Lindsay Lohan Will Be At The Oscars In Five Years
Nowadays, the only Oscars Lindsay Lohan will be invited to is the duplex apartment of her dealer Oscar Garcia who wants her to come by to test taste a new kind of liquid coke that can easily pass for lemon lime Gatorade. However, LiLo's hoping that around this time in 2017 she'll be a guest at the other Oscars. LiLo's routine "I IZ SOBERZ THIS TIME, GIVE ME A JOB" interview aired this morning and I've already covered most of the shit that slipped out between her pool noodle lips, but she was also asked about Whitney Houston's death (*crickets*) and said that she hopes in fives years she'll be at the Oscars. Obviously, LiLo still has charred ass lips from not being nominated for her whore de force performance in I Know Who Killed Me. Below is a piece of LiLo's interview this morning (the bright shiny gem of delusion is at the 3:18 mark):
What LiLo should've said is that in five years she hopes she has surgically removed her leech of a mother from her ass, has a fresh new wig on her head that doesn't look like a Sally's Beauty Supply special and has animatronic cheeks that can move by themselves. Ho is so obsessed with the Oscars. Who does she think she is? Sean Young? Bitch wishes. Sean Young wouldn't have half-assed the delusion either. She would've come to the interview wearing a Faviana original and carrying a fake Oscar trophy from Party City. There can only be one Sean Young, LiLo, so stop trying.
And why is she blaming her past love relationships on most of her fuck ups? Unless the names of her past lovers are Rock Crackson and Cokie Cokesters, she has nobody to blame but herself....and her pieces of shit parents.....and her plastic surgeon....and that wig.
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as previous poster stated, "In Memoriam" tributes don't count...if she's still ALIVE, she can be an usher or collect tips in the ladies room (her favorite place to be)
Not easy to destroy your looks by 25. Sad. There is more to this story than meets the eye. What she really should do is leave the public eye for 5 years and come back in quality character roles but I think she is too used to being a "star."
She'll be at the Oscars in five years...
In the "In Memoriam' section.
And they'll still be calling her what they call her now erroneously...
'The Mean Girls star...'
blah blah blah
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Also - SNL has traditionally been a total hotbed of substance abuse. Bet it hasn't changed a lot. Interesting to see if Ms. Lohan comes out of her week in NYC unscathed. My bet: NO.
Yeah, Lindsay will be at the Oscars in five years, and by that she means taking Sean Young's place in the bushes outside the Governors' Ball, waiting for a chance to dash in when the minders aren't looking.
In five years she'll be 30 but look 50 (as she's now 25 but looks 40) so no one will have any use for her at all, not even as a train-wreck-like attraction (the only reason she's on SNL this week, provided she even makes it through the week).
This is her crazy-ass mom talking through her. Pathetic.
She looks like Savannah, the dead porn actress. And Matt Lauer is so benign.
If she doesn't even know her own sobriety date then she hasn't had one yet. She is Completely dellusional and full of schitt.
Is there an Amy Winehouse biopic yet...too early for Whitney Houston. Oh wait, "Who Stole My Passport" maybe Amanda Seyfried?
I don't know...she's practically begging for another chance but really you know it's going to be if you give her an inch she'll take a mile.
She's all humble now but if she actually manages a hit it's going to go right back to MOVE THAT CONE!
Her double-chin, hideous nose implant, and disgusting white hair make you wonder whatever happened to that cutie in "Parent Trap."
Her parents suck, and so does she.
again, what the fuck has happened to her face recently?
is she cum bloated?
All I want for Xmas is a new crack pipe that squirts sunshine when I inhale the goodshit, a new wig that I can neatly fold in my Jane Birkin handbag, a new drill to suck out the fat underneath my chin and cheeks, my very own get well I know how you feel to be down and out pony show and of course an Oscar. Failing that a half empty baggie with a smiley face on the outside will cheer me up too.
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/02/lindsay-lohan-announces-she-is-n...
Taylor never rehearsed. They got one shot of her delivering the goods. Did not want to wear emotions out. Lindsay had how many takes for an SNL trailer?
This biopic with her is a predatory and cruel setup. She looks like hell. My daughter is the same age and looking in her face is heaven for all the youth and hope and good will.
Let her go to school and be a kid. Someone should adopt her. Never had a childhood at all. Girls nerver fucking get a childhood. FUCKING SICK!
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In 5 years?? This... thing... will be dead long before that.
