LiLo Shops For Jesus, Takes A House Arrest Vow
I find that when the police search my apartment for 8 balls and blocks of sea jasper powder, the last place they check is my Jesus statue, because what kind of dark-sided ungodly motherfucker wants to take a hammer to Jesus? So here's Lindsay Lohan licking on her fentanyl nail polish and flashing her crackie camel toe while shopping for Jesus statues in L.A. yesterday afternoon. You believers out there might be wondering why Jesus didn't pull some divine intervention shit by knocking over that statue on Blohan so she can finally have a seat. Well, Jesus didn't have to do that, because LiLo is finally having a seat on her own.
TMZ says that right after a hookah club manager accused LiLo of Lizzie Grubman-ing him, her "friends" told her to put her messy ass on lockdown until her probation is up in two weeks. LiLo took the advice of her friends and has vowed to only leave her house for community service at the morgue and to shop for Jesus statues. Babies in strollers and the knees of hookah club managers might think that it's safe to go out in the wild again, but they should never underestimate LiLo's fucking up powers. The bitch can fuck up without even trying.
In a couple of days, LiLo will bow her nostrils on her cokey Jesus statue and cleanse her insides by guzzling on the blood of Christ (aka Red Bull) before throwing that can out the window. That can will land on the windshield of a moving car, causing the driver to lose control. The car will clip the back wheel of a stroller sending that baby flying into the air and right into the knee of a hookah club manager. LiLo can cause all of that without leaving her crackie den. Bitch is that good.
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So what is the problem with her shopping needs? I really don't get it. She could have shopped for fantasy perfumes for all I care, we should start invent contexts for the items she buys...
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Amazing ... flabby flesh flopping everywhere one week, skinny-ish the next.
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Droopy tits and saddle-bags do not look good in that outfit - might we suggest a BRA and short dress or long shirt over those camel toe nightmares.
go lindsay, the fuckery never ends.
hohan knows if she fucks up she stays in the spotlight, so bitch gotta get inventive to stay in the spotlight and sometimes it means recycling stunts, and instead of running over mothers with babies, because they dont hang out that late at night near nightclub hotspots, she has to improvised and take what she can get.
The password is "sloppy".
I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
Where does this bitch get money from? Who the fuck is paying still? Hard to believe anyone wants anything to do with her chicanery. Her shamelessness is disgusting.
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i like her shoes
RACK EM UP... as soon as probation is over it's ON LIKE DONKEY KONG! christ almighty, you think she could put minimal effort into her appearance... dead pool 2013.
"I've had crabs. I've had lice. I've had the clap and that ain't nice. SO WHAT!?!?!?!"
Adios mio! That's 2 blocks from my house. WTF is she doing in K-town and 3 steps away from the pharmacy with the green + sign hmmmmmmm?
I think the shoes are kind-of cute. *hides*
She's still the scum of the Earth.
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Douchechill!
Imagine that, LiHo walking around, doing nothing... HAHA
Just disappear and serve your two weeks, pretty please!
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"... looking in her face is heaven for all the youth and hope and good will." Thamar 03/01/2012 ☺♪☼♫ ░░░░
OMG How about shopping for a fucking BRA.
So, between the new red weave and the footwear, can we conclude that Lilo has put on her high-heeled sneakers and her wig-hat on her head?
Hello Kitty -- thank you, hon, someone finally understands me!!! There's odor and there's ODOR, I'm talking nasty ass pussy odor, unwashed ass odor, and you know this nasty, useless pustule reeks of it!
Oh no! Is she wearing wedge heeled sneakers? Gross! She better check herself. She's starting to encroach on Phoebe Price territory at this point. You know, random redhead famous because she says she is.
It was the mental image of the flying baby hitting the hookah bar manager in the knee that did me in. LMFAO. At work. Like a nutjob.
"Bitch, you scared."
How fucked up do have to be to to even consider locking yourself up just to make probation?
She's still not ready...IMO.
I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
Submitted by ba-buttons on Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:49pm.
Fuck, what a mess. She has muffin top thighs, fer chrissake.
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they are called "saddlebags".
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Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
This lying loser can never be unseen for 10 days. No way she'll stay away.
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Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
What the other BFers said. Mine are in great shape for all the use and abuse they've suffered over the years of childbearing.
Actually, like many other things, the condition of your breasts seems to be genetic. Luckily I got mine from dad's side of the family. It's probably a combination of genetics and poor lifestyle choices.
SHELF TANKS DO WONDERS!
What a slob.
Jebus. I'm 32, a 38D, and I've lost 50 pounds and my tits are HALF as saggy as hers.
