So I Guess Tommy Girl And Stepford Katie Had One Of Those Short-Term Contracts
Katie Holmes and Suri are finally FREE AT LAST! This mess just in from People:
After five years of marriage, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting a divorce, PEOPLE has learned exclusively.
"This is a personal and private matter for Katie and her family," says Holmes's attorney Jonathan Wolfe. "Katie's primary concern remains, as it always has been, her daughter's best interest."
Every Scientologist just dropped the dick out of their mouth. Tommy Girl and Katie haven't been photographed together in what feels like eons, but I really thought they had at least 5 more years of fakery since nothing keeps a marriage going like a contract written in your own blood. NOTHING IS SACRED anymore, not even fake marriages. Brace yourselves, because we're going to be hearing about this for months or until Tommy eventually gets himself another beard wife. Then we'll do this all over again. My money's on Rooney Mara. She's young, and she looks like an alien AND a boy. Get that beard, Tommy!
Here's Katie looking like cold hell on the outside (but probably couch jumping on the inside) while leaving her NYC apartment with Suri the other day.
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re Anonymouse73 on Sat, 06/30/2012 - 8:17pm.
Yes ! How in the heck id she get away to file?
In fact, how was she able even to think about it w/o the sciento brain police throwing her into a barley water sauna for life?
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snark is good.
Ha Loopy! This post's for you!
Yeah, RUN, KATIE, RUN! And DO TELL!
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"Physical violence is the least of my priorities." - Drunken Albertan
"Am I the only one feeling like high fiving Tom? "
More than likely!
And why in the world would someone give this man props for having power in Hollywood?? He as "power" b/c he belongs to a cult and they have dirt on people!
I'm just trying to figure out how Katie got away from her handlers long enough to go file for divorce! Did she slip them all a mickey or something?
I agree with all those that think she's in danger: we ALL know the "suicides" that have occurred upon leaving the scienos.
But she CHOSE to live that lie for years and I truly believe she KNEW money, fame and opportunity would follow.
She'll be FABULOUSLY wealthy and can hire people to guard her.
Either way, she was never stupid, she was cunning and jumped at the chance to get what gold-diggas get.
Run, Katie, Run.
Now that her brain has developed and her maturity has kicked in we can finally see what she is capable of. She WAS a very good actress pre-TommyGirl. Definitely at a higher caliber than he is capable of. So was Nicole.
Hope she stands her ground in the divorce and reams him a new one. No pun intended.
Wonder if the shit hits the fan and the truth comes out about her pregnancy. I guess she can hold TommyGirl over THAT can of worms. Chris Klein is even a bigger douche, so best she doesn't go down that road.
5 posts short of 400 yal... come on i said last night, we will get more than 400 posts for this.
Libra...no joke. People DIE when they leave Scientology. They make it look like a suicide. It's not.
LOL one of two scenarios: Travolta's mess woke her the fuck up. I'd want to disassociate myself quickly before my daughter and I took on that kind of embarrassment. I never thought she'd have the balls to file.
Then again I think it's equally plausible that TG knows his star has tanked and wants to pay off a fresh new beard for publicity and to make him seem attractive again. I think the whole Cock of Ages thing was part of that.
Submitted by Whatever on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 4:09pm.
Submitted by Gem on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 4:06pm.
Mark my words, Katie's days are numbered now. She won't make it out of this alive.
That cult kills people. No wonder most people who leave it keep quiet about them.
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You're kidding right?? I don't care for Scientos one bit but that's a little out there, don't you think?
I would be suprised but I remember reading here about her trying to gain control of her life. Never thought she'd go for gold, this is gonna be the olympics of divorce proceedings.
I love this website.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 9:58pm.
yeah i gotta admit the lava dildos freaked me out abit, but apparently you cant get them anywhere, its a special scientohole gift.
tommy has lava dildos on his bedside table, and each one has a named and the lava forms the face of each person it is named after, he has the Will Smith, The David Beckham, the Zac Efron and the Jeremy Renner.
Submitted by Legs So Fine on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 10:59pm.
"Why is that kid always carrying a load of crap when she's photographed?"
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Well, idk about all kids, but my daughter always did it. Up until she was about 13, even if only going out to run one simple errand, she took enough stuff to make anyone think she wasn't going home for f'n *DAYS*!!! =p
And usually, it's Mom who ends up carrying all the shit when she gets tired of dragging it around! XD
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"Birds are doomed when pussies can fly"- MK
Why is that kid always carrying a load of crap when she's photographed ?
