ERMAHGERD!! | Dlisted

After 2 seasons of molesting the lady contestants with his eyeballs, Steven Tyler (aka the most beautiful woman at the judge's table) has broken up with American Idol and won't be back next season. Steven (seen above giving us "Wyoming ranch matron" from the waist up and "rich grandma power walking in a fancy mall at 10am" from the waist down) released his broke up letter to the world and this mess of insane words is more entertaining than anything he said on Idol. This is the kind of crazy I want from Steven Tyler. Steven compared American Idol to Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction and threw a meme in there.

“After some long...hard...thoughts…I’ve decided it’s time for me to let go of my mistress ‘American Idol’ before she boils my rabbit. I strayed from my first love, AEROSMITH, and I’m back – but instead of begging on my hands and knees, I’ve got two fists in the air and I’m kicking the door open with my band. The next few years are going to be dedicated to kicking some serious ass – the ultimate in auditory takeover…On Nov. 6, we are unleashing our new album, Music from Another Dimension on the Earth, Moon, Mars, and way beyond the stars…IDOL was over-the-top fun, and I loved every minute of it…Now it’s time to bring Rock Back. ERMAHGERD.”

JLo is out of there too, unless FOX stuffs her honey glazed ham ass with more wads of cash (they won't and shouldn't), and so that just leaves Randy Jackson who is never going to quit that shit since he has the easiest job on TV next to Vanna White. Actually, Randy's job is easier than Vanna's, because she has to do hers standing up.

My choices for Steven Tyler and JLo's replacements are: Antoine Dodson, Sweet Brown, Hoku, Stevie B, a bottle of Vicodin covered in dog hair (an homage to Paula Abdul), a broken Furby and the old lady at my subway stop who always tells the platform performers to shut their mouths. Or FOX can just do to American Idol what Anne Archer did to Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction: shoot it dead in the bathroom. Then FOX will have room its schedule and can buy and bring back the reason why TV was invented in the first place. I'm talking about WB Superstar USA (yes, I'm posting another clip from this masterpiece of a wreck):

Posted by: Michael K

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American Idol • Steven Tyler

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Submitted by slongo on Sat, 07/14/2012 - 8:16am.

Sharp flat sharp flat- until I googled this mess, I thought my ears were lying to me. WB Superstar is the American Idol of Bizarro World, a funny/cruel contest for the blissfully ignorant and untalented.

Submitted by tash on Sat, 07/14/2012 - 3:30am.

For those of you wondering why the judges are praising this untalented hack:

"The WB's Superstar USA is a television show which spoofed the popular show American Idol. Essentially that show's polar opposite, Superstar USA told contestants they were looking for the best singer when they were actually looking for the worst."

I f*ing love this. People always wonder if the untalented fucktards auditioning from idols know they are as bad as they are and just do it for attention. She clearly thinks she is all that... Kudos to the judges for keeping a straight face through all of this. I know I couldn't.

Submitted by mortadella pianist on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 1:48pm.

How can that clueless girl's singing make it into the top 8?? She is SO off pitch even with music, imagine her "singing" a capella? Those so-called judges have no credibility when they encourage THAT instead of telling it like it is...

♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫
...I share a birthday with MK...

Submitted by Whatever on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 1:38pm.

Hopefully he takes that no talent fat ass with him.

Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 10:52am.

Steven Tyler is just a sad parody of his old self. Keep a little mystique for crissakes, and stay out of the pop media shows crap. Leave it to the nobodys like J-HO and Howie Mandel.

Submitted by literarylioness on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 8:17am.

Take Jblow's fat ass with you too.

Submitted by EvilShoe on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 8:01am.

Randy Jackson saying "dawg" every few minutes absolutely killed the show for me. Trite ass!

Submitted by unemployed_bum on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 6:30am.

I'm not too surprised. I've never seen someone phone it in quite as much as Steven Tyler did on AI. I always wanted to ask what was in the opaque cup he was sipping from too. While both he and Jlo acted like sexual predators at times while being judges, at least Steven never let his boner make his judging decisions for him. Jlo always followed her ladywood. That's why she spent half of season 11 gushing over the falsetto kid with the weird hair that sounded like his nuts were in a vice. And while I absolutely love the season 11 winner, Phil Phillips, I agree with the people who said the show needs to end. Randy, Jlo, and Steven are all terrible judges and are doing the contestants a disservice by being either pretending to be experts on the music industry(Jlo, Randy), or by being fresh out of fucks to give(Steven). Also, there are way too many talent contest shows. It's to the point that when a person gets kicked off one show, they just head to the network next door to try out for their talent show.

