing for a clue, but if you asked me what my dad's birthday is, I'd make the same face White Oprah makes when someone asks her the names of her sons (aka the leeches who don't contribute to her gin fund).
I know a lot of the hos on the new cast of Dancing for Relevancy, but if you haven't turned your brain into a dilapidated pop culture junkyard like I have, you probably don't know a lot of them. So let's play a game. If you know the ho, then you know the ho. But if their name makes you squint while brain burping out a question mark, then they're officially a stranger bitch. Let's play!
Star: William Levy, Cuban hot piece who should be ordered by the United Nations to never wear clothes for peacekeeping purposes.
Partner: MOP HEAD (Damn that bitch)!
Verdict: I know that ho. I know that ho so well that I can sketch his peen print from memory.
Star: Sherri "The German" Shepherd, flat world advocate and one of the screeching hyenas on The View.
Partner: Val Chmerkovskiy
Verdict: I know that ho and I curse the day that I could say that shit with confidence.
Star: URKEL (government name: Jaleel White)
Partner: Kross Eyed Kym
Verdict: I know that ho and he better dance as Myrtle Urkel.
Star: Martina Navratilova, tennis icon and legendary lez.
Partner: Tony Dovolani
Verdict: I know that ho and I already have a fever from picturing the glamour she's going to give us in rhinestones and feathers.
Star: Jack Wagner, the breaker of Heather Locklear's fragile heart!
Partner: Anna Trebunskaya
Verdict: I know that ho and he better Rumba to All I Need at least once every week.
Star: Donald Driver, football dude.
Partner: Peta Murgatroyd
Verdict: Stranger bitch. I know a lot of packers, but none of them are from Green Bay or wherever this dude is form.
Star: Maria Menounos, some EXTRA (extra being the key word) ho.
Partner: Derek Hough
Verdict: I know that ho.
Star: Roshon Fegan, one of Mickey Mouse's hos and star on some show called Shake It Up.
Partner: Chelsie Hightower.
Verdict: Stranger bitch.
Star: Gavin DeGraw, a member of the John Mayer tribe and a Guinness World Record holder for being the only dude on the planet who still wears newsboy caps past the age of 30 and under the age of 65.
Partner: Karina Smirnoff Ice.
Verdict: I know that ho and I can't wait to see the disco ball lights ricochet off of his epic forehead.
Star: Glady Knight, no description of her skills needed.
Partner: Tristan MacManus
Verdict: I know that ho.
Star: Katherine Jenkins, opera singer.
Partner: Mark Ballas
Verdict: Stranger bitch
Star: Melissa Gilbert, star of Hollywood Wives: The New Generation!
Partner: Maksim Douchekovisky
Verdict: I know that ho.
So even though this is probably one of the worst casts ever, there's only 3 stranger bitches among them for me. Not bad. Hopefully, ABC makes up for this shit cast by putting William Levy in a Spandex dong hammock (and keeping Sherri Shepherd out of anything Spandex) every week.
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William Levy fucked JLO for a quick minute and now he is on Dancing for relevance!!!
I can't believe JLO quit his dick for casper.
At least Levy looks hunky and from the pics of his dick ive seen, yeah id say "yes please!"
whereas casper just looks a toddler with muscles.
Congrats to William Levy on fucking his way to the top. Way to go, from soap operas to Dancing for Relevancy. He's making his sugar daddy proud. XD
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
Submitted by LisaRose on Tue, 02/28/2012 - 4:50pm.
I think Maria Menounos is stunning. I keep wondering why she isn't famous.
I agree. She keeps that pear shaped body tamed and toned and she's pretty. Did she refuse to sleep with the right people or something, what's going on?
Donald Driver is an A+ person.
I don't know why he's messing with this shit, unless he is retiring and needs more exposure to land an announcing gig or something else on tv.
Fucking hell on earth, WHY would Sherri Shepherd EVER allow her hideous self to be photographed in that bathing suit? The human body was just not meant to look like that. Ever. Period. Disgusting. Hideous. Repulsive. It's bad enough she's a homophobic idiot bitch but she's physically putrid as well.
If he has that mullet on the show, then he has my vote. Why must you tease me with old pics MK. He looks nothing like that anymore. All leather face and shit. Not right. Thank god masturbation comes with a time machine.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Tue, 02/28/2012 - 2:25pm.
Melissa Gilbert FTW!!!!!!The only thing more delicious would be if Allison Arngrim was on there too. Nellie and Laura can mud-wrestle-dance
oh hell to the yeah.
btw Allison is one funny ho. Confessions of a Prairie Bitch was a great book.
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Yes, it was. She's an amazing person. And even better that she and Melissa G. are and were friends.
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Team Urkel. I doubt he lasts long, but it would a great shit show if he did. How long will it take the judges to give up and let Martina wear a tux and lead?
I think Maria Menounos is stunning. I keep wondering why she isn't famous. She was in one movie with Jamie Kennedy that I know of and that's probably the reason.
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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MK I've got 200 pounds of German Shepherds here casting some serious side-eye in your direction.
Repent, ye blogger!
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Submitted by Wood Dragon on Tue, 02/28/2012 - 3:26pm.
They keep this up it's going to be "Dancing with the people who drove by our studios one night."
