John Waters Is Hitchhiking Across The Country
The indie rock band Here We Go Magic were driving along in Ohio in their van when they basically saw a unicorn nymph centaur holding a rainbow in his hands. They saw John Fucking Waters standing near a highway on-ramp looking for a ride. Okay, if that was me, I'd have to drive back to the DQ and ask them if they put an extra scoop of powdered acid in my Blizzard, because seeing a hitchhiking John Waters is like magic for your eyes.
Once Here We Go Magic's bassist Jen Turner finished farting out flamingo feathers from spending time with John, she Tweeted the entire wonderful experience. Jen says that when they asked John why he's using his thumb to get him across the country, he simply said that he's looking for an adventure. The band's guitarist Michael Bloch told the story in an email to their record label and their record label forwarded it to Gawker:
There's a hydro-fracking boom in western Pennsylvania. You can't get a motel room. We had to drive til 4AM, and finally found a Days Inn in eastern Ohio. Getting back on the highway this morning, there was a man at the side of the on-ramp with a sign that read "to the end of Rte 70." Jen wanted to pick him up, but we drove past him. As we passed by, our sound guy said "John Waters." Luke said, "Yep, definitely John Waters." We got off at the next exit and circled back. He was still there. We pulled up, opened the door and asked where he was coming from. "Baltimore," he said. And we said "Get in, sir."
The band took him to Indianapolis and now he's looking to continue his journey down I-70.
How is this shit a real story? It's almost better than an episode of Bait Bus! I feel like somebody tucked me in and told me their acid flashback. The cynical whore in me says it's some kind of stunt, but I'm still tempted to get into a Zipcar and drive down I-70 hoping to find John and give him and his dandy stache a ride. Who cares if I've always been told that if I pick up a hitchhiker, he'll lure me into a gas station bathroom with promises of peen, murder me, cut my face off and sew it over his so he can rob banks as me? It's John Waters!
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I'm so jealous, I've wanted John Waters to be my best friend for a while now... we've both been to jail for ridiculous shit, we're both completely perverted and depraved... I feel like we could go to kid's movies together and make everyone around us feel uncomfortable (I'm heavily tattooed/modified and he looks like a pedo) and enjoy it, immensely.
i hope he's strapped. you in danger, John!
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
OH MY GAWWWWWWWWWWWWDDDDDDDD!
if John Waters is in Indianapolis, someone have him call me !! the man is a GOD!
Love me some John Waters. I just think he is cool as fuck.
Neil Young used to pick up hitchhikers near his ranch. Typically, they were UCSanta Cruz students, who couldn't believe it was Neil Young. He had to stop doing that though. Too bad. Had I known, I would have picked up John in Indy. It would be worth the trip. John Waters is very cool.
Run, Forest run!
Brilliant.
Who is John Waters??????
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
when I used to live in Bawlmer I would see him all the time in this bar I frequented...
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
The Queen of Baltimore! I love John Waters and I wish I had the opportunity to drive some old highway with his fabulousness. What a great story.
All I ever run into is cops arresting people (I live in southern AZ after all). I would have SO spotted John Waters even with the grey hair! Too cool!
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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Crazy. Cool. Random as hell.
Used to hitch hike ALL the time, rural area and what not, got picked up by a beautiful dike named Indigo who had to make a stop at the commune where she lived (very Lisa Alther? feeling)
then she brought me where I needed to go, I was fascinated, wanted to see how the "even cowgirls get the blues" set lived, but had to leave.
Another time a guy offered me 20 bucks to service him and I said, let me outta this car, and stopped hitching shortly after.
*chanting as always*
Shut the fuck up kid, you're in my closet now.
I don't think this counts as a hitchhiker, but I saw a guy walking down the hwy around 3 in the morn and it was Cold. Wasn't a gas station for a while so I pulled over and took him to the station and gave him a ride back to his car. I'm a girl and it was a llittle, OK a lot, scary but he didn't murderrapekill me and I got good juju points.
I wouldn't know what Waters looks like so I prob wouldn't pick him up. Be all, "look at that weird looking dude trying to grow a Gomez Adams stash!"
OMG, I LOVE John Waters!!! My luck if I ever picked up a hitch hiker someone would rob & rape me. Like Tojo said, though, I hope he's okay, but is he off his meds? This is a dangerous experience for him to try. Luckily cool people picked him up.
Submitted by Poopele on Thu, 05/17/2012 - 9:49am.
He should jog across the country. Then people driving past him could go, "Oh look, running Waters".
