Monday, May 28th 2012

Why Are People Eating Each Other?

I'm still trying to get over that story about the Japanese guy serving his guests WAY TOO FUCKING ORGANIC sausage, and now Clarice Starling better get her good handbag and cheap rube shoes to Miami! A police officer shot and killed a naked man who had eaten another man's face off. I don't recall Dorothy and Rose including that bit in their "write a jingle about Miami" contest entry for the tourist board.

The grotesque nightmare began around 2 PM on Saturday when a Miami police officer spotted a nudie cutie dining on another guy's face on a bike path off the MacArthur Causeway. When the officer (who I fucking hope gets next week off) asked Leatherface to stop chowing on the other guy's mug, Leatherface declined and kept right on munching. Well, he got shot and killed.

The victim is said to be alive and in critical condition at Ryder Trauma Center at Jackson Memorial Hospital. Cops are saying that he appears to have been a homeless man, and that "cocaine psychosis" might have been the cause of the perpetrator's nudity and cannibalism.

What are they cutting the cocaine with down in Miami? The goo from Prince of Darkness? He couldn't have been that psycho if he disrobed so he wouldn't get any face bits on his clothing.

And why am I the guy who has to post about people eating each other?!? Oh, who cares. DListed is the balls. Thanks for reading, guys. If you're into naked dudes and...well, mostly naked dudes - come see me over at my day job at Manhunt Daily.

Posted by: J. Harvey


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chaka1's picture

We live the sceen. We were freaked out all weekend.

MickeyHolland's picture

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 05/29/2012 - 10:05am.

You should see me go on my duo-bike, ESE! (If the butt fits ...) Hya! *gives ESE a big cow kiss*

------------------------------------------------------

Who are you calling silly cow?

Lucifer_Sam's picture

Submitted by bigorexia on Tue, 05/29/2012 - 6:44am.
I doubt drugs made him do this. However, I can't think of any drug that would make someone eat someone else's face.

You'd have to be extremely ignorant or a total imbecile (a) to never have heard of drug-induced psychosis, and (b) to think that tobacco smoking is a more dangerous past time than doing hard drugs. When you see someone die from smoking one cigarette - the same way some people have died from popping the wrong pill or doing cocaine/heroin just once - please let me know.

EveryStrangersEyes's picture

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Tue, 05/29/2012 - 9:58am.

a cow on a bicycle... yep, i really wanna see that!

*smooch*... hi, Mickey bovine!

OT: this is still just gross.

-----------------------------
"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."

MickeyHolland's picture

So basically, every time you get on a bus these days you have to ask your fellow passengers if they have eaten already? I'll just take my bike, thank you very much.

OMG, MizRo, I Googled 'Miami cannibal'. That was horrendous!

----------------------------------------------------

Who are you calling silly cow?

EveryStrangersEyes's picture

Submitted by MizRo on Tue, 05/29/2012 - 9:45am.

see ya, Mizzy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACdwCIld3kE&feature=fvsr

what?... i don't know any Spanish, aside from buying drugs, and ordering a burrito!... it's the best i can do, o.k.?!

-----------------------------
"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."

MizRo's picture

Guten Tog and my apologies ESE: I can't get it out of my head - have had nightmares since I heard about this! *hiding*
EDITED: I have off from work today - I can NEVER access D from work so I thought I'd hit D up for some lqughs today but woe, not much new yet from MK.
Have a great day - I'm off to tutor the nephew in Spanish... May be back later! *muah*

EveryStrangersEyes's picture

Submitted by MizRo on Tue, 05/29/2012 - 9:33am.
Google or Bing "Miami cannibal": not only is there a pic of this animal but some very disturbing fight-for-your-face footage.
-----------------------------------------

oh no!!... i'm not falling for any cannibal chewing this early in the morning, you!... you find yourself another sap to get your sick kicks on by sending them to video of people eating each others noggins!

-----------------------------
"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."

MizRo's picture

Google or Bing "Miami cannibal": not only is there a pic of this animal but some very disturbing fight-for-your-face footage.
Universe help us all.

