The Photoshop Awards: The Dallas Teaser Ad
I really hate it when a flyer for a no-rules gay bathhouse crashes into a magazine ad for Metamucil's new shower gel before landing on an invitation for a Florida sorority toga party. This is the teaser poster for TNT's Dallas 2.0 and yes, I too feel like I just woke up in the shower and realized that the last season of my life was all a dream and the new season of my life is a NIGHTMARE where a half-naked Larry Hagman is looking at you like he's about to pull out his peenstol and shoot you for a change.
We've got Linda Gray looking gorgeous (I can't trust a bitch who shades Linda Gray), Josh Henderson looking like a Craigslist masseuse you can't trust, Larry Hagman looking like the steam is tickling the silver hairs on his prune sacks something good and Jordana Brewster looking straight out of Public Access' version of The Client List. Then there's Patrick Duffy, Jesse Metcalfe keeping the ad campaign PG-13 by covering up his tits, Brenda Strong and some stranger girl named Julie Golanzo.
What I've learned from this is that the Dallas casting directors temporarily camped out on Wisteria Lane's cross street waiting to pick up Desperate Housewives' cast-offs. And if this poster is anything to go by, then Dallas 2.0 is going to be a broke, cheesy disaster that'll leave me wanting a good scrubbing to the retinas. I can't wait!
via TVLine
• 
Patrick Duffy did that crappy show Step by Step. I hated the end of the opening credits: a theme park with a giant roller coaster sitting on the edge of the coast as ocean waves crashed onto the beach. So FAKE.
Patrick Duffy did more than just Dallas. He did that sitcom with Suzanne Sommers that I can't remember the name to.
Where is Victoria Principal? Only Bobby should be in the shower. Every darn show uses that stupid plot device now: It was all a dream.
Oops, wrong thread.
-------------------------------------------------------
"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden
Fuck these incestuous, golden-shower sharing tricks in used Bed Bath & Beyond robes!
I was all about Knots Landing and Joan Van Ark's old face.
This shit is just a way for a check to come to senior citizens!
EPIC FAIL!
***************************************
Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe to Heaux Confessionals©
Uhhh why is Frank Lambert topless? Where's Carol? Cody has aged so badly! Where are his kids? Did they die in a car accident or are they in the witness protection program?
**************
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl!
Did anyone seem this dog around? Hold your valuables closer, then.
P" Money is not everything, but it might be everything you need "
Linda Gray looks really good. The other two not so much.
3 of those hos came from wisteria lane.
mary allan or whatever the dead bitch's name was, "school" boy moobs dude jesse metcalfe and the guy who replaced him josh henderson.
how did jesse's tits get soo big? and now they have fur on them.
he looks like a ken doll in that promo, wayyy to groomed, always struck me a ghey.
and jordan brewster, whose career highlight is playing one of the slut girls in one of the fast and the furious franchise.
I know I'm late to this thread but, WTF??? Where are the glorious golden locks of Lucy Ewing??
Um, why are they all in the shower? Is it imagery to make them appear clean when they're all dirty rotten scoundrels?
You're still an ass Bobby! Daddy always liked me best!
EVERY episode Sue Ellen said (at least once), "I don't know, I just don't know".
mk is right:
Josh Henderson looking like a Craigslist masseuse you can't trust
"If Drinks are not involved, then neither am I"
Knots Landing was the shiznit. It was a spinoff of Dallas. Gary Ewing was the middle child; Miss Ellie's favorite. He was considered to be too "sensitive" for he man Texas oil business, so he went to sunny Cali. He was Luci's daddy. I loved Dallas as well. This is just another attempt by networks to use an old show, pump in some young blood, but include the oldsters and try to get milk from a dead cash cow. Fuckery at its finest. BTW, where is: Victoria Principal? The guy who played Ray? And shouldn't Brad Pitt be in this mess? He was on Dallas near its death knell.
I remember watching the old show and really they might as well start it up again...Patrick Duffy hasn't done shit since the original show aired.
Aqua man LOL!
@"Submitted by Slurpee on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 3:43pm."
Knots Landing every Thursday night, (because Thursday night was THE night for t.v.)
Remember Karen, the neighbor?
Donna Mills was on GCB Sunday night
YEHAWWWWWWWW!!!!!!
Why can I remember that Lucy Ewing was supposed to be a successful model (Charlene Tilton at all of 4'3"... as if!) and her dr ex-husband was named Mitch, but I have no idea what I ate for dinner last night?
snowpiece, I had a crush on Cliff Barnes too!
********************
"Brows should not look like a condiment!" -MK
Oh Lord, no...
I just noticed the look on Hagman's face: "Who the fuck just ripped a Metamucil fart? Oh, wait...that was me."
Slurpee: Flamingo Road:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flamingo_Road_(TV_series)
Very popular with young Irish teen girls (Exhibit A: me)
Fantasy Island wasn;t that big in Ireland but one show...OMG.....Miami Vice.
Sweet jesus, Sonny Crocket made me insane. Love, love, love. I had the pastel tshirt under the white jacket too. I was Mrs. Don Johnson for a long time! (I would have taken his last name!).
MV was the epitome of American excitement and style for us. The music, cars, clothes. Even cocaine seemed cool! I catch some episodes of MV nowadays and some of it still seems so modern, even though it's dated as hell now.
________________________________
Dark-sided!