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That's silly but damn if it didn't make me laugh!!:)
I use to thumb everywhere when I was a kid. I lived out in the county and it was a long way to get anywhere, it was just something we all did.
This was late 70's early 80's.
yo stop by my station. go to waffle house & turn left by the midget hooker.
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
I'm surprised he is hitchhiking. He should jog across the country. Then people driving past him could go, "Oh look, running Waters".
And I half take it back about calling these folks hipsters. They look like nice people and they're having fun.
I guess the name of their band was the tipping point.
LOVING these hitchhiker stories! And ajaraja's, too.
My dad picked up a hitchhiker in the 70s and got robbed.
Oh well.
I think my favorite line from one of his one-man shows was something he said he over heard walking in Baltimore. A mom, dad, and a little kid were walking down the sidewalk and the kid said to the dad "Daddy, why is mommy crying?" and the dad said "Because you're a little asshole that's why!" lol I'm from B-more and that sounds exactly like something one would overhear there.
Back in the 90's I knew people who were friends and/or sycophantic hipsters who hung out with him. The only first hand story I have of meeting Mr. Waters happened one night when I had a date at a bar/club on Charles street next to the Club Charles with this Russian guy from work that I didn't know very well. I asked my Republican friend George (that is how we all introduced him- I think he was the only Republican any of us knew. Anyway, he was one of the greatest guys EVER) to come along and stay in the area so I could bail if it wasn't working out. Vlad (the Russian guy) was wearing an all white suit and even though he was nice, I was not feeling it so I proceeded to get drunk off my ass (like the lady that I am) and accidentally knocked a full cranberry juice and vodka all over his white suit. After apologizing, I went next door to the Club Charles to find George who was hanging out with a group of people surrounding John Waters. I remember being annoyed that they were all trying so hard (except George) to look cool and make witty remarks. There was this wanna-be actor there who I knew. Just a month or two earlier, he was trying to hook up with me but was completely acting like he never met me before (not that I exactly blame him in the condition I was in). I proceeded to tell everyone about what phony ass-kissers they all were and how I knocked a cranberry juice and vodka on the "white Russians" suit before giggling like an idiot and vomiting on the floor. Ahh good times.
Anyway, I love reading the comments but usually don't post.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Thu, 05/17/2012 - 1:23am.
Dude it's not like he's some random normal director. John Waters is a CHARACTER. When I saw him speak at the Democratic Majors Convention, he had is trademark pencil thin mustache and was wearing a black blazer with roses and skulls all over it hahaha.
Best line from "Female Trouble" by Divine as Dawn Davenport (as written by JW, obviously):
Donald Dasher asks who she is. Dawn replies:
"I'm a thief and a shitkicker. And I wanna be a STAR!".
Submitted by suckandfuck on Wed, 05/16/2012 - 9:59pm.
awesome!
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He must be awesome if you don't have some XXX-rated commentary to snark out. ;)
Awesome. Now I'm going to get into an accident on the highway, eyeing every hitchhiking hobo, to see if maybe it's Jeremy Renner. :\
john waters is boss. love him so.
i've seen him a couple of times on his speaking tours. awesome.
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watching hardcore ufos
Mr. John Waters is a damn treasure. Lucky bastards.
This is the coolest fucking thing.
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Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time."
— Haruki Murakami
I am imagining this aerial view as every DLister (and Gawker stalker) across America jumps in their car and heads for I-70. All to converge in a convoy at Indianapolis-thousands of cars waving pink flamingos out the window, cruising for a hitchhiker. "Need a lift, hon?"
All you need to know is that he made the original Hairspray.
I LOVE his movies but wouldn't recognise him from Adam
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"It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious": The late great Bill Hicks
Oh my GOD!! I lLOVE John Waters! He is the coolest. I saw him at a Q&A with him about his films in the 90's and Quentin Tarantino was the moderator. Quentin was soooo annoying. He monopolized the conversation and practically didnt let anyone ask Johm Waters questions because he was asking them all! Most of Quentin's questions were dumb like something out of a SNL skit where they say all excited "Remember when you..." John Waters is film genius.
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I'M DONESVILLE!
Nourish the Inner Asshole
Borrachas of the world unite and take over!
I have nothing to add except that John Waters is a legend and this story is too cool.
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Trailer Trash.
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
I pick up hitchhikers. Cuz once I got stranded in Kansas City when I lived in Lawrence. I stuck out my thumb and within 5 minutes I got picked up. The dude that picked me up was actually going to Lawrence. As a bonus, right when i got in he asked me if I knew how to roll a joint. Of course I do and rolled a fattie and got blazed.
So that's why I will pick up a hitchhiker.