WithinReason...'s picture

It was good to see ya again J Harvey! Done a great job! Come back soon! ;)

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦≈♠░░░░

Whamo's picture

Submitted by Suzy Farkis on Tue, 05/29/2012 - 6:16am.

- all thanks to my boyfriend at the time playing Butthole Surfers' USSA which is surely meant for these situations.
============================================
USSA.....LMFAO!!! your head must have nearly blown off!! Bwhaaaaa. I'm laughing so right now.

On acid with USSA cranked!!, I'd be under the coffee table freaking out for sure!! :)

Submitted by Fat Lady on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 3:30pm.

Sweet holy fuck. This has happened before:

http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local/Police-Investigate-After-Naked-Man-Sh...

Zombie Apocalypse indeed.

Lock-n-LOAD!
--------------------------
Actually happened twice before

Antron Singleton, a would-be rapper using the stage name Big Lurch. In 2002, after he was found walking around Los Angeles naked and covered with blood, his roommate Tynisha Ysais, 21, was discovered dead on the floor of their apartment with her chest slashed open and her internal organs exposed. Pieces of her right lung, which had been removed from her body, appeared chewed and torn, and there were teeth marks on her face. Singleton's lawyer claimed his client had tucked into Ysais after a five-day PCP binge had made him psychotic.

EveryStrangersEyes's picture

Submitted by bigorexia on Tue, 05/29/2012 - 6:44am.

i may be speaking out of turn, but... i've seen people do some crazy shit on hard dope(not eating people's faces, mind you!)and i've seen people do some crazy shit while under the influence of boozy, and it pretty much rounds out equal in the nutty department... i'm gonna go with ya on that there has to be some mental illness, but it may have been brought to a nose chomping peak with some drugs here, ya gotta admit!

-----------------------------
"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."

Hekki's picture

Submitted by Orangina: "Motherfucker should've gone with the "I can fly!" hallucination and jumped off a building, rather than the "I'm a hungry lion!" hallucination."

HAHAHAHAHAHAJAHAHAAA!

Really.

misslainey's picture

Submitted by TrashyWilma on Tue, 05/29/2012 - 12:14am.
Submitted by misslainey on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 8:24pm.

Submitted by Orangina on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 7:56pm.
@TrashyWilma

I only spent very little time in Orlando--flying in and out, and took my daughter and mother to DW. But I did spend quite a bit of time in Cocoa Beach, Titusville and Merritt Island. I almost had to relocate there, so I looked around for housing, schools for my daughter. I'm sure there are normal people there, but I am very glad I didn't have to move there. I don't think I could've handled it. There is just this under current of anger and hatred. Really a negative place. It just looked depressing.

However, I feel much the same about the metro DC area. Peope are rude, self centered and are only interested in you if you ave a job they deem "important". In fact, talk to someone here for more than 5 minutes and you will be asked what you do. Then you're judged on that.

I grew up in Colorado, and while it had its problems, I still call that place home. Lived in Maryland for 25 years; never gotten used to it. And to top it off, I live in a fairly rural place where some people literally do not have indoor plumbing. Some of those same people have not been outside of their town (a little hovel called Nanjemoy). I wish I were exagerrating, but I'm not.

bigorexia's picture

I doubt drugs made him do this. I hate the way people point at "drugs" for everything but don't realise that alcohol and tobacco are two of the most dangerous recreational drugs of all. However, I can't think of any drug that would make someone eat someone else's face. I reckon the guy just had mental problems. Or was a zombie.

EveryStrangersEyes's picture

Submitted by tojo on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 9:32am.
whew glad you're ok ESE!
----------------------------

improvise, adapt, overcome... always!

thanky for thinking about me, dahl!

-----------------------------
"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."

sonne's picture

Now I know why people told me under no circumstances should I look in the mirror while on LSD. Can't imagine the Butthole surfers making for a good time, lol.

EveryStrangersEyes's picture

Submitted by little_rascal on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:50am.
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 9:28am.
*whispers* ESE, we Floridians are getting a bad reputation here. How come we got all the psychos and freaks and crooks and whackos? Nobody likes us! whaaaaaaaaaaaa *cries*
-----------------------------------

oh no!!... don't wrap me up in this stuff, happy kitty!... this shit right here is why i always state firmly that i LIVE in Florida, i'm not FROM Florida!... you may be cute as a button, but i gotta get the hell out of this state as soon as possible!... especially seeing as these folks are eating each other these days!