Suri's "Offical Statement"
Official Statement:
"Please respect my privacy during this difficult time. (Just
mine though — everyone else is fair game.)
I will be vacationing in the Cayman Islands for the
Independence Day holiday with my financier, and going
over my plans to seek sole custody of myself.
I appreciate the concern and the warm wishes."
From-"Suri's Burn Book"
Read further down to the Beyonce post and Suri's opinion of Beyonce and Princess PeePees "friendship". =p
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"Birds are doomed when pussies can fly"- MK
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 6:30pm.
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Hey Foxxy, you been loon fucking?
Submitted by loopygorilla on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 9:45pm.
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Tommy butt cheeks and lava dildos? ololololol Tell me the tiny shorts were gold lamé and he wore socks with little red hearts, please!!! ahhhahahaha omg so real! WHAT WERE YOU DOING OVER THERE LOOPY? WERE YOU THE SEXY MASSEUR-FOR-PAY! AND WHAT WAS TRAVOLTA LIKE!!! YOU MUST TELL US! *winks*
AHAHha you're hilarious loopy!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 6:30pm.
um yes..teeheee... i did say at the beginning of the comment that i was frothing with hornyness and about to explode rainbows outta my ass lol
Submitted by WithinReason... on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 9:18pm.
yep and everytime he kicks one of his feet, the booty short creeps up abit and you can see tommy butt cheeks.
and instead of lava lamps in tommy's bedroom, he had lava dildos.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 7:06pm.
Submitted by Dog on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 5:51pm.
EEEEVIL? HAI!
*jumps on Evil and licks her face*
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*jumps on Evil AND Doggie licks them both:P*
Submitted by loopygorilla on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 4:27pm.
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LMFAO Loopy, that's exactly what it was like! It's almost like YOU KNOW HIM!?! wtf! UGH, can you imagine going in and seeing his little booty shorts?! nonononon ololol In reality he forces himself into these arrangements, when he could just let his inner screamer out. LET HER OUT TOMMYGIRL, LET HER OUT! *muah* ☺☺☺
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠░░░░
Perfectly timed to revive his sex symbol image he tried so desperately to revive in his Glee rip off.
Glad this happened. Fb and my politically correct friemnds have gotten boring as hell.
Can't wait to see the movie of Katie's poignant story: "Not without my daughter: an escape from scientolo-hell"
Tom Cruise needs to just dial up hot and nasty prostitutes and have skanky sex from here on out. It's what he really wants.
Butthead: "Huh-huh-huh.. prostitutes...huh-uh-huh."
Submitted by Poison Candy Apple on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 2:23pm.
Being myself someone who is finally out of the clutches of an asshat and going through a divorce (he got mad once for me posting about how I would drink Justin Timberlake's cum like mayonnaise here on DListed years ago- stupid fuck) who felt the need to control my life for so many years- bravo to Katie for getting the fuck out.
Question- who is Joey?
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Joey Potter is a character played by Katie Holmes in "Dawson's Creek".
And best of luck with your divorce. Enjoy your new-found freedom!
Submitted by Dog on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 5:51pm.
EEEEVIL? HAI!
*jumps on Evil and licks her face*
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Thanks Doggie!
I just read somewhere that Johnny Masseuse and his beard are doing "marriage therapy" with the CO$. They aren't about to let Kelly nullify her life long contract/pact with Xenu.
O. must be pissing herself that she is off the air. Who's going to turn to the nosebleed section of cable to find OWN to watch another Tommyboy tarantella on a sofa for the next-ex Mrs. Cruise?
366 comments my God...why does all the good shit go down when I have work to do :'(
It's nice to see people foaming at the mouth over the custodial rights of THE BIOLOGICAL MOTHER* when I'm sure these are the same assholes who, 6 years ago, were foaming at the mouth with certainty that Katie was carrying a pillow and not a baby. People on Dlisted change their principles more often than they change their underwear.
*as opposed to the rights of Tom, who apparently is an adoptive father to Suri, meaning that Katie was pregnant for 12+ months with Suri? No wonder it looked like a pillow... Hmm...
Submitted by Reese2029 on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 6:26pm.
There's no way that she's going to get roles that Nicole Kidman would have passed. Or have the cred of Michelle Williams.
Katie was well on her way to obscurity before Tom married her. And so was Michelle until Heath died.