Bitch needs a court-appointed over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
I agree with MissJane.. I've breastfed babies for 3 years total and my tits are still more northern than hers (by a lot). My guess is with all the substance abuse her titties shrank and are like the 'tennis ball in a tube sock' a lot of women sport nowadays! Bras are your friend..or a boob job..I would go for the job..Don't even need fillers just a lift..Smaller boobs are way better for going braless with which this ho is famous for.. My grandma has perkier boobs at 82. Yes. I know this after seeing her in a hospital gown.
Lion #1: Wait...here she comes.
Lion #2: BBrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaap!*fake fart sound*
Jesus:You guys are killing me!
I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
does this mean she's not blowing guys at a truck stop for twenty bucks? still missing her true calling then.
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I have never loved life so much.
Her tits are down to her knees.
She really is just mediocre. NO wow factor with her. What is all the hype that surrounds this girl? Aside from being a walking disaster , what does she contribute to hollywood and why is she even sought after by the papz -- blow my fuckin' mind.
Her titties look sad! And please stop wearing those tights that emphasize how untoned your legs are. Are we sure she's in her 20's?! FUCK.
Flabbyness ..., mushy mushy Lohan !
Her ass is sliding down the side of her leg.
I'm mean .
Those lion statues cannot believe the mess either ..
So she's taking a tip from Lost and their Virgin Mary statues filled with heroin. I guess if it worked there...
And HOLY JUGGLES, those tits are almost down to her navel. Blohan, when your boobs are large enough to show off, they need a bra. You can go braless in the comfort of your own home when nobody's looking but unless you want homeless people to sing "Do your tits hang low?" whenever you pass by, you need a bra in public.
I betcha she vanishes for a week and comes back with new lifted tits. Woprah will of course insist that she's just wearing a good bra and did NOT have surgery.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Even her tits can't stand her and are doing the stop, drop and roll
right off her bra-not-wearing chest.
Sloppy bitch.
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"I love fast and I love hard."-MK
Why does she always let her pendulums dangle like that?
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. –michelleb
She looks like she smells like cigarettes and B.O. and PO ( pussy odor)
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Submitted by swarm-of-locusts on Sat, 12/17/2011
Bitchin' after the fact about a job that you wanted to do for the fat ass check makes you kind of dick. You go to work, do your bit, collect your money. Lik
Dear Lilo,
If plastic makes perfect, protect your investment and saddle your girls!
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
<"Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:52pm.">
Well if you argue with Stadol and Ultram and want the Fentanyl patch only, then yes, yes you are. ;-) Those things are gold on the street and only the crackiest cracky demands them upfront and on weekends with their doctor's on-call doctor. "He (she) only gives me those".
Submitted by LaChaylo on Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:42pm.
Jesus doesn't want her for a sunbeam - firecrotch!!!
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Nice Vaselines/Nirvana reference, LaChaylo! Last night on VH1Classic, they had Nirvana playing a gig on Halloween of '91, and they opened with that song.
This chick just skeeves me. I'm sure bus station toilets are more sanitary than those nasty fingers of hers. UGH.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by TexnDoc on Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:46pm.
I actually am allergic to codeine and hydrocodone. Does that mean people think I'm a crackie!?!?!?
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#KONY2012 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc
Please watch, learn and share. 2012 is the year.
Fuck, what a mess. She has muffin top thighs, fer chrissake.
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Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Thu, 01/19/2012 - 11:56am.
Liver spotted hand
Groping while I cry inside
Merit badge and meth
Oh dear, which one should I pick, the lion or Jesus! Go away, get behind your picket fence and rot.
"Fentanyl nail polish" LOL. That explains it. I know I'm dealing with a crackie when on call and you get a message from a patient "allergic to codeine, allergic to hydrocodone, allergic to tylenol..... uhm, what's that patch? Fentey something? That's the only thing that works on me."
BUY A FUCKING BRA!
Jesus doesn't want her for a sunbeam - firecrotch!!!
put on a bra lilo...no one wants to see that...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
she looks tne part of the crackie...
You'd think the ugly, smelly piece of shit could put a fucking bra on while shopping for Jesus statues. Fucking bitch.
Isn't her probation over like next week? Great commitment, Linds.
Well aren't you just carrying around a big bag of nothing!
Im glad she got rid of the blonde but orange? Does she have something against red? And I love how she decided to stay home with only 2weeks left. She shouldve done that a long time ago.
She has really got to start wearing a bra. She is way too young and way too childless to already have that sag. And no, I am not just too used to fake ones...that is sag. Yuck.
Atleast the hair color is better.
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#KONY2012 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc
Please watch, learn and share. 2012 is the year.
What kind of fuckery is this? Will this twat NEVER go away for more than 24 hours?