Brace Yourselves For All The "Race To The Altar" Tabloid Covers.....

how predictable ... this talentless, attention-starved, lumberjack-jawed, man-chinned, one woman skankfest has had her PR team in overdrive the last week and this is just the unveiling. More, oh so much more to come as Aniston tries to convince the world she's insanely happy.

just as predictable: the overweight middle-aged broads who frequent this sight falling for every nugget of info she or her surrogates leak

next up:
the fake pregnancy
then:
the fake miscarriage
then:
the fake breakup
then:
the fake reconciliation
then:
the real breakup (Justin's contract expiry)
finally:
Aniston's declaration in a thousand low-end magazines that she's happy, Happy, HAPPY living alone

lather, rinse, repeat

so, so predictable

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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is a walking argument against nepotism.

I think Justin Theroux is good looking, without the beard. With the beard he just looks like Wooly Willy.

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Winter is coming!

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 12:18pm.

Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:54am.
Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:51am.

I think you would have to turn to porn to find another actress who could evoke such raw emotion from their audience.
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LMFAO!

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You mean, you weren't driven to the edge of your seat watching the smoldering passion between Kristen Stewart and RPattz in Twilight?
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LOL!!!! I wish these two the best butzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

LOL Datura! I think Maddox would have the maturity to stop the whole fight.

Off-topic: Did anyone see Mad Men last night? It did my head in! Don is scary and Roger is groovy.

I wish them the best of luck. If they're happy, maybe they'll leave the spotlight.

Jennifer and Justin and Angie Jo and Brad should have a double wedding. That American version of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding can give us good close-ups of Angie and Jennifer beating each other's arses in the parking lot while Justin and Brad smoke doobies together under a tree.

*~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*
“he looks like some sort of sea serpent like an octopus, catfish or something from pirates of the caribbean and his stomach is gross it looks like hes prego with a giant wiener” – kittymuffin on The Situat

Whamo - Yes, I think he's hot. I'll bet she's fucking his brains out or the other way around or it's mutual or something like that. Heh.

This Greek Wedding story came out two or three months ago. Are the tabs just warming this shit up again to make it seem fresh?

Also, why did BRAND-gelina decide to announce their engagement just as these Jen getting married stories started to surface? They've had fucking years to get married and decided to do it now? Now if Aniston gets married everyone will accuse her of trying to copy them.

This story is proof of that. A three month old story is warmed up to make it seem like Aniston is competing with them even though it's actually the other way around.

And don't tell me this shit is a coincidence. That word does not exist in BRAND-gelina world. Me thinks they are just fucking petty to stage this shit now.

hey, didnt someone used to write phone calls between jen and brad's mom?

can one o'y'all do that for me?

i think it'd be a good phone call, right about now.

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Posh Beckham is one of the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse.

sucky - very funny cat names.

whamo - i not only dont think he's handsome, i get a distinct "i hit girls" vibe from him.

unrelated - i am a jen hen or whatever stupid name those freaks at jj call people who like her, but she sure has changed the way she dresses since him. i wish she would just admit it and say its fun.

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Posh Beckham is one of the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse.

Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:26am.
OK, question ladies...Is this dude good lookin???
I don't know how to call this one, sometimes he looks ok, other time he seems to have a severe case of "Butthead" head!
Like in this shot here, look at how disproportionate his head looks next to hers.
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I see what you're saying. Personally, I do find him attractive, but more than that, he's got a lot of sex appeal which IMO, is far more important. Brad Pitt lost his sex appeal a long time ago, and he always looks like he's trying very hard. Justin is more brooding and effortlessly sexy. I'm really happy for Jen and I hope it works out.

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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom

I thought she was pregnant. That's the LAST time I read any of those rags while waiting on my Oxycontin scrip! Damn, they are liars! Walgreen's, not the rags. :)

Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:54am.
Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:51am.

I think you would have to turn to porn to find another actress who could evoke such raw emotion from their audience.
==================================
LMFAO!

______________________________________________

You mean, you weren't driven to the edge of your seat watching the smoldering passion between Kristen Stewart and RPattz in Twilight?

_______________________________________________

Winter is coming!

