Well Played, Tara Reid

May 23, 2012 / Posted by:

Tara Reid left a yacht party in Cannes the other night and in the old days this sentence would end with “and by ‘left’ I mean she jumped overboard after mistaking the ocean for a giant bowl of vodka.” But it’s a new day and it’s a new Tara Reid! Tara Reid left the party holding on to the hand of 60-year-old Fawaz Gruosi, the founding president of a fancy jewelry company called de Grisogono. Now everyone (read: HuffPo, a few obscure European papers who still care about Tara Reid and me) is saying that Tara got herself a sugar daddy. To which I say, YAAAASSSSS!

Tara’s love life has been pretty bleak as of late. Last year, Tara’s 3-second-long fake marriage to some businessman ended after they found out the union was not legal, because the gin bottle that married them was not a registered officiant! Before that, Michael Assman and Tara Reid canceled their wedding plans after he found out that the bulge in her shorts was just saggy skin meat from her botched lipo job and not a fat peen. But now, Tara is finally doing shit right by looking for love in all the rich places. Tara was headed straight for a life of running out of truck stop bars to barf out bottom shelf whisky onto a cigarette can and now she’s headed straight for a life of running out of 5-star restaurants to barf out Dom onto the shoes of her chauffeur.

And Fawaz has a case of the Ceiling Eyes, which means he’ll probably never get a good look at her open-faced lasagna stomach. Tara did good!

SHARE
Our commenting rules: Don't be racist or bigoted, or post comments like "Who cares?", or have multiple accounts, or repost a comment that was deleted by a mod, or post NSFW pics/videos/GIFs, or go off topic when not in an Open Post, or post paparazzi/event/red carpet pics from photo agencies due to copyright infringement issues. Also, promoting adblockers, your website, or your forum is not allowed. Breaking a rule may result in your Disqus account getting permanently or temporarily banned. New commenters must go through a period of pre-moderation. And some posts may be pre-moderated so it could take a minute for your comment to appear if it's approved. If you have a question or an issue with comments, email: michaelk@dlisted.com

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >