After 21 Trimesters of Pregnancy, Baby Maxi Pad Is Finally Here

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I had twins and wasn't as big as Chestica! I wouldn't be surprised if she had complications.

I was fat before twins and after. I only gained about 25 pounds. My doctor did not want me to gain anymore due to my large size. I had a vaginal birth with no poop.

Does Chestica think this is her only kid? Why not wait for a boy to name it "Maxwell"?

Don't hate on a trust-fund baby with a swag bag. She won't feel it.

Jesus H. Christ did she balloooon! At least they didn't name the critter Moon Unit or Bronx Mowgli for crying out loud.

"I've had crabs. I've had lice. I've had the clap and that ain't nice. SO WHAT!?!?!?!"

"I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure..."

Fuck i wouldn't have wanted to be there when Jessica's water broke, it would like a scene from The Shining.

RandéS, could be Rand, could be! But these days... well, you know the drill hehe maybe they're working up to that too, not sure! ;)

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♫"Now if you're sad and you're feeling blue
Go out and buy a brand new pair of shoes"♫ - Maggie M'Gill
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░

Submitted by MagnificentChichis on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 11:41pm.

I think you need to take it down a notch, miss umbilical bungee jumper!

My baby was born via mid-wife and I was in labor for almost two frickin' days straight. eight pounderoonies exaxtly. Exactly to be exaxtly. I didn't scream or nuthin'. Where is my g-dang purple heart award? Men kill in war and are awarded all kinds of ridiculous shit for...TAKING lives... Hey, how about us mommas MAKING lives? HUH?

Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 12:13am.

Old-fashioned--except for the whole kid-out-of-wedlock, chief-breadwinner stuff.

Can we focus on what's really important? She had a kid before her ex did. And little Maximum has a cousin named Bronx Mowgli.

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Please: It's "rahnday."

RandéS, maybe they're a bit old fashioned... I hope he sticks around too! ;)

•-•-•-•-•-•
♫"Now if you're sad and you're feeling blue
Go out and buy a brand new pair of shoes"♫ - Maggie M'Gill
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░

Submitted by stefystef on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 10:58pm.

LOL! True. It's odd they named her Johnson--not Simpson or Simpson-Johnson... Hope the Yalie football dude stays around.

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Please: It's "rahnday."

Submitted by MagnificentChichis on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 11:41pm.

i'm not gonna get into any debate with ya... just wanted to tell you that your avatar is a nice reminder of Salma's glorious chest pillows... what?!... that wasn't too crass, right?... heehee!

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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."

And yes, the name Maxwell is absolutely disgusting and she should be slapped by humanity for doing that to an innocent girl baby. WTH? I love ya Jessica, but you have no brains at all.

Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 5:37pm.
I don't understand how the C-section/ tummy tuck works. The abdominal muscles are stretched out and need some time to shrink back down. And usually a woman's body is holding a lot of extra water. I'd think it would be hard to judge how much tissue to "tuck" or remove until everything settles down. But I'm not a doctor, so what the hell do I know?
-----------------------------------
So Hekki got me to thinking. I wonder if they give TONS of Lasix to c-section/tummy tuck mamas to suck all the water out of them so they can do the plastic surgery soon after the birth? How else would you get the water out of a woman? Wring her out?

Need Texan Doc's professional opinion here.

Jess did seem to go way past her due date..hence some of the extra birth weight. I read somewhere that the father's birth weight has something to do with the baby's? My ex was over 8 lbs, as was I, and our daughter was 8.9. Ouch.

BTW, what a horrid male name to give a female child. Confusing.

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Fair is foul and foul is fair..

Oh, screw all of you wannabe obstetricians wallowing in your ignorance about babies and pregnancies, and screw all of you judgers who deem it your personal privilege to police other people's bodies. I started my first pregnancy as a size 10, gained 65 lbs, had absolutely no health problems whatsoever, had a 9 lb baby, and within 6 months (probably thanks to breastfeeding) I was back down to a size 8, about 15 lbs lighter than I had started the whole affair. You don't need a tummy tuck or all this stupid crap people are discussing. Pregnancy and weight gain is Normal and Healthy and you are not this woman's doctor. Please don't spawn more of your kind.

stupid, stupid name... and yet, i stand by my always statement.... i think that Jessica's pretty.

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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."

