This Is Everything: Grannies Watching Kim Kardashian's Sex Tape

Leave it to three memaws to perfectly sum up Kim Kardashian in one simple sentence: "She's just laying there!" I became these three memaws' fan at "His tongue is as long as his dick!" and I became their biggest fan at "His nose is in her cligh-toris!"

Do they take requests, because I need them to guide me through the Chyna sex tape. Shit, I need them to guide me through all sex tapes. They need their own show on Comedy Central. They can call it Granny Got Porn or Werther's Original Theater 2012.

via Gawker

Posted by: Michael K

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Don't Fuck With Oldies • This Belongs In A Museum

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Submitted by marlena on Thu, 05/03/2012 - 6:30am.

Very hot grannies! Where can I watch more videos?

adult sex question

Submitted by Scottish on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 8:52pm.

I know I'm late on this one...but it is the best!! I am going RIGHT NOW and make my Granny watch some porn to see what she says about it. This should be interesting!

Submitted by reperryl on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 3:56pm.

watch Kim Kardashian sex tape:

http://tinyurl.com/449rx2l

Enjoy! full video by Vivid.com

Submitted by d-nice on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 8:56pm.

dave attell had a show where they talk smack about old pornos & bring back actors out of retirement to comment on the behind the scenes.

wish these ladies would do it instead or with dave attell i think i rather like their perspective.

Submitted by _fail_ on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 1:04pm.

My day is made.

Submitted by bitchSpray on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 9:54am.

this really made my day. i love it!

Submitted by char on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 8:43am.

Love Them.

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I'm countin' on Jesus at this point.

Submitted by dorian_graye on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 8:34am.

I wish I had broads like these women in my family.

Submitted by joe shmoe on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 7:27am.

Submitted by marinara on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 3:25am.
Ohh this HAS to go viral. It might be the only thing that actually embarrasses that dumb whore.

And yes, there is no pee in the tape, that's only ever been apocryphal (though I choose to believe it).

There's a good recap of Kim's (incredibly dull) sex tape here.

http://www.agonybooth.com/agonizer/
*******

Hahaha...funny link.

************

Submitted by Allessandra on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 5:21am.

It was funny but not as funny as Id expected it to be.

Submitted by marinara on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 1:55am.

Ohh this HAS to go viral. It might be the only thing that actually embarrasses that dumb whore.

And yes, there is no pee in the tape, that's only ever been apocryphal (though I choose to believe it).

There's a good recap of Kim's (incredibly dull) sex tape here.

http://www.agonybooth.com/agonizer/Kim_Kardashian__Superstar_2007.aspx

ishouldbedoingsomethingbetterwithmylife's picture

Submitted by ishouldbedoings... on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 12:00am.

Wonderful. Michael K, don't let anyone ever tell you you haven't contributed to modern culture. In 20 years, maybe less, you'll be part of someone's PhD study. The best quotes:

'She's holding it like this.' *gasp!* 'Two hands!'

'On the com-pyoo-thah?' 'We can see it on the 'com-pyoo-tah?'

'This is real pornography.' (No it ain't, lady. I've seen rather tastefully done Playboy shots of Betty White from the '50s. How dare you scar Betty's White's name by likening her to that piss-licking Kardashian whore?)

Even better than 'the end is purple' is the -giggle giggle- afterwards! (Albeit edited.)

My absolute favourite bit was, 'What's taking him so long, he's so young?' ... I officially stop commenting now. When one of these mature, fully-deserving-of-all-our-respect ladies says 'what's taking him so long, he's so young?' ... nice one Ray J, you couldn't please an 80-year-old!

(Sorry, had to watch it til the end. It's not just Kim K who's stupid, her mum is two plastic surgeries away from being one of these 'mee-maws', and actually the mee-maws are more intelligent, brighter and don't make cameras in their faces the sole reason for their existence.)

Long live these ladies, they did this *shit* decades ago, it's only that the younger generations think they were first!

Submitted by Vico on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 10:47pm.

Join me to the queue of people who've never seen Kim's sex tape. I feel like I don't want to watch the tape as it would just be a bitter let down after that marvelous Memaw review.

........::::::00000000::::::.........

"So what was all that about enlarged holes and tight cracks?" -Enid

Submitted by bourgie on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 10:05pm.

this should be circulated all over the place. my fave: "they say once you go black you never go back, "that's whay they say" all matter of factly as if they were discussing the price of prunes.

Submitted by loopygorilla on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 10:05pm.

I don't know why old people's perspective on things are always 10x funnier.

its like a tv show we had in australia which had a segment where they give the old people a "word" and ask them describe it, and the audience is supposed to guess what it is, except it was always sexual and it wasn't sex of course, and the old lady would say "i have it at least 3 times a day on my back", which if any of us bitches said it, wouldn't be funny but because someone's grandma said it, i was chuckling and rolling on the sofa.

I want to invite these three over for afternoon tea, with scones and clotted cream and raspberry conserve, finger cut cucumber sandwiches and then we can watch some PORN!!!

here are my favourite moments.

- "cligh-toris" thats how im gonna pronounce it from now on.
- "thats greek, thats how the greeks do"
- "ray z, ray z who?" thats gotta hurt lol
- "oh i cant watch this *licks lips*" dirty grandma

By the way, do you notice the collage of photos of their grandkids in the background?? lol THAT IS CLASSIC

Submitted by Pinkismyblack on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 9:48pm.