And... LOL @ ermahgerd!!!

*I'm ashamed of what I did for a Klondike Bar*

Submitted by letinstar on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 6:14am.

i have an idea...pull the plug on "idol" all together..
_____________________________________________
"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr

Submitted by letinstar on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 6:14am.

i have an idea...pull the plug on "idol" all together..
_____________________________________________
"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr

Submitted by juni on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 5:51am.

Every single note she sang was flat but apart from that, the judges were encouraging her "talent." What a crapfest!!!!

Submitted by Queef Richards on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 5:45am.

Submitted by Zonko on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 3:44am.
@RandéSleepover:

The last great album The Stones released was "It's Only Rock & Roll" because it was the last album Mick Taylor recorded with them. Ron Wood RUINED the Stones.

I think "Some Girls" is a classic Stones album, but for the most part I agree with you.

Submitted by chinlee3 on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 3:35am.

All the talent shows suck. Aerosmith needs to retire too.

Submitted by Zonko on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 2:14am.

@RandéSleepover:

The last great album The Stones released was "It's Only Rock & Roll" because it was the last album Mick Taylor recorded with them. Ron Wood RUINED the Stones.

And the last great album Aerosmith released was "Done With Mirrors". "Pump", and everything after Pump belongs in the garbage can.

Submitted by DianaDeath on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 9:31am.

No way! "Tattoo You" kicks ass from cover to cover!

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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 12:43am.

Ain't no boobies big enough to distract from that singing voice.

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Who are you calling silly cow?

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 11:47pm.

This show needs to be OVER.

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The lava of the volcano shot up hot from under the sea
One thing leads to another and you made an island of me

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 11:40pm.

"Permanent Vacation" should have been a promise kept, seeing as this guy has become a sad, sold, pathetic caricature of what once was.

-----------------------------
"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."

Submitted by Uptown James on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 11:27pm.

Steven Tyler was like the contestants' Lesbian Aunt.
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"She's Black & I'm Gay--- we create culture."

Submitted by Stoney on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 11:21pm.

Is that last clip for real? How can people validate that girl? That was seriously the worst singing I have ever heard in my entire fucking life. Has to be a joke. Right? Right? Please tell me it's a joke!
___________________________________________
"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."

Submitted by RandéSleepover on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 11:18pm.

Submitted by Zonko on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 12:05am.

Yeah Steven, it IS "time to bring rock back".

Lose the nauseating ballads and BRING THE ROCK BACK you cheesy asswipe.

hahaha. He got old! He's fried. Look at the Stones, whom everyone is talking about this week. They lost their edge at least 25 years ago.

Submitted by skinny fat on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 10:41pm.

steven tyler lost his rock&roll cred the minute he took this gig. fucking poser asshole. WHERE HAVE ALL THE REAL ROCK STARS GONE?

Submitted by Zonko on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 10:35pm.

Yeah Steven, it IS "time to bring rock back".

Lose the nauseating ballads and BRING THE ROCK BACK you cheesy asswipe.

Submitted by Fujicat on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 10:27pm.

His eyes def look brown in most photos including your link. Maybe I was stoned and drunk and imagined it? But he did play/pop into the clubs I hung at, and we knew the same people/musicians. These days he's a family man living in FL.
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I met Robin back in 2000, but didn't get close enough to kiss (plus the fact that he was with 7-yr old Robin, Jr. didn't help) - LOL! Seriously, I never saw those eyes as anything but brown

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Fair is foul and foul is fair..

Submitted by shoo shoo on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 10:22pm.

Yay, now we won't have to listen to him tell everyone, "that was beautiful, man"....and hopefully JLo and her "goosies" will be gone too!

Submitted by quickkill on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 10:06pm.

American Idol is tired. Steve Tyler and Jennifer Lopez are tired. Kill the show.

Submitted by quickkill on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 10:09pm.

Leave already...

Submitted by Spoiled on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 9:40pm.

Submitted by Fujicat - "...his eyes looked brown on all the album covers but are a deep, vivid blue in person..."

I met Robin back in 2000, but didn't get close enough to kiss (plus the fact that he was with 7-yr old Robin, Jr. didn't help) - LOL! Seriously, I never saw those eyes as anything but brown:

http://www3.pictures.gi.zimbio.com/Robin+Zander+Cheap+Trick+Announces+Sg...

Submitted by soulks on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 9:08pm.

glad St is going, his body/mouf/lips are not sexy, just gross. Gene Simmons and Mick Jagger have sexy tongues/body/moufs/lips.

