Hot Slut Of The Day!
Marilyn Hagerty, the writer of the Eatbeat column in North Dakota’s Grand Forks Herald who became a breakout Internet star yesterday when her review of her city's hottest and most beautiful restaurant The Olive Garden made the rounds on Twitter and Facebook. You should really read Marilyn's entire review, but here's a taste of her tour through Italy:
After a lengthy wait for Olive Garden to open in Grand Forks, the lines were long in February. The novelty is slowly wearing off, but the steady following attests the warm welcome.My first visit to Olive Garden was during midafternoon, so I could be sure to get in. After a late breakfast, I figured a late lunch would be fashionable.
The place is impressive. It’s fashioned in Tuscan farmhouse style with a welcoming entryway. There is seating for those who are waiting.
My booth was near the kitchen, and I watched the waiters in white shirts, ties, black trousers and aprons adorned with gold-colored towels. They were busy at midday, punching in orders and carrying out bread and pasta.
It had been a few years since I ate at the older Olive Garden in Fargo, so I studied the two manageable menus offering appetizers, soups and salads, grilled sandwiches, pizza, classic dishes, chicken and seafood and filled pastas.
At length, I asked my server what she would recommend. She suggested chicken Alfredo, and I went with that. Instead of the raspberry lemonade she suggested, I drank water.
Marilyn has been reviewing her city's restaurants (including Pizza Ranch and Taco Bell) for at least 30 years, but it was her recent review of The Olive Garden that got the most attention, because snob whores in bigger cities thought it was cute that she reviewed a chain restaurant. Marilyn's review got so much attention that the Village Voice and her own paper interviewed her about it. This part from Marilyn's interview with her paper is like a sprinkling of parmesan on my soul:
Hagerty said her daughter, Gail Hagerty of Bismarck, urged her to read the Facebook comments about her review.“I told her I’m working on my Sunday column and I’m going to play bridge this afternoon, so I don’t have time to read all this crap,” she said.
Marilyn doesn't understand why bitches are so into her review and she's even gotten hate mail from major assholes who called her review "pathetic."
Who are these pieces of trash throwing hate at an 86-year-old restaurant critic? They ain't shit for thinking they're better than her and acting like The Olive Garden isn't the hottest Italian restaurant in every city from New York to Grand Forks. News flash, whores, it is. A couple of weeks ago, my friend and I tried to fill our stomach bags with delicious rubber noodles and ketchup sauce from The Olive Garden in Chelsea, and the host told us it would be a 45 minute wait and there was no room at the bar to eat. This happens every time I go there and sometimes I grab that vibrator pad, sit on it and wait. So bitches don't know what they're talking about.
Fuck the haters, Marilyn. They're just jealous that you can easily get soup, salad and breadsticks in the mid-afternoon and they have to wait 45 minutes for it. Pity their asses as you bite into a pepperoncini.
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Submitted by DeeDee on Fri, 03/09/2012 - 11:28am.
I use to live in a tiny town in Texas. There were always rumors that Olive Garden was coming, as if it would rectify all that was wrong in that shithole town.
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I think I still live in that town. The OG dream is about to materialize! Lol. Grand opening is scheduled for April.
Now if we could only get a "fancy" grocery store...
"I don’t have time to read all this crap" hahahaha go memaw not the one!!
thanks for letting me know about the interminable wait at The Olive Garden in Chelsea. Queer Cuzzin Jeff has been bugging me to go there with him for months and I'm being all NYC snot-nose bitch about it, like it ain't real EYE-talian food or somethin'. now I can just tell him that the lines are too damn long!
Here is the link:
http://bites.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/03/09/10620836-back-off-my-b...
Submitted by Deb on Fri, 03/09/2012 - 11:20am.
(You probably asked for some lemon, then made yourself some lemonade with the SweetnLow.)
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Ahem. 'Round these parts, that's called "welfare lemonade", TYVM. A former coworker learnt me of this process.
;-p
I use to live in a tiny town in Texas. There were always rumors that Olive Garden was coming, as if it would rectify all that was wrong in that shithole town.
Team Memaw Marilyn all the way! If you lived in Grand Forks, you'd probably be excited about an Olive Garden opening, too.
I clicked on the "Eatbeat" tag on the review and see that she also reviewed the food available at the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport, among other fine establishments: http://www.grandforksherald.com/event/article/id/225596/.
Awww, she's cute. I love that she was fashionably late for lunch and that she doesn't have time to 'read all this crap'. Go, Memaw!
With a last name like Hagerty, how can you be wrong?
I hope to read about Mazzios, next.
Why would anyone NOT eat at Olive Garden? When you're there, you're family.
Hahaha, I love you MK. You keep it real. Bitches know those breadsticks are to die for.
Mr. Spot & I like food. A lot. Some relatives probably think we're food snobs. Whatevs... But you know what? I have a bottle of OG salad dressing in my fridge, right next to some truffles that I picked up recently. When you like something, you like it. I wish people wouldn't pick on this lady. She seems sweet.
There was a blogger on MSNBC who defended Marilyn. I'll find & post the link.
