Somebody Get This Bitch A Bus Pass
That dude throwing a side-eye in the back knew this mess was coming.
Water is wet, vodka is delicious, I'm hungover, some mark who spent the night with White Oprah woke up in a Long Island bath tub full of ice with some of his internal organs missing and cracked out stunt driver Lindsay Lohan got into another car accident. It's just another day! Drug dealers should really put a warning label on their bags of crack rocks warning crackies that smoking up the bad shit will affect their ability to know the difference between the brake and gas pedal.
TMZ says that after shopping at Chanel in Beverly Hills yesterday, the Geico Gecko's arch rival got behind the wheel (mistake #1) of another rented Porsche (mistake #2) and drove down Sunset Blvd. (mistake #3) before running into a silver Mustang that was stopped at a red light. Yes, that Mustang was not moving and this mess still busted into it. LiLo's passenger, who obviously loves inhaling second hand crack smoke while taking a Wednesday afternoon drive, knew the drill. Dude jumped out, gave the Mustang driver LiLo's insurance information and drooled out some excuse about the paparazzi following them. It was either blame the paparazzi or say that Scientology sorceress Tommy Girl is out to get her and used his telekinesis powers to push her Porsche into that Mustang.
TMZ has video of the Mustang driver talking about her brush with the slug-lipped freckled terror and it looks like there's only a few scratches on the bumper. The Mustang driver must have a b-hole shaped like a four leaf clover, because she's lucky she got off so easy.
A Huffy bike with flat tires, a Segway with a weak motor, an early model Hoveround and a Pogo Ball are the only things this bitch should be approved to drive. And why is Blohan wasting her time with trying to be a low-budget, soft-core porn star. Being a bumper car champion is her true calling.
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Submitted by juni on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 11:16pm.
In LA, I think she'll have to murder a whole orphanage, their adorable puppies and their nuns before she gets more than a week of jail. Can somebody please send her to someplace ELSE just so she can get arrested?!
I hope she's wearing hose, because otherwise I think her legs have gangrene.
And now she's plowing into cars stopped at red lights. I can just imagine the excuse she'll come up with this time. "But your honor, my brakes failed during a major earthquake as a black man shone the sun in my eyes! IT'S SEA JASPER!"
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
I just saw the trailer for "the Canyons." WHAT SHIT. It looks like a marginally talented film student made it via stock footage of L.A.
So is the whole movie gonna be stock footage, or are they just too lazy to make a real trailer?
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
She's spending her $20,000 advance from The Canyons.
Why is she going into Chanel? We all know her broke ass cant afford anything in there, unless she gets the keychain.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I guess she will have to murder a child with her rented Porsches before someone decides this menace should be off the road forever.
Wait...I thought that was chicken cutlets!
So far the only thing on wheels she's been on that hasn't been totaled is a gurney. I bet the clinics that she's sent to have spike strips in the hallways.
Methinks Amanda Bynes is figuring out ways to up her road game as we type.
MissDior -- I like the way you think, chica!!! You & I would look like fashion plates for life! I like that, her "mangy, greasey head." God only knows how many Chanel skirts & pants she's ruined with her stinky, diseased twat. And Chanel shoes with her smelly, open-sore covered hooves. And god only knows how much shit she's stolen in her "crab shack"!!!
She's a fucking menace! GO TO JAIL! This skanky smelly twat CAN'T DRIVE.
Enough with this chick!
More tender than a Roni, or harder than a Jaw Breaker... Cha Cha Cha
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 1:02pm.
Menace II Society 2: Crackhead Boogaloo?
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Too damn funny!
(973) Jersey Strong
ATTENTION PEOPLE ON EARTH WITH ANY SORT OF VEHICLE:
DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ALLOW LINDSAY LOHAN PERMISSION TO OPERATE IT. EVER.
IF YOU SEE SAID LOHAN OPERATING ANY SORT OF VEHICLE, ALERT ALL OTHER DRIVERS IMMEDIATELY.