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"Five-card poker on a Saturday night, Church on Sunday morning"
Submitted by noshitsherlock on Sun, 07/08/2012 - 1:05am.
"Sorry everyone. I'll get back to lurking and you all continue to be awesome :)"

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 9:07pm.

He looks like one of those howler monkeys.

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It's PHELPS time!

Submitted by Fujicat on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 9:02pm.

@Diamond Dogs "You lucky bitch.." Yes! He was very good at tongue..

@Spoiled..his eyes are very, very blue..."

"Those are the brownest blue eyes I've ever seen, then! ;) Congrats!" That actually threw me when he introduced himself as "Robbie" to me, because his eyes looked brown on all the album covers but are a deep, vivid blue in person. What a beautiful man that is.

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Tyler's reference to boiling the rabbit is a Glenn Close quote from Fatal Attraction.

Fair is foul and foul is fair..

Submitted by Mel-Tang on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 8:53pm.

Steven you are getting waaay too old to act like this sweetie.

I choose Honey Boo Boo Chile for the next judge.

www.poopreport.com :)

<3-------------------------------<3

RIMADYL KILLS

Submitted by ShamelessinFlorida on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 8:52pm.

ERMAHGERD, AH LERVE SHTERVEN TERLERSH SHERSH SHEW MERSH!!!!

Submitted by Lale on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 8:45pm.

Good to know the dentist did not extract your amazing sense of humor!

Submitted by justincase on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 8:40pm.

Is this a joke? No matter how big her boob distractions are or how gigantic her ego, she is still FLAT, FLAT, FLAT!!! I never watched this mess because it seemed like waste-of-time entertainments for stupid people.

Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 8:36pm.

Submitted by stefystef on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 9:14pm.
I think it's time to call it a day for American Idol.

Put it out of our misery
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100% it should have been shot the year Taylor Hicks won. It is one if not the main reason the music industry is in the shits. When image is more important than art you've lost the art.
Tyler sold out and his band has every reason to be mad at him for sullied the name of a once great band and yes back in the 70 (ya I know but still) AS was a kick ass band!

Submitted by Mani6 on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 8:19pm.

Aww...we'll miss all of his comments like that was great and that was amazing, wow.

Submitted by Spoiled on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 8:18pm.

Submitted by Fujicat - "...figured now's a good time to brag that I French-kissed Robin Zander at a club in NY back in the day, well, actually it was my birthday, I was underage, and he kissed ME. Up close his eyes are very, very blue..."

Those are the brownest blue eyes I've ever seen, then! ;) Congrats!

Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 8:10pm.

His pants.... Ugh.

Submitted by elmo533 on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 8:09pm.

I was watching TMZ yesterday and they were talking about how Nigel Lithgow's wish list judges would be Charlie Sheen and Jerry Lewis (???). Now I know why. I've never watched this shit show so I could care less one way or another.

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"Somewhere, Jennifer Love Hewitt is vagazzling the words "FUCK MY LIFE" onto her crotch while deep throating a Pillsbury cookie dough roll".--MK

Submitted by Dog on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 8:04pm.

Am I the only one who thinks Steven Ty;er, as nice as he's supposed to be, needs to just stop? The man is in his 60s, FFS. and he dresses like a 1980s lounge lizard.

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www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Submitted by Event Horizon on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 7:55pm.

Simon was witty, unrelentingly honest and not afraid to go against the grain by criticizing even the most minor of snafoos.....Paula was an alcoholic wonder the likes of which are rarely seen, these two together along with spectacular talent made a hit show. These new "judges" have all been bland, awkward and predictable, I used to love Stephen Tyler but after watching him make a fool of himself time after time, he's now ruined in my mind. I used to know every constant from 12 to number 1, now I wuoldn't who won this show if they walked past me on the street. Give it a rest before they ruin another icon like they did Tyler...

b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe tendencies. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."

Submitted by stefystef on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 7:44pm.

I think it's time to call it a day for American Idol.

Put it out of our misery.
______________________________________________________________
Grow up, Demi, and do coke off toilet seats like the rest of us adults do!- Michael K, 1/26/12

Submitted by DianaDeath on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 7:53pm.

OMGMK,

The mere mention of Steve B = YAASSSS!!! Every day I am more convinced that you're my spirit animal.

Ps- sorry Stef, but this busted-ass app on my phone won't let me post comments unless I push reply to the newest comment. And the mere mention of Stevie B was a MUST for me to reply to!

****************************************
"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK