So I Guess Tommy Girl And Stepford Katie Had One Of Those Short-Term Contracts

Katie Holmes and Suri are finally FREE AT LAST! This mess just in from People:

After five years of marriage, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting a divorce, PEOPLE has learned exclusively.

“This is a personal and private matter for Katie and her family,” says Holmes’s attorney Jonathan Wolfe. “Katie’s primary concern remains, as it always has been, her daughter’s best interest.”

Every Scientologist just dropped the dick out of their mouth. Tommy Girl and Katie haven’t been photographed together in what feels like eons, but I really thought they had at least 5 more years of fakery since nothing keeps a marriage going like a contract written in your own blood. NOTHING IS SACRED anymore, not even fake marriages. Brace yourselves, because we’re going to be hearing about this for months or until Tommy eventually gets himself another beard wife. Then we’ll do this all over again. My money’s on Rooney Mara. She’s young, and she looks like an alien AND a boy. Get that beard, Tommy!

Here’s Katie looking like cold hell on the outside (but probably couch jumping on the inside) while leaving her NYC apartment with Suri the other day.