Hulk Hogan Has No Idea Who His Sex Tape Partner Is
Good morning, if you'd like a little of your own barf in your coffee this morning, then read on and keep a vampire handy to glamour these sucio thoughts from your head afterward.
Sick whores who have always wanted to watch a vagina snap into a Slim Jim creamed from every pore yesterday when TMZ broke the news that a dark-sided, vomit-inducing, life-ruining, genital-shriveling fuck tape starring human turkey jerky Hulk Hogan is being shopped around to the highest bidder. The only place a Hulk Hogan sex tape belongs is in a reissue of Faces of Death, but several porn companies are trying to snatch it up. Hulk Hogan tells TMZ that he's never going to sign off on that shit and he didn't even know he had a sex tape out there. We're all backstroking in the gutter together, so let me kill that question in your brain by saying that the tape isn't of Hulk Hogan humping and grunting on a homemade Brooke Hogan Real Doll. TMZ says that Hulk stick his short, stale chicharon in an "unidentified brunette."
Hulk says that screwing on hundreds of pieces has given him a serious case of whorenesia and he has no idea who the brunette in the sex tape is. Right after he divorced Linda Hogan and before he picked up his current wife, he went on a 4-month-long booze and bagina binge. Hulk proved that he's a feminist with a hairy wishbone goatee by saying this: "During that time, I don't even remember people's names, much less girls."
There really is an easy way to find out who the trick in the tape is. Just check the records for every suicide prevention line, because as soon as the ho came down from being high on Hulk's peroxide fumes, the realization of sucking on his fortune cookie titty hit her and she definitely reached for the noose. I mean, who the hell would fuck that bitch? ("You probably would, you dirty slut." - You "You have a point." - Me) You know the dick is so small that when he sticks it in, the screen above your coochie reads "unable to read" like at an ATM. Letting Hulk sex on you is probably a lot like letting a sunburnt hippo with gas lay on your naked body while huffing and farting. And at least the sunburnt hippo won't scream out, "Whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania cums on you." Tip me over and pour me out into some brain bleach.
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Gross to the nth.
Well, I was thinking about dieting a little and now I know exactly how to curb my appetite. Picture this giant boar humping away in the throes of an orgasm, grunting and probably farting.
Instant 5 lb. weight loss.
he has no belly button and WTF is going on with those man tits... ewwwwwww
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slap me silly and call me Sally...
vile.
yuk please please please please do not release his sex tape.. NO please NO. we don't need to see it.
his pecs looks like Pac Man trying to eat his armpit
dat tit...
Thanks, Chaylo...I needed that.
Submitted by TurtReturns on Thu, 03/08/2012 - 2:46pm.
I'm having such a crappy life lately...you guys and your comments have made me *laugh out loud* today
♥
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(((hugs)))
I'm having such a crappy life lately...you guys and your comments have made me *laugh out loud* today
♥
Submitted by EvilShoe on Thu, 03/08/2012 - 2:15pm.
ESE, just make sure it's not on Court Street.. :)
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there's a couple of people on Court St. that need to be hit in a big ball of Hogan combustion wreckage, that's for sure, but... sure... fine!... take the ride into Brooksville(sshhrrrooommm country!... *spits tobaccy into can*) and have 'em blow into a ball of flames where only the cows can laugh!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
My fave part of the "Watching Terry age gracelessly" show is bringing all this shit to the attention of my hero worshiping little brother.
He used to love this orange clown and his traveling roid show. :P Teasing him about his former love of rasslin' is a lot of fun. He tries to pretend it never happened but I have the pics to prove it.
Vengeance is mineth!! :D
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Surfing the apocalypse.
ESE, just make sure it's not on Court Street.. :)
Eh, gross. Last time I saw him, he was hanging out at Seminole Street Boat Ramp acting like he was waiting for a drug dealer. I acted like I didn't know him (I used to).
Fortune cookie titty & "Letting Hulk sex on you is probably a lot like letting a sunburnt hippo with gas lay on your naked body while huffing and farting."
MK, that was like a hug for my soul.
Submitted by christine the hoff on Thu, 03/08/2012 - 12:26pm.
wow, I may never fuck again.
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nnooo!!... i have faith in ya!... go to a hypnotist, find a four leaf clover, eat some gummi bears... live to fuck another day!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
"Whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania cums on you."
OMG HAHAHAHA Love it!
ARGH, he has floppy wonky teats!!! Quel horreur! Hadn't noticed, THANKS a LOT, Moomarse! AAAAAAAAHHHHH! ;D
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"Kevin Keller will forever be a part of Riverdale, and he will live a happy, long life free of prejudice, hate and narrow-minded people." J. Goldwater
WOW..... what happened to his bewbie??
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Fuckery is what fuckery does.
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Thu, 03/08/2012 - 12:10pm.
this jackass, his entire family, and anybody that ever had the audacity of sexing any of them needs to pile into the ol Wagon Queen Family Truckster, and let Nick drive.
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Ha! Yes.
On a different note, who the hell keeps tanning after they start turning purple? Is it a matter of degrees, where you kind of stop seeing the purple and only notice how deep the relative tan is? Or, is it that he's gotten permanently purple and, in a vicious cycle, he has to continue to tan because he looks even more like a grape popsicle when he's pale? Maybe he's addicted to tanning, I guess.
LOL, his dick is so small it probably has one of those little tabs that beach balls have so you can pull it out from his scrotum. Bwahaaaaa!!!
Edit***
80's WrestleManias were EPIC, I use to love that shit back in the day.