Gold. Pure fucking gold.

I agree with SomeLikeItHot- one of the best this year. What happened to Hot Bitch of the Month/Year, etc, anyway??

Submitted by Electroluxy on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 9:38pm.

Michael K, you are the best.

These elderly ladies rule.

Submitted by Chrisantemus on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 7:51pm.

THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN!!!! I want to have tea with these ladies!

*****************************************

THANKYOUVERYMUCH.

Submitted by Nightowl on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 7:48pm.

THIS!!! Absolutely hilarious. I love it when she says, "thats gotta hurt!" and "the tip is purple!!" lolllll!! And for the record, I've seen the video and there is no pee. Don't want you to be disappointed if you ever decide to watch it.

Submitted by Nacho_Mamma on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 7:17pm.

I love it! If that sex tape came with those grannies commentary I'd watch it.

Submitted by P.T.Bull on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 5:57pm.

Setting aside the idea that these ladies are being filmed to do this, it was quite fresh and funny. I know of a gal who got ass cheek implants and makes kim kardassian look like a scandanavian model--its just ridiculous.

Submitted by Fujicat on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 5:44pm.

Those grannies are from Queens..possibly migrated to Long Island. I know that accent anywhere.

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Fair is foul and foul is fair..

Submitted by lalamaria on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 8:02pm.

That accent! I know it well too

Submitted by upstatestruggler on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 5:24pm.

"wait til they show it in profile!"
"she's so stupid"
best. memaws. ever.

Submitted by BaconSlut on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 5:00pm.

@Swarm

I want in on that party!
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"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead

Submitted by illuminaupolis on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 5:00pm.

Well that does it. I'm officially the only person in the world who hasn't seen Kim Kardashians sex tape.
________________________________________________
You shouldn't have tried to wife the bitch. She's not that type of ho.

Submitted by harperharper on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 9:38pm.

That makes 2 of us

Submitted by crazyassmom on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 1:25am.

Nope....make that *3* of us! Lol. We can start our own club or group, or something! .=p

====================
Mountain Dew is also the perfect butt douche to turn to when that stubborn gerbil refuses to fall out of your ass.-Michael K.

Submitted by crazyassmom on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 1:41am.

Ooh....excuse my dp. XD

====================
Mountain Dew is also the perfect butt douche to turn to when that stubborn gerbil refuses to fall out of your ass.-Michael K.

Submitted by swarm-of-locusts on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 4:57pm.

I want one of each to do lunch with me at some venue where tragic is always in motion so I can laugh while they throw shade.

**************************************************
Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time."
— Haruki Murakami

Submitted by SomeLikeItHot on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 4:49pm.

" ...the tip is purple", "...she's just laying there", "... that's a brazillian", "...she's using two hands and there's space", "...she's so stupid" Man this whole video is quote worthy. I'm calling it: this is one of the top 5 videos of the year!

Submitted by sinjin on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 4:46pm.

I'm wondering why this lunch was being taped. Do they do a cable access show or something? Seems kinda random to tape a regular lunch.

Submitted by Scott in NYC on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 4:40pm.

LOL! I wonder how much fat-ass pimp whore Kris Jenner paid them to do this video.

Submitted by nikkicage3 on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 4:35pm.

"That's what the Greeks do!" LOL LOL LOL

Submitted by beb on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 4:19pm.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL - priceless!

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"Taylor has an unfair advantage. Bitch never has to buy lube since her eyes are greasier than the peen of the lone top at a gay orgy." - MK

Submitted by Andrei on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 4:18pm.

@Dog:

Awww... owie. :( I hope it goes well.

I'd invite you to OKC... but you probably have a bad impression of it now due to Deputy Shiloh and what not, LOL.

Submitted by WithinReason... on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 4:17pm.

I don't know why but these nice ladies give me the impression they've watched porn before LOL just not together... ;D

•-•-•-•-•-•
♫"Now if you're sad and you're feeling blue
Go out and buy a brand new pair of shoes"♫ - Maggie M'Gill
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░

Submitted by oleman on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 4:14pm.

this site is so much better than TMZ!

Submitted by Dog on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 4:13pm.

Submitted by Andrei on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 5:38pm.

I'm good, Dog! Waiting for little bro to come by, visiting. How is you?

I'm also bored and need some spice in my life. Or just something new and thrilling. Game?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I'm on my way to get massage therapy. Hurt mah shoulder playing racquetball. Booo!

Me, too. Always!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Submitted by moomarse on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 4:13pm.

"Werther's Original Theater 2012"

LOLOLOL!!! You know your porn movie is really bad when all they do is laugh!!!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Fuckery is what fuckery does.

Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 4:13pm.

That was funny.

Submitted by betterthanyomama on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 4:09pm.

I think she got peed on when they said "She's stupid"-lol! The one meemaw that was licking her chops wasn't doing it at Kim, she was probably taking a stroll down memory lane...or shoulda coulda blvd...either way

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** Two hands with space in the middle **

Submitted by Andrei on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 4:08pm.

I'm good, Dog! Waiting for little bro to come by, visiting. How is you?

I'm also bored and need some spice in my life. Or just something new and thrilling. Game?

Submitted by sinjin on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 4:06pm.

Pearl clutching x 3, lol.

Submitted by Dog on Mon, 04/30/2012 - 4:06pm.

Howdy! How, ah say, how you been, Andrei?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org