What In The Hell Kind Of GD Outfit Is This?
Usually, I'm all for a dress that makes eyes frantically search the chichis zone for a possible nipple slip situation, but I just can't with the mess Jessica Chastain had on her body at the Doogie Howser SINGS! Show last night. To me, in interviews Jessica Chastain always comes off as a sweet, overexcited kitten whose eyes flare with potent glee at the sight of anything shiny, so I sort of understand why she decided to wear this shit. "SHINY! AH WANTS IT ON ME!" was probably Jessica's first reaction to that fug mess. But it's her friends, family and stylist's job to gently sit on her something soft, hand her a cup of herbal tea and calmly tell her that the dress she chose makes her tits look like they fell into a coma after contracting a rare bedazzled bacteria infection. Even Jessica's chichis are frowning at this look.
That dress has achieved the impossible by looking both slutty and frumpy. It's like a whory memaw's freakum dress. That dress is such a slut that it even comes with its own STD. Or maybe that shit on her dress is a sparkly green fungus only found in the enchanted forest or rotten eggs laid by a gay trout. I don't know what it is, but I do know the free clinic should quarantine it and treat it with a topical ointment.
And Jessica made that mess look even worse by standing next to the epitome of glamorous perfection Bernadette Peters. Who let her do that and why do they hate Jessica so much?
Anyway, here's a bunch of pictures from last night's TONYs. In order: Jessica Cheststains with Bernadette Peters, Ellen Barkin (whose hairline should be studied by the Unexplained Mysteries people), Judith Light, Ricky Martin, NPH with his partner, Sheryl Crow, Amanda Seyfried, BP, Clair Huxtable, a pug in Endora drag, Stockard Channing, Audra McDonald, Linda Lavin and Hugh Jackmeoff with his feathered beard.
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MJT - That is NOT Rizzo. OMG.
Audra = Naomi from Private Practice?
That dress has achieved the impossible by looking both slutty and frumpy. It's like a whory memaw's freakum dress.
ROFL - I've not known any whory memaw's, but if I did, they would be wearing this slutty/frumpy mess!
Bernadette Peters is 64 and doesn't even look like she's trying too hard.
Is she built like a box, or is the dress just waist eliminating?? Do. Not. Like.
And I have to question Hugh's homosexuality - I mean LOOK at his date's shoes, really how could he stand it.
LOVE Stockard Channing, Cheryl Crow looks lovely (ditch those accessories, gf) and Bernadette is just flawless.
Hugh Jackman's wife or Hugh Jackman's...WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE BLIND AND STUPID, YOU TWO ARE ABOUT AD SEXY AS SOCKS WITH SANDALS.
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Worrying is using your imagination
to create something you don’t want.
That dress makes it look like she has no waist.
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Douchechill!
BTW, Jessica's dress is a slutty version of those 80s Gunne Sax gowns. Nothing good about it; she needs a stylist, or just a gay pal willing to say, "Uh...no."
Submitted by fookyoo on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 2:21pm.
Further proof ?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekwiXQDdhSk&feature=relmfu
Go to 3:40
I rest my case.
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I got distracted with "Hello's" what was I supposed to be looking for?
All I know is that there is a naked Emu walking around right now going WTF just happened!!???
Bernadette Peters looks great.
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 2:24pm.
That is Rizzo (Stockard Channing) from Grease and 5 time Tony award winner Audra McDonald :)
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
That's not the first Tony Hugh Jackman has taken home.
I love Sheryl Crow's navy lace dress.
I think Ellen Barkin has a seriously receding hairline so she better have some partial bangs or something, definitely not this hair all standing up like she was electrocuted.
Bernadette Peters is probably the oldest woman there, and looks the best! Her figure is amazing, she looks young for her age but not jacked in the face, and always looks genuinely healthy and happy. I'll drink whatever she's having!
She looks like Lana del Rey.
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"If I can't be my own, i'd feel better dead"- Nutshell
Oh Rizzo! I love her. Still rocking. I can't say anything bad about her.
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Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!
http://lif3d3sign.tumblr.com/
Love Amanda Seyfried's dress. HATE that matchy matchy belt, lipstick and shoes.
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
Jessica Chastain is one of those who will be in it for the long haul (career-wise). Just wait.
Who are the people in thumbs 16 and 17?
Why is Candy Spelling there?
My, Ellen Burstyn is looking fresh these days! lololol ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 2:14pm.
