And Yet, Jessica Simpson Is STILL Pregnant

As Jessica Simpson’s unborn baby celebrates her 2nd unbirthday with an amniotic fluid pool party, her ex’s wife decided that somebody needs to give birth and popped out a boy. Yes, Chace Crawford is a tia now! Tia Chace! Tony Romo and his wife Candice Crawford (who sort of looks like Chace if you squished his face and threw a blond wig on his head) pushed out this statement to UsWeekly:

“Hawkins Crawford Romo is now a part of the Dallas Cowboys family. He came into this world on 4/9/12 at 5:30 p.m., 8 lbs. and 8 oz. All is well with mom.”

HAWKINS CRAWFORD ROMO?! Doesn’t that just plop off of the tongue like a concrete brick. Try not saying that out loud or a stranger bitch might give you the Heimlich maneuver since it’ll sound like you’re choking on a chicken bone. Hawkins Crawford Romo does not belong on a birth certificate, but it does belong in bronze letters on the door of a damn law firm in the San Fernando Valley. And I bet their stupid asses are going to call him Hawk. Hawk Romo. You know, they should call him Hawk Romo, because that’s actually a good name since it sounds like an amateur gay porn star turned WWE wrestler turned bounty hunter.