Friday, August 3rd 2012

Ryan Lochte Is Not A Hit And Quit It Slut

Mama Lochte joined Debbie Phelps in the spirit animal ranch in my heart the other day when she basically called her son a big whore who should win a gold medal in sluttin'. Ike Lochte told Today that Ryan doesn't have time for a girlfriend and the only thing he really has time for is to make orgasm waves with a one-time trick. UsWeekly decided to make shit extra awkward by asking Ryan Lochte what he has to say about his mom talking about his peen's travels. Ryan says he has never had a one night stand and that his mom is new to this media game and didn't really know what she was saying. Swimming answer's to Chet Haze put it like this:

"They took it out of context. My mom is really new to all of this and the media. She meant since the last 4 years I just wanted to focus on swimming, and I didn't really have time for a relationship. When I'm in a relationship, I want to give that person my entire heart and I wasn't able to ever do that because of swimming. I'm always on the go. So what she meant is that I do go out on dates. But its not that thing that everyone is talking about, because that's not me. I've never done that and never have been like that, so I don't want people to think that about me."

Maybe Mama Lochte is like my mom and sometimes she accidentally mixes up phrases. Like a couple of summers ago, I was going to the store and my mom was trying to tell me to pick up some fruit punch, but she told me to pick up some donkey punch instead. (!!!!) I didn't want to know how, when or where she learned that shit. I just blamed myself, because she probably learned it from listening to me and I made a mental note that if I ever come into a whole lot of money, I need to start a beverage company called Donkey Punch.

And really? "I want to give that my person my entire heart." That's what a slut says when they don't want to sound like a slut! They also say shit like, "I just don't have time for a relationship, but I do have time to hump on a new piece every night."

This ho is lying. I'm sure there are dozens of tricks out there who have listened to Ryan shout at them "I'm going for gold! I'm going to break a new record on your pussy, bitch" one time and one time only.

