Alec Baldwin Got Married, Managed Not To Curse A Bitch Out While Doing So
28-year-old yoga instructor Hilaria Thomas (short for Hilarious Thomas, I hope) became 54-year-old Alec Baldwin's second wife (and his first wife in the eyes of the Catholic GOD) at St. Patrick's Old Cathedral in NYC last night. Guests including Tina Fey, Tina's husband Jeff Richmond, Stephen Baldwin, Billy Baldwin, Robert Kennedy Jr., Soon-Yi, Woody Allen and Mariska Hargitay all watched as Alec promised to love, cherish and try his best to not call his new wife "a wheezy old, thoughtless goat pig" in a rage-filled voicemail (SPOILER ALERT: Alec is going to fail at that last one). Alec and Hilaria got engaged in April after dating for about a year.
People, who will have all the EXCLUSIVO pictures from this blessed gold digger achievement ceremony, says that Hilaria wore a dress by some designer named Amsale, Alec wore Tom Ford and his precious pink unicorn pillow pet served as ring bearer. I can't wait to see the pictures of Alec punching the photographer in the face with globs of wedding cake for looking at him funny through the lens.
You can tell that Alec is SERIOUS about this marriage. Dude got his hair dyed a special shade and everything. I'd like to think that seconds after Alec lifted Hilaria's veil at the altar, their first conversation went something like this. The part of Hilaria will be played by a possessed Whoopi Goldberg and the part of Alec will be played by Orlando's widow:
Congratulations to Alec's colorist for getting it RIGHT!
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Submitted by precociousmagpie on Mon, 07/02/2012 - 2:15am.
Rande, I spotted a copy of Alec's Yoga for Seething Hothead Rageaholics at B&N last week--not bad, and with a foreword by Tom Sizemore.
LOL. *ordering on Amazon*
She (the bride, Hilaria, *thateyerollname*) looks like his daughter. Even with all the elaborate "grooming" Baldwin has undertaken for this....Next Chapter of Fuckery. I'm bored already.
My vision of world peace: a chicken in every pot, and pot for all us chickens...and weasels.
OH NOOOOs! For why does Billy Baldwin resemble K.D. Lang??!! When did he lose the hot? I blame his bony wife. :(
oh as usual Soon Yi looks like she's having a BLAST! she looks like she ran out of the party and Woody had to chase after her!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Sorry to whinge on about that evil bastard RFK Jr., but the fact he screwed over the Mother of his children shows he has zero conscience, remorse or guilt.
The bastard probably high-fived his army of lawyers when his wife was found dead in the barn.
course, woody's there with his daughter, so....
and wtf IS she wearing?
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Posh Beckham is one of the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse.
the girl who looks 15, standing in a way-too-intimate manner with RFK - who is that? PLEASE tell me its not his daughter.
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Posh Beckham is one of the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse.
The fact Alec invited that evil scumbag RFK Jr. really shows his true character: A complete Douche-Nozzle.
I'm surprised he isn't a member of Tommy Girl's Cult. They looove rich assholes.
Submitted by _meh_ on Mon, 07/02/2012 - 12:21am.
That is a hideous dress the "yoga instructor"is wearing. Seriously honey you are banging an old man with lots of money, get a stylist or something.
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"banging an old man with lots of money" LOL! No shit though, huh? That dress *is* hideous.
Submitted by BlueBloom on Mon, 07/02/2012 - 1:04am.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 4:16pm.
*I know I read somewhere that Soon Yi wasn't right in the head, but I could never find the source again.
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A little late to the game, but are you thinking of the 1992 VF article?
http://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/archive/1992/11/farrow199211
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Thank you!! I knew I read it somewhere! You must have an incredible memory. ;)
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This would have been the time I would have sold my soul to bang alec.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_luufppEWrO1qjlxlwo1_400.jpg
http://nikolaiamy.blogetty.com/uploads/alec_baldwin_2008_01.jpg
but that was a long long long time ago.
Omg! TIna married a hobbit? Love IS blind or man is like a tripod!
Ireland is very pretty, not surprised though!
Alec is the best looking Baldwin bro, hands down!
That's all I got, good for them! But Hilaria doesn't do it for me.
He must have offered her a huge stack of cash! As we all know this kind of shit has been going on since the creation of Hollywood.
Rande, I spotted a copy of Alec's Yoga for Seething Hothead Rageaholics at B&N last week--not bad, and with a foreword by Tom Sizemore.
