Open Post: Hosted By Johnny Depp

Now that Johnny Depp is free of Vanessa Paradis and Amber Heard, he can freely get messy without worrying about getting yelled for smelling like bad decisions, the liquid at the bottom of a bar back’s bin and random cooch nectar when he comes home. Johnny smeared some Maybelline eyeliner under his eyes and went out to share a Pink Taco with Steven Tyler at the Aerosmith after-party in L.A. last night.

And if we played the “Who’d you rather let stick the tip in?” game, most of you whores would go with Johnny Depp, because you really want your nethers to smell like patchouli and the finest kind of imported French dick cheese. But I’d go with Steven Tyler, because humping on a humanized Galápagos tortoise dressed like Cher on casual Friday is high up on my list of wants.