Jennifer Aniston Doesn't Give A Shit About This After All

Hollywood Life, your source for all Barfgelina/Analstain fan fiction, said last week that Jennifer Aniston had nothing but smiles for the news that her ex-husband is now engaged to whore pit viper (© Joan Rivers) Angie Jolie and she would even RSVP a yes if she got an invite for the wedding. Well, now E! News is hearing from a source close to Jennifer that the Brangie engagement news has made her constipated and she has zero shits to give it. Jennifer cares more about planning the quinceanera of her eldest Cabbage Patch doll than she does about Brangie's stupid ass wedding. The source explained it like this:

"She doesn't care. She really doesn't. She's happy with Justin [Theroux]. She'll probably marry him. She's moved on. People don't want to believe it, but she has."

Now, this I believe. If Jennifer really wanted to experience a Brangelina wedding, she'd just make her own at home. Jen would make Justin Theroux wear a soft Brad Pitt mask she knitted with Brad's shed pubes. Then she'd put rubber lips on one of the garden lizards her dog caught, and call it Angie. Then as one her Precious Moments priest figurines presides over the ceremony, she'd bust in as Jennifer Aniston. Justin as Brad would drop garden lizard Angie, run to Jen and they'd re-consummate their true love in a bathtub full of ice cream soup. So yeah, Jen is over it (and yes, she's totally going to act out that scene on Brangie's real wedding day).

And about Angie's ring, which she wore while slithering around L.A. yesterday. People says it's 10 carats and cost around $1 million, but UsWeekly says it's 16 carats and cost around $500,000. Brad worked with jeweler Robert Procop for about a year on the ring and the diamond is supposedly conflict-free. The ring may be conflict-free, but it's not boring-free. Brad is a "design GENIUS" (- Brad Pitt) and RoboCop spent months looking for the perfect diamond, and this is the best they could come up with? RoboCop wasted his time. He could've just called QVC, because they have a ring just like that.

Splash

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by K2 on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 6:55am.

Submitted by Sweet Cinnibuns on Wed, 04/18/2012 - 4:12am.

So Brad spent an entire year designing a ring that's an exact copy of Camilla Parker Bowles ring.
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LMFAO!!! Jolie was robbed of originality and real thought. Pitt is fuckin' laaazzzy.

Submitted by lastdiva on Wed, 04/18/2012 - 7:51am.

Submitted by Sweet Cinnibuns on Wed, 04/18/2012 - 4:12am.
Thanks for those links Cinnibuns - those rings ARE nearly identical.

OFT: To say Camilla resembles a rottweiler is to insult rottweilers.

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"That's an awfully high horse sir, may I pet him?"

Submitted by Sweet Cinnibuns on Wed, 04/18/2012 - 2:42am.

So Brad spent an entire year designing a ring that's an exact copy of Camilla Parker Bowles ring.

http://bohomoth.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/camilla-parker.jpg?w=300&h=2...

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/04/16/article-2130427-129E7006000005...

It's hard to tell whether the ring is pretty or not after only seeing it on the hands of 2 old women. Old veiny wrinkled hands make any ring look ugly.

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"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

Submitted by Fujicat on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 10:25pm.

E.C. You are correct. Perhaps I misread. I can't find your original post to refer back to in all the fur flying in the comments of the last hours. (coughs up hairball of alt fluff and makes that funny sound my cats make)

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E.C. the numbers on Ang's arm are the latitude and longitude of the birthplaces of her children. This includes Brad's.

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Isn't that what I said? Geographical Coordinates?

A geographic coordinate system is a coordinate system that enables every location on the Earth to be specified by a set of numbers. The coordinates are often chosen such that one of the numbers represent vertical position, and two or three of the numbers represent horizontal position. A common choice of coordinates is latitude, longitude and elevation.[1]

Fair is foul and foul is fair..

Submitted by boston61 on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 10:23pm.

Angie is 1%er Hollywood nepotism. She is a total hypocrite.

Submitted by liverwurst on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 10:01pm.

Really making sure we see the ring. What I don't get (yes I do) is why they wouldn't announce AFTER they're already married. Nice private wedding with the kids and family considering this is the 5th marriage between them. But then there wouldn't be a bidding war for the wedding photo's right? Got to pay for that 70 million dollar French estate and of course the ring and private jet. What it comes down to is this: these two are the biggest fame whores ever.

Submitted by cake coke and cock on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 9:12pm.

are we sure this isn't just a replacement ring for her older abilitytowalkinsunlight one?

It is flat and looks like glass, but must be kind and tasteful when assholing.

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Don't make me quote Nabokov at you. I'll do it. I promise.

Submitted by lastdiva on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 8:04pm.

Now that "it's official" can we expect less black and more items from The Limited's 1993 collection?

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"That's an awfully high horse sir, may I pet him?"