Submitted by Dog on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 2:56pm.
^^^^^^^^^^^^
She jumped the shark for me when I read an article in Ladies Home Journal (shut up - I was at the salon) where she said she never exercised but then I read in another magazine where she said she runs several miles every day. She also told conflicting stories in one mag about how she doesn't have a staff at home but in another one the reporter said how the "day nanny" opened the door for her and how Hargitay had her "chef" prepare their lunch which was served by the "one of" the maids.
Not saying she isn't entitled but she needs to stop lying.
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She is a major liar who can't keep her stories straight. I remember her saying she hadn't worked out since 1974! When she was preggers she said she was having the baby in NYC, but she had the kid in LA.
I remember her saying she did not have help with her kid, but then talked about the nanny helping out.
Keep it straight Hagarty.
Alec must be studying some form of hot, violence-oriented form of yoga. Namaste and he aren't close friends.
Damn VF link didn't retain the location. Last paragraph on the third page.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 4:16pm.
*I know I read somewhere that Soon Yi wasn't right in the head, but I could never find the source again.
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A little late to the game, but are you thinking of the 1992 VF article?
http://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/archive/1992/11/farrow199211
That is a hideous dress the "yoga instructor"is wearing. Seriously honey you are banging an old man with lots of money, get a stylist or something.
*Resident Conspiracy Theorist*
"Shh" is a favorite pose of Monarchs (or in this case their handlers), which is a term used to describe people completely mind-controlled from childhood. Leopard print (which has become fashionable)is a sign of a beta alter, which is a programmed "sex kitten" personality. Symbols also : Butterflies esp. monarchs, hiding one-eye, S&M themes, etc
CIA developed it, Google "MK-ULTRA", "PROJECT PAPERCLIP" and "PROJECT ARTICHOKE"
All facts.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 6:30pm.
Why is Alec doing the Shhhhhhh sign? lol
Where is Daniel Baldwin? Was he invited?
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Submitted by Possum on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 8:21pm.
Oh dear. I hate hate HATE to mention it, because I love Tina Fey. But... has she had work done?
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Hmmmm, I'm usually all over these things but Tina looks like her old self to me! If she's had work done, it's good work.
She's got to be the most "normal" celebrity there is. I love her. That said, small snark: her dress doesn't do her arms any favors--in #4, she's got that lumpy, pocket fat thing going on.
alot of my friends arent fans of tina, but i like tina fey.
but i thnk this dress isnt doing her any favours. except the length. the length is good for someone her height.
the solid color blocks are too big and it just gives the impression her ass and thighs are huge and wide.
and the sleeves are wrong on that dress because it really narrows her shoulders, so it looks like she is bottom heavy and pear shaped, but she isnt, cuz she has a lovely waist line and with the right dress, we can even make her taller.
now im off to critique the office ladies on their monday outfits.
Submitted by Naughychimp on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 10:09pm.
I like that Tina Fey married a tiny, tiny man. She's short, herself, so you can only imagine how miniscule he must be. Show's she's not shallow.
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IMDb says she is 5' 4 1/2" so yeah, he's gotta be REALLY short.
The Kennedy women don't seem especially odious, but the men?!? Loathesome misogynist self-serving pigs, every last one. And, my late parents couldn't stand them, either.
I like that Tina Fey married a tiny, tiny man. She's short, herself, so you can only imagine how miniscule he must be. Show's she's not shallow.
Ted C at eonline used to hint that Alec Baldwin had sex with men. Maybe he has sex with women, too, but I'd guess that Hilareeeea is naught but a beard.
Submitted by undinespragg on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 5:13pm.
Submitted by luvmehateme on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 5:03pm.
You think so, hekki? I gain weight in my midsection first and I have a broad upper body. I feel I look 'heavier' than my bottom heavy friends, even though I wear a smaller size on the bottom than they do, and I weigh less and are taller than they are. I think you can hide a lot with a dress or skirt if you're bottom-heavy. I don't know. Maybe it's a perception issue. *shrugs*
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I think you are right about this. My saving grace is that I have always had a small waist and a stomach that stays flatter (lipo!).
My thighs and but are bigger, toned, but bigger and I think It is easier to hide this. I can't work that "hide the stomach" angle...Thank god for flowy maxi skirts.....
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I have to agree. If you have a small waist, there is a market out there for big asses. Otherwise there is what??? Pregnant lady fetishes??