Posted by: Michael K


XCP-For nearly a century, Mont Blanc Pens has been well-known for its classic writing instruments around the world.The famous name of Mont blanc's represents the art of writing,symboled by hexagonal white star which is precisely the shape of Europe's highest mountain.Mont Blanc symbolizes the crown of Europe's highest snowy mountains that has the altitude of 4810 meters,and the figures are usually used for a variety of topics.mont blanc ballpoint pen are handmade with the 25 more process to create a pen point.That is why mont blanc fountain pen as writing instruments have the character of solidness and elegance.
Mont Blanc,1906 in Hamburg, Germany,was founded by a stationer create the adoption of the company before the Montblanc trademark Simplo Filler Pen Company name was established in 1911.The company later by Dunhill all present for the Richemont Group, the formal part.
In 1908,Simplo Filler Pen Company published the first high-quality security pen - Red and Black.1910 to become an official trademark registration of "Mont Blanc".The 1924 classic mont blanc meisterstuck grand launch.1935 began producing small leather goods. In 1992, the great writer of limited edition series and patron of the arts series (also known as the Emperor series). In 1997, Mont blanc watch collection to enter the market.2000,mont blanc discount bohemia series to create a new chapter in the art of writing,design simplicity,compact and elegant,to become the new symbol of the modern pop culture.
We slowed down and enjoy life "(deacceleration),the reliable quality of written and handmade quality,and long-standing emphasis on perfect sense, who insist on making Mont blanc,the emphasis on" high tech "society,the markedly precious.In people's minds,fountain pen mont blanc has become a symbol of the aspirations of the "high feeling",a quality of life choice.
christian louboutin sale sole design very clever, "catch" the selling point of sight let woman enchanted,sexy very narcissistic is frowsty coquettish,imagine a man to follow his sole after the line of sight of red,women must have is willing to pay. The identification of the "red sole degree is high,it's another benefit is let female stars free advertising.See red christian louboutin pumps is,does not need to find the logo.christian louboutin sales red bottom shoe is the logo,highlights of the women's gentle and lovely,beauty,and not make public mature sexy.Heel becoming larger and more and more high,once in christian louboutin boots,breast will natural standing,coxal radian will be more tightening become warped,on the vision strengthened the woman idiosyncratic,show lordosis of curved curve,natural after have woman flavour.Christian louboutin wedges with its own language,heels itself is a kind of culture. Louboutin wedges as a woman's external wearing choice embodies her connotation,her taste,her pursuit of her life, understanding.Christian louboutin sandals is a woman's life cannot resist temptation of summer follow sandal high is undoubtedly the most powerful-naked fiber foot,Dan red nutmeg, summer air fragrance in stimulating fashion masters of inspiration,the perfect cheap christian louboutin shoes,in people the envy of look in the eyes supports a pieces of living color.Delicate the luxury of girl for oneself of each clothes to acquire a pair of high heels to match, but always than a double take christian louboutin high boots to reality. A pair of shoes match different dress, you can mature,can also be lovely, shoes with a woman share experience, no matter you are in the life which stage, whether a portly figure or thin,louboutin pumps sale store always with you.christian louboutin wedges is not a mere extrinsic dress choose just.
Many people like the Nike,many people want to buy a pair of cheap nike shoes.Every year nike australia will launch a lot of discount promotions.nike shoes australia online store tailored specifically for the Australians,as long as you to our nike shoes online store you can find that fits your style.2012 new nike heels,nike free,nike air max all arrive.Our goal is to make every Australian wear nike shoes affordable.
Just do it!Like sports should have a pair of nike shoes.You like to run it?Enjoy that feeling of freedom on the run.But many times because the expensive price prohibitive.Now have a new way to shop, you will buy one pair of your favorite cheap nike shoes.2012 nike australia has launched a lot of the latest style, basketball fans dream of air jordan series,like the nike free running movement series,the influx of people love nike dunk series.nike shoes australia store audience are sold at a discount,you do not have to worry about quality.
Whether you are what kind of woman need to wear a pair of christian louboutin pumps on the red carpet,your choice,we are unable to intervene,but you should know that Mr.Bhutto's name.christian louboutin shoes today has five stores in the United States,two in New York the rest of South Beach Plaza in Los Angeles,Las Vegas and Orange state,some christian louboutin sale stores are planning to open in the Bal harbour,Boston and Chicago.The famous U.S. talk show host Oprah Winfrey,christian louboutin sandals is an art,christian louboutin outlet,recent and famous director David Lynch co-operation,his collection of shoes do one called "Idol"exhibition.R &B singer Ciara,Jay-Z's song with the lyrics of christian louboutin canada content.
Red soled Christian Louboutin's signature logo,highlighting women's lovely,beautiful,quieter and mature sexy christian louboutin sale store favorite with a variety of bright colors,especially open-toed style won him favor with the soleNama red flag,the performance of a woman with high heels the sexiest,swaying side.No wonder so many stars are even willing to free to speak for him,showed off alone belong to the christian louboutin outlet's style on the red carpet.
Frenchman christian louboutin high boots world is absolutely impossible to ignore.It is a favorite of European and American actress!"Red shoes" to identify high,another advantage is that the female stars free advertising.See the red soles of christian louboutin uk,the fundamental need to find the logo.christian louboutin sales store has a beauty of the girl should have at least seven pairs of christian louboutin shoes,seven deadly sins,like a pair of fun, a pair to flirt,a pair of work wear, a pair of holiday with a pair for Spring Night time,a pair of never worn and a pair of you do not like to have one pair do not like shoes,you can remind ourselves not always perfect dress.

joe shmoe's picture

Submitted by Suzy Farkis on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 7:14pm. My mom: 'Conway' West7/24Big hugetime (instead of 'big time') My aunt: Ellen Degenerate (she's not being a jerk, she actually thinks that's her name) My uncle: Opfrey Winfield I fear this may one day happen to me
*******

LOL! My mother cannot get her tongue around Oprah's name either; she calls her Oofra.

************

literarylioness's picture

I got a question about why do the swimmers (before the swimming match) go to the pool and splash the water in their mouths? I think that is so GROSS!

literarylioness's picture

He can't help it if the chlorinated water got on his brain!

scallywagy's picture

What's Chi Chi to say. He don't like butt fuxking them 19 year olds back to back. He's got pay day coming his way, that tawdry shit got to stay in the back burner...

http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/08/ryan-lochte-would-like-to-explai...