Submitted by SFRB on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 2:55pm
You have been reported to the authorities for using my real surname. Don't leave town.
Submitted by GlitterKitty on Sat, 07/23/2011 -
Is playing a cunt on the internet as satisfying as wanking into your mum's nightie? Because something tells me you'd know all about that.
After reading these 400 comments, I am gonna play devil's advocate and support Team Cruise. Katie is a vapid twat and IMO she got what she wanted and perhaps whatshe deserves. I don't know if she was brainwashed. She may just be dumb. I give Tom props for the power he has in Hollywood and for maintaining his beauty situation (especially those foine abs).
I know they probably had a contract and that Katie will get some form of custody so she can make bank on child support for Suri; however, if I were her, I might just take a payoff and leave this daughter of Satan/Zenu with Tommy Boy. As someone previously said, that tyke is ALL CRUISE. Even if ya don't believe he is the bio daddy, Suri has the Cruise attitude and ego in spades. _______________________________________________
What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?
Submitted by loopygorilla on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 3:56pm
you're kinda enjoying this one, hmmmmm?
/lmao
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
I don't have much sympathy for KatieBot for choosing to stay in this marriage for five years. She's going to get a huge payment from Tommy Girl and got her celebrity status raised.
There's no way that she's going to get roles that Nicole Kidman would have passed. Or have the cred of Michelle Williams.
Oprah's Couch: Died for our sins.
*Is totally stunned* Things are about to get really real now!!!
"The music washed away all their hate, and society started advancing. Every demographic was represented. It was a rainbow coalition of dancing!" Julian Casablancas & Andy Samburg -Boombox
EEEEVIL? HAI!
*jumps on Evil and licks her face*
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
The Mail (I know, I know) has the supposed deets on their prenup: $3m/each year married for up to 11 years, plus Katie gets the mansion in Beverly Hills. Only child support is set by the court, so Katie needs to ramp up Suri's monthly needs.
I bet that what TC pays out is far, far less than the PR value was to him of a (imaginary) stable family life.
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Vanessa da Mata, Boa sorte
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 4:40pm.
I hate that I missed seeing you, hook!!!! Come back.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Holy shit, it finally happened!!! A small part of me was hoping, for some bizarre reason, that these two were a legit couple and that they were gonna be together foreeeeeever. Maybe cuz the idea of Tom Cruise being a lying, controlling, psycho closet case still is a bit too weird for me to process. Anyway, guess all those blind items were true.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 4:27pm.
katie just couldnt do it anymore, everyday she walks into the bedroom and there was tommy girl, laying on the bed on his stomach, on the slim line phone, playing with the cord, and kicking his feet back and forth, and writing in his diary... "dear diary, i love zac efron" whilst talking to john revolta and giggling.
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oh shit that's funny
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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
This steals the thunder away from the lame-ass Depp mid-life crisis.
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Douchechill!
I think Katie has a good case to keep Suri, and I hope she will. After all, unlike Nicole Kidman, she's an American and a biological mother as well. Not that adopted mother shouldn't have as many rights, but it's easy to see that a child should live with her biological mother with whom she's been inseparable.
Finally, I get to like Katie Holmes again. Go Joey Potter!
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The man's as gay as a picnic basket.
Submitted by toxicsparkles on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 4:49pm.
I blame Julianne Hough. Only because i want to believe there is something interesting about her.
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i cannot staaaaaaand her.
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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
"Every Scientologist just dropped the dick out of their mouth...."
LMAO! Thank you for that visual, of the moment everyone in the CO$ all men's sauna, heard the news.
Did Hell freeze over?
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What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/09
Will Smith & Tom Cruise
John Travolta & Tom Cruise
Just come out of the closet Tom Cruise!!!!!!!
*waves at Bendy and Whamo*
Katie needs to take refuge with Kidman in TN. Those hillbillies in town will not hesitate shooting down a CO$ kidnap squad.
Seriously, Katie better be someplace safe so the Auditors don't catch up with her. If they do, her flight to freedom is fucked!
A Cruise / Blohan relationship would be entertaining to say the least. Can you imagine a person as controlling as TommyBoy with an undisciplined mess like Lohan? TommyBoy dealing with White Oprah and Michael Lohan?? The CO$ is also famously anti-drug. How the hell would Hohan get around that???
Come at me bitch!
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 06/29/2012 - 4:38pm.
XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Evil!,!,,!!!!! Helllllllllo. Don't be a stranger. We misssssss youuuuuuu!!!M!?!