@Snowpiece
Thanks! I know, I'd like to meet the creator if Orangina.
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 3:47pm.
BB: NOOOO wasn't the blonde son ghey??? Someone confirm it!
***************************
"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
=============================
Lucy's first fiancé turned out to be gay........Kit Mainwaring III
Submitted by ditquoi on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 3:58pm.
now who the hell would be Herve Villachaise (sp)?
===============================================
Only the single greatest actor to ever have graced a TV screen!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJjbqUwuGKg
He's the little guy just to be sure:)
Submitted by SalmaNella on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 3:57pm.
Fuck Dallas, it was Dynasty and Falcon Crest all the way.
^^^^^^^^^^^^ Falcon Crest, yes!!! Thanks for reminding me to buy that on DVD with my Amazon gift card!
I want so badly to like this new Dallas, but they've totally fucked up every single remake of every show ever made in the last 10 years it seems.
Remember the Blind Item of the "desperate" actor who started as a singer, landed a hit show, went quiet for a spell hopping casting couch to casting couch, ho-hum and then crossed Gay Avenue and kaboom! He's on an upcoming show you may recognize! Think blonde!
i ain't watching this shit either. nighttime soap opera crap. isn't larry hagman dead?
Submitted by mike on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 3:55pm.
lol! all suave in they big clunky car
=================================================
Come Mike, that car was a certified chick magnet.LOL!
Submitted by ditquoi on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 3:58pm.
now who the hell would be Herve Villachaise (sp)?
Mini Me from Austin Powers?
_________________
How about Tom Cruise?
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 3:43pm.
HEY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just might be. Hmmph.
**************************************************************
#KONY2012 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc
Please watch, learn and share. 2012 is the year.
Submitted by Slurpee on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 3:53pm.
Whamo:
Hahahahaha! Ricardo was so suave and deboner!
--------------------------------------------
Jyes he hwas and hes cruised up and down thee buleevard in hees Chrysler Cordoba with it’s fine Corinthian Leather.
now who the hell would be Herve Villachaise (sp)?
Mini Me from Austin Powers?
well that might be pretty good. :D
wasn't that a lineup, Love Boat then Fantasy Island?
Fuck Dallas, it was Dynasty and Falcon Crest all the way.
Cliff married Lucy...
*****************
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by annobanano on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 3:37pm.
Submitted by tojo on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 3:30pm.
I hope Linda Gray got her dentures fixed, she used to click whenever she spoke...
Yes - always wondered wtf was wrong with her teefs. Those gums were not even remotely a human flesh tone.
Linda Grey is just her nickname since that was the color of her teeth.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 3:52pm.
Submitted by Slurpee on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 3:40pm.
IF:
Fucking Love Boat and Fantasy Island! "De plane boss, de PLANE!!!"
=================================================
Slurps, Fantasy Island was the SHIT back in the day. Ricardo Montalbán was Mr COOL. lol
Do you remember THIS! LOL!
With it's fine Corinthian Leather!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vsg97bxuJnc
lol! all suave in they big clunky car
Miss Ellie was in The Sound of Music
***************************
"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Slurpee! yes, Cliff Barnes! *pinches jack's naglas*
***************************
"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Bernard...yes...Ray, Donna & Lucy.
Cliff Barnes...Snowho. *googled*
Miss Ellie & Jock.... http://www.ultimatedallas.com/characters/elliebio2.htm
****************
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Whamo:
Hahahahaha! Ricardo was so suave and deboner!
Submitted by Slurpee on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 3:46pm.
Submitted by Bigbendy on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 3:39pm.
I thought that Larry was dying from cancer or was that a dream?
________________________
I think it was amnesia brought on by being kidnapped by his crazy sister-in-law who was possessed by Satan, or something like that or am I thinking of Days of Our LIves?
************
Hahahahahahahahahahaha! *falls over*
*********************
I've got ten bucks and me and dirty eddie are staying out all weekend! - Rob Pue (thank you BBitch and Sweetas)
The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 3:51pm.
poor snowy - she's been watching trash tv all her life lol :P
lol!
Submitted by Slurpee on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 3:40pm.
IF:
Fucking Love Boat and Fantasy Island! "De plane boss, de PLANE!!!"
=================================================
Slurps, Fantasy Island was the SHIT back in the day. Ricardo Montalbán was Mr COOL. lol
Do you remember THIS! LOL!
With it's fine Corinthian Leather!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vsg97bxuJnc
Orangina your avie makes me thirsty, congrats on your CT win too
***************************
"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
poor snowy - she's been watching trash tv all her life lol :P
_____________________________________________
"You reap what you fuck." ~ RichBitch 03/13/2012
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 3:46pm.
where is the alchoholic lawyer I used to have a crush on?
_____________________________
You mean Cliff Barnes? Wasn't he Pam's brother too? And married on the show to one of the Lander's babes?
aren't half these people dead? stupid show when it was on, so why now? dumbdumbdumb!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Fuckery is what fuckery does.
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 3:47pm.
BB: NOOOO wasn't the blonde son ghey??? Someone confirm it!
I think you're thinking of Dynasty.
Or are you just up to your old tricks and trying to provide every classic movie and tv show with a gay subtext? :)
Did Josh Hebdrrson used to be on 7th Heaven? He did, didn't he! He was the older brother who wore flannel everyday!
Edit: Never mind, I'm wrong.