Nobody Wants To Make Out With Kristen Stewart
RPattz, whose scalp makes a cameo as the enchanted forest in Snow White & The Huntsman, was too busy doing more important things (like deep conditioning his taint hair or whatever) to show up to last night's MTV Movie Awards, so Kristen Stewart had to accept their award for Best Kiss by herself. KStew tried to make a joke out it by begging Charlize Theron, Thor, Taylor Lautner or ANYBODY to get up there and put their lips on hers. Charlize couldn't do it, because she was backstage putting her lips on a bong she made out of one of those popcorn trophies. Taylor Lautner couldn't do it, because he's not one to put his mouth on lady lips for free. So KStew asked herself, WWJAD (What would Jennifer Aniston do?) and the answer was: make out with herself!
You know, what KStew lacks in acting skills, she makes up for in awkwardness. She is beyond awkward. This one time when I was 8 or 9, I walked in on my one-legged stepmother changing her tampon over the toilet in my dad's guest bathroom. Afterward, she sat down next to me at the breakfast table (No, we weren't having tomato omelets, thank God!) and we ate in silence. If I could take the awkwardness I felt in that moment and mold it into a human person, that human person would be a lot like Kristen Stewart. Just awkwardness running through her veins...
Anyway, here's a few pictures from last night. In order: Jennifer Aniston, Jodie Foster (throwing either a "Where's a strap-on when you really need one?" or "This bitch better not ask me to make out with her!" side-eye), Johnny Depp, Ciara, Christina Ricci, Charlize, Wiz Khaliafaawhatever with Amber Rose, KStew, Emma Stone, Jessica Biel, Chris Hemsworth, Ryan Seacrest with Julianne Hough, Brooke Hogan, Ick & Nast, Jean-Claude Van Damme with guest, Emma Watson, two Fraggle Rock refugees, Marky Mark, Andrew Garfield and Russell Brand.
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did anyyone notice when russell brand hosted mtv movies...all his jokes were about the penis so yea guess its always on his mind ...check it out just come out fudge packer..like wow no one cares if you are a fifi...why try fool the public..no one cares!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Ryan Seacrest with Julianne Hough" ahahahahhahah this was worth all of it MK!!!!!!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
DAMN. Jennifer Ansiton is the only one who actually looks good. By the looks of it, her one shoulder leather dress was fun and appropriate. WTF is Charlize wearing?
I tuned out of this true Dlister event when Johnny Depp played guitar with the Black Keys..come the fuck on...no man his age should be rockin with the 20 somethings..pathetic
like i said before, your hate for kristen stewart is bordering on chelsea handler's obsessive hate for angelina jolie... it's getting old.
oh wow Kristen you're so young, tough, and a bed head. Poser!
was this the 2012 awards or 1999's?very retro unchic :<
Oo..Oo.......
"I'm afraid of happy people. They're chemically imbalanced."--Shirley
Yes, I was having a tomato omelette while reading this, thank God!
J'alone looks basic as usual. I liked her in Horrible Bosses.
I like Kristen's dress and messy hair. (these are the MTV awards and I get annoyed when ppl go to these things and look so well dressed like Charlize did)
Ciara looks good. I really like her shoes but I'd like them in black or fuchsia (for me, not this outfit!)
Christina Ricci--meh.
Charlize's waist looked wide in this dress.
Amber- the dress is cute, but I hate the shoes. Eww and yawn.
Emma Stone-- SMH way overdressed, Its an ugly dress too.
Jessica Biel-- yuck at the sleeves. I like her hair.
Chris Hemsworth-- he's hot!
Julianne Hough-- I thought she had a waist?
Brooke looks cheap as usual.
What are Wonky and her sister doin there? I like Nicky's dress and shoes.
Emma Watson looks perfect! Fun dress and shoes, her hair is not messy but not boring.
No comment on the rest.
Submitted by Datura on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 10:59am.
I was a skinny, pink preemie. I looked like an earthworm until I was two months old.