Submitted by lazee on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 6:41pm.

I like the ring!

Submitted by Whatever on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 6:28pm.

Hard to take this woman seriously about her charity work when she is wearing a huge diamond on her bony claw. How many little third world country children worked to mine that? Conflict free riiiiiiiiigt.

Submitted by C6 on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:27pm.

That ring was the best design Pitt could do? Fug. Screams "Veiny-Maneater-Diamond-Prism/Prison" last-minute inspiration. No.

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"Discussions about what is good, beautiful, noble, pure, true, could always go on. Why is that important? Because that is the only conversation worth having." C.Hitchens,1949-2011. (RIP Winehouse & Houston, 2011) *caprica six was/is here*

Submitted by CodeRed on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:27pm.

nice prison tattoo. What is that?

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The love for all living creatures is the most noble attribute of man"- Charles Darwin

Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:15pm.

Oh, let's go the other way, MK please tell us more, I want to hear moooore! *smh* haha You're brilliant to post about these two ladies and their SO's! *all four are now equal, don't really care!*

"Barfgelina/Analstain fan fiction" - MK you on fiah! hahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhaha

LOL at all the comments! ;D

•-•-•-•-•-•
"Latin and Greek are not dead, they are immortal!"
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░

Submitted by oldpossum on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:08pm.

I don't give a shit one way or another except it's funny to see the JenHens get all pissed and shit.

And this is f*cking hilarious Michael K!!!!

repost sorry

Submitted by oldpossum on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:07pm.

I don't give a shit one way or another except it's funny to see the JenHens get all pissed and shit.

And this is f*cking hilarious Michael K!!!!

Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:47pm.

who says broads and dames? errrr everybody under 26 and under 230 lbs. - guess those are both distant memories for you gals? sad.

ahahahahaha!

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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is every argument against nepotism rolled into one.

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:44pm.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 6:12pm.
ESE, did you just out yourself as a pervert? :D
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i'll refer you to my attorney for any further comment!.... wait a sec?!... where the hell is Momus!... I NEED REPRESENTATION!!

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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:42pm.

ESE, did you just out yourself as a pervert? :D

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:38pm.

Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 6:04pm.

*politely raises hand*... can i be a middle-aged, overweight broad trying to pretend that i'm not?... i like roleplay, and i think i could pull it off!... heehee!

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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."

Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:34pm.

haha! you middle-aged, overweight broads trying to pretend you're not is the funniest thing I've read all week! have I hit a nerve?

ahahahaha!!

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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is every argument against nepotism rolled into one.

Submitted by Scott in NYC on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:29pm.

I can't believe if Brad & Angie actually get married. I mean, what possible difference could make in the world? They're already together? AND, "whore pit viper" was coined by the (un)beautiful and (non)brilliant Melissa Rivers, not Joan.

Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:29pm.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:54pm.

Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:49pm.
Question: Who says "dames"?

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My boss' 79 yr old mom- TRUTH!

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Yeap - that's what I was thinking...

♥ Threadkilla!
"god bless, buy my single!"~Courtney Stodden

Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:28pm.

EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:56pm.

Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:49pm.
Question: Who says "dames"?
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the better question here is: why is a broad like you using a computer without your husband's consent?.... huh? huh?... oh, yeah!.. ponder that one, lil missy!

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And now you know why I don't gots no husband!
o no - clearly I am loon fodder now! Hold me! (see how I did that?;)

♥ Threadkilla!
"god bless, buy my single!"~Courtney Stodden

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:26pm.

Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:49pm.
Question: Who says "dames"?
---------------------------------

the better question here is: why is a broad like you using a computer without your husband's consent?.... huh? huh?... oh, yeah!.. ponder that one, lil missy!

hi, angel!!... nice to see your chola back again!

OT: holy crapamolie!!... this is a JA/AJ thread!!... what in the fuck am i doing in here?!

-----------------------------
"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:24pm.

Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:49pm.
Question: Who says "dames"?

**********************

My boss' 79 yr old mom- TRUTH!

Submitted by Darknight on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:23pm.

Maybe next time she should walk around with her hand above her head so we don't miss the ring.

It's never too late to be who you might have been.
~George Eliot~

Submitted by mefunigirl on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:20pm.

Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:21pm.
E_C: Could you pass me the spam? My momjeans are too tight - I can't get up.

jeans? oh you must be a youngin'. Fat old ladies wear muumuus. Here, I'll lend ya one of mine...when I remember where I put them.
Where are my glasses?

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And little one, hold out for a c-section. You don't want to slide down that. ~ Sweetas

Submitted by Dog on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:19pm.

@BernardProfitendieu

I finally got it. The hens over at JJ revoked your Bawk Membership and kicked you to the curb, didn't they?

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www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:19pm.

Question: Who says "dames"?

♥ Threadkilla!
"god bless, buy my single!"~Courtney Stodden

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:18pm.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:44pm.