Although, if you're really that fucking stupid, you deserve to have to pay for whatever she fucks up. Hope it's worth it.
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"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.Kravitz on August 19, 2008
"We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard
♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
But srsly, How does this bitch still have a license? Do they have a point system in Cali?
"Isn't one-and-only supposed to be like one? And only?"
I'm so mad that she has unlimited access to Chanel and still looks like pure unadulterated shit everyday! If I could have 10 minutes in there, I'd be looking fly for life! That hat was probably the dumbest thing in the store, of course she would pick it! At least it's covering her mangy, greasy head.
GG -- "pasty frecked hamhocks" -- priceless!!!
Ho-Tell -- I meant to tell you I screwed up on the name of my latest Chanel blush -- it's Rose Initale. Beautiful peachy-pink color for my extremely light complexion; check it out!!!
Those shoes look like a fucking crosswalk to pale death. Bitch has no style.
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“I don't care what anybody says about me as long as it isn't true.” - Dorothy Parker
Submitted by Rocket on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 12:01pm.
Watching Project Runway last week and during commercial there's a picture of Lindsay and the commercial says "Lindsay Lohan IS Elizabeth Taylor...yada, yada, yada". My husband, walking through said "That's a hell of a stretch"
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Hahahahaha! "That's a hell of a stretch". Hilarious!!!
Bitch about her legs all you want, I say thank-fucking-heavens she left the orange paint at home. I'm so sick of the oompa-loompa look. Ugh.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 1:02pm.
Submitted by letinstar on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 9:32am.
revoke this bitch's license already...she's a menace and a plague to society.."
Menace II Society 2: Crackhead Boogaloo?
/don't worry i'll escort myself out
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i see what you did there...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Sorry, but un-photoshopped Lilo looks gross. Look at her pasty, freckly legs. Just dreadful.
Submitted by letinstar on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 9:32am.
revoke this bitch's license already...she's a menace and a plague to society.."
Menace II Society 2: Crackhead Boogaloo?
/don't worry i'll escort myself out
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
OH MY GOD! Those pasty freckeled hamhocks!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I am so glad my ass lives down near Orange County. I just want to avoid this cunt.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Remember that episode of Seinfeld when Elaine drove a car? That's this trick ho in real life.
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Gals are "just friends." Guys are "just waitin."
WHEN will they fucking REVOKE her license? For FUCK'S SAKE. I drive in the same city as this stupid fucktard.
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Now when you look at me, you're condemned to see
The monster your mother made you to be
And there ya got me, that's how you got free, you got rid of me
UGH
I am sure poor Linds' brakes went out again
"slug-lipped freckled terror" - a definite keeper
"crab shack" - hahahahahahaha
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
If whatever companies they were can ban fat slob Gary (from Teen Mom) and the Jersey Shore scums from wearing their stuff, KL certainly can ban that Lohan scum from wearing his stuff.
MJT - stimulants dialate your pupils and I can tell you that it DOES fuck with your vision in the daylight, even at night with perception.
How many points does this bitch have on her record? How the FUCK can she afford insurance? Especially with TWO DUI's, multiple crashes etc?
Revoke her license damnit. She is a hazard on the road.
Watching Project Runway last week and during commercial there's a picture of Lindsay and the commercial says "Lindsay Lohan IS Elizabeth Taylor...yada, yada, yada". My husband, walking through said "That's a hell of a stretch".
Twat-Muffin, I know, right? Why would Chanel want to pollute their image with whores like Blohan and the Kuntrashians wearing their glorious items? I may have to email Uncle Karl.
Texn Doc made me lol with the stickers comment.
I gotta go. Still looking for a job. I have to have $$$ to support my Chanel habit. And my eating/roof over my head/clothing habit.
move over meryl streep, there is a new actress in town.
Ho-Tell -- hey, honey! Glad to see you!!! That's so cute he created a purse after his cute little kitten. I just hope this smelly, freckled twat didn't buy it.