Mirooshka's picture

I doubt Wingman Mom would be saying this if she had an athlete daughter.
And why do they need all these condoms? Don’t male athletes supposed to be celibate during games? And (according to numerous articles on this topic) don’t women prefer shopping over sex?! Especially if they are in London – the mecca of shopping!

mitzenmama's picture

This is the sort of guy you think is really hot and then he starts to talk and it's clear he's dumb. Really dumb - like possibly has mild mental retardation dumb (I know, I know, not pc.) Suddenly the sessy factor is gone.

CORNDOG's picture

brainless dick

Whatever's picture

Saw an interview with this asshat last week. He was proudly showing off his closet full of shoes and bragged that he has a pair of sneakers made just for him one says Ryan and the other says Lochte. He said he loved wearing them around the pool because the water would penetrate into the words and he could leave his first and last name all over the place. Asshat. I think he may bat for the other team if you saw his closet folks...........

Pinkismyblack's picture

He and his dad were on Piers Morgan tonight. I think he's young and dumb, but not all that douchey. They seem genuine, and he's just a goofball.

Mel-Tang's picture

Thank you so much SDR for bringing up the fact that water parks are disgusting cess pools. I just took the baby Tangs to one today. :( lol

www.poopreport.com :)

<3-------------------------------<3

RIMADYL KILLS

RandéSleepover's picture

Submitted by Suzy Farkis on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 7:14pm.

My mom:

Lolllllllllllll

RandéSleepover's picture

I have never heard my mom even say "one-night stand," let alone comment on my after-work activities.

As long as Ryan swims end-to-end faster than anyone else, I don't really care what he does out of the pool. His sponsors do, however.

Mel-Tang's picture

Lmao Jack!! Your Mom is funny.

I SO would with Ryan. Omg.

www.poopreport.com :)

<3-------------------------------<3

RIMADYL KILLS

BernardProfitendieu's picture

uninteresting douche

-------------------------------------
Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is a walking argument against nepotism.

yucko's picture

Please, more embarrassing parent stories. I love them. Jack, yours takes the cake.

I bet the Olympics' ending days and beyond are just awesome. At least 50% of the people around you are super hot and most of them are probably willing to hook up, and maybe they don't even speak your language! And imagine all the possible awkward sex that could be going on between Olympian giants and midgets.

On a different note, I don't see the point in saying that some of us don't have one night stands because we have stronger "morals"=-maybe just different opinions. I've never had one, though that's mostly because the vast majority of strange men who hit on me are creeps.

Terri's picture

that is a great sex chair. But why is he wearing pants?

agirl's picture

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:49pm.
Submitted by annobanano on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:43pm.

My mom, STILL to this day, if her battery goes dead in her car she will ask you to "jack her off". I'm like MOM it's gimme a jump!! She was with me one time and this guy had his hood open and she rolled the window down and asked if he was having trouble... he said his battery was dead. Before I could roll the window up (and was also grabbing her arm going MOM, MOM, NO...) she said WOULD YOU LIKE MY SON TO JACK YOU OFF??? hahahahahahahahahahaa fuckin idiot!

-------------

LOLOLOL Your mom sounds like my kinda people (i.e. offering handjobs to strangers). If she ever comes to NYC let me know and she and I can hang out.

But you never finished your story. Did you jack the guy off? In front of your mom?

Suzy Farkis's picture

My mom:

'Conway' West
7/24
Big hugetime (instead of 'big time')

My aunt:

Ellen Degenerate (she's not being a jerk, she actually thinks that's her name)

My uncle:

Opfrey Winfield

I fear this may one day happen to me.

Scott in NYC's picture

Are people seriously giving him a tough time for having one-night stands? Really? As if 99% of men don't do the same (except me)????

agirl's picture

So now he's NOT a slut? Gold medalist, I am disappoint.

*cancels last-minute trip to London*

elmo533's picture

"Swimming answer's to Chet Haze"
I LOLed in my car so loud I scared the ok lady walking past my car.