Spoiled, no shame. We've done that. Arrived with coupons (they weren't mine by the way...). "Excuse us, may we have a table. We have a gift card! Would you please check that it works here, we have a card!" HAHAHHAHA
Hey free food! what's wrong with that?! ;)
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"Kevin Keller will forever be a part of Riverdale, and he will live a happy, long life free of prejudice, hate and narrow-minded people." J. Goldwater
Oh Marilyn! It was a busy lunch, so of course you asked "at length" what the server would recommend. and of course, you drank water. (You probably asked for some lemon, then made yourself some lemonade with the SweetnLow.)
My MIL and nearly 95 year old GMIL LOVE Olive Garden! Since they like to spend their money on Absolut cocktails, they always split their entree!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
So true. OG isn't bad. I went to some highly rated italian restaurant in my town. worst service ever. olive garden in my town? great service!
I am working for this girl whose over here on secondment from China. She had a friend coming to NYC and they were soooo excited about going to Red Lobster! LOL it was cute. I told her to be sure to try the Cheddar Biscuits, but I guess she thought they were supposed to be a dessert!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Chain restaurants are still individually managed, so even if the food is the same microwaved entrees, the service could be VERY different. Maybe there's a manager who runs a tight ship at one location and downstate there's a manager who doesn't give a crap. Service and cleanliness are important parts of the whole experience.
And she gave good information, eg that there is seating for those waiting. If it's a place that makes you wait in some drafty vestibule or if you have to stand there, it's an important detail for senior citizens.
TEAM MARILYN!
Had the misfortune of fine dining at a sticky and slow Friendly's last night. Hey, don't judge, we had coupons! :)
Go team bridge afternoon not giving a crap about the crap on the internet!
That is a lesson to all of us and i'm not kidding.
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You got a lot of money, but you can't afford the freeway
I KNEW MK would make her the HSOTD when I saw her in our local paper this morning. In our paper she told them that she has eaten in the White House, twice! Lol.
I don't see the big deal with this review. She lives in a small city where people probably don't go out to eat much anyway, so they probably like every little place getting reviewd so they know when they do go.
My ci-tay has around 80k and we don't even have a reviewer in our paper and we have a ton of places to eat lol. Have to rely on Craigslist, and you can only take peoples advice on there with a grain of salt.
SHIA LADOUCHE is really looking like his name says:
http://www.justjared.com/2012/03/09/shia-labeouf-debuts-beard-in-los-ang...
Pasta Fagiolo soup...to.die.for.! They used to serve a seven chocolate mousse pie & an amaretto pudding for dessert too. Yummmm. They should bring those back.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
I served up Hospitaliano at the OG for YEARS! The worst part of the job was being a girl and having to wear a salad-themed tie and men's white button up shirt, but what-ev.
I was smiling all the way through this article til I got to the part where people are sending this poor thing hate mail. What the fuck is wrong with people. Get a hobby, folks! LEAVE MARILYN ALONE!!!!
Seriously though, this was a precious article. Thanks Michael K :)
I want Marilyn to come to NYC and review some of our "hoity toity we're lucky we let you in here" restaurants. I love her!!!!
Who cares if it's a chain? Reviewers still go to a new place to comment on the service, quality of food and general appeal of the restaurant. No matter what kind of place it is, if it's new, it's always going to be packed for a couple of months, whether it's locally owned or a chain. Team Memaw Marilyn!
Well aren't you just carrying around a big bag of nothing!
Submitted by LaChaylo - You can talk about Olive Garden, but don't mess with Red Lobster! Red Lobster is all class, baby ;-)
LOL! Every time you see an Olive Garden, there's usually a Red Lobster or LongHorn Steakhouse close by - same parent company.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Fri, 03/09/2012 - 10:42am.
Why cut her off before she told us how the water was?
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LOL - right? Anyway, MK is right; screw the h8rz; she's just a sweet, harmless memaw doing her own thing. And yes, I would **LOVE** her to do a Red Lobster review, esp. of their garlic biscuits - yum!
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Kitten Kaboodle - a Disney ho who did the ho stroll right ;)
Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 03/09/2012 - 11:06am.
"All in all, it is the largest and most beautiful restaurant now operating in Grand Forks. It attracts visitors from out of town as well as people who live here."
My next vaction plans are all set!
Yours to?!? Roadtrip!
Haters gon' hate girl!!!!!! I am ALL about their soup, salad, and breadsticks. (Their salad dressing is yummy).
Pure deliciousnessssss!
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"Independent films are those black and white hippy movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding." - Eric Cartman
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i don't get it. why is this review getting so much attention? AND WHAT FUCKFACES ARE HATING ON A OLD LADY. foodies can be such snobs.
Submitted by Athina on Fri, 03/09/2012 - 11:02am.
ITA. I have had really bad food and service experiences at "high quality" restaurants and I have had some fabulous meals at hole in the wall places. Good food is good food.
That being said it's been a long time since I've been to an Olive Garden (mainly because the one closest to me is in Tourist Trap land).
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#KONY2012 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc
Please watch, learn and share. 2012 is the year.