-----------------------------
"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."

Suzy Farkis's picture

I feel very grateful that my 'experimental drug days' did not lead me to do anything profoundly stupid or dangerous. I did acid once and absolutely hated it. I saw some crazy shit like paintings moving out of the frame, a pattern in a carpet moving around and making noises despite the carpet not having a pattern, my face in the mirror was melting green and purple which was a delight - all thanks to my boyfriend at the time playing Butthole Surfers' USSA which is surely meant for these situations. And I couldn't read. And I thought I was dead while my boyfriend's mother was driving me home. Now E, that is fun. But those days are long gone.

Don't people on PCP get up to crazy violent naked shenanigans like this?

sinjin's picture

*breaks out Rubbermaid box labeled "Zombie Apocalypse"..... reviews checklist.....forgot the damn gun. Shit.

Orangina's picture

@TrashyWilma

Godspeed to you, you poor thing. I lived in AZ for 4 years in college, so I know what it's like to be surrounded by rednecks. Keep up with the yoga, you sound like you've got your shit together.
Maybe they'll force evacuate the entire state. You'll finally be free!

No but seriously, this dude was on major LSD. Motherfucker should've gone with the "I can fly!" hallucination and jumped off a building, rather than the "I'm a hungry lion!" hallucination.

TrashyWilma's picture

Latest news:

-After the first bullet hit, police say the cannibal looked at them and growled.

-They are blaming it on bath salts.

TrashyWilma's picture

Submitted by misslainey on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 8:24pm.

Submitted by Orangina on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 7:56pm.
@TrashyWilma

I don't know what's going on with the naked cannibals down there, but Miami is part of Florida. So I'm not gonna overanalyze it. I'm just gonna give it the "That's Florida" stamp.

Yep! Florida is full of crazy assed people. Ohio too. I was asking my brother what the hell is it with that place? I used to travel down there every 6 weeks, and outside of Kennedy Space Center, I did not encounter normal folks. Of course, I live in Southern Maryland whose claim to fame are the SMIBs--Southern Maryland Inbreds. They are real, and you can spot 'em on sight.

++++++++++++++

I live in Orlando and I'm pretty normal. I work at a normal job alongside other normal people. My friends are normal. My parents who moved here from Kentucky (and regretted it) are still normal.

That said, I think Florida attracts a pathetic demographic of people: those who hate snow and think living here is paradise. Most of them are from the Northeast and they're angry as shit. The entire state is full of rage and violence is out of control. I deal with it by going to yoga and Diazepam, and if not for crippling student loan debt I'd be out of here before the place sinks.

kittymuffin's picture

smell my bulldog farts . you wont eat anything not balls

crazyassmom's picture

Lol......glad I live on the opposite coast then!!! Maybe they can get them all killed off before they have a chance to make it all the way up here!!!! =p

====================
Mountain Dew is also the perfect butt douche to turn to when that stubborn gerbil refuses to fall out of your ass.-Michael K.

crazyinjapan's picture

Submitted by Fat Lady on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 3:30pm.

Sweet holy fuck. This has happened before:
_____________________

Yup. Zombie apocalypse is starting in Miami. Those in charge already know it's happening. Notice both zombies were killed by cops. Hopefully it can be kept contained. Perhaps terrorists are putting zombie powder in the cocaine there? Don't snort anything and aim for the head!

Mel-Tang's picture

I had to read this on 5 different news outlets yesterday to make sure it was true. Wth??
Disturbing on so many levels.

www.poopreport.com :)

<3-------------------------------<3

RIMADYL KILLS

Deb's picture

Submitted by misslainey on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 8:17pm.

