You Might Want To Log Out Of Twitter: Ashton And Demi Possibly Back Together

Demi Moore recovered from her Whip-Its overdose. Ashton Kutcher realized he made mistakes. They both privately realized that the interest over his cheating, their split, and her meltdown had faded AND SOMETHING NEEDED TO BE DONE. So they’re giving off signs that they’re getting back together. Hopefully Twitter knows enough to slit UP its wrists and not across.

Radar says that @aplusk and the former @mrskutcher attended the birthday party of one of their Kabbalah leaders, Rabbi Yehuda Berg. While there, they shared an “emotional 60-second embrace”. Come now. Demi was just searching his pockets to see if he was holding, and Ashton was just dry-humping. Dude will stick his goofy dick anywhere. Apparently, they chatted for awhile and Demi was said to be staring at him like “a love-sick puppy”. We can all sign off on the “sick” part.

During the party, guests stood up to speak about how awesome the rabbi is (sounds like a good time) and Ashton is said to have started regretting shit when he got up.

Ashton gave a speech at Kabbalah Rabbi Yehuda Berg’s 40th birthday party and teared up when he said “I’ve made all these horrendous mistakes in the last year.”

A guest at the party said “Ashton’s voice started to break as he spoke. He just fell into tears. He sat down to a round of applause while Demi just looked frozen.”

The “mistakes” he was talking about include fucking a slut on his sixth anniversary without having her sign a NDA first, and not being there to Tweet pics of Demi seizing after Redi-Whip overpowered her. Demi wasn’t “frozen”, that’s just her face.

If they DO get back together, can Ashton handle the bathroom bikini photoshoot duties this time? Sit down, Ma.