I'm pretty sure Jen stopped giving a fuck when she saw that shitfest movie they did

But Jen needs to take some advice in the style of Gretchen Weiners "stop trying to make Justifer happen, its not gonna happen"

Submitted by Two Drink Min on Mon, 04/23/2012 -
HAHAHA! He'd better watch it he might find himself illegally adopted.

.................................

:D
Heeheeehee
true

The part I can't believe is that she told people she was planning a wedding in the summer. Wouldn't someone else handle all that? The resort would not know it was for Jennifer Aniston's wedding unless she wanted them to know. Unless it's not true and she was just planting a story. "lol summer wedding, you guys! lol don't tell anyone!"

http://burning-plastic.tumblr.com/

She is cute, more attractive than The Succubus, but he is, to quote the hooker in "Fargo"-"funny-looking". For a long time, I wished that she would hook up with yesterday's birthday boy Jeffrey Dean Morgan. I think they are equals in the hotness department, and they both love dogs.

Submitted by TexnDoc on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 12:04pm.

I wonder if she has eggs frozen. No, I mean outside of her body....

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Ha! So wrong and yet so right.

Submitted by zomay on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 12:01pm.
Jolie is only pissed because Justin's name ends with an X.

;D

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HAHAHA! He'd better watch it he might find himself illegally adopted.

I wonder if she has eggs frozen. No, I mean outside of her body. One thing Oprah the Rich taught us, even celebs can't fool the biological clock. I don't hate Aniston though as much as I want to see that clock die on Parasite Hilton.

JT looks like he can be lots of fun in bed.

Jolie is only pissed because Justin's name ends with an X.

;D

.................................

Worrying is using your imagination
to create something you don’t want.

Submitted by WithinReason... on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 11:35am.
Justin was interesting in Mulholland Drive
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Mulholland Drive...Reason remember watching this years ago and thinking WTF did I just watch? To this day I have know fucking CLUE what that movie was about!:)

jennifer aniston marrying at crate & barrel is more like it.

ha ha ha.

☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.

Justin was interesting in Mulholland Drive and in that pic on here with the t-shirt and hip-hugging pants a couple of months back, otw he's ok. Definitely getting more scrutiny now that his profile has been lifted so much more. Hope he doesn't start in on the surgeries same as everyone else though... Ack!

•-•-•-•-•-•
"Latin and Greek are not dead, they are immortal!"
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░

Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:57am.

Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:40am.

waiting for you at the bus stop with picnic lunch and sweet nectar for the long long long ass drive

"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12

LMAO Suckay!!!

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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky

I picked up my paper from in front of my door. On the FRONT page of USA Today, they have asked designers to imagine wedding dresses for Angelina Jolie.

I immediately threw the entire paper away.

❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀
I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like the guy said... my tummy itches. -- Brick Tamaland

Is there a Hate The Media for Perpetuating This Fuckery bus scheduled?

@Whamo...Put me in the finds him sexy column.

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"Physical violence is the least of my priorities." - Drunken Albertan

Submitted by guest on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 11:22am.
Whamo...there's sumpin about him if you can get past the hairline.
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Well guest you're not alone, some of you gals like him so WT heck! :)

Submitted by GrecoSuave on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:49am.
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You mean like the phone stopped ringing for Brad and Ange???? Personally I don't like any of their movies. But Brad and Angie are sickening phonies who think they are still hot. Aniston at least admits her flaws and eats food.

@ snowpiece - Grecian Formula for sure now that he is marrying a Minoan goddess from Crete and she should sport a topless wedding dress in the manner of her ancient forbears.

Submitted by mslewis on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:16am.

How did Jennifer Aniston manage to get to Crete without anyone noticing? Last I heard, you have to fly there and how can she do that without the paps noticing? I do think we are in for a lot of "who will be first to the alter" crap this Summer. That's why I'm hoping Angelina and Brad fly to Springfield, MO next month and have a nice little family wedding.

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Why didn't the paps notice? Cause she didn't call them like OTHER people do. If the Brand gets married in Bumblefuck mark my words Angie's private photog will be there. Just like he was in Africa when she outted her, Brad and Mad on the beach playing happy family.