That's some gestational diabetes monster baby. My first was 9lbs 14 oz. They could've named the kid Maxine instead of Maxwell. Maxwell is like the male version of Maxi Pad.

"Small and broken..... but still good..... mostly...."

Submitted by RandéSleepover on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 6:25pm.
Submitted by stefystef on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:28pm.
#3: And let me say this clearly: her baby daddy is NOT going to marry her. He doesn't need to and men don't do what they don't need to or want to do.

Yes, but what if she marries him--perhaps to legitimate little Maxim--with a (to him) tolerable prenup? He's then set for life. That beats using her credit cards.

******************************************************************

That guy is getting paid now... why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free... and since Jessica got as big as one, this guy is already set.

______________________________________________________________
Grow up, Demi, and do coke off toilet seats like the rest of us adults do!- Michael K, 1/26/12

at least her baby bump didnt fold.

WOW! what a CRAPPY name!

A friend of mine got pre-eclampsia (high blood pressure) while pregnant and the other one had gestational diabetes. Luckily, both are ok now. That's what I'd be worried about with Jess! ;]

•-•-•-•-•-•
♫"Now if you're sad and you're feeling blue
Go out and buy a brand new pair of shoes"♫ - Maggie M'Gill
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░

I dont know about stringbean...she LOVES her food.

I bet when they popped her amniotic sac the doctors and nurses were swept out of the birthing suite in a tsunami of amniotic fluid.

My apologies to the squeamish.

*staring at Mike* :D

************

She will be a string bean in no time. Nutra System babeeeeee

(973) Jersey Strong

Not many women are very attractive while they are growing people...myself included. HOWEVER, Jessica looks like Sally Struthers in this picture. How much did that kid weigh at birth??? It will be throwing a shot put by its first birthday!

I am still amazed the baby only weighted 9 something pounds. I know several new moms with 12 lbs kids. YIKES! Is she very tiny? That must be it... *surprised* hehehe

•-•-•-•-•-•
♫"Now if you're sad and you're feeling blue
Go out and buy a brand new pair of shoes"♫ - Maggie M'Gill
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░

Beyonce take note. Next time you try and pull the wool over people's eyes, This is a real pregnant woman.No folds ups here! California is still under water.

I saw a pregnant woman on the subway today. She should be all over the web when she gives birth since this is apparently a newsworthy event. Who gives a fuck about Jessica Simpson having a baby? Why do people care? At least when Angelina has a kid, we all want to see if it has horns and a tail but...Jessica Simpson? What's the relevance?

Happy 16th Birthday Maxwell Drew Johnson!

Watch this child be the second coming of a Tesla/Beethoven/Einstein/Jobs genius. Bet 'Life and the Universe' fk'd us all in the butt sideways with this possibility. The child was gestating so damn long it's probably at 4th grade-level aptitudes and shit already. FML! I hate everything!

____
"Discussions about what is good, beautiful, noble, pure, true, could always go on. Why is that important? Because that is the only conversation worth having." C.Hitchens,1949-2011. (RIP Winehouse & Houston, 2011) *caprica six was/is here*

Submitted by stefystef on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:28pm.
#3: And let me say this clearly: her baby daddy is NOT going to marry her. He doesn't need to and men don't do what they don't need to or want to do.

Yes, but what if she marries him--perhaps to legitimate little Maxim--with a (to him) tolerable prenup? He's then set for life. That beats using her credit cards.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Please: It's "rahnday."

I don't understand how the C-section/ tummy tuck works. The abdominal muscles are stretched out and need some time to shrink back down. And usually a woman's body is holding a lot of extra water. I'd think it would be hard to judge how much tissue to "tuck" or remove until everything settles down. But I'm not a doctor, so what the hell do I know?

This says it all.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/29/fashion/the-baby-bump.html?pagewanted=...

I agree that Maxine would have been better then Maxwell. Based off her name everyone will assume she is a boy. Dipstick. I think 8-9lbs is normal for a newborn baby anymore.

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What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/09

Fuck, she's fat. But ok, she's pregnant. But what a mess. That hair looks horrible. Bleach and leopard. Ugh. Tammy Faye without the sweet, deluded, humility. Girl actually thinks she deserves to look that way. Another fool who thinks being a mom means you get to sit on a throne. She's not a teenager, but her constant abhorrently juvenile behavior towards having a family makes her a particularly damaging role model for teenage moms everywhere. You think her ridiculous marriage and divorce would have knocked some grown up sense into her head, but she still carries on with this stupid princess bullshit. Feel sorry for whatever idiot was dumb enough to knock her up.