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She actually looks a lot better than she has lately. What hasn't changed is that she is still a habitual liar. Like she has always researched Elizabeth Taylor -- please!
It is also obvious that she really didn't learn anything in community service at the morgue. All she learned that in the future, she shouldn't get caught screwing up. And she is completely delusional about ever being at the Oscars -- her film career has only a couple of good performances, where it was acknowledged she was good for her age, but compared to her contemporaries now, her acting talents are pretty crappy.
she's had a whole lot of filler, hyaluronic acid dermal infusions and botox to hide the crepey faces of meth wrinkles she's developed. Very sad now she has MadgeVadge's poufy adrenal failure face.
Bust on you so bad boston that had to take time to say you hit it the problem. Craves high octone with the mother!!! wtf. She could pull herself up but not on the cover of a tabloid. The tabloids aughta lay the fuck off, ahem. cough cough.
Submitted by boston61 on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 8:27pm.
I love to knock an obnoxious celebrity too but Lindsay is clearly hurting. Remember that she is just a young girl. She seems to be alone much of the time. I also think her sexuality may be different than most girls. That is also very isolating. Plus, if she is coming of drugs she is probably very down most of the time. I would hate for her to become the next Whitney which I fear because I do not think she will be making any big comeback and she will not be able to handle life in the normal boring lane.
She looked better when she was trolloping around with the vodka water bottles.
Submitted by Cowjam on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 6:41pm.
My last drink was lunchtime, December 18, 1993. When it really is the last time, you remember.
^^^
Amen.
When someone says they believe Lindsay's stories, I hear that laugh Patty Donahue does in "I Know What Boys Like":
"haha, SUCKER..."
When I feel sorry for her I think of "blame it on the black guy." That should be the title of her autobiography.
I love to knock an obnoxious celebrity too but Lindsay is clearly hurting. Remember that she is just a young girl. She seems to be alone much of the time. I also think her sexuality may be different than most girls. That is also very isolating. Plus, if she is coming of drugs she is probably very down most of the time. I would hate for her to become the next Whitney which I fear because I do not think she will be making any big comeback and she will not be able to handle life in the normal boring lane.
My first thought was that she was alluding to Oscar Mayer and the old "throwing a hot dog down the hallway" joke.
Alot of people keep saying that she'd look better if she would go back to the ginger...but she's fucked up her face too far now that not even going back to red would help. Look at those puffed up cheeks and that weird Pinocchio nose!
No fair Scott in NYC, I have enjoyed some of your comments, so there MUST be some others in here that are not all that bad. ;P
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"The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here." MK
All that shit she had injected for her duck lips must have swelled her brain also. I would agree though that anything is better than having to give it up for Vikram and his buddies for cash.
I don't usually read the comments on this site because EVERYONE is so unkind and negative! Are you all really that bitter that you have to slam a woman who seems to be trying to get on with her life? Are you all really that miserable? The guy who writes this blog is hilarious but everyone else is pretty depressing. Except Evil Cupcake - he/she is funny.
I can haz Oscar now?
@Mrs_Fox "who told her piss colored hair would make her look good?"
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Piss colored? I think her hair color and face are an insult to Albino hoochachas everywhere!
My last drink was lunchtime, December 18, 1993. When it really is the last time, you remember.
Forget about her acting career that girl needs a stylist. who told her piss colored hair would make her look good? Damn.
Thought Meghan McCain would be the last person anyone who take a photo of to their hair and make up team and say... "I wanna look like that.."
It's going to be hard for her to stay sober when she looks at a stranger's face every day in the mirror and realizes the horror she did to her once decent looking face before she (probably while on drugs) decided to completely fuck it up.
The simple fact that she still factors in her family to be part of her life in that bit in which she talks about where she sees herself in five years shows that she hasn't learned shit and is still as delusional as ever. If she still didn't realize that her family, namely her enabling mother and her influence on Lindsay's life choices and decisions, is one if not THE biggest problem she needs to solve, she's totally hopeless.
And as if someone's gonna hire her with that face. Maybe to play some stupid broad in yet another road trip/frat boy Vince Vaughn/Dave Spade/Kevin James/Adam Sandler shit movie, but surely no Oscar material. Get a grip, Lindsay and free yourself from your mother. Then, and only then, you might have a chance.
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Rrridiaouw woo oo rrri-ou!
Something nice... I like her ring.
The rest? She a MESS! Normally, I'd believe she's trying her best to get clean but am disappointed that now I know better. Give her another chance?! Ok, good luck Linds!