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HA!!! TRUTH!
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Surfing the apocalypse.
They keep this up it's going to be "Dancing with the people who drove by our studios one night."
Submitted by Stoney on Tue, 02/28/2012 - 3:21pm.
FUCK SHERRI SHEPERD!!!!
YEAH!
and why is the bottom of her bathing suit all wrinkly and loose?
I guess because she's got a size "6" ass and size 16 boobs :D
FUCK SHERRI SHEPERD!!!!
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
i know two of them, and william levy only after googling pictures -- he was always this okay looking underwear guy for me. i had no idea he has a name!
They need to call the show:
"Thank goodness you've got google so you can figure out who these bitches are"
And "screeching hyenas" is being kind when describing 'the view'
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Surfing the apocalypse.
Just five seconds ago I found out that Melissa Gilbert and Sara Gilbert are sisters. I would have never made the connection. Laugh all you want, but I loved Melissa as Laura Ingalls in 'Little House on the Prairie'. I actually cried through many of the episodes. Hey, if Whamo is brave enough to declare his undying love for Goopy, ...
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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden
William Levy is hotttt
i might just watch this season.. William is a nice piece of assssssssssssssss
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Tue, 02/28/2012 - 2:25pm.
Melissa Gilbert FTW!!!!!!The only thing more delicious would be if Allison Arngrim was on there too. Nellie and Laura can mud-wrestle-dance
oh hell to the yeah.
btw Allison is one funny ho. Confessions of a Prairie Bitch was a great book.
Why the heck won't they just let Melanie Griffith get her shine on...she can't be any worse than these bottom bitches.
And why, Gladys, whyyyyyyyyyyy :'(
Melissa Gilbert FTW!!!!!!The only thing more delicious would be if Allison Arngrim was on there too. Nellie and Laura can mud-wrestle-dance.
I accidentally watched the View while visiting my MIL in the hospital. Stoned hippie Jesus in sandals, I think I could feel myself losing brain cells.
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Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
Did I do thaaaat? Ctfu. Lhah
Martina is one that I will Youtube to see in feathers, my bowel movements have more charisma than the rest.
damn gladys - if you need $$$ i can spot you a few bucks. dont need to do this shit.
rest of these losers can go suck on mirror ball.
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
What a bunch of losers!
Hardly know these hos, though some look vaguely familiar. Wouldn't mind "familiarizing" myself with William... I may watch highlights. ;)
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"Nasty cotton fucker!" MK
Not enough Tequila...
I haven't even watched an episode of this since Hines Ward was on. However, I did see the dust-up when Maksim was all sassy and disrespectful to Len. You don't fuck with the Judges and say that they're being too "judgemental". I mean I know dancers aren't generally the world's smartest humans, but I believe dude should have been fired.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Katherine Jenkins is not an opera bitch. She has a mediocre voice and the only thing that got her where she is ( yeah, on a crap reality show) are her looks. All sweetness and light on the outside, steely cunt on the inside. With a bit of a coke habit apparently.
Gladys, how could you?
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We worked hard for our money! So hard for it, honey!
Marteeeenaa! How could you say Martina Navratilova is a nobody? For shame. Me and my gay sis would watch her on TV in the 80s. She was my sister's icon. In the big-haired 80s it was refreshing to see someone so unabashedly dykey. Go Martina! (You know they're gonna catch her munching on one of the female dancers in the dressing room, though.)
I don't know which makes my earholes bleed more. The hens on The View all cackling at once or Nancy Grace's BOMBSHELL TANIGHT.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
I do not watch this program, but I just might for William Levy. Grrrrrrr, baby, very grrrrrr.
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I've got ten bucks and me and dirty eddie are staying out all weekend! - Rob Pue (thank you BBitch and Sweetas)
The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
i seriously dislike sherri shepard and all that she stands for...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
okay maybe 3 out of 12
recognized 2 out of 12! haaaaaaaaah!
After season of "who, huh, what" I can say I actually know who most these hoes are. And you can actually say they're stars (or at least former stars you remember. Why not rename the show "Remember Them?"
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"I bet his crotch looks like an uncooked dough cigar lying on a bed of saffron" MK
I thought the blonde was ginger spice before I read who it was. I would guess that whoever thought of and whoever green lighted this show are still stunned at the popularity of this show, I know I am
I think Jack Wagner & Melissa Gilbert are a couple of sluts that will hook up.
Why would ANYONE want to watch The View?
Nooooo! William Levy? UGH he's really desperate to make it in the English-speaking market. Hate his ass!
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The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known ¡El Búho Del Invierno!
Me too Owl me too... I almost die of laughter when I watch Joe M making fun of him.
Sheri Shepherd's tits will have to be confined in a Mac Truck bumper. She has no class, no talent, and no brains. Oh that's right, great for this show!
Dirty...oh yes he is!
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 02/28/2012 - 1:02pm.
Sal, Tony is like a girl!
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HA!!
- hey Snowy!
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
Holy Hell that Packer is packing!
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McGill Class of '97
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Wait a minute! Where's Lacey Schwimmer? I don't watch this mess, but I liked her on SYTYCD.
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 02/28/2012 - 1:03pm.
Dog, you serial?
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Yup. Stupid sow.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Dog, you serial?