NPH's man always looks so smug and cocky. You find that attractive, NPH? I don't. I want to kick him in the nads.
WORD. His face annoys me and I get a strong famewhore vibe from him.
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Douchechill!
Further proof ?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekwiXQDdhSk&feature=relmfu
Go to 3:40
I rest my case.
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America.. fuck yeah!
Harpo, who this woman?
That dress is fug. Maybe as a fancy tablecloth for a table with tits. But I can't think of anything else.
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Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!
http://lif3d3sign.tumblr.com/
When did Hugh Jackman catch gay face?
She's very peaches 'n cream.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by Jeanneee on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 2:17pm.
Ellen Barkin is still gorgeous but needs a new colorist. That color is washing her out big-time. Ladies her age need to go darker and richer, not paler and ashier!
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PREACH
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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
- Andrés García Torres, inventor of the Catholic Anus Ruler
Huge Jackoff obviously likes to pay his beard with plastic surgery vouchers.
She looks like the love child of Jocelyn Wilderstein and Mufasa the Lion King.
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America.. fuck yeah!
"That dress has achieved the impossible by looking both slutty and frumpy." Yep.
Bernadette Peters, wow. She looks like she's been in cryogenic storage for the past 20 years (believe it or not I mean that as a compliment).
Ellen Barkin is still gorgeous but needs a new colorist. That color is washing her out big-time. Ladies her age need to go darker and richer, not paler and ashier!
And I happen to think that Hugh Jackman and his beard make a stunning couple. There, I said it.
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
And just to be clear, I am being 100% NOT SARCASTIC. The only thing i would change about this is the hair. Honey, bigger is better! (sorry, I live in Texas)
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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
- Andrés García Torres, inventor of the Catholic Anus Ruler
hekki - i agree and i always think elizabeth banks looks old, too.
i love ellen barkin so much but she is not bringing the sex here.
eta: linda lavin! i wish wish wish tvland would re-run "alice". stow it!
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watching hardcore ufos
Bernadette Peters is flawless. I like Jessica Chastain a lot but can't say I love the dress.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
Older women looking fantastic: Bernadette Fucking Peters Jesus She's Not Aging, Judith Light, Linda Lavin, Phylicia Rashad, Hugh's Beard
Older women looking creepy: Stockard Channing, Ellen Barkin (not because of the wrinkles, it's the hair and perpetual imperious expression), Huge Ackman.
Also, NPH's man always looks so smug and cocky. You find that attractive, NPH? I don't. I want to kick him in the nads.
WAIT ONE GODDAMN MINUTE.
Hugh Jackman's wife. Are those day shift stripper platforms?! WINNER and BEAUTIFULEST BEAUTY of everything. OH SHIT I love this class and glamour. Sean Connery's wife... please be sure to take a quick note on eleganzaaaa
We need more of this cruella deVil realness at rich folks events. I LOVE IT
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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
- Andrés García Torres, inventor of the Catholic Anus Ruler
First of all I cannot stand this Jessica Chastain beyotch.
Second of all, I was saying "I can"t" back in the early 90's Michael - when you were just a wee baby. You're the only other person I've ever heard use that phrase. When things were really bad I would say "I cannot". LOL
Ummm, that's an ugly dress. Looks like she forgot her slip at home!
WALTER MERCADO WAS AT THE TONY'S??!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Ellen Barkin is always hot, but she's a tad washed out in her lovely gown.
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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
- Andrés García Torres, inventor of the Catholic Anus Ruler
i don't know who jessica is...however...ellen barkin? what's going on there?
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
DP! Oopsie.
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
She usually makes decent fashion choices. Not today. Yikes.**************************************************************
Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
Jessica Chastain looks old to me. She looks old and frail. Yes, she's a good actress, but she seems like a goody-goody.
Also, she should try wearing bright colors. She's always in white or pale peach and she could rock a vibrant purple or chartreuse.
HAHA I love how the first post I saw was "Say something nice" and I refreshed to login and it was titled "What In The Hell Kind Of GD Outfit Is This?"...well played, MK!
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"What is the Yiddish word for puto estúpido, because that's what he really is" - MK
It always amazes me how so many female celebs have attractive bodies but wear the most unflattering clothes ever. I guess that's why I will never "get" fashion.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
And she usually makes pretty good choices. Interesting.
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Welcome to MelGibsonTown, ya drunk bitch. - Nanners 05/30/2012
I think it is a Shadalier, that is a cross between a lampshade and a chandalier.