Whamo...there's sumpin about him if you can get past the hairline.

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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.

Submitted by beakers bitch on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 11:05am.
Submitted by No Words on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:19am.
How many of you think that the big Brangelina engagement announcement happened because JenA was close to marrying Justin?

I thought it was because it was the only thing that would get people to stop making fun of her chicken leg antics.

Agreed, that's THE LEG's plagiaristic style. She who can't do, copies!!

Submitted by cripbabe on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 11:08am.
Angie won an Oscar once, but it was for supporting actress - no one ever pays attention to those people
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She also won it playing a character that exactly paralleled the life she was living at that time, hardly a stretch and certainly not acting completely out of character.(and probably still is but with better PR) She didn't have to dig too deep for that roll.

*runs to catch up with anno...sdr & mjt* oy.

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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:22am.

Loonies of either camp are equally moronic. Fuck BOTH AJ and JA.

Their movies are crap too!
****************************************************I wish we could insert gifs, so I could add a slow clap gif.

These untalented mofos are laughing all the way to the bank.

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Be intrigued, be interested. DON'T be stupid.---TheBreakdown

Let me guess, it's going to be a beach wedding shot by Terry Richardson. Coco Arquette will be the flower girl and bff Sheryl Crow will serenade them down the aisle.

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Be intrigued, be interested. DON'T be stupid.---TheBreakdown

Crete huh? So she's evoking her ancestors spirits and justifying her nickname Jennifer Analstain at the same time. Which i kind of get cause her face is so butt-ugly she's only doable from behind.

--
Better a bottle in front o'me
than a frontal lobotomy

Justin looks like a Dick Tracy character...that looooong, arched brow...wow.

@Whamo

all of Hollywood is overrated in looks as it is, so for that reason , no he isn't anything special. He has *some* sex appeal though, which is more than can be said for StuPitt these days.

Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:51am.

Jen is the most beautiful, talented actresses of her generation. Her wonderful portrayal of Rachel Green was exquisite. He romantic comedies have all been boldy endearing, and provoked quite a few tears from this cold heart. I think you would have to turn to porn to find another actress who could evoke such raw emotion from their audience.
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Truer words were never spoken so eloquently. Your heartfelt words moved my bowels, and like Jesus Christ, Superstar, I wept.

so I guess breaking-up that 14 year relationship he had, worked for her. great, now they can both churn out a string of non-stop, shitty movies.

funny thing is, they all suck as actors, and yes, I mean Jen and Justin and Brangie too. true, Angie won an Oscar once, but it was for supporting actress - no one ever pays attention to those people.

Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:57am.

Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:40am.

Something tells me if this is true I will hate them ALL by end of summer.
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Something tells me you are so very very correct. I'm boarding the Hate Them All bus right now.

*Gets in line behind SDR and MJT*

All Aboard!

I don't know if I coud care less about these weird looking people.

Well, I guess, in 15 years when skinny jeans are back in style, that Munster wanna be can be back in again. So, they have that going for them.

Submitted by No Words on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:19am.
How many of you think that the big Brangelina engagement announcement happened because JenA was close to marrying Justin?

I thought it was because it was the only thing that would get people to stop making fun of her chicken leg antics.

Submitted by Datura on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:55am.
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:26am.
OK, question ladies...Is this dude good lookin???
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I do think he's attractive, but yes. He does have a case of the Big Ol' Head. See also: Ben Affleck, Jude Law...

I hope once JA is married, the whole 'love triangle'
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Someone made a great analogy a weeks or two ago comparing these three to the tabloid's obsession over Liz Taylor, Debbie Reynolds and Eddie Fisher in that they NEVER let that go and it was 40 years ago. I have to agree with that poster in that we will NEVER be done with these three...EEEEVVVVEEERRR.

Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:53am.
I think Justin is HOT. Me thinks Whamo's jealous side is just coming out again ;)
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You always say that when I question a guys looks, lol!

I have no problem acknowledging a man's good looks it just in this case he looks like a anencephalic Eddie Munster Butthead!! Bwahaaaaa..

MJT and Munster Butthead sittin in a tree....:) LOL!!!

I would sell my parents in to slavery just to press my face in her panty drawer.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers