Paging Jennifer Love Hewitt
Fox is showing NBC that they aren’t the only ones who can use NASA-created high-powered technology to make chairs turn the other way like your office chair when a Kardashian pops up on your computer screen. Fox can do that too and they’ll do it in their new dating show which is like what would plop on the sheets if The Voice and The Dating Game had really messy butt sex.
Fox’s The Choice is just like The Voice, but instead instead of the four “celebrities” looking for singing voices, they’ll be looking for possible genitals to hump on. The four celebrities will be put in swivel chairs with their backs against the stage and a bunch of “sexy singles” describe themselves. If the piece’s descriptions makes the celebrity’s ears tingle, he or she will pull a “love handle” (I can’t with that either) and find themselves face-to-face with their possible date. If more than one celebrity turns around, the trick will get to pick who they want to get with. Once each celebrity has three possible dates on their team, all teams will move to the “Speed Choice” round. In the second round, each contestant will have a few seconds to tell the celebrity why they should be picked. At the end of that round, each celebrity will get rid of one ho. In the final round, the show’s host Cat Deeley will ask each trick a question and afterward the celebrity will pick which trick they want to go on a date with. And that’s how true love is born!
Fox hasn’t released the names of the celebrities that will be on this mess, but I’m sure it will be filled with twinkling bright stars of the A-list universe. Keeping that in mind, I’ve come up with my own wish list:
White Oprah
STAINS
Maxwell Drew Johnson
The cock king of Hancock Park Norwood Young
Chicken Cutlets (Phoebe Price or an actual plate of chicken cutlets, I’m not picky)
Ceiling Eyes’ mom
Claudette Wells
That tap dancing politician who got caught trying to look for hard dick in the bathroom
Carrot Top
Tupac Hologram
Not The Baby from Dinosaurs
Stephanie Yellowhair
Martika
Gerardo
Sheree from The Real Brokewives of Neverland
Darva Conger
And last, but not least the Asian Snooki from MTV’s PG-13 rated version of Bang Bus that was NEXT!