I'm ashamed to admit i only know him from the simpsons episode he did... :|
Wow, he s my favorite film maker!
If it happened to me i d be so happy i could shit.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Wed, 05/16/2012 - 10:11pm.
If I had him in the car by hour 2 he'd be pulling at the door locks which I would hold in my hands "Looking for THESE?!" I could just listen to him do commentary on everything for days.
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This so much!
I would have DIED, man. Love him.
And I'm not sorry to say that that band LOOKS like they suck. They didn't deserve his ass.
jealous, i love john waters.
that band looks random as hell.
Submitted by SFRB on Thu, 05/17/2012 - 1:03am.
I know I'm not the only uncultured cunt who thought "who the fuck is John Waters?"
Gomez Addams keeps coming to mind.
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SPAZ! FEAR AND LOATHING GUY! COOL!!
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Hahaha, SFRB, my first thought was Pink Floyd! DUH me!
I hated that BIL, but I was envious. I would have loved to have given a ride to Hunter, and since I've never owned a pickup he'd have had to ride in my car with me. And it probably would have blown up.
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I love it! Haha! "John Waters. Yep, definitely John Waters." This is like, perfection.
Great to see someone bringing back what made this country great...cross-country soul-searchin' road trippin'!
Submitted by Janice Second on Thu, 05/17/2012 - 1:13am.
"How do some of you people not know who John Waters is?! Pink Flamingos? Cry Baby? Serial Mom?"
Movie credits tend to go by so fast, so I usually focus on the lead actors and the music. I plead guilty to a misdemeanor only, because I did recognize Waters as soon as I Googled him.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
How do some of you people not know who John Waters is?! Pink Flamingos? Cry Baby? Serial Mom?
Being the cretin that I am I had to Google John Waters. His smile scares me. There's no way I would ever give him a ride. Great story, though.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 05/16/2012 - 10:06pm.
... I'm getting too much hipster from this story.
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Smiles? Arms around each other? plain white van...
OHIO!
doesn't strike me too hipsterish. never heard of the band, but i suppose any musician in a band...in a band traveling to a paying gig...is a bit hip.
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Amnesty International
Shine a Light
I know I'm not the only uncultured cunt who thought "who the fuck is John Waters?"
Gomez Addams keeps coming to mind.
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SPAZ! FEAR AND LOATHING GUY! COOL!!
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So, my advice is you can’t make a ho a housewife. Don’t try to reinvent the wheel. Let her do what she born to do: ho. Yeah. HO. Punk bitch.
About 15 years ago, my former BIL came across a guy with a broke-down vehicle on the side of I-65. Guy looked familiar, but he didn't act like he knew the BIL, so when BIL offered him a ride, he told him he'd have to ride in the back of the little S-10 pickup he was driving, since he had his kid in the cab. BIL also informed the guy he was only going as far as the next exit, about 7 miles. So BIL only had about 10 minutes to wrack his brain trying to figure out why he looked familiar. At the exit, one of the first businesses was this very gaudy purple and pink strip club. The guy rapped on the window and told BIL, "this is good." So BIL stopped, and then Hunter Thompson jumped out of the back of the truck and walked towards the bar.
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Submitted by SalmaNella on Wed, 05/16/2012 - 11:47pm.
That's cool! I didn't know that. I just caught his show and liked it a lot. He does graffiti art all over the place when they travel. Season 3 they're in China for his art show and hitchhike afterwards travelling around. They end up crashing in this guy's barber shop and the barber's gf is bitching at him about why he's letting smelly, dirty poor people sleep in his shop, lol. It's a good series.
Submitted by Poopele on Wed, 05/16/2012 - 11:57pm.
I think I would also run if I just say somebody blow their head off.
Anyway...what is this the 70s??? Oh wait...maybe the Griswalds will pick him up. I only hitchhiked a couple of times in my life...no big stories.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=milbV8wb37Y&feature=related
"It's John Waters!" A very cool person indeed and just the type to do this! Likely story, he likes the band and wanted to help them out... (yeah MK, me too) hehehehe ;D
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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When my buddy Dave blew his head off with a shotgun one night, this guy name Christopher was seen running out of the building screaming. He disappeared into the night. The Police finally found him for questioning a few days later. They wanted to know why he ran away.
Turns out that Christopher had been hitch-hiking once a few years earlier and got picked up by a guy down in North Carolina. The guy pulled a gun on Christopher and drove around with him for a couple of hours. Finally, the guy drove down some farm lanes and pulled into a field of corn. The guy ultimately put the gun to his own chin and blew his head off right in front of Christopher.
True story.