Open Post: Hosted By The Only Beyonce Any Of Us Should Care About
In honor of National Puppy Day (I know, EVERY DAY should be National Puppy Day), I give you this story that might microwave your cold slug heart until it actually feels warm emotions. Beyonce the puppy started farting at the Grim Reaper even before she came into this world two weeks ago. Beyonce's first dance with death came when her mom, a stray, was almost euthanized. The second dance with death came when they almost aborted her and her brothers and sisters. (Look into the future: Tim Tebow and Beyonce co-starring in a pro-life PSA.) The third dance with death happened after Beyonce was born weighing in at only four ounces. The animal rescue center didn't call her Beyonce because she weighs as much as the feather light pillow the other Beyonce strapped to her belly during pregnancy. They named her Beyonce because she's a survivor.
They should've named her Jeff Probst instead, because he's the host of Survivor and just like this puppy, you really want to cuddle with him, take him for a walk and pick up his poop with a plastic bag glove. Naming her Beyonce was kind of a mistake. Not only will Beyonce's lawyers try to sue the dingles off of her for copyright infringement, but Mama Tina's lace front is looking at puppy Beyonce like she's its next meal. But since Beyonce has cheated death several times, Mama Tina's lace front is no match for her.
And to keep the National Puppy Day celebrations going, here's a few pictures I threw together in ten seconds of celebwhores with their dog and puppy friends. If you don't know who some of these celebrities are, who cares! It's about the PUPPIES, not them. PUPPIES: Now and Forever.
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Submitted by mike on Fri, 03/23/2012 - 3:55pm.
They'd have no trouble finding guys to give up their sperm voluntarily.
maybe but it doesn't sound like they want to fuck, they just want the seed.
not as easy trying to get willing donors if sex isn't involved...
I am not believin this whole Trayvon Martin debacle. The Zimmerman fool should be arrested immediately.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
anno - creepy neighbor dude who used to send me inappropriate texts was arrested for sex with a 14 year old. Cops are looking for more victims.
*shudders*
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Fri, 03/23/2012 - 3:52pm.
Team CAT. A puppy is too much like a kid.
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I <3 pussies!
LisaRose, wasn't the dog in the original "JAWS" movie named Pippin? (Weird trivia alert).
My cat is a total titty baby. He's more clingy than a damned dog. The microscopic puppy is adorable.
Submitted by ditquoi on Fri, 03/23/2012 - 3:52pm.
Submitted by mike on Fri, 03/23/2012 - 3:46pm.
what kind of "stimulant" makes you not just get a boner but cum at knifepoint?
never mind maybe I don't want to know. :-P
I think the story is bullshit.
They'd have no trouble finding guys to give up their sperm voluntarily.
The mommy dog looks like my dog Pippin but my dog is male so can't be! :)
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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Team CAT. A puppy is too much like a kid.
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Submitted by mike on Fri, 03/23/2012 - 3:46pm.
what kind of "stimulant" makes you not just get a boner but cum at knifepoint?
never mind maybe I don't want to know. :-P
Beyonce, they should have called it "wee ounce eh" !
That's right folks I'll be here for a 9 o'Clock show, make sure you tip your waitress:)
What's up ME?
I am totally, TOTALLY skeeved out about creepy neighbor dude.
Pffft! Every day is puppy day!!!
Puppy smell!
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
I don't know who half the celebs are but I can name one of the doggies: Henry! Have to be a DLister to know which is Henry.
Watch out for the sperm hunters, y'all!!!
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/9159992/Zimbabwe...
I love puppehs. and kittens. and babies. and beer.
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I've got ten bucks and me and dirty eddie are staying out all weekend! - Rob Pue (thank you BBitch and Sweetas)
The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
it's national puppy day for real? I have to take my poppy for a treat! too bad I can't take her out to dinner and leave my son behind... :(
YAY PUPPIES!
I can't see the vid but it it's about that sweet, precious little puppy the size of a cell phone, well, AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
I signed that petition too. Change.org emails me stuff and I usually sign if its a good cause. I have one kid and my heart hurts and my stomache flips when I see that kids pic. Skittles will never be a treat for me again. I heard him screaming in the 911 call. Chilling. Just horrible.
Snark if you must, I love this post. Happy National Puppy Day! *dodging bricks*
Those frenchies are f'in cute. PHG ftw!
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
MK, that post was almost CDAN-esque.
That's not a compliment.
UGH!
Tit milk warming story.
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Eazy E's own prescription for "nourishing the inner aspect", Nutz On Ya Chin.