"All in all, it is the largest and most beautiful restaurant now operating in Grand Forks. It attracts visitors from out of town as well as people who live here."
My next vaction plans are all set!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 03/09/2012 - 10:52am.
I'm with Marilyn. I don't get why her review is getting all the attention. Some places, The Olive Garden is the nicest dining establishment around.
Why shouldn't it get a review? It's still a restaurant.
Word. And and least she has enough sense to know that most Internet brouhaha is crap.
I never minded eating there, one adapts to the situation, what snobs! At least she takes her job seriously...
Next time I receive a long-winded email, this will be my new automated reply: "I’m going to play bridge this afternoon, so I don’t have time to read all this crap.” It should work for vacations, voicemails, LOL! ;p
♥---♥---♥
"Kevin Keller will forever be a part of Riverdale, and he will live a happy, long life free of prejudice, hate and narrow-minded people." J. Goldwater
Submitted by loopygorilla
Im from Australia so we dont know what the Olive Garden is.
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It's a White thing. You wouldn't understand.
As we speak, the finishing touches are being put on a quait Olive Garden in my podunk town. I KNOW that place is gonna be packed two months after the opening. But you know what, it will be one of the few places in town that doesn't have a menu consisting of mainly fried foods :-( Or piss poor Tex-Mex :-(
TEAM MR SPOT COOKING!!!
Oh, and Team Memaw as well. The lady had good intentions.
not gonna lie love their breadsticks. They're like crack. The entrees taste like microwave Michelina dinners. Their commercials are so annoying like REAL Italian people would go there. The fake Tuscany OG culinary school commercial makes me laugh though..
I think part of its charm and what makes it humorous is that the review is so well-written. This lady takes her hobby seriously, down to the greasy spoon and the McDonald's. Her appreciation for the restaurant experience was genuine. She made the Olive Garden interesting.
Fuck the pretentious assholes who are making fun of her. I'll bet the food critics who turn their noses up at chain restauarants can't tell the difference between home made and boxed pasta, a $20 glass of wine and a $5 glass of wine, etc. I like expensive, high quality food, and I personally can not stand the Olive Garden (mostly because of the crappy service every single time) but I despise snobbery.
Submitted by Spoiled on Fri, 03/09/2012 - 10:56am.
You can talk about Olive Garden, but don't mess with Red Lobster! Red Lobster is all class, baby ;-)
Yeah, it's the same way here when my co-workers tell me they are going to get good mexican food. I get excited and then they say Taco Bell.
*GAGS*
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#KONY2012 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc
Please watch, learn and share. 2012 is the year.
Bitches around here would come over all faint and get the vapors if an Olive Garden opened less than an hour away.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 03/09/2012 - 10:52am.
Some places, The Olive Garden is the nicest dining establishment around.
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I think that's part of the humour, many urbanites think "What kind of hillbilly cowtown do you live in where Olive Garden is considered a nice restaurant."
Everybody knows you need a Red Lobster before you can consider your town 'cosmopolitan'.
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Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Thu, 01/19/2012 - 11:56am.
Liver spotted hand
Groping while I cry inside
Merit badge and meth
Olive Garden BLOWS.
But I'm still on team Memaw!
If you lived in Grand Forks, a new Oliver Garden would be big news. The review is no more silly than the reviews of some new tapas-fusion place in a trendy foodie city like NY or SF.
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Please: It's "rahnday."
Years ago, I used to go out with two co-worker friends and their spouses every few months. We tried Thai, Indian, etc at great little authentic spots. That was until one of the friends begged us to include one more nice couple - it ruined everything. The wife insisted on "The Olive Garden"! My husband was like, "The Chef Boyardee of Italian restaurants? I don't think so!" The girl moaned and complained so much, that's where we ended up.....and never got together as a group again. We just knew our next stop would be Red Lobster.....
<"Submitted by 12stepstohell on Fri, 03/09/2012 - 10:47am.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Fri, 03/09/2012 - 10:42am.
Why cut her off before she told us how the water was?
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It was wet.">
So nice. That's how she ordered it, too.
Submitted by sillykat on Fri, 03/09/2012 - 10:50am.
One of my co-workers was speaking at a university in Alabama, and after his talk they offered to take him out to "a new Italian restaurant that just opened." It was a motherfucking Olive Garden. Oh how I laughed at that story.
Do you know which university it was? (Please be Auburn please be Auburn)
Well aren't you just carrying around a big bag of nothing!
Hey, I didn't mind the Olive Garden. ba-buttons always gorged himself there. Just don't bring a date.
Sadly, there are no more Olive Gardens in Canada
*'Taps' plays in the distance*
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Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Thu, 01/19/2012 - 11:56am.
Liver spotted hand
Groping while I cry inside
Merit badge and meth
She said "I don't have time to read all this crap". LOL. Team OG.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Every time I mention Olive Garden (OK, it really doesn't happen that much), a friend of mine says in a really loud, bad Italian accent: "HOSPITALIANO!"
Olive Garden's food is the food version of a really loud, bad Italian accent.
Pasta Pomodoro, a chain that I've seen in California (not sure where else?) is actually pretty good Italian food. Not expensive, vaguely authentic.