That Star Dust blush looks absolutely beautiful -- I will have to have it; that looks like the perfect color for me! I haven't even seen any of the 2012/13 holiday colors until now. Thanks for the tip!
I've visited LA many times; I know how cray-cray the driving is. All they need is the smelly, freckled terror driving there!!! I'd just like to know how they even admit her to the Chanel boutique.
bitch has more lives than a loose pussy (DIE ALREADY)
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http://tinyurl.com/69rcrqy
Twat-Muffin! I was hoping I'd catch you! Do you remember when we predicted that Uncle Karl would name a new lipstick color after his Siamese kitten, Choupette? Well, we were almost right. Did you see where in the Chanel Couture Fall/Winter 2012/2013 Uncle Karl created a new purse called the Choupette! I have to love a man who loves his Siamese like this.
I'm waiting for the Holiday collection--I want ALL of it, but will settle for the blush (Star Dust) the nail polish, the lipstick, and the quad.
OT: I used to live in L.A., and driving there is absolute Hell. I'm actually surprised this trick hasn't killed anyone. Yet.
how old is this 'ho? how long until she will be a member of the 27 club??
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what's in your taco?: a. chicken b. beef c. fish d. QUEEF
ImpertinentVixen -- "crab shack" -- LOVE IT!!!
Ho-Tell -- I know, right? It just kills me that this thing may be wearing the same Chanel makeup you & I are wearing! I just bought Chanel blush, Rose Imperiale -- absolutely beautiful!
Within -- hey, baby!
Hekki -- you like the babes or boys shows? Those are my least favorites.
Bitch couldn't take it that the Jacksons and Twatlights were stealing all her attention. Try harder next time, lilo.
And how does this bitch have money for Chanel?
It's never too late to be who you might have been.
~George Eliot~
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 10:00am.
Again? Damn! You know if it wasn't for The Parent Trap, she'd be rolling around in one of those cars with no bumper, chipped windshield, and a front passenger's side panel that is a different color than the rest of the car.
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Bahahaha...you just described my first car. The primer-colored passenger door was a lovely shade of orange-rust, which clashed fantastically with the rest of the red paint.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 10:28am.
And I bet she shoved a quilted Chanel purse up her crab shack before she left the store!!!!!!!!!
Crab shack! BAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Uncle Karl needs to step in and ban this bitch from shopping at Chanel! I don't want to think I'm wearing the same color eyeshadow that Blohan stole.
Someone should tell this idiot the color black is not her friend. When you are pasty-freckeled white, black just makes you look more pasty. She has the WORST sense of style.
I'm waiting for her next car wreck excuse; "I had a seizure! OMG!". That's the one all the political yahoos have been using lately.
This bitch, shopping at Chanel? She must be confused. I bet she was at CHANNEL, in a run-down little strip mall outside town, complete with wonkily-sewn double-C logos on all the CHANNEL bags. The Preda & Luois Voitton stores are just next door. Mmmhmm.
Chiming in with RichBitch & others: ALL this concocted drama, and still no trailer for Diz & Lick? ARGH! Of course, no trailer = there's very little usable footage from the 14-day shoot, so they're trying to save it for the movie. IF it ever sees the light of day.
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Thu, 07/26/2012 - 10:00am.
...if it wasn't for The Parent Trap, she'd be rolling around in one of those cars with no bumper, chipped windshield, and a front passenger's side panel that is a different color than the rest of the car.
^^^^^^^^^^ HAHA!! And her insurance company must have a whole separate "Lohan" division specializing in major catastrophes.
@ Hekki
Why does anyone bother putting this cunt in Blind Items, as if there's anything she can do that will shock anyone - except joining a Buddhist monastery, maybe.
i can only assume she's doing all this driving herself because she's a junkie, and she needs to go drive to whichever dealer will extend her credit at any moment's notice.
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"Bye, Whore" -MK