You had cartoon good guys and cartoon bad guys. Now you have bad guys and psychotic bad guys.
wow, I may never fuck again.
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I have never loved life so much.
Submitted by Deb on Thu, 03/08/2012 - 12:01pm.
I'll bet his internal organs have UV damage.
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Seriously. He looks like he just came out of the fryer at Hot Dog On A Stick.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
As an official member of the hulkamaniac fan club since 1986 ... I'd wear his roid thong on my head ...out of sheer curiosity and extreme drunkenness . Shamefully of course . But I'd do it nonetheless .
But I'd close my right eye so I wouldn't have to see that chicharon hovering over my face
Submitted by TexnDoc on Thu, 03/08/2012 - 12:01pm.
I'm mad the sex tape with a former Vice Presidential nominee is being destroyed. This is an outrage!
This belongs in the Smithsonian behind some curtains in the room lit with purple lights. The Clinton wing.
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The tape should be played on a loop between Hoover's panties and the stall used by Larry Craig. Tappa tappa tappa! (they're not presidents but you know)
Tiny meat alert. *Ding Ding Ding*
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Gotta admit, I do have a sick curiousity about what his tan line would look like. I bet it's thong-shaped.
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Cakes and pies!
EWWWWWWW!
PS - Morning all.
How about Jada, she's roidy and "man" enough to climb that gassy hippo with her muscly bagine! She'd be into this freaky shit! Picture it, Hulk in a wig wearing his best XXXL neglige, yes! Wonder what size shoes he wears... mmm LOL!
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"Kevin Keller will forever be a part of Riverdale, and he will live a happy, long life free of prejudice, hate and narrow-minded people." J. Goldwater
Submitted by yucko on Thu, 03/08/2012 - 12:00pm.
remembering the names of previous participants.
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"wah I don't want to marry some psycho bitch!" ~ Dr. Suck N Fuck
this jackass, his entire family, and anybody that ever had the audacity of sexing any of them needs to pile into the ol Wagon Queen Family Truckster, and let Nick drive.
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
"Whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania cums on you."
OMG!!!! that seriously had me laughing out-loud like a loon!
And what is going on with his pec? ewwwww!!!!!
Though I admit I have fond memories of 80's WWF wrestling. That's when it was good!
Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.
-Ash
!oh no my eyes! This isn't helping my virus recovery situation I'm gonna barf...
I'll bet his internal organs have UV damage.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
I'm mad the sex tape with a former Vice Presidential nominee is being destroyed. This is an outrage!
"'On the video, both participants are naked. Hunter is propped up against the hotel bed headboard, with John Edwards belly-down on the bed between her legs. As Hunter, the campaign's official videographer, holds the camera, a smiling Edwards performs oral sex. Because of the camera angle, Hunter's face is not visible, but her distinctive jewellery is. Not only does candidate Edwards know he's being filmed, one source says, he's also clowning around and "graphically performing for the camera.'"
This belongs in the Smithsonian behind some curtains in the room lit with purple lights. The Clinton wing.
Great post, MK. This is disturbing.
Jack, what is the fuck list? Are you talking about people you'd like to fuck who you eventually get over, people you have fucked that are still 'available' for some time if you need them, or the ability to remember their names? (In light of the topic at hand, I'm guessing it's the last one)
Don't want to think about the Hulkster pile driving anyone's pussy, thanks. :-P
I bet she looks just like his daughter.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 03/08/2012 - 11:47am.
Oh cool. I'm good then.
*adjusts pearls & prayer book*
LMAO at Uvy! Is that a variation of "ASS"?
I'd rather ass rape myself with a curling iron turned on high than watch even a second of his sex tape.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Thu, 03/08/2012 - 11:44am.
I think it was that mega-whore Uvy that said after two years they fall off the fuck list... mine is more like two weeks.
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DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
He is one of the most repulsive men (and I use that term loosely) I have ever seen in my entire life. I hate that burnt chicken skin and peroxided hair. Blrrrggghhhhh.
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Thu, 03/08/2012 - 11:44am.
I think it was that mega-whore Uvy that said after two years they fall off the fuck list... mine is more like two weeks.
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"wah I don't want to marry some psycho bitch!" ~ Dr. Suck N Fuck
fortune cookie titty
LOL
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Submitted by mike on Thu, 03/08/2012 - 11:38am.
Realistically, I bet most guys couldn't name all the people with whom they'd had sex.
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Please stop with the misogeny and opression, we ladies can forget names too!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 03/08/2012 - 11:41am.
Submitted by mike on Thu, 03/08/2012 - 11:38am.
Realistically, I bet most guys couldn't name all the people with whom they'd had sex.
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Agreed. That's why I keep a sign-in sheet by the bedroom door.
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Shit. I misplaced my sign in sheet when I was younger and single.
Does that mean my number starts at "0" again?
LOL @ "sunburnt hippo with gas"
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"Brows should not look like a condiment!" -MK
What a joke! He's starting to look like the creepy white haired old guy from Poltergeist.
Submitted by mike on Thu, 03/08/2012 - 11:38am.
Realistically, I bet most guys couldn't name all the people with whom they'd had sex.
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Agreed. That's why I keep a sign-in sheet by the bedroom door.
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"wah I don't want to marry some psycho bitch!" ~ Dr. Suck N Fuck
WRASSLINS REAL YA'LL!!! WOO! CAN YOU SMEEEEEEELLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN??!! HULKAMANIA BROTHER!!! WOO!
I bet he says dumb shit when he fucks.
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"wah I don't want to marry some psycho bitch!" ~ Dr. Suck N Fuck