Non-Shocking Headline Of The Day: Lindsay Lohan Lied To The Cops
Lies flow out of Lindsay Lohan's mouth as often as entire bottles of bottom shelf whiskey flows into White Oprah's mouth, so this latest development in the slow motion car crash that is her entire life is about as surprising as the news that I once again almost peed in the bathroom sink this morning, because I was too lazy to lift up the toilet lid. As for why that toilet lid was down to begin with... A lazy-hating ghost is fucking with me, obviously.
TMZ, who I'm beginning to think has a secret wire stashed in Blohan's top lip, is hearing that when the cops came to the hospital to interview her about crashing her Porsche into that semi-truck, she told them the opposite of the truth. Bitch said that she was a passenger in the car and it was her assistant who was driving. You might be thinking to yourself, "But why would this dumb, stupid, moronic, self-entitled skid mark of mess lie to the cops about that?" Because if you put on a Hazmat-approved mask and pulled her chonies down, you'd find a gold seal on her ass with the words "CERTIFIED PATHOLOGICAL MESS" on it. But if you're going to be a pathological liar, you need to be smart about it, which this ho isn't. LiLo probably figured her assistant would stick with her story, but he didn't. LiLo's assistant ratted her out and told the cops she was the one driving. Well, not only is that dude probably out of a job, but you know LiLo is going to get every drug dealer in L.A. to blacklist him. Dude will never be able to buy a dime bag in that town again! That hurts.
Witnesses at the scene of the crash tell TMZ that they watched both LiLo and her assistant crawl out of the passenger side of the car after the accident. That means she climbed out of the drivers seat and into the passenger seat. That's the part I don't understand. Why didn't they switch seats if she wanted to make it look like he was the one driving? If LiLo's assistant refused to be an accessory to illegal fuckery, why didn't she just wrap her strong arm lips around his neck and pull him into the drivers seat? I swear, this ho needs to be better at scamming.
The cops apparently wrote LiLo's lie in their report and that could get her probation yanked away. Giving fraudulent information to a cop is a crime and she could go to jail for doing it.
If this is true (you know it is) and if LiLo gets into trouble for lying (you know she won't), she'll spend a total of zero seconds in a cell. LiLo will sashay into Lynwood, blow air kisses at her old friends at the VIP check-in counter and take a glamour shot for their celebrity wall of beauty before sashaying back out. The California Justice system is her whore and I'm sure the Lady Justice statue has "Lindsay's Bitch" tattooed on its taint. I think I saw it during a school field trip.
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I want to meet the idiot who rented a PORSCHE to this mess-of-a-human-being!
What this idiot needs is to commit a crime in Sheriff Arpaio's jurisdiction.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Wow. She just doesn't even seem human anymore. It must be so expensive to keep having your body reconstituted and reshaped. ugh.
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I have to laugh to keep from crying.
leave her allooooone. she was researching a role for lifetime movie "liar on fire."
h8ers.
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Submitted by kittymuffin on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 11:28pm.
I dont know about jail..she needs like 6 months of rehab.
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Hohan needs some real jail time. Hasn't she already been to rehab 12 times in 2 years? I hate this cunt.
Submitted by Kelly0213 on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 7:49am.
Wish her ugly ass woulda flown through the windshield! Just sayin.
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Ditto. Watch this stupid twat get away with it AGAIN. She needs to spend some time in real jail.
Can't ever think of Lindsay Lohan without thinking of Dina Lohan. It stands many tests of reason that if a person is fucked up the mother had a lot to do with it. Now this view although now well substantiated is not popular and is not one Dina would accept.
Parents can tolerate the pain and shame of this fact if they are serious people. They can try to communicate this regret to their children and if they are lucky the kids forgive them. But Dina is never responsible and she taught her daughter. If Dina wants Lyndsay to recover she has to start by thinking and talking about herself and her past behavior and not thinking about and thanking Lindsay's guardian angels.
Michael and Dina talking God in the press is always so weird to me. Like if they were that kind of people they wouldn't be whoring out their children. They could have been pasta magnates on Long Island. Using what talents God did give them.
Wish her ugly ass woulda flown through the windshield! Just sayin.
I'll bet she skates again; and sadly, I believe she will face "justice" someday, but it won't be in the courts, and it will be brutal...reminds me of the late Vicki Morgan, Alfred Bloomingdale's alleged "mistress"...
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"Dude is like a human version of a white, windowless van" - Michael K.
in the pic.. she looks like she let out a gassy fart, and that it smelled like newark
i had a strange realization today. when i eat a lot of cheap take out food.. i.e. taco bell. and drink a lot my shit when i crap is the same hue of orange that lohan's face seems to always be.. i shit you not.
Submitted by little_rascal on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 10:51pm.
And yet she'd insist that she is a pure-hearted innocent and it isn't her fault that all those kids ended up dead or horribly injured.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
By: Foxxy Brown
".......hopefully the assistant sealed the probation
violation by blabbing that there was booze in the bag that
Lohan made quickly disappear....."
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Whoaa! Where did you guys hear this? First I've heard of this!!!!
Now Lohan Inc. is digging shit up about the truck driver. Apparently he file bankruptcy recently, so the *obviously* means he's after her for $$$$ dumb bitch!
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"Birds are doomed when pussies can fly"- MK
I have nothing further to say about this, except: Red eyeshadow is never the look.
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
Silly truck driver, doesn't he know Lindsay does not lie? She's even been quoted saying so!
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Please forgive me for my sins,
Yes I swam dirty waters, but you pushed me in
- Adele
This was just method acting. People are always saying she looks like she belongs at a truck stop, and she got confused.
FFS someone(judge) secure the strait jacket and throw her in the looney bin already! Bitch's mind is gone. This shit is exhausting.
