What In The Hell Kind Of GD Outfit Is This?
Usually, I'm all for a dress that makes eyes frantically search the chichis zone for a possible nipple slip situation, but I just can't with the mess Jessica Chastain had on her body at the Doogie Howser SINGS! Show last night. To me, in interviews Jessica Chastain always comes off as a sweet, overexcited kitten whose eyes flare with potent glee at the sight of anything shiny, so I sort of understand why she decided to wear this shit. "SHINY! AH WANTS IT ON ME!" was probably Jessica's first reaction to that fug mess. But it's her friends, family and stylist's job to gently sit on her something soft, hand her a cup of herbal tea and calmly tell her that the dress she chose makes her tits look like they fell into a coma after contracting a rare bedazzled bacteria infection. Even Jessica's chichis are frowning at this look.
That dress has achieved the impossible by looking both slutty and frumpy. It's like a whory memaw's freakum dress. That dress is such a slut that it even comes with its own STD. Or maybe that shit on her dress is a sparkly green fungus only found in the enchanted forest or rotten eggs laid by a gay trout. I don't know what it is, but I do know the free clinic should quarantine it and treat it with a topical ointment.
And Jessica made that mess look even worse by standing next to the epitome of glamorous perfection Bernadette Peters. Who let her do that and why do they hate Jessica so much?
Anyway, here's a bunch of pictures from last night's TONYs. In order: Jessica Cheststains with Bernadette Peters, Ellen Barkin (whose hairline should be studied by the Unexplained Mysteries people), Judith Light, Ricky Martin, NPH with his partner, Sheryl Crow, Amanda Seyfried, BP, Clair Huxtable, a pug in Endora drag, Stockard Channing, Audra McDonald, Linda Lavin and Hugh Jackmeoff with his feathered beard.
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Bernadette Peters looks AMAZING! Love her... though I bet she's a huge diva
When I saw this picture I went all Tex Avery. That is all.
Well, I've been dragged all over the place
I've taken hits time just don't erase
And, baby, I can see that you've been fucked with too
But that don't mean your lovin days are through
Modern Romance
Who is "the pug in Endora drag"? I haven't the slightest idea. Is it Nancy Grace?
BACK AWAY FROM THE BOTOX NEEDLE, ELLEN...We DListers have your place surrounded...Ok, no we don't and if we did, we'd be too high and drunk to remember why we were there in the first place...but when we sobered up and took a looksie at your poor tortured forehead, we'd surround you place again...and proceed to get too drunk and high to remember why we there there in the first place...*takes a sip of vino...and a toke of the good shit*...Ok, why am I here again?
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
LINDA LAVIN! I love her!!!
And Bernadette Peters...she is sooo gorgeous. xoxo
At least Candy Spelling was there to make it a truly artistic event. AND WHAT THE FUCK happened to Ellen Barkin?? She makes Joan Rivers look natural and relaxed. That face should come with a warning label....or a siren. All aging actresses need to bow at the feet of Bernadette Peters who defies time and logic with that killer bod and gorgeous face.
I think it would be lovely and different if they let out the waist just a touch...sad when a skinny girl has muffin top.
Damn, who squeezed Jackman's beard's nose? Actually, her whole face is crooked. They both look as unappetizing together as SJP and Broderick.
WTF HAPPENED TO STOCKARD CHANNING'S FACE?!!!
Doogie is the most annoying piece of shit on the planet. I would call him a bitch but he'd like that way too much!
That David Burper person is getting that "I'm a kept poodle" gold digger look in the face.
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 2:30pm.
Submitted by fookyoo on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 2:21pm.
Further proof ?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekwiXQDdhSk&feature=relmfu
Go to 3:40
I rest my case.
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I got distracted with "Hello's" what was I supposed to be looking for?
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Just fast-forward to 3:40 for proof of the Gayelle's parentage.
Oh and yes.. there are two very fucking his n hers closets in the Jackman home.
Never mind, those aren't underwires, those are her actual boobs. Huh.
Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 3:33pm.
I don't know who she is but she looks kinda chub in this dress
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Yeah, the waistline on it isn't doing anything good for her. Though I think I actually kinda like this dress, except for the weird underwire things that outline her boobage and the fact that it's a bit too sheer for me....actually, I don't like this dress anymore.
Bernadette Peters is doing something right and it doesn't appear to be botox or surgery.
I don't know who she is but she looks kinda chub in this dress
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
The dress has a couple of problems : the waistband section has to go and it should have been floor-length.
But the real problem is Jessica : bitch can't pose! She looks like she's in a line-up and her "over the shoulder" look is just sad. Even Angie knows to throw a leg out!
Submitted by Paquita on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 3:19pm.
Keep in mind there are wort things she could do...
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Sheryl look really pretty but she seems more of a Jeans T shirt drees down sort of chick.
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 3:02pm.
Submitted by Paquita on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 2:54pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 2:33pm.
MJT - That is NOT Rizzo. OMG.
she is not?
mmmmm.... I'm lost now
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Yes it is her, but she does NOT even look like herself!
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Keep in mind there are wort things she could do...
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!
http://lif3d3sign.tumblr.com/
holy dam that main pic hurts my eyes! It's blinding!
