Gay Couple Suing United Continental For Embarrassing Them With A Dirty Dildo
Christopher Bridgeman and Martin Borger of Norfolk, VA were waiting for their luggage to come around the baggage carousel at Norfolk International Airport when the words “It wasn’t not funny!” almost leaped off of their tongues after seeing one of their bags with a dirty dildo taped to the top of it. Normally, when you see a bag with a dildo taped to the top of it, the next thing you see is me running to grab it. (I mean, a dildo is the best and clearest bag marker.) But that didn’t happen this time and Christopher and Martin were not laughing.
Christopher and Martin tell NBC News (via Towleroad) that they were coming back from a trip to Costa Rica on May 21, 2011 and when they had a layover in Houston, they had to take their luggage through customs and re-check it. Their luggage seemed fine when they grabbed it in Houston. But they believe that a baggage handler in Houston, went into their bag, found their dildo and decided to shame them by covering it in some “greasy, foul-smelling substance” before taping it to the top of their bag. When the dirty dildo bag landed on the carousel, onlookers started laughing and this humiliated Christopher and Martin even more.
Martin told NBC that he knew exactly what it was when he first saw it and he was “shocked” and “horrified.” Christopher thinks that because of the name on the tag and the clothes inside the bag, the handler knew the dildo was in a dude’s bag, so the handler “maliciously” and “intentionally” humiliated them for shits. The couple, who have been together for 9 years, are suing United Continental for intentional infliction of emotional distress, invasion of privacy and negligence. They want an unspecified amount in damages and they want the airline to pay for their attorney fees. When it first happened in May 2011, United Continental offered them some kind of “gesture of goodwill,” but Christopher and Martin turned it down.
United Continental says they conducted a serious investigation and they found nothing that supports Christopher and Martin’s dildo-shaming claims. They said they will defend themselves in court and I really hope that one of the sides gets to say, “We call our star witness, the dirty dildo itself, to the stand.“
We already have to worry about all sorts of crap when we travel and now we have to worry about someone messing up a good dildo by covering it in some foul-smelling grease while trying to be funny? (Note: I don’t even want to know what that foul-smelling grease was. It brings up a lot of bad memories of bad dates.) From now on, I’m just going to shove my dildo into my carry-on (you decide what I mean by that) and bring it on the plane with me. It’s all fun and games until some evil bitch screws with your dildo and not in a sexy way either.