-----------------------
"Somewhere, Jennifer Love Hewitt is vagazzling the words "FUCK MY LIFE" onto her crotch while deep throating a Pillsbury cookie dough roll".--MK

OzKat's picture

Anybody remember they had 100,000 condoms for the Olympic Village, and halfway through, they ran the fuck out and had to get an emergency shipment? I think it broke down to 15 a DAY per person. Young, sheltered (while training at least) athletes with no parents or minders over them 24/7 while they're in the OV? Oh yeah, boinkfest 2012

There are more athletes at the Olympias than you would think. They upped the condoms by 50% this year from the initial order in Beijing and it works out to 15 per athlete for whole of the two week long Olympics. Although if they're all fucking each other, then it's 30.

original putas's picture

Ryan, Please sit allll the way down!
Your mother BLASTED you because you're not living right. Not because she's "new to this press thing". Skanky male whores are no different from female ones, you slut. Now go change your evil ways!

Janice Second's picture

Submitted by sinjin on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 3:28pm.
You're not breaking anything to me Janet. I'm fully aware of all that. It's still selfish, disgusting and bad manners when there's a bathroom on the premises.

My sister was a swimmer growing up. Her practices were three hours long and their coach used to tell them to pee in the pool rather than get out and use the bathroom... kept people from ducking out of swim sets. It's pretty much just common behavior in the swimming world. Get over it.

WithinReason...'s picture

Sal Salaz, you know it would never happen, so it's ok to talk racy, isn't it? Boner is on the wishlist, the rest are just lighthearted jokes!

*hope that restores your low opinion of me!* LOL

Hi, happy Friday to ya Sal! ;D

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠░░░░

salacious's picture

Submitted by WithinReason... on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 3:28pm.

But I would definitely hit and quit this bitch once!
---

My goodness Within, who would've thought!

WTFOMGLOL's picture

..aaand Jack-You-Off-In-The-Hat's Mom wins the internet!!!

======================================

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:49pm.

Submitted by annobanano on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:43pm.

My mom, STILL to this day, if her battery goes dead in her car she will ask you to "jack her off". I'm like MOM it's gimme a jump!! She was with me one time and this guy had his hood open and she rolled the window down and asked if he was having trouble... he said his battery was dead. Before I could roll the window up (and was also grabbing her arm going MOM, MOM, NO...) she said WOULD YOU LIKE MY SON TO JACK YOU OFF??? hahahahahahahahahahaa fuckin idiot!

Hooker, please. Olympic swimmers are notorious for being the horz of the Summer Games. You've seen more ass than the toilet seats at Fenway Park. Fly that slut flag high!
***********************************************
It's LOCHTE time! JEAH!

snowpiece's picture

I feel in my heart MK is doing all this just for me!

LOL
KEEP UP THE DAILY LOCHTE REPORT PLEASE MK!

**************************
"Shut up, brain!" I replied. "You're not the boss of me! Come on, vagina! Let's get out of here, away from the party pooper trying to ruin our fun."

guest's picture

About the peeing in the pool...notice that they all slurp that pool water & then spit it out especially Phelps. GROSS but lol.

salacious's picture

Who says that his endorsement deals were in danger? If anything, Durex and other companies will be making offers. Now, if this story was about a female medalist instead...

:)

----
"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.

QueenVelveeta's picture

Had to go look up donkey punch......lordy.

MadgesVadge's picture

Submitted by lislop on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 2:41pm.
Anyway, there's nothing wrong with one night stands when you're single.
-----------------------------------------------
Agreed. I think it's the kind of thing you do until it's no longer fun (it does get old fast.) I've had two in my whole life. For me, the threat of disease is enough to make me hold out for something more.

I never judge though. Like food, sex is something we all need, and one-night-stands are like McDonald's. You have them late at night, they have no nutritional value, but they're delicious.
-----------------------------------------------
"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom

WithinReason...'s picture

OLOL what Lochte says from here on out, doesn't count. Lmao at the MOM ahahahah I shudder to think what the FATHER would say! Ask him about recent visits to the free clinic everyone AHAHA

But I would definitely hit and quit this bitch once!