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl, is ready to PARTAY!!!
Submitted by CoconutCoochie
Nice to see that Jean-Claude Van Damme is still getting some pussy action.
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Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Mon, 06/04/2012 - 7:24pm.
I read somewhere that that girl was his daughter.
Ooooooops, you're right. Didn't even know he had kids
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2154360/MTV-Movie-Awards-20...
Submitted by CoconutCoochie on Mon, 06/04/2012 - 6:46pm.
Nice to see that Jean-Claude Van Damme is still getting some pussy action.
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I read somewhere that that girl was his daughter.
Submitted by Datura on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 10:59am.
I was a skinny, pink preemie. I looked like an earthworm until I was two months old.
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl, is ready to PARTAY!!!
What's wrong with this ungrateful Kristen bitch? She's an insufferable ball of internalizing pain. She can't fake a healthy fake smile or what for one of these damn events (that make her so much money)!? Christ.
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"Discussions about what is good, beautiful, noble, pure, true, could always go on. Why is that important? Because that is the only conversation worth having." C.Hitchens,1949-2011. (RIP MCA, "no sleep til Brooklyn") *caprica six was/is here*
Nice to see that Jean-Claude Van Damme is still getting some pussy action.
Charlize looks good here. I also really like the way Emma Watson dresses in general.
That tampon story was very ick. Even for my sick mind!
Very awkward and annoying at the same time. She should have asked a krapdashian they would have knocked each other over to get their fat asses on the stage.
I liked Kristin in the Snow White movie. -shrug-
File this headline under "Captain Obviously."
Submitted by KidL on Mon, 06/04/2012 - 3:54pm.
Kristen Stewart has all the appeal of moldy cheese. I also think she is incredibly plain-looking. Never saw her as a great beauty and still do not.
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KStew wishes she were in the same league as moldy cheese (Roquefort is the absolute shit). My cat barfs things significantly more appealing and charismatic than this sad, smug dipshit.
Anxiety disorder or not, she needs to put on her big girl undies, comb her hair, smile and politely make it through an event without looking like she's in a hostage video. She makes millions of dollars out of mouth breathing, excessive blinking and compulsive hair-tossing. Isn't her life so sucking difficult?
Did your one-legged stepmother work at Ihop????
I see no thumbnail picture of Russell Brand! Where is my Russell?
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Oh and also Jessica Biel looks quite awful with those bangs. You can tell getting bangs was a decision made FOR her and not of her own volition, so it looks like a costume- it's not her.
I think Kristen Stewart is okay. She has beautiful skin and lovely features. I'm so glad that some of you here think Johnny Depp should go away. I can't stand how he gets away with so much. I don't get why everyone gets their panties in a bunch for him... yes, he was good looking but his talent does not shine that bright. Seems like a poseur douche to me.
It's time for the MTV movie awards, MTV and Johnny Depp to go away. The world will be a better place.
There will be some wringing of well mani'd hands, and some twiddling of well waxed hipster staches... it's going to be a turd sundae sunday. I wonder if you can wash the pain and and emptiness down with a PBR and cupcakes with copious amounts of glitter and vegan frosting????
Someone needs to do some sort of biological gender check on Brooke Hogan because I'm pretty sure a ultra-sound would show she has testies tucked somewhere inside of her. No way she's a full female, unless she's hittin the roids or something. No female is built like that naturally. Shit, her punk ass bitch of a brother is less manly than she is.
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I want you to get on them fat chubby knees and take muh manhood in to your sugarwalls!-Early Cuyler -Squidbillies-
I think her hair was brushed at the beginning of the evening, but since she can't seem to keep her fingers out of it, this is what happens.
She's awkward as hell and a hipster brat, but with that tight little body of hers, I so would.
Also, she usually wears high heels on the red carpet because they "force her to" and then she changes into chucks cos she can't really walk in them.
