Demi Moore And Martin Henderson Might Be A Thing

There’s been rumors that Demi Moore is weepy in the heart over the Tater Sisters trying to eject her from their lives and that she’s even weepier in the vagina over Ashton Kutcher moving on to Mila Kunis. But Life & Style says that if Demi is crying cold tears of NOBODY LOVES ME, then she’s drying those tears on some Kiwi peen. They say that Demi has traded in sucking on whip-its for sucking on Martin Henderson, an actor type who was in The Ring, Off The Map, Brit Brit’s Toxic video and is now in Demi. Sorry :/

Last week, 49-year-old Demi and 37-year-old Martin took a quick vacation to New Preston, Connecticut and a paparazzo just so happened to check his phone when her publicist texted him the exact address of where to go to get a pic of the cougar and her new piece. So the pap showed up and took pictures of Demi and Martin walking into Nine Main Bakery, where they laughed, threw sex eyes at each other and laughed some more before she did this:

“She was in line and a Colbie Caillat song came on — she started singing along and dancing in a playful, flirty way.”

Colbie Caillat?! I refuse to believe that a dick can be so good that it’s got you dancing to everything and anything including a damn Colbie Caillat song. There’s a reason the phrase “Dick so good it’s got me dancing to a Colbie Caillat song!” doesn’t exist. This is just Demi thinking she’s still a 19-year-old girl dancing in her bedroom while wearing pink cotton panties. But on to more important things…

I really can not with that popped collar. It’s very Punk’d days Ashton Kutcher. It wasn’t acceptable then and it’s not acceptable now. I just hope that Martin’s collar is popped into the douche position, because his style is stuck in 2004 and not because Demi is trying to Ashtonize him. If the latter is the case, Demi needs to go back to rehab for her chronic douche addiction.