Yay for your brother saving the day! I'd be freaked out too. I hope you can relax and get a good night's sleep. That awful thing is gone now. *shudders*

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson

Sweetas's picture

Sweet. Jesus. o.O

Bye JHarvey and thanks for keeping it disgusting and disturbing for us!! Awesome job, once again.

literarylioness's picture

Submitted by Orangina on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 8:18pm.
Or maybe this whole story is a PR stunt to advertise "The Walking Dead" Season 3. I was contemplating not watching it when Season 3 starts, but I suddenly have a renewed interest.
____________________________________________________
Funny you should mention my favorite show, but one of the witnesses compared it to The Walking Dead. My fave show films in Georgia. Here is a clip of the witnesses talking about it:
http://www.nowpublic.com/strange/zombie-apocalypse-crazed-naked-guy-eats...

Brava on the Golden Girls reference.

Orangina's picture

And this is actually kind of comical, because you had to know that if there was really a zombie apocalypse starting, that it would start in Florida. Haha!

Q: "Where did the zombie apocolypse start?"
A: "Where else?...Florida."

And the Florida zombies are all like trailer park trash zombies, zombies with tire repair goo in their asses, zombies that got pulled over while dildo-ing themselves on the freeway. You know, all the classic Florida characters we've grown to know and love. Or at least make fun of.

Orangina's picture

@misslainey

Ha! I'm pretty sure Florida has it's share of inbreds. That place is disgusting. Can we disown them from the USA? Please?

misslainey's picture

Submitted by Orangina on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 7:56pm.
@TrashyWilma

I don't know what's going on with the naked cannibals down there, but Miami is part of Florida. So I'm not gonna overanalyze it. I'm just gonna give it the "That's Florida" stamp.

Yep! Florida is full of crazy assed people. Ohio too. I was asking my brother what the hell is it with that place? I used to travel down there every 6 weeks, and outside of Kennedy Space Center, I did not encounter normal folks. Of course, I live in Southern Maryland whose claim to fame are the SMIBs--Southern Maryland Inbreds. They are real, and you can spot 'em on sight.

Vico's picture

"And why am I the guy who has to post about people eating each other?!? Oh, who cares. DListed is the balls. Thanks for reading, guys. If you're into naked dudes and...well, mostly naked dudes - come see me over at my day job at Manhunt Daily."
_________________

I just gotta say congratulations on using the MOST horrible post ever to so graciously segue into plugging your other job's site....

........::::::00000000::::::.........

"So what was all that about enlarged holes and tight cracks?" -Enid

parissucksliterally's picture

I can't watch any footage either. Will scare the shit out of me.

**********************************************
Through the years, you've never let me down
You turned my life around, the sweetest days I've found
I've found with you, through the years

TelevisedRevolution's picture

I have decided firmly against watching any footage of this. I already can't get it out of my mind.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“A culture fixated on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty, but an obsession about female obedience...a quietly mad population is a tractable one.”

Orangina's picture

Submitted by literarylioness on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 4:59pm.
Submitted by jackie on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 3:17pm.
Isn't this how all those zombie/28 days later movies start out? There's a bizarre news story about someone eating someone or something weird like that, people assume its an isolated incident and pcp is involved, next thing you know zombies take over the world. I don't know about yall but I'm keeping my eyes open for anymore news stories like this.
____________________________________________________
Yes! I'm a flesh eating aficionado (they are really not zombies) and this is how it starts. The government wants to keep this stuff quiet not to alarm anyone. Did you notice how the hospital won't talk about the guy who got chewed on? Also, the flesh eater (that's what I call them) growled when the cop told him to stop AND it took six shots to kill it!

This is some deep stuff.
_________

Or maybe this whole story is a PR stunt to advertise "The Walking Dead" Season 3. I was contemplating not watching it when Season 3 starts, but I suddenly have a renewed interest.

misslainey's picture

Submitted by Deb on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 6:58pm.

Deb, I screamed like a bitch and hightailed it out of there (ipad in hand, lol). My brother ended up getting rid of it. He had to talk me down, though. I am still jumpy, looking around. I am not going to be able to sleep tonight.

RandéSleepover's picture

"Shiraz is for sippin' when you've been trippin'."

* * * * * * * * * * *
Please: It's "rahnday."

literarylioness's picture

Submitted by jackie on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 5:58pm.
@literarylioness
Ill meet you at my underground bunker with a machine gun and some perishables.
____________________________________________________
I'm already looking at the guns at Walmart!

I'm in California and this story wasn't even reported on my local news! See! The government is already trying to keep this hushed up.