It's an awards show-- why the stupid sneakers (which by the way look like they smell) with a shiny mini, messy hair, and dopey "tsk" sounds?? Awkward, indeed...
This Kristen chick will be the blandest and most boring Snow White in history, no matter how huge her hype is. She's just another lucky mediocre actress made famous by some cheesy movies.
I hated her guts from begining to end, from her stoned facial expression to her fucking awkward slouching. I still wonder why she was cast as Snow White. Who did she blow?.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
I see Ciara has finally given in and gone full-Beyonce
Man, so much hate for this girl. I don't get it. Who cares if she's awkward...
** http://feministguidetohollywood.blogspot.com **
Gotta say that Jessica Biel has really lost her looks....looking very beat for a while now
********* SAVE A LIFE. ADOPT A PET *********
Kristen Stewart has all the appeal of moldy cheese. I also think she is incredibly plain-looking. Never saw her as a great beauty and still do not.
Jessica Biel, you will never be relevant, not even on 7th Heaven re-runs.
LMAO @ "two Fraggle Rock refugees".
Also, Wiz Khalifa is totally cute. I know I'm not the only one who thinks so.
Aniston was there for a whole 5 minutes.
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Don't make me quote Nabokov at you. I'll do it. I promise.
WHO THE FUCK INVITED PARIS HILTON??? This isnt 2005.
Paris looks kinda beat but I like her handbag.
Jessica B - Big, fat ankle straps are always a DON'T. Always.
Kristen, child, brush your damn hair. That's just gross.
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
"Jodie Foster (throwing either a "Where's a strap-on when you really need one?"
That works for me...just sayin...
That Hogan chick looks horrible in that skimpy outfit.
Diamond/Taste of the Wild Pet Food Recall - http://www.diamondpet.com/information/
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??WTH is that Biel is wearing??
can't believe I'm saying this, but KStew actually kinda looks pretty in the face here, her eyes look stunning *shoots self*
sometimes I kind of feel bad for her, at first I thought she was doing this awkward thing as an emo teen/hipster thingy, but she seems SOOO awkward and uncomfortable, it has to be real cause as we've seen, she's not that good an actress.
but then I remember how much GD money she makes to stand there and just be awkward and I think fck her.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
Submitted by annobanano on Mon, 06/04/2012 - 3:08pm.
Is Aniston doing a Leno impression? Horrifying photo.
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LOL!!
Janice: I didn't see it, but I imagine her doing better in a role like she did in that movie about The Runaways.
Or playing a rollerderby girl or skate punk or surfer girl. The kind of roles you can see Jodie Foster in...
She's not an ingenue - I don't know why they cast her as such.
K Stew has always been awkward, people say she will grow out of it. I really hope she does because shit is going to be beyond pathetic when she's in her 30s.
I want to kiss her...WITH MY FOOT!
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 06/04/2012 - 2:30pm.
Brooke looks like she should have a big wooden club over her shoulder and a Saber Toothed Tiger over the other.
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Hahaha! Really accurate. And really funny!
Some people light up a room, Kstew steals it and not in the good way. cold blooded .
Coma Caca!
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RPatz is in Canada for a movie. Funny, all the over 36/37' ers looks like they got drunk. Too many kids!!! Johnny Depp. Uggh. I just can't anymore with him.
Aniston needs to fuck off on a one way ticket somewhere. She hasn't been relevant for 15 years. Has she ever been in a decent film? Kristen is a miserable cunt.
Is Aniston doing a Leno impression? Horrifying photo.
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 06/04/2012 - 3:00pm.
I liked her in Adventureland. I actually kind of want to see Snow White, it looks cool, visually. But I read an interview with her in Interview or something recently and she talks about playing Snow White and mentions "Snow White doesn't really say a lot." So like, I'm now imagining there is very little dialogue for a main character.
what the fuck are the Hilton sisters doing there? This ain't 2003.
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You need protection from the physical art of conversation
Though the fist is mightier than the lip, it adds the aggravation