*Goes back to not thinking about her...* :]
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"The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here." MK
Submitted by boston61 on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 2:21pm.
The media destroyed Lindsay. (I know she could have moved to Montana or stayed home). Can you image having your every move documented in photos for the worlds entertainment? No wonder she went crazy.
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What planet are you from? She purposely courted the media; she was part of the attention whoring trio (her, paris hilton & shitney spears) in the late 2000's. The media wouldn't have given 2 shits about her if not for her calling the tabloids to tell them exactly where she'd be so she could get pics taken of her; she did this for years & continues to do it to this day. The media didn't destroy her; her own arrogant self centered delusional self destructive behavior destroyed her. Blohan has no one to blame but herself...
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
I am so over the Lohan posts. I mean how many times can you call someone a delusional, worthless, drug addicted whore without it becoming repetitive?
Like coke, bronzer is NOT your friend.
bitch is high on delusion, coke, pill, booze and everything else unde the sun. Don't buy her shit for one minute, also whatever she is doing to her looks just fucking stop. That polyster hair with the clip on bangs has got to go too...poor Liz my condolences to your memory this whore isn't worthy enough to play Daffy Duck much less a goddess like you. Fuck this ho!!
Wow - watched her 19 year old interview right after this one... so painful to see such a beautiful young girl transform into this monster. It's scary to even look at her face :(
And to echo other comments on here... yes, even if you never went to rehab or AA or whatever, you remember the day of your last use and you never forget it. For me right before I hit rock bottom it was July 23rd, 2007. I remember exactly what I was wearing that night and who I was with, what we were doing. Thank God my coke stint was short-lived (as compared to hers) as I'm thankful to not have my face/body destroyed like hers and at 30 years old I look at least 10-15 years younger than her. Sad.
"I've turned over a new leaf"
"This was a really great learning experience for me"
"That was my life then, but it's not my life now"
Blah blah blah. We've heard it all before; it's exactly the same crap she's puked up after every single time she's been arrested or gone to rehab or made a court appearance. What she needs to understand is her words mean absolutely nothing; she's the crackwhore who's cried wolf. What matters is what she does from now on. If she claims she doesn't party anymore, then she shouldn't immediately go partying (and have pics taken of her doing so) after a court appearance. She's lied so much that no one believes anything she queefs out of her mouth; it's time for actions, not more lies...
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Submitted by LisaRose on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 4:00pm.
Her body is still totally thin, only her face is gaining weight. BECAUSE OF BOOZE BLOAT.
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Baby you look at me and tell me what you see
You ain't seen the best of me yet
Give me time, I'll make you forget the rest
- Irene Cara "Fame"
Fuck all this hate, I root for her.
BTW read "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" by Gabor Mate if you want to really understand addiction.
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
in that interview, her eyes are spinning all over themselves. Crazy broad.
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still...TEAM VINCE BITCHES
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 4:24pm.
*squeals with delight*
I'm on 84th!
Keep an eye out for Ann Coulter, too. She lives in my building!
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I used to live on 84th, too. Nice block...except for Ann Coulter! Thanks for the warning. Should I see her, I'll be sure to fart in her general direction.
"I see you sit across me and I see.... a confident woman" ahahahahahaha ~ tell us what you really think Matt, not what the NBC CEOs had scripted for your interview with Lilo
Submitted by squiggles: "Yup, neighbors! I'm on 83rd. I'ma cross the street next I see him. As for Walt, I will keep my eyeballs peeled."
*squeals with delight*
I'm on 84th!
Keep an eye out for Ann Coulter, too. She lives in my building!
Let's give her credit for gaining weight. Remember how rail thin she used to be? At least this is healthier about her. I would like to know why she wants that color hair. To each his own but I feel people would feel she's truly a-okay if she went back to her natural color. There are way too many blondes out there... be a redhead!!
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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Submitted by Capella on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 2:36pm.
@skabazzle
"she's uninsurable, and no studio heads think she's worth taking a chance on."
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But a lot of "head" has been insuranced upon to chance a "cumback".
Oh, I'm sure it has!! Hahaha
Well aren't you just carrying around a big bag of nothing!
I am sorry - but that is one rough 25 year old. It has to be meth. Or she is drinking unbelievable amounts of alcohol which we all know will age you faster beyond belief. She's got a face like a catcher's mitt. No thanks, I'll pass. eeeeew.
"Shut up, bitch - it hurts to be beautiful" - Richie K. 2005