Do you think GrandPapa Joe is going to go on about Maxi's DD's when they come in? God I just threw up a little. And Jessica, have fun losing that baby weight 9 lbs baby and about 100 or more lbs gained. Gestational diabetes. Signed Dr. G. Clampett

"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West

I love Jessica, but that name sucks. I find her oddly appealing as she gets older and away from douchebags like John Mayer and that other football player who just had a kid. I wish her luck take notes Beyonce, this is what pregnancy looks like, not like a folding pillow and a baby four months early.

I find her oddly appealing as a chubster. She's still beautiful even with all of the weight on.

I wonder if Nick, her ex, sent a baby gift???
______________________________________________________________
Grow up, Demi, and do coke off toilet seats like the rest of us adults do!- Michael K, 1/26/12

Michael K, as usual, you are a genius.

I was thinking "Maxi" for the nickname, but making it Maxi Pad is just perfect. *LOL*
______________________________________________________________
Grow up, Demi, and do coke off toilet seats like the rest of us adults do!- Michael K, 1/26/12

Submitted by clairey claire on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 4:22pm.
===============

Aw, congratulations.

One of my colleagues just gave birth. She's naturally skinny, and you couldn't tell that she was pregnant except for the bump. I don't think she gained much weight anywhere else, and the baby was about 7lbs.

No real point to this. Just hurlin' myself under the bandwagon.

#1: I don't care for the name, Maxwell. Yeah, it can be unisex, I guess, but it sounds like a boy's name.

#2: She did the tummy tuck and everything while she had that baby via c-section, because that skin ain't bouncing back with Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig or whatever she's doing and some sit up... there needs to be surgical intervention involved.

#3: And let me say this clearly: her baby daddy is NOT going to marry her. He doesn't need to and men don't do what they don't need to or want to do.

#4: Celebrity baby thing is so played out.
______________________________________________________________
Grow up, Demi, and do coke off toilet seats like the rest of us adults do!- Michael K, 1/26/12

Does anyone envision her on an Elliptical in 6 weeks working up a sweat and eating kale chips? Or will she sit back in an Easychair Recliner and gnaw on chicken wings?

http://loveandknuckles.com/2012/05/jessica-simpson-weight-watchers-campa...

LoveandKnuckles
www.loveandknuckles.com
Celebrity gossip and pop culture snarking.

Turt!

Good luck with the coconut oil! Just don't forget to shampoo out well and then just do a little conditioner afterward and rinse.

I didn't shampoo out properly one time and was all this from Coming to America -------> http://media.photobucket.com/image/coming%20to%20america%20soul%20glow%2...

CONGRATS CLAIRY CLARE! So exciting for you!
________________________________
Dark-sided!

Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 3:09pm.
Submitted by Athina on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 3:07pm.

Big babies also have something to do with how much weight the mama gains during pregnancy. Both my husband and I are tall, and bigger than average (he's 240, I'm 150) and we had a little 6 pound baby. I gained 20 pounds during my entire pregnancy. My tiny, skinny little Asian friend gained 40 pounds and had a 9 pound baby.
***********************************************
To throw a fork in your theory:

I gained 50 lbs with my first - 7lbs 5 oz

Gained 35 with my second - 7lbs 7oz
-------------------------------------------------
I also gained 50 lbs and my daughter was only 6lb 9. I am small and looked like a mini whale.

I just found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant :)- let the weight gain commence :(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious": The late great Bill Hicks

Submitted by Athina on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 3:07pm.

Big babies also have something to do with how much weight the mama gains during pregnancy. Both my husband and I are tall, and bigger than average (he's 240, I'm 150) and we had a little 6 pound baby. I gained 20 pounds during my entire pregnancy. My tiny, skinny little Asian friend gained 40 pounds and had a 9 pound baby.
----------------

Yeah my cousin gained 50 pounds her first pregnancy and her daughter was 6lb 1oz and 35 pounds with her son and he was 7lb 5oz.

Submitted by Athina on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 3:07pm.

****

I also debunk this. I gained 65, 58 and 35 pounds and my kids were 8-1, 8-3 and 7-15.

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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma

did she plan may 1st as the date? seems planned. but goodness, it seems like it took her forever to pop!

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