Thanks, you poor grammar skilled fatso! Want a prune and vodka cocktail?

Submitted by IrishFury on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:14pm.

I can't believe someone called "SassyFrass" write this about the Jolie-Pitts on JJ.

What a bitch:

http://www.justjared.com/2012/04/13/brad-pitt-engaged-to-angelina-jolie-...

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Dark-sided!

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:14pm.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:42pm.

Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:18pm.

Sorry cum dumpster...
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I love it when your old ass talks dirty....
_____________________________________________
"So, besides getting shot in the back of the head do you know what else Abraham Lincoln did? He was a champion wrestler in high school and no, I'm not making that up." ~ Kenny Powers

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:14pm.

Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:21pm.
E_C: Could you pass me the spam? My momjeans are too tight - I can't get up.

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Have a cold glass of prune juice Angel, it might make your mom jeans fit a little more loosely.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:12pm.

Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:18pm.

Sorry cum dumpster, but you are way off!

Isn't it time for your meds or are they just letting you play until you tire yourself out, psycho?

Anyway, have fun counting your peas and carrots tonight, as I am done with your stupid posts.

Spam on, just shows how utterly sad you are.

I always love how the Jolie freaks think that everyone who doesn't agree with them are old and fat. *snicker*

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:06pm.

Thank you, BernardProfitdouche... I will work on my grammar.
_____________________________________________
"So, besides getting shot in the back of the head do you know what else Abraham Lincoln did? He was a champion wrestler in high school and no, I'm not making that up." ~ Kenny Powers

Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:03pm.

have an extra prune with your early bird specials tonight, ladies (and dull Jack, too, who it seems still doesn't know the grammatical difference between "If I was" and "If I were"). Constipation's a bitch, and you over-the-hill dames + Jack have it bad today! ahahaha!!!

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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is every argument against nepotism rolled into one.

Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 3:51pm.

E_C: Could you pass me the spam? My momjeans are too tight - I can't get up.

♥ Threadkilla!
"god bless, buy my single!"~Courtney Stodden

Submitted by Andrei on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 3:51pm.

Ok.. is it me.... or is she holding up her arm in such a way as if to POSE her ring like she did her leg? Just wondering. She seems narcissistic? But I could be reading into it too far.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 3:48pm.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:14pm.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:12pm.
can someone please post a link to the Aniston press conference thank you
___________________

You overweight middle aged broad Jack!
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If I was a "broad" I would only be typing with one hand... FACT
_____________________________________________
"So, besides getting shot in the back of the head do you know what else Abraham Lincoln did? He was a champion wrestler in high school and no, I'm not making that up." ~ Kenny Powers

Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 3:48pm.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:13pm

wow - resorting to, "I know you are, but what am I?"

haven't heard anything so witty since grammar school (that's 12 years ago for me, 40 for you, in case you're having trouble with math skills in your dotage, grandma!)

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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is every argument against nepotism rolled into one.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 3:44pm.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:12pm.
can someone please post a link to the Aniston press conference thank you
___________________

You overweight middle aged broad Jack!

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 3:43pm.

Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 5:10pm.
ahahahaha! you overweight, middle-aged broads

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Awwww, don't be so hard on yourself. You CAN diet, but your age, well there is nothing to be done about that.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 3:42pm.

can someone please post a link to the Aniston press conference thank you
_____________________________________________
"So, besides getting shot in the back of the head do you know what else Abraham Lincoln did? He was a champion wrestler in high school and no, I'm not making that up." ~ Kenny Powers

Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 3:40pm.

ahahahaha! you overweight, middle-aged broads (you know I'm talking to you, don't you?) are too funny!!! bwahahaha!

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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is every argument against nepotism rolled into one.

Submitted by Cowjam on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 3:35pm.

Submitted by Stan Derp on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:34pm.

I think I found the guest list...

http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/board/viewtopic.php?f=40&t=285123&sid=cfb53...

Oh wow, thank you for that! ROFL!!!

Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 3:31pm.

Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:58pm.

bitter moron!
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O but that one is full of LOLz. Thanks for that.

♥ Threadkilla!
"god bless, buy my single!"~Courtney Stodden

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 3:30pm.

WOW! Look who is calling others "dim wits". Pot, meet kettle.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 3:29pm.

Submitted by Stan Derp on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 4:34pm.
I think I found the guest list...

http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/board/viewtopic.php?f=40&t=285123&sid=cfb53...

• report abuse

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Ahahahahaha! I loved Mrs.Doubtfire, and Supernanny! The drug lords were funny too.

Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Tue, 04/17/2012 - 3:41pm.

predictions?

you've actually been sitting there awaiting a real press release?!? ahahaha!!

what a dimwit!

and have you really never noticed the dlisted time stamp is off?!? ahahaaha.

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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is every argument against nepotism rolled into one.