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠░░░░

sinjin's picture

Submitted by Janice Second on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 3:03pm.

Submitted by sinjin on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 2:40pm.
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch :
Lochte just admitted to peeing in the pool.
____________________________________________
Ewww. That is the main reason I don't get in pools! What with if full of kids, it's just an enormous toilet.

Um, hate to break it to you, but like every swimmer pees in the pool: http://www.businessinsider.com/nearly-100-of-olympic-swimmers-pee-in-the...

There's chlorine for a reason, and urine is sterile anyways.
_______________________________________________
You're not breaking anything to me Janet. I'm fully aware of all that. It's still selfish, disgusting and bad manners when there's a bathroom on the premises.

mefunigirl's picture

hahahaha Jack! and yet you picked jack as your moniker...hmmmm...

and I cant with this picture MK All I see is grease stains on a lovely chair that will never come out! NO!
*pretends not to notice* *pretends not to notice*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz

Submitted by CindyBman on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:24pm.
I can't remember what the conversation was,but, my husband, Mom, Dad and me were at home eating dinner and we were talking about (dammit, I can't remember) but whatever it was - it wasn't perverted - and then my Dad says, "I pound your mother every night!" Chris and I just about died on-the-spot and Mom and Dad were just eating their dinner, la la la. Well, we quickly told them what that meant!

Another time my Mom said, "I love to toss salad." Okay. Another lesson.

---------------------------
Your stories were hilarious! LOL.

Love all the parent stories.

ethang's picture

Ease up on the trashiness today, MK! Courtney Stodden, this fool and Jenna Jameson all in one day.

Dlisted is reeking of Drakkar Noir and Parfums de Coeur.

Janice Second's picture

Submitted by sinjin on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 2:40pm.
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch :
Lochte just admitted to peeing in the pool.
____________________________________________
Ewww. That is the main reason I don't get in pools! What with if full of kids, it's just an enormous toilet.

Um, hate to break it to you, but like every swimmer pees in the pool: http://www.businessinsider.com/nearly-100-of-olympic-swimmers-pee-in-the...

There's chlorine for a reason, and urine is sterile anyways.

Lucifer_Sam's picture

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 1:49pm.
She was with me one time and this guy had his hood open and she rolled the window down and asked if he was having trouble... he said his battery was dead. Before I could roll the window up (and was also grabbing her arm going MOM, MOM, NO...) she said WOULD YOU LIKE MY SON TO JACK YOU OFF???

*dead and buried in LOLs forever*

sinjin's picture

Submitted by M.E. :

Everyone has done the one night stand thing.

__________________________________________________

With all due respect M.E., not "everyone" has. I'm not pointing judgy a finger, but lots of folks have strong morals about sex and sluttiness.

Personally, I care more about how I'll feel about myself if I ever had a one night stand, which is ONE of the things that keeps me in line.
*shrugs*

Lily85's picture

He looks like The Situation in this picture.
And that's not a compliment.

I truly believe that you haven't begun to scoop up all of life's beautiful moments until you've heard the line "Watch the wig!" from a piece while sitting on their face. - MK

rosehips69's picture

I love 'em young and dumb! One hint, Ryan: you're hotter as a man whore. Your mother's doing you a favor!

Never understood the hype over this guy and Michael Phelps. But I've also never been a fan of huge muscles, with a few exceptions.

Anyway, his statement reminds me of that stupid Internet commercial. "I'm looking for The One" "Then how come your Facebook profile says 'Never Getting Married'?" "er um yeah that was before I met you."

JTROS's picture

Lol @ Jack's mom...explains so much!

I also died at ESE's comment "jack made $10 that day". Snort!

I needed this today, so thanks y'all!

RichBitch's picture

I need to stop fapping to him at work, the McChickens are gross enough already.

Foxxy Brown's picture

Submitted by lislop on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 2:41pm.

he lives in FL. he's probably hooked up WITH Tiger Woods

"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12

WTFOMGLOL's picture

This whole thread is making me cry laughing.