__________________=_=___________________
"Uhh....I'm here for the gang bang??"
KA - I hope this poor truck driver fires up a computer, turns on the Interwebs and finds himself on this site in the Hohan section so he can read every last bit of fuckery this twat has done. Then he ignores calls from Gloria Alfred and gets a REAL lawyer to fuck this girl up in court.
edited because I hate my android tablet keyboarding fucking up
QUOTE of the day: ”Damn, she made me defend Julia Roberts.” --Saphris
I dont know about jail..she needs like 6 months of rehab.
Drunkanda Drivebynes must be regretting taking the weekend off.
FreckleMeth is now in the lead for rolling property damages.
Those two are the Kentucky Drunk Derby and are in the stretch.
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"I love fast and I love hard."-MK
her eyes look like a sick vagina
this poor dude driving this truck has to put up with her bullshit and be a regular joe trying to take care of himself and she dishes out lies and her self-entitled bullshit because she's "famous" and she'll get away with this shit. if the roles were reversed and he hit her, he'd be in deep fucking trouble. she knows she can get away with whatever she does because she always gets away with it! i had hopes for her at one point. now i just think she's an ugly person and i dont know why so many people still think she's worth shit like photo spreads and movie deals.
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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
Submitted by ikoihiI on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 10:27pm.
Thanks.
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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If they don't put this moron in jail where she belongs innocent drivers are at risk of being killed.
I love that MK finds the most horrendous pictures of Lohan for his posts.
...remember when she just got out of trouble, and someone thought she was buying drugs on the street, and she was like, "no! It was just bath salts!"
Why didn't she just let the assistant drive in the first place? Dumbass.
Just imagine if she rear-ended not an 18-wheeler, but a regular car with some mom carpooling a bunch of kids. She could've injured or killed someone.
ESE, I imagine since this is Lilo we'll need a few scissor sisters to get the Whore Circle festivities going!
This only gets me excited and that excuse of a human being is NEVER gonna learn her lesson and will die a martyr. UGH!!!
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Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!
http://lif3d3sign.tumblr.com/
Ohhhh, Hekki! Could you just die? Picture Blo speeding in her Porsche through AZ and rear-ending a truck and she ends up one of Arpaio's guests. Eff rehab and CommServ, Sheriff Joe would straighten her ass out once and for all. She be all like "Move that mess tent! I'm Lindsay Lohan!" and he'd be all like "You SCRUB that mess tent, Lindsay Lohan! Here's a toothbrush - get started!"
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
God, that double-chin has a life of its own.
Come on, Lindsay. Tell the truth. Liz was driving that car. Don't try to protect her.
Or maybe it was Eddie Fisher.
She's a royal fucking bitch for never, ever thinking about what will happen to the people she chooses to blame for her shit. Didn't she blame something else on an ex assistant? Fuck her.
That cunt will never learn.
*yawn*
Another day, another BloHan lie. In the end, nothing will happen and she damn well knows it. The cops know it, the prosecutors know it, the sheriffs know it, hell, even the judge knows it. And if they think this is the first time she lied to the cops (the pants the coke was in weren't mine even though I was wearing them), then THEY should be locked up for stone stupidity.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
I'm Lindsay Lohan, move that...eh. I can't. Someone hit the nail on the head in the other thread when they questioned why she feels so entitled. What the hell has she ever done but act like a kid in a role made for a kid? She's not Meryl Streep. She's not even Julia Roberts who can at least atest to some staggering worldwide box office receipts.
Damn, she made me defend Julia Roberts.
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"I felt very still & very empty, the way the eye of a tornado must feel, moving dully along in the middle of the surrounding hullabaloo."
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 10:08pm.
If LiLo is looking for a new assistant, it appears that Trace Cyrus is looking for another fame-slutting gig. He apparently will work for drugs and tattoos. Just the sort of person who would be most compatible with LiLo.
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That's pretty good matchmaking skills, Momus!!
*grabs EvilShoe's hand and waits for more horz to complete the Whore Circle*
Can we do a spell compelling her to pull some shit like this in Joe Arpaio's jurisdiction?
One more thing.
Even though she will escape jail time, this latest fuckery has probably sealed her professional fate. She has to be completely uninsurable now. She has a fucking rap sheet. Whoever rolled the dice on her got burned and I don't know how many more fool producers there are in Hollywood.
She should have just gotten in the Escalade they sent and done her drugs in the back seat like any normal
actress.
Please lock this whore up already...I'm holding the system 30% responsible if/when she kills herself or someone else in her drug induced (5-7 yr.) downward spiral
Submitted by Datura on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 10:17pm.
My "Say Something Nice": I like her eyeshadow. It's a very flattering shade.
Yes, "Red Eye."
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Please: It's "rahnday."
My "Say Something Nice": I like her eyeshadow. It's a very flattering shade.
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"You will drink the black sperm of my vengeance!" Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
Submitted by EvilShoe on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 10:12pm.
I hope she goes to the clink, the judge won't let her ass out fast like before and Lifetime can't finish that fuckery!
We need to form a Whore Circle and make this happen!
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meh, she isn't going to jail. never will, but... i... i... i really just have to see what a "Whore Circle" consists of, so... yeah, get on that, o.k.?... heehee!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
I hope she goes to the clink, the judge won't let her ass out fast like before and Lifetime can't finish that fuckery!
We need to form a Whore Circle and make this happen!
Is it wrong that I've had a really bad day and this totally made me lol?
" The cops apparently wrote LiLo's lie in their report and that could get her probation yanked away."
*drops to ground* *prays for probation yanking*
Are we almost at a collage stages with her mugshots????
Mike, hahahaha! Suckers indeed!
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'