Linda Lavin looks freakin fantastic for 74 years old.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
Chastain, sad doilys? Ellens remake of Blade Runner hair? Hughs wife was a breath, but the shoes and furry feathers not so. Couldn't Hugh pay a stylist one night,something about his tux too. The boat/Hairspray songs were cute and so was the saloon number. Bernadette, Ursula wants her costume back.. that was Ricky Martin?.wow..=>
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"even better than a fat tick likes a lazy dog"- Lizard Lick Towing
The two most crazy talented B'way divas in this bunch - Bernadette Peters and Audra McDonald - also look the most fabulous. Less is more, bitches!
Great shot of Sheryl.
Nice to see Linda Lavin looking both great AND her age.
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
I KNEW Jack was into meemaw sex! Sucio!
Submitted by rukiddingme on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 3:00pm
Lol - same thought, same time.
Wow, Rizzo doesn't look all that bad...
AND I SO WOULD BERNADETTE PETERS!!!
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Too bad about the tragic dress situation...but we all have our mishaps. Jessica Chastain is quite lovely otherwise.
Amanda Seyfried looks hopeless.
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"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."
- Yogi Berra
It looks like Jenny stopped calling Mrs. Huxtable.
Audra McDonald is gorgeous.
Submitted by Paquita on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 2:54pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 2:33pm.
MJT - That is NOT Rizzo. OMG.
she is not?
mmmmm.... I'm lost now
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Yes it is her, but she does NOT even look like herself!
I guess it's safe to say that Phylicia Rashad went off the Jenny Craig diet she used to be the spokesperson for.
Diamond/Taste of the Wild Pet Food Recall - http://www.diamondpet.com/information/
www.petfinder.com - enter your zip code to find adoptable pets in your area.
www.animalrescuesite.com - click everyday to help feed animals in shelters.
"slutty and frumpy"
Did you quote this from a comment over at Gofugyourself?
Sheryl Crow looks fabulous for 50. Ellen Barkin looked much better with the bob haircut she used to have.
Diamond/Taste of the Wild Pet Food Recall - http://www.diamondpet.com/information/
www.petfinder.com - enter your zip code to find adoptable pets in your area.
www.animalrescuesite.com - click everyday to help feed animals in shelters.
Submitted by little_rascal on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 2:=======
She's 64??? No way! I had to go and google it to make sure! She doesn't look like a middle-aged woman at all!
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Like Skinny Fat said Middle AGE??? LOL.
I guess I'll be old enough to go for my drives license next year if that's the case:P
Aw, Bernadette Peters is a cutie. Always has been and always will be. Loved her in The Jerk and especially in Pennies From Heaven.
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 2:33pm.
MJT - That is NOT Rizzo. OMG.
she is not?
mmmmm.... I'm lost now
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!
http://lif3d3sign.tumblr.com/
zomay lmao @ "sexy as socks with sandals". Rant away gf - those shoes are enough to make my voice rise a few decibels! xoxo
Hideous dress. Bernadette Peters is fucking amazing, if she sold her secret I would buy it up, Rizzo rules.
Since when is 64 middleaged? She's not going to live to be 128!
I once sold Claire Huxtable 25 pairs of false eyelashes. She was in The Cosmetics Store with her daughter. I didn't recognize her (never watched that shit show). My boss told me to NEVER let ANYONE use the bathroom. She asked me if she could use it, and I told her my standard answer, "We don't have one." After she and her daughter left, I got my ass chewed to shreds for not letting her go. :(
Submitted by skinny fat on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 2:40pm.
Maybe because Amanda is in the movie adaptation of Les Mis? Jessica Chastain is in some new play about to start.
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
Submitted by Secret Original on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 2:32pm.
Bernadette Peters is 64 and doesn't even look like she's trying too hard.
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She's 64??? No way! I had to go and google it to make sure! She doesn't look like a middle-aged woman at all! And there's always that sparkle and mischief about her, like she's genuinely happy and doesn't take herself too seriously.
Sweetas, lol, sorry for the shouting on this glorious Monday.
That couple cracks me up.
:D
Xoxo
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Worrying is using your imagination
to create something you don’t want.
Who's the dude with the pron stache?
why were amanda seyfried, cheryl crow and jessica chastain even there? they don't do broadway shows.
Wanted -- OMG, that's what I was thinking -- stripper platforms! Those are the worst shoes I have ever seen! You'd think a beard would know how to dress better, don't ya?
Hekki -- the first time I heard Chastain speak I was shocked. She does come off as a goody-goody, or like Michael said, an excited kitten. Word has it that she's shaved quite a few years off of her age. I think she's claiming she's 30 but in actuality she's closer to 35. Not quite CZJ shaving off years, but close enough.
lol Hugh, you made zomay shout.
And Ricky Martin is looking adorable but a bit smarmy.
Bernadette is 64?!?!?!?!? DAYUM! She looks amazing at easily 20 years younger.
Actually, she looks younger than Blohan and Shitney Smears.
Judith Light seems like a nice person but she sure looks like a drag queen!
Can't stand NPH guy. He looks so cocky and seems to act like he's the star (which he isn't).
I truly believe that you haven't begun to scoop up all of life's beautiful moments until you've heard the line "Watch the wig!" from a piece while sitting on their face. - MK