Jennifer Aniston Don’t Need No Babeh!

One of the longest running jokes (besides me somehow making a full-time living off of blogging for the past 5 years) is that Jennifer Aniston keeps a delivery gown in her closet and every Thursday afternoon she goes to the nursery of a local hospital to coo and aww at one of the newborns like she’s its mother. What I’m saying is that Jennifer Aniston has long been painted as a pathetic and chronic baby-wanter, but she tells CBS This Morning (via SS) that everybody but her is obsessed with what is happening in her womb. Jennifer says that she doesn’t need to take a whiff of diarrhea fumes from her newborn kid to feel satisfied:

“That doesn’t measure the level of my happiness or my success in my life, in my achievements, in any of that. I feel like I’m 30. I honestly didn’t start to feel my best until was in my 30s. Physically, I started eating better and taking better care of my body, in terms of being physical and exercise.”

Jennifer Aniston couldn’t be more right. Babies don’t equal happiness. What really equals happiness is a backyard pool full of Grey Goose (which Aniston has), a supple coat of many leathers (which Aniston has, it’s called her skin) and zillions of dollars from playing herself in shit movie after shit movie. But the best thing Aniston has is a nursery full of Cabbage Patch Doll. CPDs are better than real babies, because they stay small forever, have yarn for hair, can’t shit and you don’t have to worry about them growing up and pulling a Tyler Hadley on your ass in the middle of the night. Aniston truly has it all! And if you still don’t believe me, here’s a glimpse into Aniston and Justin Theroux’s future:

Jealous?