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I believe Jacko can help you there - he likey the pregnant wimmins. Jack? You around? Paging Jack!
Is that Billy Baldwin in thumb #8? Dayum! He used to be foine! Looks like he's had something done too, on the face. Shame.
For why does Tina Fey's husband always stand on his toes like that? I have seen it in other pics. Is he tryna not be short? Is one leg shorter than the other?
I was so embarrassed to be linking to JJ that I nearly registered an alt just to make that post.
This chick is supposed to be 28 years old? She looks closer to 38.
Submitted by Madam Pince on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 8:32pm.
Is Alec completely estranged from his daughter?
At the wedding and before:
http://www.justjared.com/2012/07/01/ireland-baldwin-dries-her-eyes-at-da...
http://www.justjared.com/2012/06/30/alec-baldwin-daughter-ireland-party-...
Guess they've made up.
Is Alec completely estranged from his daughter? No mention or photos of her.
Mariska looks great -- enjoying life and her family. Girlcrush here too.
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"Being a fucking idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you're rewarded significantly." ~~ Jon Hamm
Submitted by Possum on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 8:21pm.
I wager Hilaria's name is not pronounced in the ha-ha way, but as "hil-ah-REE-ah", which is still stupid and sounds like 'diarrhea'.
Lolllll. Not like "malaria"? She's prolly had some device to help folks out for the past 7 years since high school, like "Hillary with an A."
Oh dear. I hate hate HATE to mention it, because I love Tina Fey. But... has she had work done? Her skin looks a bit tighter, cheeks fuller, something. Herm.
Soon-Yi's face reminds me of those cats that have the smooshed-in faces. It's like her face is sorta concave.
I wager Hilaria's name is not pronounced in the ha-ha way, but as "hil-ah-REE-ah", which is still stupid and sounds like 'diarrhea'.
Alec Baldwin has serious anger issues. This new wife looks like she puts up with his angry, and tempermental ass.
HILARIA?? Her name is HILARIA??! Did her parents hate her? Wtf.
Mariska is perfection, as far as I'm concerned. I mean, she's freaking gorgeous, weight-gain or not. Totally a girl crush.
From what I gather, John John, though not the brightest bulb on the tree (kind of a mimbo), was a decent guy. It's too bad he was probably the only one.
What thaaa?
Stephen Baldwin looks like he's developed Down's Syndrome (if you could 'develop' such a thing) He was never that hot to begin with and it's all downhill now. I think Alec, rage issues aside, is the nicest looking of all the brothers.
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This was no Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.
Alex hates the paps and the free market but stumps for Capital One. Chump! Team America needs to have a talkin' to this egomaniac again.
Wow Woody Allen, what a ringing endorseent. Looks like the Baldwn boys have all hit the wall. Maybe a group rate for the plastic surgery then?
For Why? is RK jr. wearing a wrinkled ass Men's Wearhouse suit? He looks like a corpse that got exhumed a month after the funeral.
I think Mariska looks great here. Is she at her thinnest? No. But she looks good-not all underfed and over-processed.
"Yoga teacher" LOL
I guess that's the new "aspiring actress/model".
Which is obviously code for "cocktail waitress/whore".
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 6:40pm.
You would think assaulting 2 paps in one week might give her second thoughts. Especially because she's a yoga teacher and should be all about peace and loving your fellow man and that shit.
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She'd be better off smoking a bowl and calling it a day.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
You would think assaulting 2 paps in one week might give her second thoughts. Especially because she's a yoga teacher and should be all about peace and loving your fellow man and that shit.
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"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."
- Yogi Berra
Ooooops, did I say that out loud? OLOLOLOLOL
Yah, a lot of meh here other than Tina and Mariska! ;D
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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where the fuck is Tracy Morgan and why wasn't he at RFK's table? That shit would have been gold.
Oh and the Baldwin brother from Sliver? I think I still would.... though his skin is saggy & shit now.
who fucking cares? hope he gets hit by a bus. brother billy looks like psychopath.
Why is Alec doing the Shhhhhhh sign? lol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Mariska is fucking gorgeous. And even with a little chuck, her body is totally fuckable!
Do the Kennedy's lack a tailor? The suit that dick is wearing looks wrinkled and ill-fitting.
Tina Fey's husband is a pig.
I think Mariska looks just like her mother Jayne Mansfield every time I see a new picture of her and her late father Mickey Hargitay. Mariska is beautiful, curvy, and embraces her heritage. Hungarians are the best!